AN: A big thanks to all my reviewers! I'm so happy you all are enjoying my story. Of course, I own nothing. Also, I'd like to thank Ladyofthemasque for writing In Annulo and Subversa for her Master of Enchantment, both of which were major inspirations in my own story.
Chapter 11: Softer than Indifference
She felt prickles all over her skin, like when circulation returns after blood has been cut off to a limb. Hermione fought the urge to open her eyes and look at what might be going on, focusing inward instead as the discomfort grew in her hands and feet, along her arms and legs and even on her abdomen. The world seemed to grow large around her, or maybe she was shrinking. She couldn't be sure.
The sound of metal crashing on stone down the hall broke her concentration, and pain seared momentarily along her skin as her eyes blinked open in surprise and she lay panting on Professor McGonagall's office floor.
Muttering something under her breath, the professor marched over to the heavy wooden door, swung it open, and continued into the halls. A moment later Hermione, still breathing hard from the effort she had expended, heard the old woman's voice carry down the hall to the office. "Peeves, leave those suits of armor alone! How many times must I tell you?"
Hermione heard Peeves' sing-song voice in response, but couldn't understand the words. Then the sound of Professor McGonagall's footsteps echoed in the hallway as she returned to her office.
"One of these days that poltergeist is going to go too far. If it hadn't been for the havoc he caused Umbridge—" McGonagall stopped her muttering when she saw Hermione trying to stand on the rug again. Hermione got the distinct impression the woman had forgotten about her student. "That was wonderful Hermione. A very good first try. Any ideas what you were turning into?"
Hermione took the hand up her professor offered her and accompanied McGonagall to the desk, where two chairs sat side by side. McGonagall conjured some tea and biscuits and began to pour out.
"No, Ma'am. I could feel pin pricks on my skin, but I have no idea. I suppose it must have been fur sprouting. Does it always hurt like that?"
After adding a touch of milk to her own cup, the professor smiled and settled into her chair. "No, the first few times are the least comfortable. I never even feel the hair sprouting on me anymore when I change. And it wasn't fur, Miss Granger, it was feathers."
Hermione blinked in surprise. "Feathers. So I'm a bird. What kind, do you suppose? What color were the feathers? I'd like to try it again in a few minutes."
"They were white tipped, some were brown, others more bluish, and it was definitely a smallish bird. But don't be foolish; you shouldn't even attempt it again for at least twenty-four hours. There may be many years between now and the days I was learning my shape, but that doesn't mean I don't remember how exhausting it can be. You might strain your magic if you try again before tomorrow evening. And we're trying an interesting new bit of transfiguration in class tomorrow you'll want to have all your power available for." Her eyes sparkled over her tea cup as she took a sip.
"Really? What are we doing?" Hermione paused with a biscuit halfway to her mouth, curiosity overcoming her.
"You'll have to wait and see."
*****
When Hermione left a few minutes later she felt a bit stronger; the tea and biscuits had revived her somewhat. She cast the Disillusionment Charm on herself, then made her way down the halls to the dungeons, slipping silently into Severus's private quarters.
Before she made a sound to announce herself, however, she heard his voice calling out to her. "It does no good to be stealthy around me, you know. It's not like I couldn't sense you growing nearer for the past five minutes."
Without making herself visible again, Hermione stepped behind him and slid her invisible hands along his collarbone. He shivered slightly when her thumbs touched the skin just above his high collar and she got an interesting idea. "Miss me much?"
"Why would I? You're nothing but a talkative," he paused when her fingers delved into his hair and pulled it back from his face, then one finger traced his cheekbones, "hand waving, know-it-all," he managed to say, though his voice was a bit rough on the last words.
She could feel the desire begin to burn through her, both hers and his as she walked around him and placed her right hand on his chest while her other hand returned to tracing the contours of his face and neck. The fingers of her right hand slid up and began loosening the buttons of his shirt one by one. Since he was in his own chambers, he had already removed his billowing robes and vest.
"What are you doing? It's bloody irritating to have you invisible like this." His voice didn't match his words, and she sensed his growing arousal. She found the thought of touching him, being able to do as she liked without him seeing her, rather erotic. Based on his response, he did as well.
She leaned in, her chest rubbing lightly against his as she placed her mouth near his ear and whispered, her warm breath blowing across his cheek and ear. "Liar."
Then she kissed him to distract his mouth while she continued divesting him of his clothes. This wasn't what she had come down to do, but she didn't think it would hurt anything to take a side trip.
When they lay in each other's arms in his bed a long time later, Hermione had forgotten what she had come down to tell him, but she hardly cared at this point.
"You know," he said, tracing one finger down her arm, then back up again, causing goose flesh to raise on her skin, "Longbottom seems to be doing better lately with silent charms. Has someone managed to teach him to vocalize silently?"
"Not me. But I do understand he's found a, um, good friend who is taking an interest in helping him with his studies." She was keeping her conjectures about Neville's relationship with Lavender Brown to herself. After all, she might have misunderstood their relationship entirely.
"A 'friend'? I really don't think I want to know anything else. Any help that tragedy calling himself a wizard can get is a bonus."
She pinched his chest. "Be nice."
He grabbed her hand so she couldn't pinch him again. "I'm not a nice person, lest you forget. And Longbottom is far from my favorite person. Though he is a far sight better than your best mates."
Hermione threaded her fingers through his and sighed. She wished the people she cared about could even tolerate each other. Unfortunately, it was clear Harry and Ron despised Severus as much as he disliked them. With that thought, she let her eyes drift to the clock on the wall and noticed it was nearly curfew. "I ought to be going."
His hand—attached to the arm beneath her and which had been running over her hair—grasped a fist full of her tresses as his arm tightened around her. He let out an irritated huff of air. "I've turned into such a bloody sap, but I hate it when you go. It never bothered me to be alone before."
With those words he released her and pulled away. He stood from the bed and stalked across the room to the bathroom door. Hermione sat up in bed and watched him go, searching their link for his feelings and finding his conflicted: dread, loneliness, shame, despair, irritation, and a tenderness she had never noticed before. It made her wonder if it had been there for a while and she just hadn't paid attention.
At least she wasn't the only one feeling torn by their relationship.
"I hate it when you use the bond to sense my feelings. I can always tell, you know," he called from the other room, and she heard water running in the sink.
"You wouldn't be able to if you weren't constantly testing my emotions too," she called back to him. She cast a quick cleansing spell on herself so she wouldn't smell like she had just risen from her husband's bed, then began to dress. The fact that he didn't retort to her accusation was all the validation she needed. That realization made her smirk.
"And don't get all high and mighty because you think you know me. You don't. You only see what I let you see." This time the voice was coming from behind her.
Hermione didn't turn around to face him, choosing instead to continue dressing. "I may be young, Severus, but that doesn't make me stupid. I know you don't share yourself with me. Physically, sure, but not who you are on the inside, what you think and feel. Our diary conversations only go so deep into your real history. If it weren't for the bond, I wouldn't know you had any feelings softer than indifference."
"Everything is softer than indifference, wife. Even hate. Hate isn't the opposite of love, apathy is. To hate, one must feel something about the person or set of circumstances. Apathy requires only the absence of feeling." His voice was cold and impersonal.
Hermione turned to face him. He still wore only his birthday suit, and she was now fully clothed, clasping her robes at her throat. "So last year when you were thoroughly irritated by me, but barely noticed Zabini existed, you were actually showing that you held a soft spot in your heart for me? Even then? What would the Headmaster say?"
Severus snatched her shoulders and pulled her to him, commanding every inch of her attention with his mouth as it plundered hers. When they came up for air, Hermione couldn't remember what they had been discussing anymore.
As he turned and stalked back to the bathroom, she heard him suggest someone do something she thought most likely anatomically impossible, though her brain was far too fried to figure out who he was referring to or why.
She all but floated back to the Gryffindor common room where Harry and Ron were hunched over their History of Magic essays.
"Hey, Hermione. What was the third reason the dragons were cordoned off from Muggles in 1734?" Ron asked, scratching his head with the hand holding his quill and getting black ink in his hair as he did so.
"Haven't the slightest. Goodnight boys." She floated up the stairs, feeling their confused gazes following her.
*****
May was drawing to a close and O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s were approaching. Severus was growing more and more anxious as the days passed, wondering if Draco would manage to accomplish his assignment, or if Severus would be forced to do it for him. The Headmaster was growing weaker everyday, and Severus was brewing stronger pain potions for him every week to keep on top of the growing infirmity.
It was amazing how easily Hermione fit into his life. Having her emotions humming in the background of his mind had grown familiar, comforting, almost. He blamed the Amoriata for the comfort he found in her presence, but he knew it was actually far more than that.
In addition to the comfort he garnered from their physical contact, the sexual release, he found he enjoyed debating Potions theories with her, Defense techniques, discussions on current events and Arithmantic equations. Her Occlumency would never be as good as his, but she was doing very well with it and, unless presented to the Dark Lord himself, Severus was confident she could protect her mind from prying eyes.
Her Legilimency skills were coming along as well, and when he would have to leave her, he was certain she would be able to make some headway on training Potter and the other Order members.
That thought brought him back to the issue of Draco's assignment. He treasured every moment alone with Hermione while the chance lasted before events unfolded. On the other hand, the growing tension on when and how Draco would act was driving him crazy, as the prat still wouldn't trust him.
Severus was correcting assignments in his quarters, and Hermione was in the library preparing for end-of-term exams when his Dark Mark flared to life. He glanced toward the Pensieve sitting behind a charmed wall where he had stashed his most damning memories of his time with Hermione. It had been too long since he was last called, and Severus had been prepared for such an eventuality.
The gathering was a large one, he realized, as he appeared in the darkness. Dozens of Death Eaters milled around the outskirts of the Dark Lord's inner circle. From time to time one or another would be called forward to report on whatever their master had assigned them.
The Dark Lord had been asking for frequent updates on Severus's progress with Hermione and had been shown several scenes that the megalomaniac found enlightening. The false information Severus and Hermione had planned for the evil leader had not been as useful as the Dark Lord would have liked, but as Hermione was letting more information about Harry and his state of mind 'slip' to Severus in their encounters, he had been lenient so far.
Soon Severus was called forth and asked to report. After showing the Dark Lord his memories, Severus stood tensely. In the past week, he had barely found time to sneak more than a few kisses with Hermione, their respective schedules had gotten insane with the end of the year drawing close. Severus looked forward to the next night, Friday, when he expected to have Hermione to himself for several hours.
"Severus, your relationship with the child has gotten interesting. She seems to trust you utterly and to be completely wound in your web of deceit. It will be interesting to see how far she is willing to go to see you this summer."
Bowing his head, Severus blocked out thoughts of what the summer might bring. "My Lord, I trust she will find a way to see me still. Her Muggle parents are naïve and permissive, and she is a witch of age." The fact that the young witch was his wife was a closely held secret. The Dark Lord would not approve, and the truth getting out could be the death of both husband and wife.
"See that you keep her on a leash, Severus. Your information from the Order is mediocre at best. Do try to improve your usefulness to me. I find you lacking." The leader swished his wand and sent a silent hex at Severus, one that cut a gash in his shoulder, causing it to bleed from a long wound.
With a bow, Severus backed away from the dark leader, gritting his teeth. After nodding to several others, he Disapparated back to the castle.
Severus wadded up the edge of his robe and pressed against the bleeding wound as he trudged up the hill to the castle. He pushed back the door, feeling weak from blood loss and tired of it all. A slight shimmer in the air that seemed to approach him was his first clue that Hermione was waiting for him. Then he realized he had felt her in the entrance all along but hadn't registered it over the pain.
Hermione pulled him into the nearest room and wordlessly pried his bloody hand away from his shoulder. Still under her Disillusionment Charm, she inspected the wound with her fingers, then pointed her wand at the cut, murmuring a healing charm. After a quick cleaning charm she inspected the bared flesh, seemed satisfied, then slid her arms around his waist drawing him closer.
Only then did she address him. "I felt the hex, figured this was the best way to help you tonight."
Severus tested the muscles in his shoulder and found she had done a good job before wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek on the top of her head. He whispered, "Finite Incantatum," and her charm melted away. "Thank you."
"Was it horrible?" she asked as her brown eyes bored into his.
"Not so bad this time." Still, he tightened his arms around her, drawing in her sweet scent that filled his head and chest with heady comfort. "I wish you could come down to my room tonight."
She nuzzled his neck with her lips, sending shivers down his spine. "Perhaps I could. After all, I did claim I had to look something up in the library. Perhaps I could go up in the morning, rubbing my eyes and saying that I fell asleep over my books. But really I could fall asleep over you."
At that moment, waiting until the next day to hold her in his arms seemed as impossible as it was unnecessary. Though there was a niggling voice in the back of his mind saying he ought to send her back to her own bed, he didn't want to listen. He wanted her with him, even if all they did was sleep.
Murmuring the Disillusionment Charm to cloak them both in obscurity, he backed off, then took her hand and led her down to his rooms.
Chapter 12: Castle Under Attack
Hermione woke in Severus's arms the next morning. A warning voice in the back of her head reminded her she needed to get upstairs to her room before the others missed her, but the feel of his bare chest beneath her cheek was too tempting to ignore. She rubbed her cheek over his lightly furred body, and the hand he held on her upper back slid to her nape, lightly teasing her hair.
"You should get dressed and return to your room." His voice was thick from sleep and not the least convincing.
"I know." Instead of making any moves toward getting up, however, she turned her head and pressed a kiss to his chest. For once their physical proximity had led to nothing more than cuddling, something they both needed with events accelerating around them. Of course, Severus would deny that he was a cuddler until his dying day. Besides, she doubted he had been up for much more in his exhausted state. She knew his constant wait for the next call from Voldemort made his nights restless.
His arms tightened around her, pulling their bodies closer together. "I feel as though this night has been an idyll, a moment out of time. I fear we will not have another. The end of this situation draws near."
"Summer will be here in a few weeks, then maybe I can arrange to get away from home for a couple nights. My parents won't even know I decided to spend time with my husband instead of the Weasleys." Hermione stopped talking then, a pang in her chest forming when she remembered once again that her parents didn't know Severus and couldn't be introduced anytime soon. When this war was over, would they both be alive? And how would she admit to her parents that she had been married since halfway through her sixth year of school? She pushed the thought away again, unable to do anything about it.
"Thanks for reminding me that I've been sleeping with a school girl," he said, extricating himself from the bed. His tone was cool now. "There's little you could have said that would be more effective at putting me back in my place." He glanced at the clock and his brows lifted in surprise at the lateness of the hour. "You'd best get back to your dorm before you're missed. Madam Pince will be in the library in a few minutes."
Glancing at the clock herself, Hermione bit back a swear word and rushed to dress. There was no time to take him to task for his abrupt change of attitude—not that doing so would make any difference. She ran her fingers through her tangled mess of hair and wished she had set some kind of alarm to wake her earlier. Grabbing her outer robes, she cast the Disillusionment Charm on herself, then Muffliato, and hurried to the hall doorway.
She heard Severus call to her from the other room before she shut the hall door. "Next time you use a spell from that book Potter has re-appropriated, have the sense not to use it in front of me. It makes your assertion that he doesn't have it harder to believe."
"How did he know that?" she muttered to herself as she rushed up the stairs. Before heading to the dorms, however, she took a side trip to the female Prefects' bathroom. She ended the quiet and invisibility charms on herself as she approached, then slipped inside, transfiguring a paper in her pocket into a towel.
A shower ran in the back corner, and Hermione made a beeline to one of the other stalls.
When she arrived at the Gryffindor common room half an hour later, her hair was charmed dry and into some order, and she pulled her robes more closely around her to hide the fact that her school uniform was wrinkled from the previous day.
She shrugged out of her clothes when she reached the dorm room and grabbed up clean ones to change into. Lavender entered the room, her hair still wrapped in a towel from her shower. She eyed Hermione's discarded clothes. "Decided to come back then, did you? Wonder what Ron would think if he knew you spent the night with some bloke instead of in your bed. Then again, maybe he was the one you slept with." She eyed Hermione malevolently.
"Sleep with Ron? Eww, he's like a little brother. Fell asleep in the library. Stopped at the Prefects' bathroom on the way back to save time." Hermione focused on changing her clothes and moved toward the drawer that held her combs and makeup as she buttoned up her shirt. Lavender's ongoing jealousy over Hermione's friendship with Ron was beyond irritating, especially when Lavender was involved elsewhere.
"Is that where that love bite came from? I know some of those books in the restricted section tend to bite, but . . . " she allowed her innuendo to complete the sentence for her.
Hermione looked down at the spot below her collar that held a love bite from Severus. It was a couple days old, and in her haste, she had forgotten to hide it. She bit back another curse and lifted an eyebrow in amusement. "Much as I'd like to claim that was from last night, alas, it's a few days old." She ran a thumb over the spot and remembered the sensations of Severus's mouth there. A smile came to her lips. It was too late to pretend she wasn't seeing someone now Lavender had seen the mark. She would just have to be more careful about visiting Severus in the future. Lavender was just jealous enough to take to following her around to catch her in the act. "I can honestly say nothing inappropriate happened last night. Unfortunately." As he was her husband, it was honest to say nothing inappropriate had happened between her and Severus since late March, in fact.
"Harry and Ron may buy that shite, but I'm not about to. Not everyone is as easy to fool as your little friends." Lavender turned away and flounced off to her own bed to change her clothes.
Cursing her lack of forethought, Hermione turned back to her own grooming, casting a glamour charm over the red spot on her neck. Even if it was below her blouse, she didn't need to take any chances.
*****
That afternoon Hermione was back in Professor McGonagall's office during a free period. She had nearly completed her Animagus change this time, and it was obvious she was a small colored bird, but since the change had still never been completed, she wasn't sure which kind.
After another failed attempt—but one closer to complete than she had managed before—Hermione found herself sprawled on the floor yet again. The change wasn't nearly as taxing this time as it had been the first time, however, and the feeling of feathers prickling through her skin was far less uncomfortable than originally.
"Very good, Miss Granger. You'll be completing the change by the end of the week. Before you know it, you'll be changing for a member of the Ministry. You're doing very well, indeed." The woman all but beamed at her. "How do you feel? Up to trying again?"
Hermione considered whether or not to give it another go. Remembering her promise to Harry to monitor the school while he was away with Dumbledore that night, she decided she shouldn't push her powers any more than necessary. Besides, she had no intention of registering her Animagus accomplishment with the Ministry until after the war was over. Who knew, being a common bird might be a skill to the Order's benefit. "Maybe not today. What do you suppose I've been doing wrong?"
She and the professor settled down to the usual tea and goodies while they discussed the finer points of the change, and McGonagall gave pointers on completing the change more fully.
*****
Severus,
Sorry about not being able to meet with you. I promised Harry to work on something for him tonight. He insisted and there was no way to get out of it without telling him why I couldn't help him.
Putting your friendship with him above our relationship, are you?
Not at all. We both have things we have to do to hide our relationship from the world. It's for both our safety. After all your machinations with Vol—er, You-Know-Who, I shouldn't have to justify this to you.
You must placate the prat. For now. Did you get many questions about being out all night?
Hermione told him about her encounter with Lavender, then sighed as she closed the diary, promising to work something out in a few nights. She picked up her school assignments and took them to the room where she was to meet Harry and Ron to watch the Marauders' Map while Dumbledore was away.
Personally, she was sure Harry was blowing things out of proportion. He had been on this 'Draco Malfoy is up to something' trip for months now. She considered it a miracle he never caught her with Severus on that map of his, as often as he scoured it looking for Malfoy. Still, she was his friend, and there was no reason she couldn't keep an eye on the map while doing her homework. If she hadn't been scheduled to be with her husband that night, she wouldn't have even minded.
Then something unexpected happened. Ron saw some names pouring out of the Room of Requirement that shouldn't have been in the school in the first place.
It took no time at all to charm the DA Galleons from the previous year and pull out the Felix Felicis left over from Harry's Potions 'success' on the first day of class. When only Ginny, Neville and Luna showed up to assist Hermione and Ron, Hermione took a deep breath to swallow her disappointment, then passed the vial around, warning them only to take a sip so there would be enough for everyone.
Then the students went onto the offensive.
Hermione and Luna ran into Professor Flitwick in the halls, and at Flitwick's command, they rushed down the dungeon stairs to Severus's chambers.
When she and Luna had arrived at Severus's door, on the heels of Professor Flitwick, Hermione hadn't suspected a thing. Severus called to them, "Flitwick has fainted, take care of him." Luna hurried into the office and Hermione held Severus's glance for just a short moment. For a heartbeat she saw the anguish and longing as clear on his face as she felt it in her chest before a mask of determination took over and he turned away.
She hurried into the office to help revive Flitwick, then skulked through the halls with him and Luna, every step echoing around them. They reached the main floor before they encountered trouble, and thanks to the Felix Felicis, the spells seemed to be deflected out of the way of Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and Hermione to help the teachers and late-arriving Order members and Aurors route the Death Eaters.
The desperate look on Severus's face haunted Hermione throughout the fight, and she wondered if he would come out okay. The Death Eaters were supposed to be his comrades, after all. Between her own tasks of fighting the attackers, and what she later realized must have been Severus putting up his own Occlumency shields between them, she didn't recognize his feelings over the next half hour. Other than his consciousness resting in the back of her own as proof that he was still alive and awake, she hadn't time to spare for him.
As she shot a long rope from the end of her wand, incarcerating a Death Eater, Hermione heard shouting as Harry yelled at Severus, chasing him from the castle.
And she learned the worst.
Her soul mate had killed the Headmaster.