Author's Notes

Kat: happy dances cause she aced her vocab quiz and mug shot quiz

Katy: Yeah yeah, show off.

Kat: Well sorry, I swore I'd fail one of them. Honors English is hard!

Katy: Nah dip.

Kat: Stupid frickin computer. It always says everything spam...btw...

Katy: We're typing really fast while eating leftover chinese take-out since I'm about to leave.

Kat: Absolutely!

Katy: To the disclaimer.

Disclaimer (In really speedy voice):

Katy: We don't own it!

Kat: So get over it!

Katy: BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS!! Oh, and who's read (pronounced like 'red') or started reading Midnight Sun on Steph's site? If you have don't tell us, we haven't started yet!

Kat: Btw, this is Jasper's singing.

Nessie POV

After the horrifying scene with my parents, Uncle Emmett, and Aunt Rosalie, I decided to come inside. I wanted to speak with my grandfather so I headed towards his office when all of a sudden...

I come from the land where the mullet attacks.

Business up front,

party in the back.

Oh my God! Uncle Jasper was standing in front of me wearing nothing but a confederate flag wrapped around his waist, a mullet wig, and some of Aunt Alice's sparkly sunglasses while holding her karaoke microphone. It was projecting his voice all over the house.

You got a style in the south

when you're steppin out.

Put a gold tooth in your mouth,

look at you now!

He smiled and I noticed he'd painted one of his teeth gold. I hope it's washable paint. Aunt Alice would decapitate him if it wasn't.

Tank top, your ball cap, you think you're all that

but you're looking like Scott Stapp.

You're just another redneck from

back in the woods.

Not a Kountry Gentlemen that can

bring the goods. Tayooooooooo!

My momma raised me in the dirty south

a Kountry Gentleman.

So you best watch your mouth.

Right then, Grandma Esme stepped out into the hall. "Young man, I did not under any circumstances raise you in the DIRTY SOUTH!"

Uncle Jasper ignored her and kept singing.

My momma raised me in the dirty south

a Kountry Gentleman.

That's what it's all about!

My momma raised me in the dirty south

a Kountry Gentleman.

So you best watch your mouth.

My momma raised me in the dirty south

a Kountry Gentleman.

That's what it's all about.

"You think THAT'S what it's all about," Aunt Alice said storming into the hallway. "You're gonna know what it's all about later when...HEY! Those are my sunglasses and karaoke machine!"

Still ignoring his family, Uncle Jasper continued to sing.

IROC-Z, got an eagle on it,

rolling on some 12's

don't you know I'm gonna flaunt it.

Am I driving too fast for you now?

He picked me up as he sang this and started dancing around with me.

BACKFIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The muffler goes KAPOW!

He set me down as he started to rap. While pretending to drive a car.

Now that I got your attention,

just let me mention,

that I'm pinchin' pennies,

to buy some 20's and I got plenties

and manys of monies just to give to my friends.

And that would certify me as

a Kountry Gentleman!

He proceeded to stick out his tongue a blow a raspberry at Aunt Alice who cringed away. "Gross Jasper! I gotta go change now!" Aunt Alice walked off. I gaped at her in desperation.

"What?! You're leaving me with him?!" I heard her snicker from a bit aways. Stupid pure vampires.

Mama, what you got cookin' up in that kitchen?

Cooking fried chicken?

"Why would I be making something like that?" Grandma Esme pondered.

You know I love that soul food.

Everything you cook is so good.

Grandma Esme's eyebrows shot up. "Jasper, you don't eat actual food. And I don't cook...well, from what I've heard, I don't cook good...I mean well."

For a southern man like me,

gotta cook it up clean, cook it up mean.

Mama don't like it when you got leftovers.

Give me some of them collard greens.

"Jasper? Did you even like those in your human life?" Esme questioned. I was rolling on the floor laughing. Uncle Jasper still hadn't put anything else on.

Got me some grub and I gotta go,

out to the grocery store.

Tailgate party at the Pig Wig

jumpin up and down in the back of a truck bed.

Look at that kid tryin to act all big,

trying to break dance so break his leg

He ain't got what I got

lets make in hot in this parking lot.

Aunt Alice suddenly peeked her head out of their bedroom door and screamed, "Jasper Whitlock Hale, don't you dare!"

Oh Uncle Jasper dared all right. Suddenly he ripped off his confederate flag showing his man-hood to everyone there. I covered my eyes while continuing to roll on the floor, laughing.

"Jasper!" Grandma Esme screamed. "I raised you better than this."

Aunt Alice was trying not to laugh while saying, "Put some pants on!"

"But Alice," Uncle Jasper started, "you said you liked me with my pants off."

That's when my dad and Uncle Emmett showed up. "What? Do you roll a different way Jasper?" Uncle Emmett started. Then, suddenly realizing what was happening, pointed at Uncle Jasper's man-hood, laughed, and rolled down the stairs. He was still laughing when he hit the bottom.

My dad sighed and my mom appeared by his side. I decided that, now all the adults were here, I should leave. "Later." I ran downstairs, to my house, and locked myself in my room. I decided that I could entertain myself by re-reading my mother's copy of Wuthering Heights.

Edward's P.O.V.

"Are you all trying to corrupt my daughter or something today?!" I yelled, furious at my family.

"Edward," Bella started, "quit being such a drama queen."

I pouted. "I am not being a drama queen."

"So he's a queen now is he?" Emmett snickered. Dude man, he thought. She's got you whipped!

I smiled at him. "I know she does. She has a black leather whip and everything."

Bella gaped at me. "What?! B-b-but!" She turned to Alice. "You said you got rid of it!"

Alice smiled sweetly. "I figured you may want it sometime." She winked at us. We both gaped at her.

"Have you used it yet?" Jasper asked. I looked toward him and cringed away.

"Before asking things like that," I stated, "go put pants on. It's quite disturbing when you don't have them."

"Oh fine." He dashed off and was back in a second. "But seriously, those things are awesome!"

I heard Bella snickering beside me. Then Emmett yelled, "Noooooooo! Don't corrupt the poor prudes minds!"

We both stared at him. "Emmett, we have a kid." Bella said it so calmly I thought she might explode.

"Yeah Emmett. Dontcha know where babies come from," Alice joined in.

"Um...uh...coming mother!"

"Emmett, I'm right here." Esme was smiling widely knowing Emmett was caught now.

"Well, um...I mean...of course I do! Right Rose?" Rosalie was smiling very angelically.

"Oh yeah, he's an expert at making babies."

"What?!" Emmett yelled. "We don't have kids!"

Suddenly a light bulb seemed to appear above his head. "OHHHHHHHH! I forgot that's where they come from!"

I sighed exasperatedly while Jasper thought, You seriously should let her use it.

I growled at him in response and he smiled. Then he thought, You're just a Kountry Gentleman.

Kat: Lol! Well Katy just left so I'm finishing this author's note. Please review and we promise that after all the chapters, we will post one chapter specifically dedicated to links for all of these songs on YouTube for those who haven't heard them. Also, the drama queen thing was a blurb from the song Drama Queen by Family Force 5 which we just heard for the first time today. Thanks for reading! (Remember to push the little square button on the bottom left and you'll be good). Katy loves you too!