Chapter 36: Jealous Rages and Bequests
Hermione expected Viktor to meet her at the Leaky Cauldron any minute now. He offered to pick her up at her home, wanting to meet her parents, but she put him off. His last letter detailing his trip plans had made it plain he was hoping for something more than friendship. She wondered if the hints she'd given in her previous letter—that she was involved with someone—had perhaps been too subtle for the Bulgarian's incomplete grasp of English. Maybe she should have learned from what it took to dissuade Ron and been straight-out blunt instead.
Both Ron and Harry would be joining them for dessert after lunch ended, but Ron was working at the twins' shop that morning, and Harry had arranged to meet Ginny for some 'flying practice' at the Burrow—she wasn't going to speculate about what else they might get up to. Hermione felt a pang of guilt for not telling Severus about her meeting with Viktor, but she intended the meeting to put their relationship on the appropriate footing—distant friendship—and she didn't want to complicate things any more than necessary. Telling Severus would definitely have complicated things for her.
When Viktor came in, Hermione thought he had never looked so handsome before. As a rule, people wouldn't consider Viktor handsome with his heavy brow and jutting nose, but he grew on her the more she got to know him. Still, her husband was far more appealing to her in every possible way.
Viktor smiled when he found her sitting at the table in the center of the room. She had been offered a more remote corner table, but hadn't wanted to encourage him with too much privacy. "Hello Hermione. You look beautivul today, as alvays."
She blushed at his words. No one but Viktor had ever told her she was beautiful. Her husband enjoyed her looks, to some extent, she knew, but he wasn't one to express those types of feelings. "Thank you, Viktor. You're right on time, as usual. Please sit."
He did and they ordered their meals. While they waited for lunch, Hermione quizzed him about his trip, about his career, and everything else she could come up with that would keep the conversation on an even keel. When he looked like he planned to pick up her hand from the table, she pulled it back and fussed with her hair for a moment, as though she hadn't noticed his intent, then kept her hands to herself.
By the time Viktor got through answering all of her questions, the food had arrived and they were halfway through the meal. Hermione was watching the door, looking for Ron and Harry, praying one or both of them would show soon before the conversation got sticky. It was time she mentioned Severus somehow, though she hadn't been able to decide the best way. She took a sip of her water, then feeling a presence, glanced back at the door again. She winced when she saw her husband standing in the entrance in his glamoured form. She felt his intense anger rolling through her.
"Hermione, it's so good to speak vith you like this. I have missed our talks," Viktor was saying as Severus made his way across the room. If her husband had been wearing his usual bat getup, his robes would definitely have been flaring out behind him.
Before she had a chance to respond to Viktor, Severus was at their table. The depth of his rage astounded her; it was far greater than when she'than when she had with someone t sitting between them so the others wouldn't know she had the ruddy vows memorized.d admitted to him about telling the boys of their marriage, yet his face looked serene. "Well, hello, dear, I forgot you said Viktor Krum would be in town." He turned to Viktor and held out a hand. "It's so good to finally meet you. She's mentioned her dear, old friend Viktor several times over the months we've been dating."
Viktor took Severus' hand in a daze and shook it. When they let go, Severus slid into the booth beside Hermione and picked up a chip from her plate, popping it into his mouth. If it weren't for the feedback she was getting from him through the bond, Hermione would have been certain someone had put a fake in his place. This glamoured version of himself wasn't acting at all like Severus.
"Really? She hasn't mentioned you at all." Viktor looked between them, and Severus slid an arm over Hermione's shoulder, pulling her closer.
Hermione wanted to protest that she had mentioned something about it in her letter early in July, but Severus didn't give her the chance. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Sebastian Prince."
"Prince. You look much older than Hermione. Too old to have attended school vith her. How did you meet?" Viktor seemed to be pulling himself back together, accepting the new boundaries of their relationship, though he looked more than a little upset to learn Hermione was dating someone else.
"Oh," Severus picked up Hermione's hand and pressed his lips to the backs of her fingers. "We've known each other for years. She was a child when our paths first crossed, but it wasn't until this spring that I began to see her for the woman she has become." He looked adoringly into her eyes.
Hermione smiled and felt her face flush some more, though it wasn't out of pleasure from his flattering words, but humiliation at the way the situation had played out. She wished she had handled things differently all the way around, and she wondered how Severus learned about her lunch with Viktor.
"Vell, I vish you the best, of course." Viktor didn't look like he wished Severus anything but the shortest path to hell.
"Hermione, Viktor, good to see you." Harry's sense of timing was impeccable, and his hair was even more disheveled than usual, but his eyes were bright from his time with Ginny. He slid into the seat beside Viktor and shot a questioning glance at Severus.
Desperate not to have Harry ruin the affect of Severus's appearance, Hermione smiled brightly, concealing the way her stomach was starting to turn over. "I didn't know Sebastian would be able to join us, so I didn't mention it to you, Harry, but here he is. And I was sure he wouldn't be able to meet with me until tonight." She turned to Severus and popped a kiss on his cheek, hoping Harry remembered that Hermione had mentioned her scheduled date that evening.
Understanding dawned on Harry's face, and he looked more closely at her companion. "Of course, I've been wanting a chance for a long talk with Sebastian for weeks. Glad you could join us. In fact, I'd love to get together with you soon; you, me, and Ron could have a few drinks. Tonight might be ideal. If Hermione could spare you. Viktor could join us."
Sadistic jerk. "I'm afraid we have plans this evening. Projects we've been working on. But perhaps you can work something out another time." Hermione smiled brightly at all three of the men. Harry only partly concealed a smirk, Viktor glowered, and Severus held a serene, but rather blank expression on his face.
Then Ron joined them and opened his mouth to ask who Severus was.
"Ron, isn't it nice Sebastian has joined us for dessert?" Harry asked before his red-haired friend could do more than greet the group. "After all, we've been trying to pin down the man Hermione's been seeing for all these months. He's been hard to get a hold of."
The red head's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. "Yeah. Great. I've heard plenty about you, in the most general of terms, of course. It's time we got to know you better. Hermione's practically one of the family, which means she has seven brothers, and two dads—that's if you count Harry into the mix, of course. I'm sure they'd all like a chance to interrogate you—in the nicest possible way. My twin brothers will probably want to become your best friends." He smiled brightly; clearly he and Harry were of one mind in this situation—make the married couple as uncomfortable as possible.
Hermione was grinding her teeth together as she smiled pleasantly back at Ron. "Sometime you'll have to do that. Too bad now is such a bad time—the twins will have to wait until another day to force feed Sebastian Canary Cremes. Stay and have dessert, would you? I'm far too full. It was great seeing you again, Viktor. Coming, Sebastian?"
"Yes, I don't have too long before I have to get back to my station. Nice to see you boys again and to meet you, Viktor." He bowed his head toward them, then whisked Hermione out onto the street of Diagon Alley. Once out the door, he Apparated them to their cottage.
"What were you doing with that man?" Severus tapped himself with his wand and vanished his glamour. "What are you trying to do, get me killed? And I swear I'm going to hex those two twits you call friends the next time I see them."
"Viktor's my friend, Severus. I told you he was coming into town."
"Your friend wants you to be more than a correspondent to him." He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the cottage.
"You're hurting me." He loosened his hold slightly, turning to face her again. "And so what if he wants more? Notice Harry and Ron coming in? That wasn't exactly by happy accident. I didn't wish to be alone with him for long. I intended to let him know clearly that I was involved with someone, then leave him with Harry and Ron for dessert and mind-numbing Quidditch talk while I came back here to work on the potion. I would never be unfaithful to you. You know that."
"The Dark Lord's minions don't understand that. How do you suppose I heard about your little tete-a-tete? The damn woman who put me under the Imperius came gloating back to me at the Dark Lord's side and announced to the world that you seemed to be spreading yourself around. How do you think that made me look?"
"What do you care what she thinks?" Her stomach tightened in a knot, her nausea growing.
He threaded his hands in her hair, his palm against her skull, bringing her face close to his own. "I care because it makes my hold on you look loose. It makes it appear that you aren't fully under my power; that you can be swayed another direction. If that's the case, your usefulness, and therefore mine, to the Dark Lord lessens significantly. And that puts us at risk. Both of us. And the very idea of another man touching you—" he didn't finish his thought, crashing his mouth down onto hers instead. "You're mine. Mine."
A couple minutes passed before she was able to push him away. The bond may have approved of their physical contact, but she did not. "I belong to myself."
"No. This ring," he fingered her wedding band, but was reasonably under control now, "makes you little more than the property of Severus Sebastian Snape. It says you will encourage no man, whether you intend to be unfaithful with him or not. It says you will do everything in your power to keep both me and yourself safe so that your actions will not be called into question. My ring says the same for you." He pulled back his left shirt sleeve. "And this mark says that every public action either of us makes can affect whether we live a long, happy life together, or die horribly. Your every word affects my life span. You can insist on continuing on the way you have been living, or you can consider your life and mine."
Hermione stood, considering his words. She tried to refute them, but saw no way to do so.
"Your behavior today has put us both at risk. You must not be so foolish again. First you tell those twits about our marriage, then you force me to extract you from a potentially dangerous situation. You should never be out in public for such a long period of time. The Dark Lord has eyes everywhere." He pushed her away, then straightened his shirt sleeve and headed into the kitchen, slamming the basement door shut behind him as he pounded down the stairs.
Hermione pushed her hair back from her face with both hands and sighed. She sat in a nearby chair. Had her actions left them open to trouble? Was she at greater risk now than she had been before? And what was the hurt she had felt radiating from him along with the anger when she pushed him away? Would she ever understand the man she married?
* * *
Headquarters was quiet when Hermione entered that evening. Severus had stayed at the cottage long enough to prepare for the next step in the potion, making sure she understood the procedure. Then he Apparated away. She had to figure he returned to the Dark Lord's side, as that was where he'd been before he joined her at the Leaky Cauldron. He Occluded her so completely that she felt nothing but the buzz of his shield in the back of her mind for the rest of the day.
After spending the afternoon puttering around the yard, Hermione completed the next step in the potion, threw together something to eat, then returned to Headquarters.
Now it appeared she would have the place to herself that evening.
When she went into the kitchen to get a drink of water, she found Remus sitting at the table, a finger's depth of firewhiskey in his glass. He looked up and gave her a wan smile of greeting. "I heard from the boys; they indicated they were spending the evening with Viktor. Wondered what happened to you. I guess you disappeared with Sebastian—is that who I think it is?"
At his questioning glance, she nodded. "Sebastian is his middle name. He showed up at the lunch in disguise, angry." She sat across from Remus and told him everything that had happened. "I don't know if he was being melodramatic or if I really screwed things up that badly. I thought I was being careful: Public appearance, nothing private, bringing in the boys before dinner was over to diffuse the situation. I thought I had left adequate indications that I was involved with someone else, but apparently I hadn't. I just feel as though I've screwed things up and don't know how to make them better. Viktor probably hates me now, but I only feel moderately bad about that. How do I fix things with Severus?"
"It's rough sometimes, being an adult, having someone else who depends on you. It's even worse when that person's life might be in jeopardy if we make the wrong decisions. I feel it every day. I could hurt Tonks sometime. I could turn her into what I am or worse—kill her if I'm incautious. But she loves me, and I love her. What's more, I need her. I think you're in a unique position: Understanding the situation I'm in, the danger me and my actions could pose for the woman I love, the way her actions could affect me. You have to learn a new kind of discretion. And your circumstances are far more volatile than most."
Hermione nodded and sipped on her water. They sat there side by side for several minutes with their drinks until the front door opened and closed. "That must be Ron and Harry," Remus said.
"This could be awkward. I still want to shoot them for the way they acted, but I feel bad for dumping Viktor on them, and I'm not sure how to explain . . . everything."
He smiled. "I'll leave you to figure out an explanation, shall I?" He stood and exited the room.
The boys came in a moment after he left. Both were rosy-cheeked and bright-eyed. Hermione pushed back the groan that threatened to escape as she realized they'd been drinking a great deal of something far stronger than butterbeer. "Hello." She took another sip of water and wished she taken a stomach soother before leaving the cottage.
"Hello 'Mione. Where ya been? Viktor was really disappointed you left so early." Ron sat down across from her, sloppy happy.
"Great. I've been working on that potion."
"With 'Bastian?" Ron asked.
"When'd you meet him, anyway? Thought your husband was at Hogwarts with us. Never seen him before." Harry sat across from her, and Hermione decided he was the less inebriated of the two. "No one his age at the school."
She wished the idiots had stayed away from the drink all the way around. How did they expect to defend themselves if they were only half sober? That made her wish they lived in a world where the two young idiots could go out for an evening with friends without having to worry about being caught out, unable to defend themselves. "Yeah, that was him. He was wearing a glamour. Sebastian was obviously not the name you know him by, and the glamour altered his apparent age."
"I don't think he was too happy about you having lunch with Viktor," Harry said.
"What was your first clue?"
"He looked bloody angry to me—behind his eyes," Ron said, leaning his head back against the wall as he sat in his chair. He looked half asleep already. "Cool civility on top, spitting angry underneath. Want to meet him again sometime when he's not so mad. Something about the way he moved, 's familiar."
"Someday, Ron. Someday." Remembering Ron's suggestion of a full Weasley inquisition for Severus made her eyes ache and her stomach roll.
"Viktor was pretty upset about Sebastian," Harry said, slurring his words a bit. "But he'll get over you, eventually. Figured he might meet someone else he likes as well as you before he turns fifty. Jus' as well I couldn't mention the marriage. Pro'ly wouldn't have made him feel better."
Probably not. Hermione patted Harry on the shoulder, feeling even more guilty about Viktor than she had before. "Let's get some sleep tonight."
Surprisingly, both boys readily acquiesced.
However, sleep didn't come easily to Hermione as her concern for her husband and her relationship to him grew more confusing by the hour.
* * *
"Mr. Potter." Minerva McGonagall stopped Harry after the Order meeting ended the following night. "It seems Albus left you some items in his will. I have brought the box with me tonight."
Hermione watched the Headmistress swallow hard as though it was painful to be the bearer of inheritances—at least in this circumstance. The meeting had been rather dull, and Hermione noticed the frazzled way the Transfiguration professor looked.
"Okay, where is it?" Harry looked bemused. None of them had considered that Dumbledore wouldn't have several hundred other people he would rather give things to.
There was a large packing box sitting on a side table in the library. Minerva gestured to it. "I don't know what all is in here, but the solicitor asked me to bring this by. Apparently, his portrait directed the placement of every item in that box for you, and he asked that you look at it as soon as you can. I admit, I find myself curious, especially since the box is rather heavy."
Harry ran a hand over the box, his hesitation to pull back a flap obvious. Losing Albus Dumbledore had been very difficult for everyone, but Harry had been so certain the old man would be there to help him through this. It should have been Harry assisting Dumbledore. Now Harry was left to head the project alone.
Ginny arrived at the door, watched for a short moment, then crossed the room to Harry, sliding her arms around him. Hermione knew the younger girl must have sensed his need from wherever she had been in the house. Harry buried his face in Ginny's hair and held her back just as hard. There had been so little time to mourn this summer, what with plans being implemented.
That made Hermione wonder about Severus's time to mourn. She still felt an occasional pang of despair and regret from him, but she doubted he allowed himself to feel the true depths of his emotions. Whether that was because she would experience it as well, and he wished to keep something private, or because he couldn't face his guilt, she didn't know. Surely a man as passionate as he was, one who felt his own guilt as strongly as she knew he did, needed to mourn Dumbledore's passing more than he'd allowed himself to do.
She had caused him a great lot of trouble, she thought. She hoped she had contributed to his comfort as well, but didn't know if that would make up for the danger he was now in. All she knew was even if the enchantment no longer lay between them, drawing them together, she now loved him independently of it, needed him, and couldn't imagine her life without him.
And with that realization, she knew she had to track him down and apologize in her next free moment, to consider him more carefully with her outward actions. When her actions could mean life and death to both of them, she had no right to selfishness.
Hermione looked up to see McGonagall slowly back out of the room as Harry's pain and need for privacy became evident. She shut the three teens inside. Hermione sighed gratefully.
Several minutes passed as Harry and Ginny stood entwined before he released one arm and half turned toward the box. "What do you think it is?" he asked.
"No idea. Best open it, don't you think?" Ginny nudged him toward it.
Slowly Harry opened the flaps and took out the smaller boxes within. As he unloaded them, he found several smaller boxes and one large box. All the smaller boxes were labeled with covert titles. The first Harry read said, 'your quest.'
He turned toward the large box and opened it, revealing the Pensieve, and the first smaller box held vials of memory—several of them, each with their own labels.
"Harry, you don't think—" Hermione asked.
"Yeah I do." He grinned at her. "We'll have to take these upstairs and review them. Maybe there's a clue I missed. I wonder what else is in here."
"I want to see them with you," Ginny said.
"Ginny, we've been over this." Harry set a hand on her shoulder.
She shook it off. "Yes, you want me to stay safe, not to get involved in your project or quest or whatever because it could be dangerous. Do you really think seeing these memories and helping you piece together information, to plan movements, is going to be dangerous? I'm not talking about me going out to search with you—though you know I want to. I'm talking about brainstorming."
Harry considered her for a moment, then shrugged. "You're right. See if you can spend the night with Hermione, and we'll go over these tonight."
Ginny grinned, grabbed his face, and laid a big kiss on his mouth before moving away. "I'll tell Mum."
"Get Ron too and meet us in the attic." He smiled as he watched her go, then turned to Hermione. "I'm crazy about that girl."
"Yeah, I know. Let me give you a hand."
He carried the Pensieve, and she brought along the carton with the smaller boxes, wondering what was in them. Maybe only the one he opened had memories and the others held trinkets of another sort? She supposed she would find out eventually.
More than ten minutes passed before Ginny and Ron joined them. "Sorry, Mum took some convincing. She made me promise to spend the night with Hermione and not in my own room," Ginny said, rolling her eyes.
"In other words, not with me," Harry interpreted.
"Exactly."
Hermione warded the door and conjured shelves for the box and its contents. They gathered around the Pensieve as Harry poured the first couple of memories into it. "This could take most of the night," he warned.
Everyone nodded, unfazed by that. They dipped their faces forward and entered the memory.
Chapter 37: Gathering the Pieces, Making Amends
It was nearing sunrise when they finished viewing the last memory in the smaller box. When they pulled out of the Pensieve the last time, Harry rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I was hoping there'd be something new there. Something I hadn't seen. I was sure Dumbledore must have included something new."
Hermione had pulled out a piece of paper and begun taking notes when they returned from the first set of Horcrux-related memories, so their list was fairly complete, but now they were all too exhausted to continue. They had seen all the memories Harry had been privy to during his special lessons with Dumbledore: From the first day he met Riddle at the orphanage to the boy's days at Hogwarts, Tom's discussion on Horcruxes with Slughorn, his work for Borgin and Burkes to his request to teach at Hogwarts. "At least it's fresh in your mind now. Maybe it will help jog our memories." She was trying to be helpful, but wasn't sure if she succeeded.
"Any ideas?" Harry asked, looking around at everyone's tired faces.
When no one said anything, Hermione set out her suggestions. "First, we all need to sleep. After that, we should make a big poster of the things we know, like Muggle policemen do. It might help us see a pattern better. At the very least, it will keep the basic details where we can see them." Hermione rubbed her eyes, which felt gritty. Her diary had alerted her to a new note from Severus some time ago, but after verifying it wasn't anything urgent, she had put it aside. Now, she wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with it and read her husband's words. She wished they had looked even vaguely conciliatory, instead of simply news of the latest meeting with Voldemort. Then again, she hardly expected Severus to try and bridge the gap when it was her fault things had gone so badly wrong between them in the first place.
"Sounds like a good idea. Let's get some sleep," Ron said.
They all headed down to their rooms after Hermione warded the door so no one would disturb their things. Hermione arrived in her room alone, got ready for bed, and read the short, concise entry from her husband. There was nothing personal in it: no snide remarks to make her smile, no expression of wishing to be together. It made her feel very alone. She started making a few return comments of her own before Ginny joined her. The younger girl's cheeks were pink and her lips looked a bit swollen from kissing, but otherwise all looked fine.
They shared a conspiratorial smile, then Ginny began preparing for bed. Hermione returned to her diary.
* * *
It was mid afternoon when the four of them had eaten and returned upstairs to continue their work. Hermione charmed a paper to expand to cover most of one wall. They set out each Horcrux in its own column with any pertinent information they knew about it. As they stood back and considered their work an hour later, Hermione wondered how this was supposed to make things easier.
"Wait a minute," Ron said, walking along the front of the board, reviewing the information silently. "There is a pattern—or there might be." He ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Though they had all slept for hours, none of them felt truly refreshed.
"You mean besides the fact that all the objects have significance to Voldemort?" Ginny asked.
"The locations, I mean. The diary is a bit of a stretch, but he had one of his Death Eaters hold it for him, one of the group who followed him—the group that extends his power by doing his bidding. It also represents what he accomplished as a teen in the Chamber of Secrets, and his lineage to one of the Four Founders.
"The locket was originally located in the cave where he did something to those other kids in the orphanage. An example of his power or of coming into his own, I guess. The ring was found at the little shack his mother grew up in. All of the places have some kind of personal significance to him. Maybe the other two items were left in significant places too."
"That's brilliant, Ron." Hermione's mind began to race; she had missed that point completely, and it definitely had merit. "So if we figure out what other places might have had significance to him, we'll have a starting place to find the comb and the cup."
"Let's start with pinpointing the two locations that make the most sense, then we can work on how to get there." Hermione turned to Ginny to begin brainstorming.
* * *
The next day Hermione couldn't get her mind off her confrontation with her husband. The boys slept late, which left her with time to brood. She could feel him brooding as well and knew his anger was justified. It was easy enough to deal with an irritable husband when you know you are in the right, she thought, but when you were filled with self-recriminations, it took on a whole new dimension.
To escape the constant thoughts about her husband, Hermione focused on study. August was drawing to a close, and she knew the next few months were unlikely to provide time for her to focus on her studies as she would like. In addition to the Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense lessons she worked on with the boys, she spent time of her own on Arithmancy and Runes and still put in time on wandless magic, though that was so draining and frustrating it got less attention than the others.
When pain assaulted her whole body in the evening, she gasped, doubled over and slowly worked on Occluding her mind. Severus was being tortured, and there was nothing she could do about it. When closing her mind barely touched the discomfort she was feeling, she breathed through it, then let out a sigh of relief when it was lifted and she was left with only tingling muscles.
Dropping everything, she called out, "Harry, I'm going to see Sebastian for the evening."
"What? Why tonight?" He appeared in the kitchen door, and she gasped as another bout of crucio was cast on her husband. "I thought we were going to go over this information again tonight."
"He needs me. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."
He nodded, seeing her desperation. "All right."
She opened the front door and Apparated away.
The cottage was dark as she knew it would be. Moonlight gilded the flowers and shrubs, peeked through tree limbs and cast a faint glow on the path to the front door. In another situation she would have lingered, enjoying the evening, but tonight she couldn't appreciate it as it deserved. She hurried to the front door and cast the charm to open it, then with a flick of her wand, lit the lamps around the house.
As a third bout of crucio rocked her husband's body, Hermione ground her teeth together and began willing him to join her at the cottage, wishing he could leave the meeting and join her, that she could care for him and acknowledge their need to work in tandem. She worried Voldemort might be so angry he would kill Severus, and she would never know if it was her fault, and never have the chance to make it up to him.
When the curse lifted, she felt his relief and knew it must be over. She wished again for him to join her as she moved around the kitchen, heating water in the tea pot and setting out biscuit and preparing fruit for a late tea. She didn't know if he'd actually come, but if he was still too angry to see her, she'd have something to eat while she tried to figure out how to make it up to him.
When the front door slammed shut a few minutes later, she couldn't help but smile, even if his irritation was set at screaming. She turned and saw him shudder with aftershocks of the crucio, his eyes blazing into hers.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.
"Preparing tea?" Hermione couldn't understand why he was looking at her like that.
"Calling me when I'm in the middle of a meeting. Willing me to the cottage like that when you know I can't come. I was lucky he was ready to let me go. I could have blown my cover, Apparating back here without permission." He stalked over to her and penned her against the counter with a hand on either side of her. "I'm starting to think you're trying to get us killed."
He was scary in his fury, but she found herself more fascinated than worried for her own safety. His anger may have been directed toward her, but she didn't feel a threat. And his words made her wonder what was going through his mind. "What are you talking about? Yes, I wanted you to come here, but I didn't expect you to interpret that as a demand. What's gotten into you?"
He paused, seemed to consider, to reign the anger in, then stepped back a few inches. "I need my pain relief potion. I'm not thinking clearly." He wiped a bit of blood from a cut on his jaw and stepped back even further.
Hermione had no idea what was going on, but she wasn't about to ask when he was like this. "I'll get it for you. Have a seat." She walked to the bathroom medicine cabinet where she knew she had seen a bottle of the potion and returned with a muscle relaxant as well. She wondered how much sleep he'd gotten over the previous few days; she could feel his exhaustion.
He was sitting in a chair, leaning against the wall, his eyes closed and face twitching when she returned to the kitchen. "Here, take some of this." She held out the bottle and his eyes fluttered open.
Severus reached for the bottle, uncorked it, and tossed back a generous dose. "What's the other one?" When she told him, he took that bottle and swallowed it as well.
"Would you like some food? When's the last time you had a real meal?" She took the bottles back from him and set them on the counter, then added tea leaves to the hot water to steep.
"I ate something for breakfast. I've been at his beck and call all day, haven't had time to eat." His anger seemed spent, or at least tucked away for the time being.
Or sleep. She nodded; she had felt the short burn on her arm nearly eight hours earlier. "Well, it won't be fancy, but we'll see what I can put together." She opened the fridge and pulled out several items, then cast a spell on them so they would make themselves into sandwiches.
As she put things together, set the table and set out the food, he said nothing, watching her with weary eyes. "So why the crucio tonight?" she finally asked.
"Don't ask. I don't want to get into it."
"I can order you to tell me, for the Order." She hadn't done so, just decided to test him out first.
"It will have no bearing on Order operations, so I don't have to answer you. Ask me after I've eaten and had some sleep, and we'll see if I feel like discussing it." He looked up in her eyes as she turned toward him again. "Please tell me you're getting close. Please tell me this is going to end soon. I don't know how much more I can take." Vulnerability echoed in his eyes, tearing her heart out.
Hermione set the tea pot on the table, then cradled his face between her hand. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, his cheeks, his closed eyelids, his forehead and nose, then back to his mouth. A vulnerable Severus nearly broke her heart, especially knowing how hard he was to break. "We've had a breakthrough of sorts. At least, I think we have. I spent the past two days reviewing the information and putting things together. I think we're getting close. How about you? How are you coming on the other half of our spell?"
"I'm making headway. It's been slow going, but I should have it in another week or so. If the madman will leave me be for a little while."
She kissed him again, then released his face. "Best eat. Then we'll rest. We can talk in the morning."
To her surprise, he turned right to his plate and began loading it up.
* * *
Severus woke to the sun shining in his eyes and his wife's warm body in his arms. He thought back over the past few days, the groveling he'd done before the Dark Lord to atone for Hermione's lunch with the Bulgarian.
His bouts of torture the previous day had been because he hadn't bent her to his will, hadn't ingratiated himself with her, or rather, gotten her to ingratiate herself with him. The Dark Lord felt Severus' relationship with Hermione was pivotal to destroying Harry and to learning the inside track with the Order. He was right, of course.
Over the past few days, he had sensed her excitement, the underlying sense of purpose she had gained, and the moments of regret. He knew he had been too tired when he came to her side, had nearly let more slip than he was ready for. When he considered the possibilities, he nearly decided to tell her about the other aspects of the spell he had placed on her, of the purpose of the potions he had fed her, but weighed his options and decided against.
Still, a show of understanding and forgiveness might be in order. It might make her more likely to reciprocate when his secrets were revealed. Especially the second of the two. He had never considered children. Even after he married Hermione, he had figured the point was moot if they didn't survive the war. That meant he had no idea how she would feel about it, and he wasn't about to ask now—not when it was almost certainly too late for her to weigh in her opinion. She would be expecting him to bring another dose of the contraceptive potion soon. He would need to make a decision about how to handle things before then.
But not today. Today was for smoothing out the rough edges between them. It was both his job and his pleasure.
* * *
Hermione woke to the feel of Severus' arms around her in their bed. She couldn't help but think of the little cottage as anything but theirs, though she knew it belonged to someone else. After dinner she had stripped him and put him to bed, then joined him herself. When he turned to her in the middle of the night, she had welcomed him into her arms. Now, as his breath on her neck sent trails of goosebumps down her back, she wondered if that had been a half-asleep haze of lust, or if he had known what he was doing at the time.
"I can sense your mind racing. I know you're awake." His voice was husky in her ear, and she shivered at the tone.
"Feeling better?"
"Much. Much better. Food, sleep, and you in my arms appears to be the best medic." He pulled away, releasing her from his embrace and sliding out of bed.
Taken aback by his words, she narrowed her eyes at him. "You forgot your habitual swear word after that comment." She kept her tone light as she slid from the covers and picked up her robe nearby.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know; it's usually more along the lines of 'food, sleep and you in my arms—damn that potion and those Weasley twins for making me care if you live or die.' " She pulled the ties of the robe into a knot at her waist and pushed back her tangled mane of hair, anything to avoid his eyes. She knew instinctively that he wouldn't share what happened at the meeting last night with her, and that the enraged comments he had made when he entered the cottage would not be explained. It was more than irritating that there was so much of his life he still held back. Didn't he trust her at all? Then she thought of her Animagus shape and realized it worked both ways.
There was a long silence, but she could tell he was trying to decide her mood, interpret her comment. For once she didn't want to make things easier for him, so she stayed silent.
"You were too brilliant a student for me not to care a little if you died. After all, I saved Longbottom, and he was abysmal. Why would I have no preference whether you lived or died?"
"That's a point for you, I suppose. Are you planning to take a shower right away, or can I go first?" Hermione walked over to the drawer where she had stashed a few changes of clothing and began picking through her unimaginative under things. She made a mental note to buy something a bit racier when the war was over. For once she wanted to damn the potion for making her so sure she would still want to be with this taciturn, irritable, difficult man when this was all over. And damn it even more for making her love him and accept these parts of him, even as they drove her crazy.
"Why don't we take it together? I heard some Muggles complaining about a drought. We could conserve our natural resources." He came up behind her and set his hands on her hips, then leaned in and touched his lips to a bare spot on her shoulder.
"Somehow I doubt it would actually conserve water if we shared." Certain he had something up his sleeve, she ordered her body not to react to his touch as he kissed her shoulder again, then moved the hair from her neck and worked his lips up to her earlobe. As usual, her body refused to listen when it came to him.
"But it might be enjoyable to give it a try."
Hermione pulled out of his arms and turned to face him. "Go ahead and take the shower if you like; I'll see about breakfast. I haven't seen the house-elf in ages."
"Twinkie's been working on other parts of the estate, but all you have to do is call his name and he'll come take care of anything you like. I think he's actually offended you haven't had any chores for him to do yet." His hands worked up to the ties at her waist and loosened them so he could slide his hands against her skin.
It took great self control to nudge him away. It was rare her husband tried his hand at seduction, but she didn't want to get wrapped up in that right now. "I didn't realize this cottage was part of an estate. I thought the elf only belonged to this cottage."
"This is a remote corner of the estate. I believe the cottage once belonged to a caretaker of some kind. Perhaps once the war is won you'll be interested in taking a tour." He pushed the robe from her shoulders.
"Severus, I don't think this is the right time—"
"It's always the right time, my dear." He dropped his head and placed his open mouth on that one sensitive spot beneath her collar bone.
"You wouldn't say that if we were at the Weasleys'." Her eyes were all but crossed with the effort to resist the pull of the enchantment.
He dropped his hands and backed off. "Now you've killed the mood. What was the point of bringing up the Weasleys?"
"We need to talk." She picked up her robe from the floor and tied it around her again. "Twinkie."
"You called, ma'am?" The house-elf winked into existence before her.
"Could you put some breakfast on the table? Severus will need something substantial. I'd prefer a lighter breakfast."
"Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am." The house-elf grinned and winked away again.
"I'm such a hypocrite, using a house-elf." Hermione ran a hand through her tangles and sighed. "Look, you were right. I was wrong. I won't have any more solitary lunches with old flames. I'll try and consider how my behavior might affect your standing with the Dark Lord, but you'll have to explain in more detail what's going on. I need to understand the danger you're in, the part I need to play."
"It's all forgiven, Hermione. I know you saw your error." He stepped forward again, but she held out a hand to stop him, narrowing her eyes at him.
"It's all forgiven? Just like that? No discussion. No explanation. No apologies?" She knew it was him, and she knew he wasn't under the Imperius Curse—she could sense various levels of emotion from him—something she didn't get when he was being controlled by that woman earlier in the summer. But she sensed there was a little more to the situation than he was letting on.
"I have made mistakes of my own, things you have forgiven me for readily. You put up with my bitter nature, me pushing you away, and you never complain. The time will come when you may have cause to be angry with me, and I thought to give myself a bargaining chip." He smirked as though he was joking with her, but she sensed that he was partly truthful.
Hermione recalled those potions she had ingested. He still hadn't told her what they were, and she hadn't noticed any difference since she took them. "So, totally selfish reasons for forgiving me, huh?"
"Absolutely selfish. I am not a nice or forgiving man by nature. You should know that." He slid his arms around her waist again, pulling her close. "But I see the advantage for both of us in kissing and making up." He then put it into practice.
After debating for a moment, she decided to pick it apart later. For now she gave herself up to the pleasure of being in his arms.