Chapter Twelve

Abbey lay down on the couch and wrapped a croqueted blanket around her. She pulled her legs up to her chest and sat staring at the coffee table. It had been a hard week, the only thing she could compare it with was when she found out her dad was going to Iraq the first time.

Firstly Tim had his dad, and obviously wanted to spend his time with him. She wasn't jealous of the time he was spending with his dad she was just worried. Tim had started drinking again and it didn't seem to be stopping. Then there was Matt. Smash had told her in confidence that he found out Matt was planning on having sex with Julie.

How many older sisters had to talk to their little brothers about sex because there was no other adult in the situation? He couldn't talk to their grandmother and obviously not his next nearest role model, the coach. Abbey had sat him down on the porch and talked.

'Now normally there is no way in hell I would talk to you about this but things aren't normal around here.' Matt stared at her with a confused expression, 'I heard you were planning on having sex with Julie.'

His mouth fell open; he looked from her to the front yard to the house as if trying to come up with a way to escape. 'I well…I mean…'

'Matt,' He looked at her, Abbey had never felt more uncomfortable in her entire life but she had to get through this, for him, 'I am not here to play parent. I am not going to try and tell you not too, just if you need to talk, I am here.' She looked her little brother in the eye realising just how much they were missing out on. No parents to talk to, no one to really lean on, sure she was there for him and she would always be there but who did she have?

'Well, I mean I don't know if Julie really wants to and I mean I don't want to pressure her or anything,' He looked at Abbey awkwardly, 'And I mean I have Landry and the guys on the team telling me all this…stuff,' He shrugged and looked at her looking slightly lost.

'Okay,' Abbey swallowed heavily and took a deep breath, where was she going to start? 'So firstly, Julie is a smart girl, she has good parents and if she isn't ready she will say so, and if she doesn't say so you'll know.' Matt looked at her as if he didn't think that would, 'Trust me, not many girls are ready to have sex at fifteen so she will send you… signals.'

'What kind of signals?'

Abbey sighed, this was hard, 'You will just know, trust your instincts,' He looked at her doubtfully, 'Trust me,' they sat in silence for a few minutes before Abbey got up. 'Okay so that is enough awkwardness for this entire life time.'

'Abbey?' She turned and looked at Matt still sitting on the porch. 'Uh… thanks, ya know, I mean we don't have really anyone and I know you don't want to…'

He trailed off and Abbey looked at him before walking over and kneeling in front of him, 'Matt, trust me there is nothing more important to me in this world then you,'

He smiled in a guy way trying to roll the statement off his back and looked at her, 'Yeah well I suppose you are kinda important to me too,' Abbey smiled at him, 'In like the top ten,'

'Say what you will but on your grad I am gonna be the one holding the blow up of you dressed up as Elmo for your seventh Halloween,' Abbey got up again and Matt went slightly pale.

'You're kidding right?' He asked in a squeaky voice.

'You will just have to wait and see.' Abbey went to go in the house but stopped and turned to look at him. 'Matt, if there is anything you need to talk about…'

'I know,' He nodded and smiled at her. Abbey smiled and went back in the house.

So he was happy but things were hard, their grandma was going down hill fast and it was hard to cope with. Matt had told Abbey about her 'bad patches' but she didn't think she would have to deal with one. She had kept it under wraps from Matt so he wouldn't worry about it; he had enough to deal with, with Julie, school, the playoffs. Abbey wasn't about to put this on his plate as well. It was the reason she had come home in the first place.

She felt like she was starting to lose control. She was falling behind in her school work, she would get calls in the middle of class from her grandmother panicking, she was loosing sleep fast, and it was so overwhelming she wondered how Matt could deal with it. Pretty soon she would have to quit work it things kept up like this.

Abbey had managed to bail out on church so she could clean the house up. She had vacuumed, done the dishes, washed all the bed sheets, and cleaned the kitchen floor. She had never felt so worn out in her life. There was a knock on the door.

Abbey dragged herself up off the couch and walked over to the door, the blanket still wrapped around her shoulders. She opened the door to see Tim standing in the doorway. He had a badly bruised eye and a cut lip. Abbey's mouth fell open when she saw him.

"Oh my god Tim what happen!?" She said staring at him dropping the blanket off of herself.

He gave her a weak smile, "Can I come in?" he asked quietly.

"Of course," Abbey's grandmother was in her room watching the discovery channel and Matt was hanging out with Julie somewhere. Abbey led Tim into her room and looked at him. "What happened?" She asked weakly.

"I got in to a fight,"

Abbey stared at him, "No shit Sherlock," She said dryly.

He smiled again in a hollow way, "My dad left, well no actually I threw him out," Abbey stared at Tim. "He took that camera the football department was missing,"

Abbey stared at him not sure what to do, "I…"

Tim nodded biting his lower lip, "I don't know why I expected things to be different 'cause they never are."

Abbey stared at him sadly, she wanted to say that things can change, things can get better but she knew for a fact that they couldn't, "Life has a really good way of…" Abbey wanted something profound to come to her mind but nothing did. Tim looked at her, "Punching us in the stomach repeatedly." Her dad used to say that to her when she was little and upset.

He stared at her, "C'mere," She walked over and wrapped her arms around him. He held her tightly. She moved her head slightly to look at him. He kissed her on the lips intensely.

"ABBEY!" Abbey pulled away from Tim and cursed under her breath as she heard her grandmother calling her, "ABBEY!"

She looked at Tim, "I will be right back," She left him standing in her room and went through to her grandmother's room. Her grandmother was pacing back and forth nervously, she looked at Abbey.

"Where on earth is your father?!" She said angrily. Abbey stared at her grandmother. "He was supposed to be here to pick me up an hour ago!"

Abbey bit her tongue so as not to correct her grandmother it would only upset her. "I dunno, I am just going to go and call him and check okay?" Abbey said in a soft voice.

Her grandmother nodded nervously. Abbey went out of the room and closed the door behind her to see Tim walking across the living room. He looked at her as she closed the door.

"It's okay, I was just leaving," He said as Abbey opened her mouth to explain, "I'll see you at school." He left the room leaving Abbey feeling empty. She turned around to go back in her grandmother's room but stopped with her hand on the door handle.

She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Tears had suddenly sprung into her eyes, she couldn't explain this to Tim, and she wanted to punch the wall but stopped herself so she wouldn't worry her grandmother.

Abbey took a few deep breaths and couldn't help but let out a sob. She had never felt more lost and alone before. She intertwined her fingers and held her hands up to her mouth, she had to calm down before she went back into her grandmothers room. She roughly wiped away her tears taking several deep breaths. When she felt calmer she walked into the room with a bright smile on her face.

"Where is he?" He grandmother asked critically.

"There has been a change of plans; I think he will be late,"

Her grandmother rolled her eyes, "This is typical of your father I wouldn't be surprised if he was late to his own funeral."

Abbey heart broke at the remark realising how real that statement was, "Well, why don't you have a little nap before he comes."

"I may as well," Abbey helped her grandmother back into bed. "You know Abbey; I have been thinking that you should join the church choir."

Abbey looked at her grandmother, "Really?"

"Yes," Her grandmother said sweetly, "You have to voice of an angel dear, you should share it with the world."

"I don't know about that grandma," Abbey said straightening the covers.

"It's true," Abbeys grandmother patted the mattress next to her. "Come on sit with me for a while and sing to me."

Abbey smiled and got onto the bed beside her. "What do you want me to sing?" She asked.

"Sing that song you used to sing when you were younger, when ever we had company."

"I don't know why I sung that song so young,"

"Come on, it's pretty,"

Abbey shook her head and cleared her throat, "This is only gonna happen once so don't ask again," Her grandma nodded and pretended to lock her lips together. Abbey smiled and closed her eyes trying to remember the melody, it was easier then she thought.

"Even though we ain't got money/I'm so in love with ya honey/Everything will bring a chain of love/In the mornin' when I rise/Bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything's gonna be all right…"

Abbey continued to sing, she hadn't remember just how much she loved singing but she did, she really did, it calmed her very soul.

"Even though we ain't got money/I'm so in love with ya honey/Everything will bring a chain of love/In the mornin' when I rise/Bring a tear of joy to my eyes/And tell me everything's gonna be all right." She finished the song and looked at her grandmother. She had fallen asleep.

Abbey got up slowly and left the room silently; she leaned against the door and let the tears run down her cheeks.

Abbey sat up as Matt walked in the door. Abbey looked at him and he froze when he realised she was still awake.

"Hi," He said hollowly.

"You're out late, should I assume…"

"No, no we didn't do anything." Abbey smiled.

"I am glad," Matt shrugged and slouched onto the couch beside her.

"How's grandma?" Abbey looked at him.

"Fine, told me to tell you to move your feet more." Matt smiled, "You should go to bed." He nodded and got up.

"What about you?"

Abbey shrugged, "I am not tired," Matt shook his head.

"Whatever," He wandered off to bed, "Night,"

"Night," She called back. She turned off the TV and got up and went to stand on the porch.

She took deep breaths of the cold night air and looked at the sky wondering if her dad was looking at the sky.

She ran a hand through her messy hair. "Why does life get more complicated when you get happy?" She asked to no one in particular. She never talked to people that weren't there, and she sure as hell didn't believe in talking to god but she found that saying things out loud seemed to make them make more sense.

She looked around as tears filled her eyes, "You gotta do this Abbey," She said stealing herself for what she had to do, "For Matt and for Grandma," She sat down on the step heavily leaning her head against one of the wooden beams holding it up. "After the game," She concluded to herself, "I'll do it after the game…"

DISCALIMER: I do not hold any of the rights to any of Loggins & Messina's lyrics