Disclaimer - The rights of Total Drama Island and its characters belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and all those associated with the show. No profit is being made by this fanfiction. Please make sure the safety strap is attached to your wrist before playing the fanfiction.
Replies to Questions and Comments:
To Everybody - Wow, I got the next chapter out fast, didn't I? That's what happens when you have a day off, and the idea already planned out! Yay!
Now, about the previous chapter, I'm so happy you all really liked the tranquilizer dart gun joke! I'm proud as can be, because I was really into that joke!
Also, the emotions over Heather-Bridgette-Ezekiel, it is wild! Just remember one thing: I am evil! I'm the evil kobold necromancer! Bua ha ha! BuahaHAHA!
And now, without further stalling, on with the show!!
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(narrated by Chris Maclean)
Welcome to Total Drama Comeback...
The ex-campers came back to bring everyone some more wicked challenges. And these were rough! They had to smooch, cross-dress, clean toilets, kick Chef's butt, dodge baseballs, and more! It was hilarious to watch, and even more amusing was to see Noah with big ol' boobies!
In the end, Ezekiel and Gwen were the champions, completing every challenge. Gwen went on a romantic cruise with Trent, while Zeke gave his to Bridgette, who went out with Geoff. I lost another fifty bucks, because Chef Hatchet seems to think Bridgette and Zeke are 'just friends,' which to me is silly; he's in denial.
Eva was voted off, and she left with grace and dignity. Nothing bad happened when she was forced to depart, nothing embarrassing or disrespectful happened at all.
We're down to nine challengers now! Just a few more challenges, and we'll have our three finalists. And this time around, we're give our challengers time! Lots of time! You'll be seeing your nine campers behind bars, seeing stars, and on par in To-tal... Dreee-ama... Co-ummmmmmmmmmeba-aaaaaaaaaaack!!!
(cue the theme song, and we're good to go!)
Chapter 39 (Day 14, Part 1) - We're All Innocent on this Island
Monday morning brought chirping birds, chattering squirrels, and a muttering Ezekiel. The prairie boy was mumbling in his sleep.
"Oh... Heather...," he mumbled, "yeah... yes, I'd love for you to kiss me... ohhh...!"
He snapped up in bed, wide-eyed. "What? ... Oh damn it!" The prairie boy slapped his forehead, and sighed. "I hate it when I have dreams that feel that real. It's either a nightmare or it breaks my heart when I wake up, eh."
After getting dressed, careful not to wake Harold, he checked the clock. He smiled when he realized he had still woken up on time, the time that he and Beth always woke up.
When he walked out of the Killer Bass cabin, he was surprised to see that Beth was not up; she usually beat him up. He waited for a couple minutes, then sighed.
"She's still probably upset a'boot the Final Ten's Ten Finals, eh," he thought. "Beth's been sooree'ful ever since she barely managed to squeak through that challenge.
"Of course, she might really need some sleep, eh. There have been a lot of construction noise this weekend, and I can barely sleep either."
He shrugged, then looked around. The sky was beautiful, cloudless and pure. The sunlight gleamed against the grass, making it shine in a wondrous way. The ex-campers were standing next to cafeteria, chained together by their feet and wearing black-and-white striped prison uniforms.
Ezekiel yawned, then walked towards the cafeteria. He had his hand on the doorknob when something clicked about what he had just seen. The prairie boy looked slowly back over at the ex-campers chained together.
Tyler waved at him, holding up his handcuffed hands; the thirteen ex-campers were all wearing handcuffs.
Ezekiel stared, blinked, then groaned and covered his face with his hand. "I'm not getting enough sleep," he muttered before heading into the cafeteria.
Noah and Cody were already there, having a nerd fight. "No no no," Noah declared, slamming his book on the table. "Gungans would not make proper Jedi!"
"Of course they could! They're highly flexible, they're dedicated, and they could even hold their lightsaber in their tongue for extra range."
Cody mimed this, pretending to have an extra-long tongue and thrash it everywhere. Noah was less than impressed with this.
"Yeah, right. Look, if you allow gungans to become Jedi, then we'll have weird-talking fools like Jar Jar Binks being Jedi."
"Because we all know that the Jedi are picky about speaking patterns, don't we?" Cody replied. "Judge by voice, you should not."
"Nerd."
"Right back at 'cha."
Ezekiel sat in front of them, holding a tray of Chef's so-called food. "Hey guys, how's it feel to be at the top nine?"
"Quite remarkable, I think," Cody replied, smiling proudly. "I really think I have a shot at winning this time."
"I'm not surprised. Me making it this far, that is," Noah said, picking up his book and reading some more. "Though it has been more eventful than I thought it would be."
"Yeah, keep bragging, Double-Ds," Cody joked, slapping Noah on the back. The egghead shivered in fury, and took a breath.
"I meant the fact that I have a girlfriend, you gungan fanboy."
Ezekiel chuckled, then started on his breakfast. "Say, um, did either of you notice that all the ex-campers are right outside, dressed and cuffed up like a chain gang? Or am I not getting enough sleep?"
"No, I saw them too," Cody remarked. "Looks rather uncomfortable."
"Probably has something to do with the next challenge, eh?"
"Either that," Noah remarked, "or the RCMP is going to request a prisoner exchange. Them for Izzy."
"They look kind of miserable 'oot there," Ezekiel remarked. "Should we bring them some food?"
"No, they're being tormented enough."
(Confession Cam - Freshly squeezed!)
Ezekiel - "I wonder how long they were standing 'oot there, eh."
Noah - "You know, I'm more than certain that prisoners don't wear those black-and-white strips anymore."
Cody - "I'd really like to win, for a lot of reasons. Mostly because I just want to prove that I can do this. All I gotta do is avoid bears, Heather's dagger, and... well, getting voted off like I almost was; that might make me lose." \He nervously chuckles.\
The pink, romantic cruise ship pulled up to the Dock of Shame, and Gwen and Bridgette walked off. They waved to Trent and Geoff, blowing kisses. Their boyfriends also blew kisses back, but they, to the girls' surprise, left the ship too.
"Wait, don't you have to go back to Plaza des Losers, Geoff?" Bridgette asked. She was already leaning against him, holding him around the waist.
"Actually, we were instructed to join you all for today's challenge," Trent told them. "We're involved again."
"Looks like Chris was wrong every time he said, 'Never coming back'," she said, imitating Chris's voice, " 'ever'."
"They didn't really say what for yet," Geoff commented. "I wonder what we're needed for?"
They then noticed the chain gang of ex-campers. DJ and Owen waved at them happily.
"How was it?" most of the ex-campers asked in unison.
"Oh my...," Gwen remarked, grabbing Trent as if to keep him safe.
"Oh man," Geoff moaned. "I look terrible in black-and-white!"
Lindsay nodded earnestly. "I know, right?"
Beth and Heather came out of the Screaming Gophers cabin. The farm girl still looked down, while the queen bee looked cranky as usual.
"What...," Heather declared, pointing at the chain gang, "are they doing here?"
"Oh how the hell would we know?" Beth shot back, walking into the cafeteria.
DJ blinked, looking quite surprised. "Whoa, that's not like Beth."
"What did you say to her?" Justin snapped at Heather.
"I didn't do anything!"
"Was it Izzy?"
"We haven't seen Izzy this morning. She wasn't in the cabin when we woke up."
(Confession Cam - Still not fully awake.)
Izzy - \wearing a tight, black ninja suit\ "Okay, that jellybean smuggler is getting rather serious. I've found more jellybeans hidden in various parts of the camp, including in here."
\She juggles a couple in one hand.\ "It's only a matter of time before I find out who's the smuggler. After much searching and investigation, I've narrowed down the suspects to Harold, Bridgette, and Gwen."
Soon all nine of the remaining campers were in the cafeteria, and Trent and Geoff were left with the chain gang. Ezekiel grinned at Bridgette and Gwen, and wiggled his eyebrows.
"How was it, eh?" he asked in a singsong voice.
"Oh," Bridgette said, flushing, "I'm not about to kiss and tell."
"C'mon, please?" Cody asked, clasping his hands.
Beth nodded a great many times, smiling now. "We could do with a little cheer this morning."
"What with Wawanakwa's Most Wanted lined up outside," Noah remarked, not looking up from his book, "this island feels a lot more like prison than normal."
"What an accurate way to put it, Noah!"
Chris Maclean was in the cafeteria, entering from the kitchen. "Because today is all about prison!"
"The RCMP finally hunt down Izzy?" Heather grumbled.
"What?! They're here?!" the redhead shouted, then she roared, "THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" With a loud cackle, she dove out the window. The campers and Chris stared in astonishment.
"And you all wonder," Ezekiel remarked, "why I doo'nt like being around her, eh."
Chris shook off his shock, and then spoke up again. "It's time for you all to do something I think you've wanted to do for some time. Escape!
"It's the Escape from Wawanakwa Island," Chris declared. "And you're going to see what we've been building over the weekend!"
(Confession Cam - I thought it was the Curse of Wawanakwa Island?)
Gwen - "Oh, he has no idea how right he is. Despite the wonderful cruise with Trent, I really just want to leave. But I am going to win this time; well, at the least, I'll beat Heather."
Bridgette - \She sighs ever-so-happily.\ "It was wonderful, that cruise. I'm still all warm and fuzzy..." \She giggles.\ "Well, now that I'm satisfied, it's time to work on Zeke again."
Harold - "So, we're down to nine now. Awesome! I'm still going strong, and I finally got to see something I've always wanted to see: Duncan in a prison uniform! Ha ha ha!"
The nine campers and the chain gang (who moved very slow and continuously fell down) were led to a large, concrete building that had somehow been built on the island.
"So um," Harold spoke up, "how'd you build this in, like, two days?"
"Oh, we have our ways," Chris remarked. "Now, for the nine of you still in this contest, this building is a little makeshift prison! Concrete walls and floor, an electric fence circling the building, and an active guard!"
Chef Hatchet approached the group, wearing a police officer's uniform. A woman police officer uniform, complete with skimpy skirt. Some of the campers screamed.
"This is my prison, maggots," Chef Hatchet roared. "And you'd better not mess around in my jail!"
"Come on in, my Wawanakwa convicts," the handsome hosts said. "Let's see you to your cells!"
Inside the building, nine iron-barred doors rolled shut, locking in the nine campers. Chris Maclean held a clipboard as he patrolled down the hallway the nine cells were in, Chef Hatchet close behind him.
"Inmate #1, Beth," Chris commented, pointing his pencil at the farm girl inside the jail cell. "Arrested for doing poorly in the last challenge, and reckless hugging.
"Inmate #2, Bridgette. Doing time for her protest against our usage of meat on this show; in fact, she protests all food usage on this show.
"Inmate #3, Cody. Sent to the big house for reckless flirting, winking, and sly grinning."
"Inmate #4, Ezekiel. Theft of one hundred and fifty dollars, not, I repeat not lost over bets that I made that he'd try to hit on Bridgette.
"Inmate #5, Gwen. Bad attitude. Chance of getting out early on good behavior, fat chance.
"Inmate #6, Harold. Illegal ninja moves, illegal ninja weapons, and overly used catch phrases. Might be released soon, due to awesome behavior.
"Inmate #7, Heather. She's been tried for back stabbing, insulting, and reckless flirting with Ezekiel. ("I don't like him! No no no no no no...")
"Inmate #8, Izzy. The list of charges against this redhead is so long, we don't have the screen time to name them all. ("Your prison bars cannot hold me for long, foolish pigs," Izzy screamed as she shook the bars of her cell. "I'll have my revenge once I bust out of here!")
"Inmate #9, Noah. For being a smart aleck, reading books recklessly, and other know-it-all behavior."
The host tapped his clipboard, then smiled up at the nine campers. "You nine are going to be executed at midnight tonight for your crimes!"
"I'm being tried and executed for one hundred and fifty dollars?!" Ezekiel shouted, slapping his hands on his cheeks.
"Um, you're not really gonna kill uth, are you?" Beth asked.
"You really that gullible, brace-face?" Heather snapped. "That's the deadline for the challenge."
As Beth hung her head in shame, Chris cleared his throat. "That actually is true. You have until midnight to escape this prison."
"Any tips on how to do that?" Noah asked, crossing his arms; he was mad because Chef Hatchet had confiscated his book. "I mean, not all of us are like Eva, and can bend these bars."
"Well, I'm glad you asked that, Noah," the host said. "Because in every cell, there is a double-bunk and a little head start on your escape."
The nine campers looked around their cells, and each noticed that a part of their cell, up against the wall, the concrete had been removed from the floor and wall.
"Okay...," Cody mused, "we have a dirt section of our cell, what are we supposed to do about it?"
"You are going to dig your way out," Chris informed them. "It's going to be a great escape, a Wawanakwa redemption, and... not quite Alcatraz, but really cool!"
He patted Chef Hatchet on the shoulder. "This here is your local guard, Patrol Officer Chef! He will be making walks up and down this corridor, and observe you about every thirty minutes!
"The object of the challenge is to be the first to tunnel your way under the wall, find a way to get over the electric fence outside, and win!"
Harold and Izzy let out wild cheers. "This'll be great practice in case they ever do catch me," Izzy declared.
"I've had dreams of doing something cool like this," Harold cheered. "I've always wanted to try this."
"Shame Duncan's not here to enjoy what would surely feel like a homecoming," Bridgette remarked.
Chris chuckled. "You all think this is so amusing. But let it be known that Wawanakwa-Traz is a tough cookie to crack! Every two hours, you will all be let into the main lounge of the prison, which is also the cafeteria. Also there are the drinking fountains, bathrooms, and a window to remind you all of the sweet freedom that lies outside!"
"Wait, so the goal is just to escape tonight?" Bridgette asked. "Is that all?"
"Of course not. See, I told you Patrol Officer Chef was patrolling here every half-hour, and he'll also be watching over you all out in the cafeteria lounge.
"He's not allowed into your cells to check, but if he spies you digging, sees the hole you have, or catches any dirt on you or in your cell, you are out! And you are going to join the lovely chain gang out there in the lounge!"
(Confession Cam - Oh, the harshness.)
Heather - "Chained up with those people? Wearing cuffs on my hands and feet? In black-and-white strips? No no, oh by all that is good and holy, no!"
Harold - "Now I prove my awesome stealth skills! I'll be disappearing before they know it! That's why I think I'll win this contest overall."
Beth - "Okay... I can do thith! I don't care how difficult thith may look, I am going to prove Chrith wrong! He said I did poorly last time, it'th time I show everyone what I'm capable of!"
Gwen - "So who made up this challenge? I'm guessing Chef, because he has escaped from prison, I'd put money on that!"
"But wait, there is more," Chris announced. "If you win, you win immunity, and you will also win two wonderful days at the Ana Vacaboc Resort!"
He held up a small poster, letting it unroll for all to see. "Ana Vacaboc Resort has some of the top medical professionals, making it a great place to really get fit again! You can get a makeover, a treatment, a spa, and more! Doesn't that sound great?"
"I have been looking forward to some allergy treatment," Noah said, tapping his chin in thought.
"Oh, I need that," Heather declared, clapping her hands. "That spa is mine!"
"Alright then, jailed campers," Chris Maclean exclaimed, rolling up the poster. "The Escape from Wawanakwa Island begins... now!"
He and Patrol Officer Chef left the corridor, and the large cook called back, "I'll be back in a half-hour, maggots!" With that, he slammed the door behind him.
The campers looked around their cell, wondering what to do. "I am slightly confused," Bridgette admitted, "as to where we are going to hide the dirt from the hole."
"Guess we could smuggle it out when we get that break in the lounge, eh," Ezekiel suggested.
"That's in two hours, though," Cody pointed out.
"Then we have to make due," Izzy said. She grabbed a pillow, ripped it open and flung the feathers around her cell. She started to shovel dirt, with her bare hands, into the case.
"But how are you going to explain the feathers?" Noah asked. Izzy was too concentrated on filling the pillow with dirt.
"Oh well, when in Alcatraz," Gwen said with a shrug. She ripped open her pillow, and began to stuff the feathers down her shirt and under the bed sheets.
The nine campers all ripped open their pillows and began stuffing the feathers everywhere they could. Bridgette looked at the feathers disapprovingly.
"Poor birds," she whispered as she pocketed the down.
"Hey guys," Harold said, then he proceeded to swallow a feather, "I'm trying to keep down down!"
The others looked disapprovingly.
"Well I thought it was funny. Gosh!"
The campers went to filling the two pillow cases they had available with dirt from the soft spot in their cell. A half-hour went by fast, and a buzzer went off to alert them of the elapsed time. The campers dragged their bunk beds in front of the hole in their cell, desperate to hide their escape route.
A minute after the buzzer blared, Patrol Officer Chef walked in. "If I see a speck of dirt," he roared, "then you're doomed, do you hear me?!"
He looked into every camper's cell. A few things caught his eye. Ezekiel's toque looked puffy, Bridgette's pockets on her jacket and shorts were stuffed full, and Gwen's bust was a few sizes larger (and Cody was staring with a gaping jaw).
Izzy was the most suspicious, as her cell was littered with feathers. She was mewling and playing with them, blowing them into the air and tickling herself with them. "It's fun," she squealed in delight.
Patrol Officer Chef raised an eyebrow, then looked at the pillows in her cell. They both looked normal, albeit a bit more lumpy. The large cook in a tight skirt (bleah) shrugged, then walked out of the corridor and slammed the door shut behind him.
(Confession Cam - Seen first off on the internet!)
Chef Hatchet - "Hey, Chris said 'dirt,' not feathers. And plus, I'd hate to get a ton of hate mail because I booted off crazy girl so early over feathers. That'd be my downfall."
\He snorts, then laughs.\ " 'Down'-fall! Feathers! Get it? Har har har!"
The campers went back to digging, and soon they found out that they didn't have enough room in their pillow cases for the dirt.
"Try being like earthworms and eat it," Izzy suggested. She shoved a handful of dirt into her mouth, then winced and spit it out. "Ewww, that tastes so dirty."
Heather tried to fit dirt into her pockets and under her sheets, but she soon realized it was going to fit. With a frustrated shout, she threw a handful to the side.
The dirt scattered all over Ezekiel's cell. The prairie boy squeaked in horror, and tried brushing the damning evidence into the hole.
The buzzer blared again, and the prairie boy wasn't prepared. He pushed his bunk bed in front of the hole, and pulled the sheet off his top bunk.
"I don't think he'll buy that, Zeke," Beth called out to him, sticking some dirt clods into her shoes.
"Um, I'll tell him I'm having a picnic?"
Heather, who still had a handful of dirt, panicked and tossed the dirt into the adjacent cell. Ezekiel cried out as the dirt fell on him and the sheet.
Patrol Officer Chef came in, and looked into the cells. He stopped immediately when he saw Ezekiel sitting on a blanket with dirt all over it and him.
"Um... uhhhh," the prairie boy stammered as the large guard crossed his arms and snarled. "I'm playing Twister?"
"Awww, for shame, Zeke," Heather cooed patronizingly. "Looks like you're already out. What can I say?"
She shrugged, and her body movements forced dirt from her pockets to spill out like little waterfalls. Her eyes widened in horror when Chef watched the dirt fall, and grinned wickedly at her.
Ezekiel watched as Chef Hatchet linked Heather's feet cuffs to his, then put handcuffs on the queen bee.
"You can't prove that was dirt," she shrieked at Chef Hatchet as he walked away.
"He actually tasted some to see if was, eh," Ezekiel pointed out. Geoff, who was next to Ezekiel, looked with a "Really now?" face.
"Ezekiel, I am so not in the mood," Heather grumbled. She looked down at her new clothes, the black-and-white striped uniform of the prisoners, and snarled.
"I think stripes actually have a slimming effect on you, eh," the prairie boy offered.
"Oh yeah, stripes are in right now," Geoff added, nodding and smiling.
The other campers were all watching them, some smiling and others smirking wickedly. glad to see Heather suffering. The queen bee noticed this, and snarled again.
"Shut up, Zeke," she spat at him.
"Hey, he's just trying to be nice, Heather," Geoff said. "C'mon, give him a break, he's trying to be nice."
"Geoff, I'm warning you..."
"Heather, you're chained up next to him, you should just try to get along," the party animal continued. "You know, it's no shame to admit you like him!"
The queen bee took a deep breath, then turned towards Ezekiel. "How many times do I have to say..."
She wasn't able to raise her leg much, but she got close enough to ram her thigh into his groin. "... I don't like him!"
Ezekiel fell down to the ground, holding his crotch. "Ohhhhh... owww...," he whimpered. "Prison sucks, eh."
Eva cackled. "It's a jail fight now! Anyone got contraband?"
(Confession Cam - Wait, how are the campers using this?)
Geoff - \with a smug grin\ "She likes him."
Heather - "I don't like him! No no no no no no..."
Ezekiel - "You knoo', guys aren't much stronger and better at sports than girls are, especially if we're not wearing a cup, eh." \He winces.\
Eva - "Man, Ezekiel's tougher than I thought, if he puts up with that back stabbing witch's version of flirtation."
The seven remaining jailbirds were busy digging, most of them trying to just get deeper down the hole.
"This really is hopeless unless we find a way to get rid of the dirt," Bridgette said to the others. "And the feathers."
"We can flush them down the johns in the bathrooms in the lounge when we get that break in an hour," Harold suggested. "Even down the water fountains and out the window."
"I wonder if we could throw the dirt into Heather'sth and Ethekiel'sth cells," Beth suggested.
They followed this idea, chucking handfuls of packed dirt into the empty cells. "I feel like a monkey at the zoo," Noah remarked.
"Ewww, that's gross," Bridgette protested.
"But funny," Izzy declared. She cackled, and chucked a large ball of dirt at the cell in front of her's. It splattered all over Gwen.
"Izzy," the goth girl shouted, and threw a ball of dirt at the crazy girl. Izzy dodged it, and the dirt landed in her escape hole.
"Haha, missed me!"
When Chef Hatchet made his third patrol, Gwen still had dirt on her and around her cell. She was dragged out of the cell block, shouting at Izzy and swearing revenge.
"You know, Iththy," Beth called out to the redhead, "you gotta watch your impulsthes. Now you got Gwen mad at you too, and Zeke's still scared of you."
"Awww, you're right," Izzy admitted, looking ashamed. "I should try to make it up to her after this."
(Confession Cam - Not as comfy as a sofa, but we try.)
Izzy - "People just don't get me. I'm ahead of my time, much many artists. One day, maybe even years from now, I'll be herald as a genius. I just hope I don't have to be burned at the stake first, or get shot, or something like that.
"I wanna be famous, I just wanna be alive to see me make it."
Gwen was poking Heather on the shoulder. "Does this bug you? Does this bug you, I'm barely touching you!"
"Knock it off, weird goth girl! I'll scrape your face off."
"Ooo, wanna fight?" Gwen asked, holding up her cuffed fists. "I'd love to rip that hair of yours off again."
Heather growled and looked away. "And," Gwen added, "those stripes look darling on you! Gives you a slimming effect!"
The queen bee let out a frustrated cry, and began smacking Ezekiel. "This is all your fault! You redneck, you toque-wearing twerp, you son of a bi-"
"Get off of him," Gwen shouted, pulling the queen bee away from Ezekiel. "Why are you blaming him?"
"I can't stand prison," Ezekiel wailed as he backed against Geoff, who held him protectively.
Lindsay was nodding a great deal. "I know, right? I'm too pretty to go to prison!"
"I so agree," said Justin.
"And me," Owen added.
The chain gang sat down at one of the tables, forcing Heather to sit down as well. She glared at Ezekiel, who flinched and gave her a small smile. She scoffed and looked away, to come face to face with a grinning, gothic girl.
"Oh I am so enjoying this," Gwen said.
"Shut up," Heather requested. "What are you going on about?"
"Just that he's the one guy who could put up with you, and you're shooting him down."
The queen bee narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me? How does that make you so happy, weird goth girl?"
"It just makes me glad to see you being so stupid that you blow your one chance at happiness."
"Oh leave me alone, you dirt-caked goth."
"Glad to, dirt-caked bi-"
Heather's eyes bulged, then looked the other way. Ezekiel gave her a little wave and smile, and the queen bee shoved him out of his chair.
(Confession Cam - Prison is hell.)
Lindsay - "She really likes him."
DJ - "I don't think she really likes him."
Tyler - "Man, there's no way she likes him."
Sadie - "She's got it so bad for him."
Courtney - "Ugh, it makes me queasy thinking of those two together."
Duncan - "Oh yeah baby, she wants him."
Katie - "Awwwww, it's so cute how she tries to deny it."
Heather - "I don't need to say it, you all know the truth."
Ezekiel - "Maybe Bridgette's right, I should stay away from her. Unless... is dating supposed to be like boxing? I've never tried this be'fur, eh."
The six jailbirds were eventually sent into the lounge, all of them with their hands on top of their pockets. They kept looking over at Patrol Officer Chef, nervously grinning.
"You all got ten minutes," he barked. "So make it snappy!"
Bridgette and Noah ran for their gender-respective bathrooms. Beth was slurping at the drinking fountain, grinding dirt pellets into the drain. Harold had opened the window, and was leaning against the wall underneath it; he kept tossing dirt out via backward, overheard throws.
Izzy dropped dirt down the back of Heather's shirt, and ran off cackling. "That one was for you, Gwen," she declared.
Cody had given his dirt to Harold, and was now sitting across from the chain gang. "So," he asked Owen, "how's life at Plaza des Losers?"
"It's okay, I guess," the large teen said. "But it's not really that exciting. Nice food, though."
"I would think you'd love it, since you really didn't get a chance last season."
"Well, I prefer being in the game."
Leshawna chuckled. "Honey, don't we all?"
After ten minutes went by, Patrol Officer Chef began shoving the jailbird campers back to the cells. "You criminals are too dangerous, you might shiv one of these poor souls!"
"Um, dude?" Cody muttered, "you know we're not real criminals, right?"
"No talking, you jail scum," the large cook shouted, slapping him upside the head.
(Confession Cam - Chef really gets into character, don't he?)
Cody - "Chef really gets into character, don't he?"
\He blinks, then he looks around.\ "Wait, did someone say that? I'm getting this weird feeling of deja vú."
Back in their cells, the campers began digging again. "How far do you think we have to dig?" Noah complained.
Beth shrugged. "I dunno."
"Well, how are we supposed to get over the electric fence?" Noah asked, growing irritated.
"Are we there yet?" Izzy shouted in a fake whine, imitating Noah's voice.
"My hands are tired," Cody chimed in.
"I need to go to the bathroom," Bridgette added.
"Why can't I read during the challenge?" said Harold.
Noah rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up, you pack of jailbirds."
"Hey guysth, be nice to Noah," Beth said. "We're all having a difficult time here, no need to be mean to him just becausth he's getting a little futhsy."
"Fussy?" Noah thought, insulted. "Fussy is a child in the back of the van, or the kid who won't stop screaming in the store. I am NOT fussy!"
"Yeah, be careful," Izzy said, "or he'll start flinging the dirt clods at you."
"Don't tempt me, Izzy!"
(Confession Cam - Flinging it? Ewwww.)
Noah - "No matter how far along the challenge we get, these people always love to gang up on the smart guys. Well, maybe I'll just do them an injustice and not invent a more powerful computer, let's see how they like that. Ha!"
Izzy - "Noah needs to lighten up. Izzy should get a big feather and tickle-torture him!"
Beth - "Oh man, I've got so much dirt underneath my fingernailsth, I'll have to uthe a power hose to get it out."
An hour and a half passed, and the chain gang was getting rather bored. Ezekiel had curled up at the table and rested his head in his arms. He had fallen asleep, much to Heather's annoyance.
"How can he fall asleep so fast?" she grumbled.
"Does everything annoy you, Heather?" Gwen snapped at her. "Jeez, no wonder he stays his distance from you."
"Freak!"
"Skank!"
"Weirdo!"
"Harlot!"
"Banshee!"
"Bi-"
"Girls, girls, girls," Geoff declared. "Stop that, please? You'll wake Zeke up!"
But Ezekiel was still asleep. His snore sounded a slight whimper to it, and Heather looked away when she heard it.
"Awww, find his snoring cute?" Gwen teased her.
"No, it's pathetic," Heather said, far too quickly.
Chris passed by the chain gang, still holding his clipboard. "Seems we have to go to a commercial break right about now," he said, looking over at the campers.
"Why?" Gwen asked. "I mean, we're a reality show. Don't they just tape all this, then cut it down to a half-hour for TV?"
"Normally yes, but we do have the unrated, extended, director's cut DVD box set to think about," Chris said, and when he grinned, the campers could practically hear the cash registers going on his head. "And we have to have a cutaway during that, for the scene selection option."
"Do we have to buy the DVD sets?" Geoff asked, "or do we get them for free since we're in the show?"
"I'm pretty sure we'll all have to buy our own copies," Chris admitted.
"What a gyp," Leshawna grumbled. "I shouldn't have to pay for a copy of a TV show I'm in."
"Hey, I host this show, and I still gotta buy my own, even if I work on the DVD," Chris pointed out. "Or I'll get Harold to do it, seems more like his kind of thing."
"Wouldn't he get more royalties that way?" DJ asked.
"Oh yeah. Forget that."
"Harold is royalty?" Lindsay asked, her mouth gaping. "Oh wow, I, like, never knew!"
"Chris," Gwen said, quirking an eyebrow at Lindsay's comments, "you said something about commercial break?"
"Right-o."
A salesman with a cheesy grin is smiling at the camera. "Hello, viewers of Total Drama Comeback! Are you tired of being told you cannot perform the stunts seen on the show? Do you want to risk your life for the sake of fun, and not have your parents sue us after any accidents you might have?
"Here's a sponsor of our new product, a contestant of the show himself! It's Joel, everyone!"
Joel was sitting in front of a table, looking thoroughly unpleased. He has his arms crossed and he stared straight ahead. "I'm not a contestant yet," he replied.
"You will be," the salesman muttered under his breath, then faced the camera and put his cheesy grin back on. "Now boys and girls, your dream will come true."
He put a bowl on the table in front of Joel, then poured some cereal into it. "We have Total Drama Sugarpuffs for you all who want to 'dive' into the danger that Total Drama provides!"
"Part of my soul," Joel grumbled, "died upon hearing that."
"And it's got sugar, lots of sugar, kids," the man with the cheesy grin said, proudly setting the box on the table.
Joel finally moved to pick up the box and look at the ingredients. "Sugar is the only ingredient."
"And try the Total Drama Surge Drink," the salesman declared, holding up a can towards the camera. "It'll bring you a SURGE that you need for wild stunts."
"Do you have Total Drama Pliers for pulling the kids off the wall during the SURGE?" Joel grumbled.
"And for the ultimate Total Drama experience, try the Total Drama Surge Drink in your Total Drama Sugarpuffs!"
He poured the energy drink into the bowl of sugary cereal. Joel stared at it with wide-eyes, then ran like hell out of the room.
"So hit your local grocery today, boys and girls," said the salesman with the cheesy grin, as the cereal began to bubble and fizz at an alarming rate, "for the Total Drama experience that you've been waiting f-"
The cereal blew up after a surge of sugary overload, the last thing anyone could see was one last flash of the cheesy grin. The scene immediately cut to the next commercial.
"Well, he's officially risked his life," Chris said, smiling and tapping Joel's name he made on his notepad. "Joel, you're going to do just fine. But after that commercial, we leave you with these parting questions:
"Who is going to break out of Wawanakwa-Traz first: Harold, Beth, Noah, Cody, Bridgette, or Izzy?
"Who will be voted off, and will you still watch the show if it's someone you like?
"And would you be interested in Total Drama Sugarpuffs? Or Total Drama Surge Drink? Is that stuff even save to consume?!
"All this and more will be answered in the second part of this challenge!"
Part 2 changing into your lane, let's hope it uses it's blinker.
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Yes, some of you have asked for a prison escape episode! I couldn't resist putting them behind bars! Sorry that this day is a little shorter than usual, that's why I added the commercial; I love making fun of commercials, I should do SNL.
The next part of this challenge will dive more into relationships, and also more jokes about prison! ("What a shame, the bars are still closed!" Rim shot.)