Dear Nicholas,
You may never want to speak to me again after you read this, but remember that I love you. Every single time I said those three words I meant it. I really do love you, Nicky. You aren't only my boyfriend, but you're my bestfriend, too. Which is why I'll understand if you never want to see my face again, but remember each time you said the words back too. Because it takes two people to fall in love.
Anyways, to the point of hate. Please understand. I've been a horrible girlfriend, terrible. I've been keeping a secret. Not a little one either, a big one. I've been hiding half of my life from you. But before I tell you, know that I didn't keep this from you because I didn't trust you. I do trust you, with all my heart. I kept this from you, because I didn't want to lose you. You might say that you wouldn't, and maybe you're telling the truth, but at my old school I had so many people leave me because of it that I couldn't take you leaving me too. I kept it from you because I love you.
Anyways, I suppose I'm babbling now. The truth is, there is a little girl named Caitlin that is my life. I love her to death, and I really wouldn't give her up for the world. I have a daughter, Nick. I know that you probably hate me now. It's expected, don't worry. I've adapted to the fact that once people know they automatically don't like you. They don't want to hear the rest of the story, they don't care about the rest. All that matters is that I gave life.
But please Nick, as a favor to me, don't tell. I love her, and I love you. I told you because I trust you with this. If you do tell, I'm afraid to say that you'll also lose my trust, and whatever feelings we may have shared will be nothing. I guess that isn't much of a threat anymore though. Still, if you are going to tell, just remember every 'I love you' you told me too. Because you always said it back.
I know that you are mad and I can kind of see why, but if you're going to yell at me, do it over the phone, or IM, or anything but in person. I can't bare to see the damage I've caused, the relationship that I ruined. Because this is all my fault and I realize it.
Remember though, I love you. I love you with all my heart, and always will. Nothing can change that. Even if you're the biggest jerk to me, at this point in my life I don't think it's possible for me to ever get rid of these feelings I have of you. If you insult me, I'll think back to that time you called me beautiful. If you say you hate me, I'll remember the last kiss we had. Even if I'm only living on memories, I'll remember. Because... I love you.
Always.
xo,
Miley Ray
There were tearstains on the paper and it was no doubt that Miley spent time on this. She didn't want to hurt him, but she hated secrets, and this one couldn't be kept from him much longer anyways. Sighing, he crumpled the paper, stuffing it in his drawer beside him. It would cause too much pain to read it again. There were tears coming down his face now too. It was midnight and all because of that letter he couldn't get to sleep. Slowly, he picked up the phone. It was time to call her.
She would be up at midnight, she almost always was. He punched in the numbers one by one, then as he was about to press the green key to call her, he held down the red one, shutting off his phone, watching the animation play before the screen went black. He couldn't yell at her even if he wanted to. But right now, he couldn't exactly forgive her either. He was in between.
Before he knew it his alarm went off, buzzing loudly by his side. He huffed, getting ready, moping. Today would be a dull, lifeless day. He would see Miley, he would see her eyes silently studying him, he would be the one to completely end things. Today would not be a good day at all.
-xox-
Miley picked at her food, not knowing what exactly to expect. She was sure that he would be mad at her, it was the amount of angst in him she wondered about. She walked to the corner slower, more nervous than normal that day. Looking up at Nick for at least a little bit of comfort she only got the shake of a head. His lips were in a straight line and honestly, they both looked terrible from their sleepless night.
They walked to school next to each other but not a word was said. Nick's face was kept straight, no emotion being displayed. He wasn't one to yell, in fact some wondered if he ever did. Still, when Miley looked at him she saw the anger boiling – she felt it radiating off of his body. Noah came up giving her a hug while Miley stayed strong, giving her a hug and kiss on the forehead with a smile. Inside she felt like she was ready to crumble any moment.
"I can't believe you did this," he whispered before slipping in the school door. It didn't matter, because she heard it. The pure hate in his voice, the way he said it made her sound horrible. Like some hot sauce that has been poured on your tongue and all you want right then is water to was the flavor away but you can't find any. She was nothing more to him than a simple condiment in a feast.
She looked down, tears building in her eyes. She refused to let them fall though, she was much stronger than that. Crying was weakness. She went to her locker in silence, he went his separate way. Already it was different today. There was a shadow cast on the whole school. There was no Smiley Miley, there was no 'Niley', there wasn't even a Miley. She was more like a zombie mourning over what she had lost, it was like she died. Then, when you rethink everything that had happened, in a way, she did.
-xox-
"C'mon man, why'd you guys break up?" Troy asked for the billionth time that day on their way to lunch.
"I guess she wasn't the girl I thought she was," he said uncomfortably, still in disbelief himself. Silently he was pleading with God for his alarm to go off, or someone to come up and say 'haha, funny joke, right?'. At least then it wouldn't be true. "She was living off a lie. She screwed things up, okay? We're done, over, no more. Can we drop it?"
"But, you love her. Dude, you can't just be over," he protested.
"Apparently we can and we are," he grumbled. Nick would never admit it, but he missed her already. He would get over her, though. Then it would be as it should be. They'd be out of each others lives, and both be happier. They couldn't just work through this an make it all okay again. This was a big issue, she kept the fact that she gave birth, that she was not a virgin. She lost his trust, her entire story was a lie, her life was a lie. So, he had to ask, who exactly was she?
-xox-
Miley walked through the hallways of the last period, the words Nick said earlier still zooming through her head. Did he really hate her that much, that glint in his eyes. It was inclined to her brain.
She walked out of the school, ready to go pick up Noah and Frankie. She was already running late and she knew that Nick wouldn't dare wait for her in her spot, therefore leaving school alone, figuring he was probably there anyways. Miley walked across the lawn, finding Nick where the two of them always stood. Keeping her distance she stood next to him appearing that they were still going strong to Noah and Frankie when in reality they were at their weakest point.
He looked over at her once with a cold stare. She was fumbling with her fingers but was still able to feel his eyes casting down on her; she didn't meet them. She was too afraid of the penetrating glare they may hold. He hated her! She hated to believe it, but now was the time she had to start facing the truth. The truth was she was a sixteen year old girl with a three year old daughter, the one who she was in love with did indeed hate her, and that she needs to grow up. High school would be over in the blink of an eye and she'd be out in the real world, not stuck in this little drama affair they call high school.
She thought back on all of the drama she had been through in both schools. In eighth grade when she was pregnant with people staring at her backstabbing her she didn't feel this bad. She couldn't blame anyone for the way she felt, though. This was all her fault, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for her. Then, she thought over that thought and realized at least part of it did happen, at least she found out what love is. She would rather love once, get heartbroken, and lose the chance she had, than never even getting the chance.
At least she loved once, even if she would never be in love again. She was sure that she wouldn't be. After meeting Nick, standards were set too high for any man to compare. She had already been asked out again today once people found out she was once again a single lady – by a junior. She said no, made an excuse as to why, then went on with her miserable day. He was no Nick Gray. Nick Gray was the one she would love – the only one that had enough of her to make – or in this case break – her.
BLAH! ha[; i liked the letter part, but once the school day part started I'm not so sure. I already have the rest of this planned out, so I'm thinking of it only having four, maybe five more chapters after this? What do you think? Reviews would be nice ;D
ps, you guys are AMAZING! every review makes me smile [; keep them coming. each person who does review is absolutely awesome, and my new bestfriend [;
kay, enough of the gushy moment. who saw all the niley moments recently? i loved them [; haha, what did you think? if you want to talk tell me, i love talking about that stuff. ;D
revieeeewwwww ;D