Title: The Forgotten – Memories and Love
Chapter 9: Too late
Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou
Written by: Lisse08
A/N This is not beta readed. I will reupload it in future...
Xx Yuuri xX
I'm always smiling for you.
I'm smiling for you to be happy.
I'm always waiting for you.
I'm waiting for you to turn back to look at me.
All our memories, I still treasure them like gold.
For it's impossible to erase you from my mind.
Even if it hurts me,
Even if it tears my heart apart,
Even if you are no longer with me,
My heart is still for you.
Forever and Ever.
Only for you.
My wimp…
Yuuri stared at the page again. There were traces of marks which looked like tears on the paper. Hands trembling, Yuuri flipped over to the second page, these handwritings definitely belonged to Wolfram, and it did not took Yuuri long to figure out that he was actually reading Wolfram's personal diary. Somewhere in his mind, he could hear Wolfram protesting, shouting at Yuuri to close his diary, nevertheless, Yuuri dismissed the thought and proceeded to the second page. He needed to find out what was going on.
He promised me that I could go back to my time the next time when I closed my eyes, but he did not send me back… Shinou… No matter how many times I called Shinou, his voice never appeared again. I'm so lonely now. I know, Yuuri might have been back to his time already, whereas me… why me? Why am I the only one stuck here? I try to ask Ulrike about it, I remembered, she was so scared of me, since my whole body seemed to be emitting the fire. I can't control it… but it's true, Ulrike said that Shinou denied about it, he said that it wasn't his works.
Yuuri's eyes had widened in shock at the words. His mind raced. 'What happened? Why wasn't he sent back?' He turned the page and read.
I tried everything that I could. I prayed, I shouted his name for countless time. I did everything for Shinou to appear again. But they are all useless. I'm really defeated because if this is really going to continue, no one, I mean NO ONE, will remember that old memories, where Yuuri and Wolfram were the royal couple. I'm all alone.
"NO." He felt himself saying. Goosebumps were erecting up throughout his arms, neck and all the way to his spine.
'What does that mean?'
He stared down again at the foreign words. 'What does THIS mean?? What do you mean Wolfram stayed back? He wasn't transferred back?
Didn't that "Yuuri" said that both of them will be sent back together, and that Wolfram will not remember anything? Wait… did he even mention that BOTH of them will be sent back?'
"You wouldn't trick me, right?"
He turned the page, his mind still racing.
When I woke up this morning, I greeted Yuuri in the study room, where Yuuri and brothers were discussing about restless and attacks from the human.
Being Yuuri, he was strongly against the war with human. Brother was treating him like an immature kid, and he made some stupid signals to Brother Conrad (Yuuri noticed wolfram cancelled the word 'Sir Weller' before deciding to rewrite it as Brother Conrad), and turned, intending to leave the room. The next moment, he was stunned. I remembered. It's Anisinna who wanted to test her experiment using Brother as guinea pig… So, we introduced Anisinna to Yuuri…
Yuuri scanned down the page.
Night… it's night again. I hate night. Yuuri had gone with Brother Conrad and Gwendal to retain the demon sword "Morgif". I did not follow… I still could not act like myself. Yuuri did not seem to remember anything about our encounter that night. I am hurt. I can't bear it when I'm around Yuuri, there are countless times when I wanted to call his name, or even 'wimp', but there's no point in doing so. I have no right in calling his name, not when I'm only his advisor, his subordinator and his follower. I must get used to the calling "heika", if Brother Conrad can do it, I can too.
Damn it. Did I have to endure all these nights without Yuuri? Did I have to repeat these four years of living in pain? Why are you torturing me?
"No… He really did stay back? He…"
Tears were falling down from his cheeks silently. How is this possible? To think that he himself had skidded through all those years, without needing to repeat anything, or experiencing any sadness and pain again in this world, where as Wolfram… He… his consciousness, his soul, his mind, was forced to go through these four years, waiting in pain and enduring all the hardships alone.
Yuuri closed his eyes. 'Where was me when Wolfram is here? Swimming through the universe? Waiting for the right time to come and made my appearance again? What happened? Didn't you say you will send us back and altered our memories? Well, not "our", but Wolfram's. But why are you making the matter worse?'
He skipped a few pages, determined to find more details.
I don't want to forget the memories. We were once together, Yuuri. Even if you don't remember them, I remember. I can still remember nearly every single journey we shared. I must record them. I don't want them to be forgotten. As days go by, my old memories seemed to be disappearing very fast. Is it a side effect? It might be. After all, those memories don't exist here. They don't belong to here. I'm afraid one day, when I awoke, I will no longer remember anything of our pass. I don't want that, which is why, I decided, to write down every single memories that I remember here before they disappeared completely from my mind. Even if this day really did come, I won't be afraid. At least, you, my diary, will remember them, and you will bear witness to these memories.
"Wolfram… I can't imagine what kind of loneliness you're going through. It must be agonizing." He closed his eyes.
He could visualize Wolfram sitting on the table writing all these words and crying. He turned and flipped through the diary. Each of the pages recorded the journeys and feelings of Wolfram from the first memories that Yuuri had. Those images were flowing into his mind too at the same time when he was reading them. He had had no idea to what extent had Wolfram valued those memories before this. His heart screamed in agony as he realized how much he had hurt his fiancé all these years. Strange lumps were starting to bulb in his throat. He was having difficulties to control his unshed tears as he stopped on one page.
Elizabeth was going to deliver her finishing blow. I braced myself for it. After all, I did not want Yuuri to get hurt in this fight. To my surprise, Yuuri stepped in. The blow hit on him, I was so worried about him, but luckily, he had turned into the maou. He wanted us to apologize to each other. What a laugh… I thought he was going to punish us.
He woke up in Elizabeth's lap. Why is it not me who's taking care of Yuuri before he awoke? I remembered, last time, when he woke up in my lap, he ran away from me like he had just seen a ghost. So, I decided to leave him to Elizabeth… When he woke up, he said something that broke my heart completely and even now I still remembered every word by heart.
'I must have lost. As promised, he will be your fiancé from today onwards, please take care of him.'
It hurts me, to see Yuuri did not take into serious considerations of the engagement. He didn't even hesitate when he said these words. I was denied again. He tried to cheat on me, meeting a girl in secret behind me. If it wasn't for my followers, if I didn't come back in time, then he would have… I planned to kill him on my way back to the castle. I could not forgive Yuuri if he cheated on me. I was surprised, of course, to see that the girl was Elizabeth. I felt sorry for Elizabeth; she waited for my love that will never come. My heart is all for Yuuri. Why did I give Elizabeth the slap? It was unintended… I was just trying to slap a butterfly… unintended…
So, that's what you mean by unintended?
You're always protesting that our engagement is a mistake. It sure is, even for me, I totally could not accept it when you slapped me. I was so shocked. At that moment, what I think of was my ego. How would people think when they know that Lord Wolfram is engaged to Maou by accident? I could not imagine that I was engaged to a guy who I loathed so much. Loathe… he looked like a wimp who wasn't capable to rule our world. Who would imagine that I will fall for him? Why did I fall for him? I would never be hurt so much if I never fall in love with him.
Yuuri bit down his lower lips to keep them from quivering but it was a fruitless attempt. He let his fingers trailed over the words and heavy liquids dropped onto the page following his trail. Has he known that Wolfram was suffering so much because of his doubts, would he have just pull off the engagement even earlier? Will he then realize his love for Wolfram even earlier??
His visions were blurring in and our as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. He couldn't look at those words anymore. He couldn't bring out any strength to look at them. Remorse was all over him. More tears gushed over to his eyes as another question formed in his mind.
After all these sufferings that he had inflicted on Wolfram, will he still be able to bring him back?
With each of the pages that Yuuri turned, the light that he saw ever since he reunited with Wolfram after the break up was slowly diminishing.
As he came to the last page of the diary, he noticed something strange about the entries. The dates of the entries were mostly written three years ago. There is a huge gap at where the middle of the years, Wolfram seemed to have abandoned the writing, and the last few pages of the diary were dated this year.
Yuuri gulped, he looked around the room to make sure that he was alone, and then he looked down again to read.
Only one memory left. How sad, isn't it?
How long has it been since I come here? Four years… I really endure it through all these years. I'm glad I'm still in one piece. But things changed. Sometimes, things just aren't the same compared to my previous one. When will this last piece disappear? Before it was gone, are you going to give me your answer?
I can't believe after you —
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??"
Yuuri visibly jumped a foot from his seat in shock. The diary slipped from his sweaty hand and dropped onto the ground. He looked up to the door and met the emerald eyes. It was fuming with anger.
"Wolfram, I…" Yuuri flinched. He looked down on the diary and up to Wolfram again, who was now storming over. Yuuri reflexively took a step back. At the moment, he was afraid that Wolfram might release his fire beast and attacked him for intruding his personal secret. His heart beat as he saw Wolfram bent down and picked up the diary.
"What do you think you're doing here in my room?" Wolfram repeated again and stared into the king's eyes, his tone impassive. Yuuri hesitated before he decided to go with the truth.
"I was running away from Gunter, I just happened to bang in here by accident…" Yuuri said.
"Accident?" Wolfram sneered at the word. He held the diary up, now gazing at it.
"If you have nothing to say, get out of here,"
"Wolfram, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
"Yes, I know. You didn't mean it. Get out of here before I changed my mind to barbecue you."
Yuuri gulped. He thought he should be relieved that Wolfram's temper had changed a little. Well, just a little. And it hit him.
"Wolfram, you still has them, didn't you? I…" 'I can't just say I saw it in your diary' "…found out that you did. About our previous memories."
Wolfram frowned at him.
"No, I don't understand what you're talking about."
"But…"
"What previous memories? I don't get you. Now, OUT!!" Wolfram barked and raised his arm, pointing his finger at the door. Yuuri was shocked but at the same time, having doubts about Wolfram's words. There's just no way would he forget what he had written, right? He searched on the prince's features; attempting to find some signs that contradicts with his own words. The results yield none; his eyes were only full of rage, real rage. Something beneath his sleeves caught Yuuri's eyes. Yuuri squirmed. There were stiff turban of bandages…
"What happened to you arm?"
Yuuri looked saw a look of mingled surprise and exasperation before Wolfram features distorted into something even uglier. Yuuri knew he had seen this face before. It was the very same one as the night when he slapped Wolfram.
"OUT!!" Wolfram yelped.
This time, Yuuri acknowledged it. He couldn't afford to get Wolfram angrier, fearing that Wolfram might do something that would seriously harm him. He scurried out the room without hesitations.
Closing the door behind him, his eyes did the same, diminishing all the light in front of him. But, no matter how he did, he could not remember what caused the injuries on Wolfram's arm. Instead, he felt himself being pulled back from the reality, away from Wolfram's furiousness, away from the thoughts, away from everything, until only the words in the diary drifted through his world.
Only one memory left. How sad, isn't it?
When will this last piece disappear?
"Does this mean something…?"
Wolfram, did you really forget everything about me? Is it…
Xxxx Wolf xxxX
Wolfram's shoulders were trembling in fury. He couldn't control them. Anger was boiling inside his body furiously, making him unable to think.
As another wave of anger swept through him, his grip onto the diary tightened. Within moments, the diary burst into flames, turning into ashes. He took in deep breathes and closed his emerald eyes, wanting to calm himself down. But the words that he had written in the last page of that diary were still burning into his inner eyes. His knuckles were turning even whiter.
I can't believe after you gave me this hope, you rejected me again.
Are you just using me?
The kiss that you gave me, what does it mean to you?
Do you mean it when you said you love me?
I guess not…
You're taking way too long to figure out your feelings. My feelings for you… there are not just love anymore. Hatred had born. Somewhere in my inner heart, I hate you. Even though they aren't strong enough to overpower my love for you, but who knows after tonight, after I made up my decisions… if I decided to accept Tesca…
What are you going to do?
He opened his eyes in shock and shifted his gaze to see that the canvass was revealed. The Yuuri that he had drawn was looking up at him as if sneering and reminding himself of how foolish he was. His heart raced while he forcefully inhaled again.
"Damn that wimp! To all the spirits who are affiliated with flame; obey this distinguished Mazoku." The canvas met the same fate as the diary, lying side by side with it. His eyes continued to stare at his artworks. He was too angry that he didn't realize tears had traced down his own cheeks.
'I had decided to let go of you, Yuuri. There's nothing that will change my mind about it.'
It is…
Xxxx Yuuri xxxX
Too late? Because now, I truly realized that I…
Xxxx Wolf xxxX
Too late… Because now, it seems really clear to me that I…
Xxxx Yuuri xxxX
Love you…
Xxxx Wolf xxxX
Hate you…
Xxxx Yuuri xxxX
"No, I don't understand what you're talking about."
"I don't get you. Now, OUT!!"
If what you said back then were true… I don't wish to admit it… please don't tell me that…
Xxxx Wolf xxxX
"Wolfram, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
"What happened to you arm?"
I can't believe it! How can you forget what you had done?? If you really did mean those words, then, I guessed…
Xxxx Yuuri & Wolf xxxX
It is too late for me (you) to apologize…
A/N
I received reviews saying that there's too much angst focusing on Wolfram's. Thanks for these reviewers! I will try to decrease them, and avert them to Yuuri's. Don't worry, it's not going to be so easy for Yuuri to get him back. Ops.. I sounded like an evil woman. XD Anyway,
Chapter 10… Angel vs. Fiancé…
While Wolfram addressed Yuuri as his fiancé, Yuuri addressed Wolfram as... angel...?
What happened?