Title: The Forgotten – Memories and Love

Chapter 20: I will release you

Written by: Lisse08

a/n Merry Christmas to everyone!

Xxxx Wolfram xxxX

His horse galloped as he made his way back to the Blood Pledge Castle. His heart was thumping. He had made up his mind, the one concerning the choice between Tesca and Yuuri. Under any circumstance, he should assume that Yuuri rejected him.

Yuuri will not love him. He should have known it.

I was always planting the hope in you.

The morning sun had not risen yet. It was still hiding itself behind the mountains. Last night, for the first time after the kiss, Wolfram had remembered something else. The tears of sorrow filled his heart as it hit him with the force of a stampeding troll. The memories that shouldn't be here in his mind, the only alive memory that proved that he was Yuuri's fiancé, there was only one left. It was the memory he clung onto the most. A bitter reminder of why he was here. It was the saddest one out of all the recollections. If this was gone, he supposed, he would not remember anything at all.

I was always hoping that you'll change your view towards me.

Wolfram pulled the rein of the horse and skidded to a halt in front of the castle. Leading the horse back to its stables, he led his way to his own chamber. There are things that he needed to take care of. If he had to be specified, it would be things that he needed to get rid of.

I gave you all these chances…

The morning sun peeked out from its hide-out, stretching its ray out through the blue sky.

He stared down at the diary he had been writing all these years and sighed deeply. He couldn't remember anything about these memories. Bearing only with the thought that "Yuuri was his fiancé", he was aware that all these memories belonged to him. If it wasn't for this fact that lingered along with that last memory, he would have…

"Wolfram… I'm sorry. If this is really the past, I will not slap you again."

"I'm not going to propose to you"

"Why don't you dare to look at me?"

He shut his ears, as if by doing so, he would not hear anything. This was the one. This was the only alive memory that stayed within him from his past life. He closed his eyes too to prevent the tears from forming. He didn't want to see these tears ever again. Not due to this hurt at least. He had cried for this pain for too long. His heart was tired. He was tired of waiting for the love that never came.

Only to have myself getting hurt

Even if they had technically started over, Yuuri still wouldn't accept him.

Even if Yuuri was given a second chance, third chance, fourth chance, he still wouldn't love him.

Again, again and again…

"May be I did love you."

'Liar…'

"Could you wait until I sort out my feelings?"

"Wolf, I'm only asking you to give me some time. I'm not pushing you away."

"No, Wolf. We don't need to stay away from each other. I really like you."

"LIAR!"

He dropped down onto his knees and felt the tears he had failed to suppress dropped down too at the same time. He didn't know now, whether if he loved or hated Yuuri.

Now,

This time, it took him merely a few minutes to regain his manner and get to his feet. His gaze moved towards the portrait of Yuuri at the wall. Slowly, he hoisted his chair over under the picture. He stood onto the chair so that his level was equal to it. Fumbling with the frame behind the picture, he finally got it detached from the wall and took it down with casualty. He knew, his tears were still dropping, one by one, as he looked at the picture of Yuuri. He settled the picture down beside his table.

The smell of the paint was long gone.

My confidence was long gone.

He pulled out an old cloth from under his bed and draped it over the picture, covering his sadness, covering everything.

I had learnt finally, Yuuri…

He closed the diary on his table and put it over onto the bookshelf, where right next to it, the winter hat remained.

'I will come back later to get rid of this.' He swore to himself.

To never believe your words

He pulled out his uniform from the wardrobe and took off his commoner clothes. He was ready to wear it when something caught his eyes. He stared into the reflection of him in the mirror. The scar was there on his fair skin, the place where Shinou took his key from. Donning on the shirt, he looked back into the mirror.

'That 'Yuuri' still had not come back…'

He bit down his lips and watched as they turned slightly paled at his act. He ran his finger up the reflection to take a look at his own features. He looked pathetic. Shaking his head, he turned aside.

'Why should I care about it…?'

For you had completely crushed my trust

Xxxx Wolf xxxX

Wolfram walked out his room after his change of uniform and headed towards the study chamber, where his brother was waiting.

"Wolfram, you're back." Gwendal said as he lifted up his head when the door flung open after a knock.

"Yes, Brother," Wolfram answered. Gwendal studied his brother for awhile, and decided not to question him for now. Remembering the angry face of the king, he said again.

"Go and wake up the king."

"Huh?" Wolfram blinked at his brother. He never called him to wake up the king; it was always Gunter or Conrad. So, why now? Not when after that king had done something like that to him.

"I said, go and wake up the king." Gwendal repeated with a firm and strong tone. Wolfram sighed. As much as he hated (or loved) Yuuri right now, he could not disobey his brother. He nodded, bowed and went out the room.

'Thanks me, heika. I'm giving you the chance to talk with my little brother.' Gwendal thought as he continued to read the paper, which was supposed to be done by the Maou. He groaned. 'Why am I always helping him doing all these jobs?'

Wolfram stormed down the corridor and headed towards the king's chamber. His heart thumped as he neared it. The previous memories relating to this place wasn't a good one. Indeed, any memory related to this chamber was not a great one for him. Gently he knocked on the wooden door. 'Get out, wimp.'

He cringed at the thought. 'Why am I still calling him wimp…? We're not lover anymore…' He lifted his hand up. He did not know what he was doing. It was his reflex that ceased him from further knocking when the door swung open unexpectedly.

"Wolfram!" Wolfram flinched inwardly at his name. 'This wimp was a lot energetic than I thought. Why he wasn't avoiding me like usual…? In fact…' Wolfram smiled brightly at his king and gave a bow.

"Heika, you are up quite early today. Please prepare yourself for the breakfast; after that, you need to go for your inspections on the soldiers." 'You look quite good yourself.'

It's time for me…

"Right," He sighed in his heart. 'I don't know what's gotten into you… But it looks like you're still not going to give me anything. I shouldn't be staying here.' Wolfram turned and was ready to walk away when Yuuri stopped him by grabbing his arm. He froze.

"Wait, Wolfram…"

"What is it?" Wolfram tilted his head slightly to look at Yuuri. 'Yuuri…' 'You…'

"Are you engaged?" Wolfram cringed inwardly. But he didn't express it, he shook his head and his lips curled into a smile again. 'Not yet.' 'It seems like a false alarm, huh… Yuuri, that's it… I had come down to a decision… I will…'

"Do you… do you remember anything? Anything at all about us being engaged?"

"Heika, I did not dare to think about us being engaged."

'I didn't know why you ask this stupid question… For now, I just know… I will…'

"Oh…" Yuuri replied. He slowly released his grip on Wolfram. He felt his heart twisted in pain at that instant. 'Yes, Yuuri… For this, I thank you for doing this… Now, without doubt, I won't hesitate. At the same time when you rejected me… like this…' He stared out of the corner of his eyes as Yuuri's hand dropped down to his side.

'I will… release you…'

To let go of you fully.

Wolfram smiled at him again politely.

'Goodbye, Yuuri.'

He left the room.

Xxxx Wolfram xxxX

Wolfram crossed the garden in a brisk manner.

"Do you… do you remember anything? Anything at all about us being engaged?"

White spots were forming in his sight. It was bothering him. He had a vague idea of what was happening as he slowly walked down the stairs. Why did this sound strange? It didn't look like it is something that will come out from Yuuri? Besides, why did he mention about engagement?

'…?!' Shock paralyzed him.

'That is…. If…'

He shuddered inwardly, his feet giving ways slowly under his weight. Fear engulfed his body.

'If he's not Yuuri but…' his fists were clenched.

'Is it that… you're the one who had just broken off our engagement? Is it that you remembered everything now? Is it that… "you" are back? Now? Only now??'

Even if Yuuri was given a second chance, third chance, fourth chance, he will never love him. In short, he would never ever fall for him.

'It doesn't make any difference… whichever "Yuuri" he is, the results are just going to be the same.'

'I will let go of you, just like how you did to me… the only difference is; you won't feel the sadness and pain that I had gone through, Yuuri.'

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Conrad walking towards him. He was about to call out to his brother asking about something when he felt it. A piece of memory flashed through his mind, followed by the familiar numbness engulfing him. Terrified, he dropped to his knees, holding onto his head.

He saw Conrad running over him, yet he could not hear anything.

The vision in front of him blurred and everything became pitch black.

Few minutes later, Wolfram woke up in his own bedroom. Conrad was sitting beside his bed, a concerned look on his face.

"What happened?" Wolfram asked.

"You fainted again." Conrad said as he tried to put his hand on Wolfram's forehead, only to be slapped away, as always.

"What do you mean by 'again'?" Wolfram shot him a glare while Conrad stared at his brother in shock.

"Wolfram, had you forgotten the last memory too?"

"Amnesia?" Wolfram frowned as he tried to recall what had happened. He was walking through the garden and he had fainted. The reason? He couldn't remember.

"Must be the weather," He mumbled.

"Wolfram?"

"What are you doing in my room, Weller kyo?"

Conrad was taken aback. His eyes saddened. Without another words, he rose from his seat and walked out.

"Sorry to disturb you, I'll see you later at breakfast." Conrad said as he closed the door.

Wolfram had entrusted him with the secret, his darkest secret. To know that he had gained his brother trust, it was more than enough even if he no longer remembered anything. It might be better for him this way; the pain will at least lessen…

Inside the room, Wolfram flung the blanket over his head and buried himself underneath it. Silently, he groped at his memories. Even though he had no idea why he fainted, he still knew the reason why he was so sad. The kiss, the time he had given to the king, the reject, and his marriage, those pains were just enough for him to bear. He had not forgotten his decision despite everything.

Trembling, he grabbed onto the sides of his uniform. The tears were collecting in his eyes. No, he mustn't start now. If he started, he would not be able to stop it. He gripped harder and fought it.

Yuuri didn't say 'don't'…

The words entered his consciousness. As the air of chill and sadness washed over him, he knew it wouldn't be long before he lost the battle.

The hardest of it wasn't my decision to give up on you.

The hardest of them all, was to know that you agreed with me without protest…

… to know that you had given up on me even before I do.

Xxxx Wolfram xxxX

A/N

Chapter 21… Last song: Our pain

Back to present… This is it! It's time for their confrontation.