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Chapter Seventeen

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Spencer was left shaken and stirred after what she'd seen in the locker rooms that afternoon. It actually made her think about a lot. For one thing, seeing Kyla and Carmen like that really felt like the sum of a query, like the crowning piece had been placed on a reasonably difficult puzzle. Suddenly all that she knew of those two girls made sense. Their closeness, the way they were always with each other, how tactile they seemed to be with each other, never really made sense. Now it did. The fact that someone as normal as Carmen was so close with someone as distant and morose as Kyla now made sense. The idea of Kyla coming to all Carmen's soccer matches just to watch her play, even when she didn't like the sport, now made sense. They were a couple.

At first Spencer couldn't help but mentally reprimand them for being stupid enough to do something like that in a public area, and in SCHOOL of all places. There was no excuse for doing something that thoughtless. Of course she blushed with embarrassment and guilt when she recalled Ashley fucking her in her car a while back, but that was different. That was done in an empty car park. Even the times Ashley kissed her in public were paltry in comparison to what Carmen and Kyla did. But when she got past that in her thinking Spencer suddenly started thinking and seeing this in a new light. There was another gay couple in Alderson High.

It was the kind of thing you often wondered about when you were a sexual minority in high school. If other people were feeling what you were feeling, thinking what you were thinking, aching with the same aches. You might just bump into a crowd of trendies and hear them debate who was hotter, Brad Pitt or Matt Damon, and just think, in less profane terms; "who the fuck really gave a shit?". You might think, ever so privately, was there someone amongst them that wasn't buying into it? Was there someone amongst them that wasn't thinking about chest hair or six-packs or (God forbid) a penis? That was the secret dream of all high school closet-huggers; to accidentally stumble upon another closet-hugger. Because of that Spencer could not help but feel somewhat... excited. Sapphic existence wasn't her burden alone -- there were others she now knew of that had the same albatross. It was like being stranded on a desert island only to find someone else had managed to survive the plane crash.

But Spencer hadn't stamped her ass on a goldmine. She knew that because it wasn't really about her. It was about Carmen and Kyla. They probably didn't want anyone else involved in their business. You couldn't blame them for that. She herself had no delusions about whispering her relationship with Ashley, not even to Nicole, not yet. How would she even tell Carmen and Kyla that she knew their secret? "Hey girls, I was passing by the lockers one day and I accidentally caught the pair of you offloading on each other. Wanna hang?". It was ridiculous. At best she'd sound like a voyeur and at worst (if she mentioned Ashley) she'd sound like a swinger. She didn't even know how to react the next time she saw them and it soon dawned on Spencer that she couldn't say anything to them or anyone else about what she'd seen. It was nobody else's business nor was it her own -- the least she could do was kept it to herself for now.

Spencer spent all the lessons after lunch thinking about that. By the time the last lesson of the day, Cultural Studies with Mr. Stephens, was rolling along to its end, it was still the dominant thought in her head. Then the bell rang. Nicole (who was beside her) and everyone else started to gather their things together to leave. Spencer followed suit of course. Then when she and Nicole walked to the door, Mr. Stephens called out to the blonde;

"Spencer? Can I speak to you for a moment?"

Both girls halted but couldn't say what it was about it, automatically wondering if Spencer were in trouble. She was never in trouble. In fact not once in Spencer's life could she recall being given as little as detention. But when they came up to the pine wood of his desk it was clear that she wasn't in trouble, if the smile on his face said anything about it.

"Mr. Stephens?" She uttered tentatively.

"Do you remember that Existentialism report you turned in?" He said that as he brandished a folder Spencer silently realized was her own. She actually didn't remember it, but with all the things that had been going on in her life, her schoolwork was at best a distraction.

"Did I screw up...?" Questioned Spencer.

Mr. Stephens shook his head. "Not at all. It was fine. Problem is, you ended up mixing some kind of... story of yours with it."

At that point he shuffled out a second sleeve from underneath that folder with his thumb. Spencer flushed and Nicole gazed at the offending narrative when the teacher pushed the work into the blonde's hands.

"I hope you don't mind but I ended up reading it," he admitted with a sheepish smile. "I thought it was an essay but by the time I realized it wasn't I was hooked."

If embarrassment was something you could die from then Spencer surely would have dropped cold right there and then. How stupid could she have been to mix up her stories with her schoolwork? Before anything though she was quick to check what story it was. It was something she'd written a few months ago, a flowery novella called The Endlessness of her Chaos; a story set in Paris during the French Revolution, written in the form of a series of letters exchanged between a middle-aged woman called Amelia (whose husband had been dragged into the army by the levee en masse) and her childhood friend (whose own husband had been imprisoned on suspicion of being a counter-revolutionary). There was nothing lesbian or lesbian-tinged in it, thank God, just a recycling of certain feelings of animosity Spencer had at America right now. The idea of Amelia's husband being forced to fight was a reference to the way she felt about the Iraq War, just as the false accusation of the friend's husband was Spencer's attack on what she perceived of today's discriminatory Republican patriotism.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Stephens," Spencer muttered softly. "I really didn't mean to do that..."

The older one smiled. "Don't be sorry, Spencer. That story was amazing."

"Huh?"

"I'm serious. The characterization, the exposition, the cunning way you manipulated that plot twist, you know the one about the cousin who died of cholera? I thought that was excellent. And you certainly have a beautiful manner of writing. A bit florid, maybe, and I'd certainly tone down on the adjectives a bit, but... I was really impressed."

Nicole gave her a smile and a nudge. "Wow, Spencer."

"It... it was nothing. I'm still not very good." She blushed.

"That piece begs to differ, Kiddo," Mr. Stephens said, grinning. "In fact... I had a little brainstorm when I finished it. Feel free to think about it, but... have you considered joining Miss Gilbertson's Creative Writing class? I think it's the perfect place for you."

This was all coming out of nowhere so she couldn't really come up with an answer on the spot. She was discomfited enough just knowing that Mr. Stephens had read her work. So her response to his suggestion was in fact reflective of that reality; "I'll uh... I'll have to think about it."

"Oh. Okay, well, you go ahead and think about it, and if you do decide to join her class, I guarantee she'd be over the moon to have you there."

Spencer pondered the idea of joining this creative writing class on her way out. But once they stepped out into the corridor Nicole snatched up the copy of The Endlessness of her Chaos and flicked nosily through its pages. Then the second Spencer tried to take it back Nicole pulled it further from her.

"Uh huh!" Said the girl from Utah. "You can't get it back until I read it!"

Spencer pouted. "Nicole!"

"Look, if this is as good as Mr. Stephens says it is then I've gotta read it. You might get a book deal one day, blow up, and suddenly I'll have to pay to read your stuff. Gimme a freebie."

"Nicole, I really don't think I'm comfortable-"

It was all smiles and jokes until Spencer's attention rolled past Nicole's shoulder. When she noticed Spencer's distraction her own smile faded and she turned around to see what was so interesting. However the brunette's face twisted into one of irritation when she saw the focus. It was Ashley, standing just a short ways behind the pair. All three girls fell silent for a moment, ignoring the movements and loudness of the kids around them in that hallway. Nicole didn't stay quiet for very long though.

"What the hell do you want?" She barked.

Ashley puffed out breath a second, as if to calm herself. She stole a fleeting glance from Spencer, who knew full well what this was about (and who also knew that it was long overdue). The bad blood had to stop. Ashley swallowed down the last of her pride on this matter and said solemnly, "I'm not looking for a fight."

"Then what are you looking for?"

"I, uh..." It took a moment for her to get the words out, but in time... "I wanted to apologize for... what I said about your Dad a while back. That was a really shitty thing to do. I was going through a rough patch and I took it out on you and... it wasn't right. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Nicole was visibly taken aback. She clearly didn't see that one coming. Spencer on the other hand couldn't have been prouder. By looking at Ashley she could see that the Italian girl wasn't completely comfortable doing this, but she did it anyway, only because she wanted to make Spencer happy. That really made a world of difference to her. And Spencer had to admit that it was not the worst thing in the world to see Ashley chasten herself every once in a while.

Ashley extended to Nicole her hand. "How about it?"

There was still some reluctance on Nicole's part. You couldn't blame her. The last time these two had come face to face they had tried to tear strips out of each other. But she did end up shaking that hand. Ashley and Nicole locked eyes as they shook, conveying something to each other that Spencer couldn't quite read at that point. She'd one day realize just what that look meant -- that the only reason either of them tried to bury the hatchet was because it was important to Spencer -- and for no other reason. What Spencer did know was that these two still didn't like one another very much. But it was going to be a personal quest of hers to get them to warm up to each other.

"Spencer," Nicole began. "I've gotta run. I'm supposed to meet my Mom later on. Are you okay here?"

"I'm fine. You go. Have fun."

"Okay. I'll catch you later then," Nicole tersely glanced at Ashley. "Seeya."

The older one just gave her a nod. Then the Milligan girl went about her business and calmly everyone forgot that she still had Spencer's story in her hand. But that was probably the furthest thing from Spencer's mind right now. All she could do was smile appreciatively at Ashley, a smile so strong she could barely begin to wipe it off her face. The fact that Ashley had done this was so much of a relief to Spencer but in more than one way. Now she didn't have to walk on hot coals every time Ashley and Nicole ran into each other. Better still, she learned that Ashley was prepared to listen to her, to give something back, to make an effort for their burgeoning relationship. Part of the problem before was that it felt like Ashley wasn't hearing her or wasn't even willing to. That wasn't the case anymore.

So she did the first thing it occurred to her to do. She compelled Ashley to follow her to the thankfully empty toilets down the corridor. They got into the first empty stall they came across and locked its door. Once they were safe Spencer clasped Ashley by the softness of her cheeks, leaned up on her tip-toes and swiftly pressed their lips together. Maybe she was somewhat influenced by what she'd seen of Carmen and Kyla, maybe it was because she was so damn proud of Ashley, maybe it was because things seemed to be getting better in her life; she couldn't say -- but it was at once the most passionate kiss Spencer had ever initiated. It was made all the more luxurious when she heard Ashley whimper with longing frailty, something she hadn't heard from her in while. As they kissed Ashley's hands automatically found themselves at Spencer's waist to be poised on both hips and they remained like that for many a blissful moment, until the one where a now breathless Spencer finally pulled back.

"Wow," Ashley whispered, with near Valley Girl dizziness.

Spencer beamed, wrapping her arms around Ashley's neck. "Thank you so much, Ashley."

Yep. Things were finally heading in the right direction.