Title: The Forgotten – Memories and Love

Chapter 21: Last song: Our pain

Disclaimer: I don't own kkm

Written by: Lisse08

A/N Please forgive me for the mistakes. This is a really long chapter. Be prepared! XD and also to fouloldron who has been correcting my mistakes, thanks.

The teenager gathered himself up from the ground. Now that the last piece of the jigsaw was revealed, everything was cleared to him. He felt even more depressed. It was no wonder that Wolfram could not forgive him. It was no wonder that Wolfram was avoiding him ever since he came back. It was no wonder… Everything clicked.

But I ignored my feelings, I rejected him. Again.

Why did he only get back all these long lost memories now? He couldn't understand a thing. That kiss was not the only memory that came back to him. He had some vague images… him sleeping with the blonde, hugging him. God… that was something he wouldn't dare to do last time… and, all these while, he thought Wolfram had never called him by his name or Yuuri. How wrong he was… Wolfram did, but only for a few times.

Why am I always a wimp?

And there was umpteenth time when he felt like protecting his beloved from the (unknown) harm… that (now he understood) was caused by Yuuri himself. He cringed.

Why did I always end up hurting him?

He continued to grope, this time, he must get everything cleared before facing Wolfram again. He had flushed when the bear-hat was tied to his head by Wolfram. 'Boy… Why am I blushing every time when I saw him?' Not to mention when his hand was grabbed by the prince. His heart was palpitating as if he had had a heart attack. And, the brush of their lips while hiding in the bushes, he was stunned for awhile. And, there was time when he was jealous of Conrad, even though it was merely a misunderstanding. The bandages… After Wolfram had chased him out his room when Yuuri questioned about the bandages, he seemed to have totally forgotten about it. And the kiss…

I'm a bastard…

Xxxx Yuuri xxxX

The rest of the fortnight was spent with Yuuri trying to find chances to speak alone with the blonde. But they were all futile. The prince seemed always be able to find a way with someone, specifically, Tesca. Furious, Yuuri could not find any other way. He was vaguely aware that he was running out of time until he spotted one of the maids whispering in the kitchen.

"Ne, it's Friday, right?"

"Oh. You mean the wedding? Yeah."

"Do you think Lord Wolfram will really marry that prince?"

A sigh.

"Personally, I don't think they suit for each other."

"Yuuri heika might be better for him."

"Eh?? You think so too?"

"Hey, who wouldn't notice? They used to be so close to each other. You can see that heika was practically all over him. He might be the only one who's oblivious to his feelings."

"You're right… But why hasn't he acted to make Wolfram stay?"

"Hmm…"

Yuuri did not bother to listen out the rest of the conversation. He had lost tracks of time. He hurriedly scurried away from the place. Friday… Only two days left for him.

Xxxx Yuuri xxxX

Yuuri walked back to his chamber, barely able to make out of what was happening around him. Pushing the door aside, he headed towards his table. He pulled out the drawer and rummaged through them, until a blank memo caught hold of his eyes.

For a moment, his eyes fixed at the whitish page, not moving anywhere. His mind drifted away aimlessly, from present to future and back to the past. The more he wanted it, the more it seemed that Wolfram was impossible to reach. He could only store him, here, in his head.

Another wave of numbness hit him lightly, like a ripple of wave spreading out through the calm mirrored water. He was aware that it happened again. He closed his eyelids and let tears flowed freely because he knew, the next time it struck again, he will forget everything, just like Wolfram.

Xxxx Wolf xxxX

Wolfram's determination was set. He would not give Yuuri by any mean, to find a chance to be alone with him. It was best, to keep things this way until he was officially Tesca's wife, or husband, whichever he would be. His gaze fell upon Tesca who was beside him.

"Hey."

"Yes?"

"Are you really not going to tell me how did you do that and what's going on?"

"Yes, I will not." Tesca smirked at him.

"C'mon!" Wolfram raised his fist, indicating that he would punch him if he continued to hang him there like that. He did not like surprise.

"I'm sorry, I can't." Wolfram lowered his fist as he saw Tesca's face had turned serious again. "Future is not to be known." Seeing that he had reached a dead end, Wolfram did not say anymore. He silenced himself, walked a few more ahead of him and asked another question that had been bothering him.

"Did you do something to Yuuri's memory as well?"

"Why did you ask?"

"He… he didn't remember… the night…" Red blushes colored his face.

"What night?"

"You know what I meant! Don't force it out of me." Wolfram shouted, which made Tesca tittered.

"What if I did? What if I didn't?"

Wolfram spared him a glare. Actually, he didn't need to ask. Knowing Tesca, he should assume that he did.

"Are you still going to continue this loveless marriage?"

"Who said it's loveless?" Wolfram lied through his gritted teeth.

Tesca threw back his head and laughed.

"Stop joking. We both know very well who you love. But as I said, I don't mind if you choose me, I have no loss in this marriage."

Wolfram turned his head away at the statement. True… but then… His fist clenched again.

"No, I don't love him."

"There you go again. When are you ever going to give up this stubbornness of yours? You will never gain anything like this."

"I don't want anything from him. And you too, stop persuading me. You decided everything by yourself and talked to me as if you know everything. You don't understand my feelings at all."

"That's because you never tell me. Either to me, Yuuri or any other people, you locked everything inside yourself. Did you not notice? You never tried to confront Yuuri Shibuya, never talked things out between you two. You can't leave things like that." Tesca walked nearer to the prince, gently, he rested his palm on his slender shoulder. "In reality, you're the one who's escaping from yourself."

"Escaping?" Wolfram laughed, a fake one. "You want to know how I'm feeling right now?" Wolfram spun around suddenly. Tesca winced as he noticed the dark glow intensified in the emerald eyes.

"Wolfram?"

"I'll tell you how I feel! You'll see whether if I'm really the one who's escaping!"

Xxxx Yuuri xxxX

Taking out the quill, Yuuri scribbled on the paper. There were so many things that he wanted to express before the last memory was gone. There were so many things that he wanted to tell Wolfram before he forgot about them. So many…

He hurried as he felt the quill trembled slightly under his touch. His heart was hammering against his ribs.

The night breeze blew into the room, in his frustration trying to keep the paper in his grip, he messed up. The memo flew feebly through the room, down his table, out through the opened air. Yuuri rushed after it, following it out to the balcony. Without realizing what he was doing, without knowing the danger ahead of him, his mind focused on the last memory he had desperately trying to grab, he stretched out his hand, trying to catch it. He leaned over the baluster, felt his fingertips touched the paper. He scooped it into his sweaty palm. Joy spread over him as he secured it, but his heart missed another beat as he realized what he had done. His body lost its balance, leaning forward, and within seconds, he was over the cold metal barrier.

Xxxx Wolfram xxxX

"You need to calm down."

"I believed that you knew. About how I was left alone, here in this world right after he rejected me. I don't think anyone would understand that kind of pain." Tesca remained silence. "I got through those pains after some time. When I thought I could finally start over again, I found out that those memories were disappearing. Again, I was relieved. It would better be gone rather than staying in my head. They will just bring twitch in my heart every time I thought about them. And, after two years, when my feelings for him was vanishing slowly together with those memories, he started to show signs that I refused to believe or rather wanted to be oblivious to what he was feeling. He seemed to fall in love with me. Well," Wolfram shook his head, hanging up a half-smile on his face.

"SEEM! Last month, he even took the initiative to kiss me. He confessed to me, I was really glad. But what had he done the next day? He rejected me, again! After one week, with us avoiding each other, I had found out that "that" Yuuri who doesn't love me returned. And before I could figure out my feelings, I lost all my first memories. Seeing Yuuri from then on, of course, could only remind me of that last kiss we shared and his rejection. Those pains… and his ignorance… That really did piss me off."

"You're still feeling agitated when it comes down to Yuuri. It means that you still have feelings for him."

"Why would I have feelings for him?" He slammed his fist onto the wall. "But, yeah. Maybe you're right. I have. I do have!"

"Hate!" Wolfram threw the single word out.

"I hate him."

"I thought what you're going to say all of a sudden…" Tesca laughed.

"This isn't a laughing matter. I hate that wimp!"

A half-smile twitched on Tesca's face.

"So, there's still hope after all." He laughed. "The two of you just aren't honest to yourself."

"I said hate, don't you get it? Why would there be hope?" Wolfram shouted. Tesca was infuriating him again, something that he always did.

"I believed that Yuuri had his feelings all sorted out now. If you could give him a chance, he…"

"The result is just the same." Tesca watched as Wolfram's knuckles turned white at this point, but did nothing to anger him more. "Furthermore, I had given up my hope on him."

Tesca understood that words couldn't get through to the blond now.

"Are you aware that he was losing his first memories too?" Wolfram winced at the question. He nodded slowly.

"That's the best right? That's why you should have left me the way I'm. Don't you know that ignorance is bliss for me?" Wolfram snapped.

"Then did you know that the memory that you clung to the most, the memory that you valued the most, will take the longest time to vanish?" Tesca said nonchalantly.

"What does that matter?"

"I just want you to bear that in mind," Tesca smiled. Wolfram looked away from him.

Somehow, he was relaxed when he was around Tesca, this was one of the reasons why he chose to marry Tesca. He was always able to calm him down when he was sad. He felt comfortable with his presence. If only Yuuri… He smacked his head mentally. 'Not Yuuri! Get him out of my mind! I hate you!'

Tesca laughed at the scene of Wolfram struggling with his inner ego. After spending a month time with the blonde, he had grown to like his fiancé really much. 'But this boy was all over Yuuri…' Just as he was about to reach out to comfort the little prince, both of them stiffened as the maids ran towards them, shouting for help.

"Yuuri heika! We saw him from the garden, he seemed to have drop down the balcony! He was clinging to that baluster. Please get help!"

Tesca's mouth was opened in horror. He heard footsteps sprinting off in a rush. He turned and noticed that the spot where his fiancé was supposed to be few seconds ago, was now, empty. A sad smile plastered on his face. Even though he had chosen to let go of the one he loved, he didn't regret it. It was Yuuri that Wolfram had chosen, not him.

"Your holiness!"

"I supposed von Bielefeld might not be able to manage it alone, shouldn't you go and get more helps?"

"Yes, your holiness."

Turning back at the voice that he had never heard before, he saw a young bespectacled boy. Judging from his look, he looked like he was from the same place where Yuuri came from.

"Prince Tesca, I'm Murata Ken."

"The Great Sage, I presumed?" He raised his brows.

"That was me four thousand years ago." Murata chuckled.

"My pleasure to meet you." He bowed. "So, what bring you here?" Murata shifted his specs and looked up.

"I heard something funny from Shibuya. Are you the one behind it?"

"Oh, you knew it's me?"

"I know about you. I had lived long enough to hear stories about you."

Tesca laughed at this.

"Yes, yes. You should know about me. That's not surprising… After all, you're also responsible for this since you're the one who suggested me to him."

"What happened in the future? What happened to Shibuya and von Bielefeld?" Tesca dropped his grin and considered the double black for awhile. Heaving out a sigh, he said.

"I guess it won't be a problem to tell the Great Sage about the future."

Xxxx Yuuri xxxX

He heard a scream from the garden. Wincing slightly, he opened his eyes. His heart leapt as he found out that his right hand was grabbing onto the metal baluster while the crumpling on his other hand showed that the memo was still safe. Gathering up as much energy as he could, he tried to heave himself up. It was useless. He couldn't bring his weight up. He knew the maids had gone to get help, he hoped that they made it in time. Though judging from the height he was on now, he figured out that the most serious injury that he could sustain from the fall were broken ribs. There were grasses and bushes down in the garden if he were to land. His hands were slipping little by little, so were his hopes. It might be better, with the broken ribs and anything, he could find an excuse not to attend the wedding… May be he should really let go now… Let go of hope, let go of his memories, let go of his love, let go of Wolfram…

Just when his hopes were dying, he heard footsteps.

"Why are you always giving us trouble!?" He froze again at the sound. He recognized that. Yuuri looked up just in time to stare into the mesmerizing emerald eyes that he thought he would never see again. Time froze together with his heart.

Xxxx Wolf xxxX

"Why are you always giving us trouble!?" Wolfram yelped down the face he had once, no, twice loved so much. He was still trying to get over the fact that he was the first one who had came for his rescue. 'This doesn't mean anything. It's just because he's my king and I have the responsibility to ensure his safety.' But, he could not explain why he was still having those irregular beating when he saw him.

Wolfram reached out his hand, and grabbed onto Yuuri's hand.

Shall I give you two some reminders? (Laugh)

Xxxx Yuuri & Wolf xxxX

"I've finally caught you."

"Wolfram… why are you here?"

"You're a cheater after all. I put a tracking device on you so that I will be able to follow you all over the world. C'mon, I'll pull you up."

"Are you sure about this? If things go wrong, you'll also…"

"Then, I'll fall with you."

The scene rushed into their mind at the same time. The boys both ceased moving.

Wolfram did know and remember this scene; after all, Tesca had restored all the memories to him. Yuuri froze too when he heard the familiar voice sounded for the second time like a lightning stroke, followed by those voices. He knew them, it was his and Wolfram's sound. But…

His left hand tightened onto the paper. It was something that he had forgotten. Tears gushed through his black onyx. He looked up and saw Wolfram's wide opened eyes. Clearly, those expressions just showed that the words were not from his mouth.

Then, who's it? Who had planted this conversation inside his mind? And, Are they even real? Did they really happen before?!

Mixed feelings of anger and sadness filled his insides until Wolfram had reacted again.

"I'm going to get you up!" Wolfram shouted. He did not know whether if Yuuri remembered this or heard this or not, but it was not his problem. He resumed his pulling, deep down in his heart; he had some idea that this might just be another dirty works of Tesca. The laugh just sounded too likely not to be Tesca's. Half cursing in his heart, he used all his might and pulled the weight beneath his hands.

'Tesca, no matter what you did, it's futile! Don't think you will be able to change my mind.'

"Did you hear that?" Yuuri exclaimed.

"Hear what?" Wolfram retorted.

"I heard some voices. Something about…" Yuuri felt the numbness again in his skull. 'What are the voices just now? What am I trying to say?' Bewildered, he was at a complete loss of what he was talking about. He murmured, "Never mind."

Wolfram eyes registered anguish. 'It seems… he had forgotten about it. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me…' He repeated the words, as if wanting to convinced himself when he hurled Yuuri up and over the bars. They both tumbled over the ground, gasping and panting for air.

Taking in a few deep breathe just enough to steady himself, Wolfram got to his feet and turned. He must get out of here, or else, all these weeks he had spent his efforts trying not to be alone with Yuuri would be a waste.

Rubbing his back, Yuuri flinched as he felt a stitch pain in his side. The memo was still safe in his hand. He smiled as he opened his eyes, to see that Wolfram had stood up. His smile faded from his face.

"Wolf, hold on!" Yuuri raised his voice, trying to draw himself up at the same time.

"I have no reason to stay for you, heika." Wolfram voice travelled into his ears.

"No, wait. I need to talk with you. Please stay." Wolfram disregarded him totally. He quickened his pace towards the door.

"Wolfram von Bielefeld, I order you to stay!" This was the last resort he planned to use; he did not mean to be harsh, but Wolfram had made him. The light outside the hall shone in through the slit, brightening the silhouette in front of him. He gasped when he saw that Wolfram's shoulder was trembling. He stepped forward, nearing the blonde gingerly. Was he crying?

Unexpectedly, Wolfram spun on his heel and turned back to face the king.

"And are you going to use your order and asked me not to marry Tesca too? Stop fooling around with me! I'm not your toy!"

"No. Don't misunderstand, Wolf." Yuuri explained. So, it was rage. His stomach leapt.

"Yeah, don't misunderstand." Wolfram repeated and lowered his gaze. "What did you want? Make it quick."

Glad that he had at least able to make Wolfram listened to him now. The weight in his heart lifted a little. This is it. Inhaling as much night breeze as he could, Yuuri voiced.

"Wolfram… I'm sorry."

"I don't need your sorry."

"No, listen to me. I didn't mean to harm you. It wasn't my intention that I lost the 'kiss' memory." Yuuri tried to choose his words carefully. Bearing in mind that Wolfram had no account of their engagement, he would still have a chance, a thin chance. When it was concerned with repeated rejections of feelings, Wolfram was already that agitated. If he knew about the engagement, he… 'Please…' He silently begged in his heart. 'Please get Wolfram back to me.'

"Is that what you want to tell me? Sorry?" Wolfram shot him a death glare.

"That's not just it. I'm clear what I want now. I want you, Wolfram. I can't live without you with me. I don't wish you to marry Tesca… Please return to my side. I… I lo--…"

"That's enough, Yuuri! Why did you tell me now? It's too late. I don't need to hear them!" Wolfram snapped and cut him off harshly. His tears were fighting. He bit down his lips as he felt the familiar sensation of lump, sadness, and tears, everything, began to swell up inside his stomach. His voice was quivering tremendously as he heard them striking out from his mouth. He blinked as the hot tears beginning to gather into pool. He couldn't bear to hear those three words again from Yuuri.

"There's nothing that you can do now. I know, Yuuri, you hadn't lost all the first memory. I don't know how much are they left now, nor did I care. But get this from me, Congratulations, Yuuri. Because at least you don't need to remember them! You won't need to remember how you reject our engagement with those words of you!"

Yuuri's eyes rounded with shock. Coldness that had nothing to do with the night, or the numbness he felt when those memories were gone, surrounded his heart, creating goose bumps onto his goose bumps.

"When did you remember?"

"Does it matter?" Wolfram turned his head aside. Somehow, the shock face Yuuri expressed gave him the courage to control those tears but as for Yuuri… tears were just beginning to form for him. His stomach gave an unpleasant jolt as he felt acid eating his insides. He could hear the wall crumbling down beside him, as if he really did just fell off the balcony. It was hurting him all over again.

"I was wrong about that! I made a mistake, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pulled back the engagement…"

The word was the spark that ignited Wolfram's fury.

"Stop your nonsense!" Wolfram yelped. "Stop giving me your "sorry"!"

"Wolfram, I didn't mean them."

"Stop them all! Stop giving me "didn't mean it" and "accident" too! I don't want to hear them anymore. I had had enough!"

"Wolfram, please listen to me first." Yuuri begged but Wolfram didn't slow down for him to speak.

"Had you count for yourself how many times you say these words to me? Apparently not, because you really didn't mean it!" Yuuri stretched out his hand, wanting to grab his hand and made him listen. Wolfram, in anger, yanked it off. "Let go! Do you know how much tears I had shed for you because of those 'accidents' you meant all these years? Didn't you always call the engagement as an accident? Now, you're going to tell me, you didn't mean to pull the engagement back? Hell, as if I would believe that! You're just pushing them off as accidents, aren't you? The kiss, is it an accident for you too? Is that confession of yours an accident too?"

Startled, Yuuri stared at the face of his beloved. There were no tears in his emerald eyes, his voices, even though quivering, they were firm. His eyes, there were no longer grief and pain. Instead, there were… Yuuri flinched, hatred? Yuuri's heart was creaking slowly. 'No… please don't do this to me…' He opened his mouth, wanting to protest, but Wolfram cut him off again.

"No, you listen to me, Yuuri. This time, let me be the one who do the talking. You're always the one who talked. I won't allow you to hurt me again. How many times do you think my heart can break? How many times have you killed me with those words and acts of yours? Twice, Yuuri." Wolfram put his two of his fingers and shook it in front of the double black face. "As if the first one was not enough, at the second time, you took away all the chances. You cruelly planted that false hopes in my heart and took it away forcefully. This time, after you kissed me, after you confessed to me, you rejected me, blaming them on your blurriness. How could you?! Am I a toy to you? Am I something that you can play with? Then tossed aside as if I was nothing to you? What do you think you're playing at? I felt so used, Yuuri!"

Yuuri was shaking his head furiously. Tears were springing to the corner of his eyes, burning his eyelids. He felt like he could just die from the pain he was experiencing in his heart now. It was tearing his whole soul apart. Wolfram's words were like icy knife, piercing again and again into his heart without mercy.

"That's not true, Wolf." Yuuri stepped forward in the darkness. As Wolfram took his own steps back, Yuuri seized his shoulder and pulled him into his chest. "I didn't use you, I really did not! I lo--" The struggling blonde gave out a high-pitched shout, both in frustration and helplessness, covering off what Yuuri wanted to say. With a push, he put a distance between them immediately.

"Do you think that after I had recovered from all these scars, I could open my arms and welcomed you back like nothing has ever happened before? Do you think I can accept you with just your apologies? That I will forgive you?" He took one more step back. Courage deserted the king, he now had no more courage left to approach Wolfram. "NO, Yuuri. I won't. I don't need apologies. I don't need your 'sorry'. I don't need your love anymore. I swear, with the dignity of Bielefeld family, I will never again fall in love with you. NEVER!"

"I really love you," Yuuri whimpered.

"I don't need your pity!!" Wolfram hissed angrily, he was now aware that Yuuri's faces were damped. Traces of tears were clear on the king's cheek; more and more tears were still streaming down. Wolfram ignored the pain and sorrow in his own heart as he continued.

"Twice is not enough for you, I guess." He tightened his fists at his sides. "I couldn't afford my heart to be broken again. I had known, for sure, you will never love me. Even if I return to your side, you'll just push me away again. I could tell that you never did fall in love with me. You were just pitying me, pitying me for the first time, you can't break the engagement with me since you can't afford to hurt me, pitying me for the second time, because I was really lonely, and now, Yuuri, do you still want to pity me? Stop that. I don't need it. You won't understand what's it meant by heartbroken because you were never in love with me."

"You don't love me. You're just feeling guilty!" Wolfram yelped, leaving the voice vibrated through the silent room. Wolfram had failed to conceal them the slight tremor in his voice.

Emotions just won't listen to him even if he was the greatest Maou. The salty liquid continued to gush out from beside his eyes as he blinked. He still wished to keep Wolfram's by his side. Is it too late already? He sank to his knees, breath came in painful stabs. His hands closed tightly around the fragile paper in his palm. It was akin to his heart, now thundering against his ribs, as fragile as the paper, breaking into pieces. The chilling sensation spread from the top of his head all the way down his body, mixing with the anguish that was filled at its maximum in his heart.

Panting, Wolfram stopped his words as he tried to respire.

'Why is my breathing choking me? Why did my heart…?' He bit down his lips as he struggled to make his remaining words sounded as normal as possible. He opened his eyes, but closed his inner eyes in his mind wanting to shut out the vision he saw now. He was resisting the other part of him that wanted very much to go close to Yuuri.

"Yuuri, a life full of sweet memories, full of your love, it was really great, but they are only lies. An illusion. You betrayed my trust, again and again until now, I can't trust you anymore. My heart for you had died. Don't… Don't ever hope that I will be your fiancé again… because I won't have my heart broken for the third time."

Yuuri's eyes showed emotionless but he could hear Wolfram. He was kneeling stock-still on the ground as waves of shock crashed over him, wave after wave, obliterating everything except those last words. The grip onto his paper loosened as he felt the throbbing in his head, beating simultaneously with his heart, intensified after each seconds. His body fallen backwards.

"Wolfram, I really mean it…"

Tears were blurring his vision of his beloved as he blinked. Wolfram's face was fading from his sight. Darkness squeezed in as he fought to stay conscious as he always did succeed for the past few weeks. But this time, he failed. His sorrows were much higher in level compared to his determination. All the while, he thought that he would still have a chance. What a childish thought. Wolfram was engaged, and he was bound to get married in the next few days. Wolfram was hurt deeply, and he was bound not to forgive the one who did this to him. All of these, he should have expected them. It was just the same thing that he did to Wolfram and he was now receiving his punishments for it. He had no one to blame. And the punishments wouldn't end here. Not only would he lost Wolfram, he had now lost all their moments.

A/N

This is the most emotional (and dramatic) chapter that I had written so far. I hope it goes well...

Chapter 22… Last song: The forgotten love

Will Yuuri be forgiven?