Hey guys,

Merry Christmas, happy holidays everyone! Here is your christmas present, a new chapter! I'm heading off to see family for a week starting tomorow, so I won't able to post a chapter next week, but I can promise you one as soon as I'm back to my computer. I hope you all have a fantastic holiday and everyone gets Jasper - I mean great gifts this year ^^

cheers,

Avey

P.s. if anyone wants to get me Jasper for Christmas, I wouldn't object ^-^

Chapter 3 ~ The Solitude of it All

Some worship in a temple, others in a church. Some people pray in groups, some alone. I worship in the forest, I pray with nature. This is my church, this is my religion, my heaven and at times, my hell. Enchanted forests of emerald containing secrets that haven't been told in centuries; mystic rivers that hide dangers in their depths. These are the things I cherish, the things that call me back. No matter how hard I try, the glorious Amazon always whispers to me, pulling me to the place I came from.

I had drove for days straight, stopping only for gas and boarder crossing. Slipping from one country to the next, my cell phone vibrating on the passenger seat ever few hours. My family was worried about me, correction, Esme was worried about me. Still I continued my journey south. I needed to get as far away from the tempting scent that seemed to follow me. Even as I passed through Mexico, my head still spun with the intoxicating smell. The only thing that kept my foot on the pedal and my Volvo pointed south was the anticipation of being home again.

I had dropped my car off in one of the larger towns, one of the perks of being my age, you accumulated enough money not to worry about trivial things such as stolen vehicles. I didn't need a map or a guide as I made my way towards my final destination, the river was all I needed, even without it, I would be fine. Even humans have places that they could get to with their eyes closed. My eyes were open for this trip though, I needed the sights before me to help block out the memory I was running from.

Deep in the forest, past where civilization had dared enter, in a place where humans hadn't ventured for centuries, I found a place from my past. The Amazon had taken over, reclaiming the clearing we had created as a family. Vines had grown up and over what was left of the foundation of our house, crumbling bricks that once created a structure I called home.

How good it was to be back, to immerse myself in my former home. Nowhere else in the world can I feel like my old self, like I was human again. I could almost look past the fact that I could hear the leopard as it stalked its prey, twelve miles away. Or that I could see the green tree python curled around the limb of a tree on the other side of the river. Almost normal, but not quite.

A black jaguar moved quietly through the under brush, surveying me as I quietly made my way deeper into the rainforest. Bird calls and monkey howls filled the world around me, sounds that calm me, sounds that transport me to a world I barely remember. A world I no longer belong to, I was not human anymore, I was a vampire, a creature created to be a killing machine.

Dropping fluidly down onto a fallen tree, I closed my eyes and just let myself become lost in this place. This place that will always be my home. I had thought that the Amazon would be my only true home; just recently I have proven myself wrong. My home was wherever my family was, and right now my family was still in Forks while I sat here, contemplating my life, half a world away and totally alone.

I had been gone for seven days already, and I still haven't found a solution to my dilemma. I wanted Edward; he was all I could think about. His stunning green eyes, the warmth that radiated from his human body, that enticing scent, these are the things I can't get out of my head. But I couldn't have him. As long as I called the Cullen's my family, I would stick with their 'vegetarian' diet.

Who was this green eyed boy? How could I just let him run me away from the place I wanted to be? Surely his blood couldn't be that tempting. I knew I was kidding myself. The scent was too delicious to be just in my imagination.

The right thing to do was to leave Forks. To a vampire ten years meant little, but ten years was enough time for Edward to grow old and leave the town. I had forever, so what was a couple of years away? I could go to England and spend some time with Kirin; it had been many centuries since I had last seen my creator. Or I could go to Italy and live with the Volturi for a while. Aro was forever extending me invitations to return. The world was spread in front of me, I could go wherever I wish, do whatever I wanted. Still, even though I may not have Alice's gift of Sight, something deep inside me told me I couldn't leave Forks.

My anger flared, a rarity for me. Why should this child be allowed to stay where I wished to be? I wanted to be with my family, I refused to be chased from Forks, especially by a mere mortal boy. It was home to me just as the Amazon was home. I would never allow anyone to bar me from my rainforest; I will not let Edward Swan to keep me from Forks.

Still, I needed to leave in order to keep with my animal diet. I wanted to stay to be with my family.

There it is again, need/want. Which do you chose? Do you chose to only take what is required for survival, or do you break down in a moment of selfishness and do as you desire? How does one come to such a choice? A throw of the dice, a toss of the cards?

A small tapir entered my small clearing, gazing at me with curious eyes. It was young, from this year's offspring. I knew its instincts were telling it that I wasn't right, that it should run. Animals knew to fear vampires; they could tell we are more than we appear to be. But this little one didn't flee; it inched closer, looking at me from different angles. It needed to leave; it must have been able to sense that. But it was curious; it wanted to know what I was all about.

Picking a leafy green plant that grew beside me, I offered it to my black and white guest, enticing it with a tasty treat. The yearling inched closer, then danced back, getting almost close enough to take the treat, before retreating again. With the patients of an immortal and the stillness of a statue, I waited, watching this display of both fear and intrigue play out before me. It took several minutes, but my little companion finally took the plant from my fingers, jumping back instantly with the leaf firmly between its teeth. Maybe, with a little patients, and enough bravery, I too can get what I want while ignoring my needs.

Standing, I brushed the leaf litter from my shorts and shirt, scaring away the tapir in the process. Rejoice my friend, for you have been spared today. Smiling, I wandered deeper into the jungle, in search of more desirable pray. A jaguar, ocelot or even leopard would do much better. The rainforest was so full of predators that there was little need for me to settle for a leaf eater such as this little guy. There was something about the blood of a meat eater that made it a much better meal.

Later tonight I will find my way out of my forest home and to my car, but for now I am one with this place, a wild animal as fierce and as untamed as the Amazon. Tomorrow will find me back in civilization, and in a few days I will be home. However, until then I shall hunt in solitude.