Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters.
Summary: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.
Previously: Edward: Plan win Bella Swan's heart is now in place, because I can't not have her. Not now.
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"Bella...that's insane," I murmer. "I mean...we.....that's..."
"Spit it out," Bella prompts.
"I just don't think it's a good idea," I say and she looks insulted.
"Why do you say that?"
"I thought it was a big deal to you. I thought you wanted to be in love and for it to be special."
"Edward, I don't want to go to college and then end up doing it with someone who means nothing to me. You've been my best friend for practically my whole life and i'll always care about you and i'm sure our lives will always be connected in one way or another. That's why I was smiling this morning, because I saw you and I....I know you won't wind up hurting me," Bella reasons.
"I've been with a lot of girls though -" I begin.
"I know but that means you're experienced, you'll know what to do and how to do it," Bella interrupts and I try to interrupt back, but Bella cuts me off. "We love eachother...even if it's only a platonic love, we still love one another. That's enough for me." Well so much for the falling out of love with Bella plan. "Unless you don't want to. I know you don't think i'm beautiful or anything, but would it really be so difficult?"
"You think I don't think you're beautiful?" I question. Is she stupid?
"Well, you just see me as your friend and the girl you grew up with...."
"I still think you're beautiful though," I admit.
"You don't have to say that just because we're going to sleep together."
"You really want to?" I question. "You can't take something like that back, Bell."
"Yes, Edward. I wouldn't want anyone else to have this part of me."
"Um....I don't know..." I mumble, but Esme's calling up to us and for i'm thankful to get away from this confronting, wanting side of Bella. What the hell am I supposed to do, or say for that matter?
"Bella....Edward, dinner's ready!"
We walk downstairs and take our seats at the dining table, at which my father is already seated. Esme is fussing around with the food and she places several large dishes in the centre of the table, before taking her own seat at the opposing end of the table to my father so both of them are at the heads.
"Bella, Edward," Carlisle greets us.
"Hello, Dr Cullen," Bella smiles. She's better at this pretending-everything's-okay stuff than I am, because all I can think about is Bella and I rolling around in my sheets naked. Her milky thighs, her soft pink lips.....
"How are you Bella? You haven't had dinner with us for a while," Carlisle says, taking me out of my thoughts.
"I'm very well, sir." Bella is always so formal with my parents, but she needn't be. They fucking love her like their own daughter. "Yes, I guess we've all been busy. How is the hospital?"
"Much the same," my father answers. He's a surgeon at Forks's small hospital. My dad is all about the people and humanity and all shit like that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't idolise him, though. He's without a doubt the most sincere selfless person I know, with the exception of my mother. They may not be my biological parents, but that doesn't matter.
"How was school today?" Esme asks.
"Great," Bella lies.
"Yeah," I breathe. "Really great."
"And you're going to Dartmouth as well?" Carlisle asks Bella.
"I really want to. I'd love to but I guess it's just not that simple." It is for me, thank you Daddy donations.
"Oh you needn't worry, Bella. I'm sure you'll get in no problems." And some help from the good doctor can't hurt either, right?
"I think it would be lovely if you and Edward were able to go to college together," Esme comments. "It would be good for you two to support one another. You could get an apartment together."
"Yeah, great," I sigh.
The conversation continues in this annoying manner for the rest of dinner. Bella pretending to be all sweet and innocent and acting as if she isn't trying to seduce me. Not than I mind being seduced by Bella, I just keep thinking of how much it'll fuck me up, being so close to Bella. I'm sure that to me it'd be something different than it'll be to her. I don't think I have the strength to say no, though. Even though it is essentially putting myself through unneccesary hell, even though Bella may never feel that way about, i'll get to hold her close and be connected to her in a way no one else has ever been before.
So i'm sitting here and I know for all the things i'm thinking about the bad possibilities, I'll find some retort because i'm selfish and want to be close to her. I'll give myself some reasoning to convince myself it's the right thing to do. Maybe it would be the right thing to do under different circumstances, say if it really were nothing more than something of friendship. Maybe deep down I want her to know i'm in love with her.
When dinner's finished, Bella and I help clean up and then head back upstairs to my room. Bella's quiet, thoughtful as she stares around my room, then finally lies back on my bed. I lie down beside her, not touching her and then finally she speaks.
"Please, Edward?"
"Okay," I say simply. "Alright."
"Well, um, now?"
"You mean....now?" I gulp.
"You don't want to?"
"Not now, Bella. This isn't special," I say. Of course, I want it to be completely perfect for her. I want candles and cliched romance and no parents nearby and not just randomly.
"When?" She presses. I think about it for a while, then the perfect time crosses my mind.
"Um...how about...after graduation we can.....we can get a hotel room?" I offer.
"I like the sound of that, not as cliched as after prom," Bella says softly and I can tell she's trying to make a joke, but it doesn't work. She turns around to face me and I know I can't look away so I look into her deep, brown eyes and she makes no move to look away. The breeze from an open window ruffles her hair and to an outsider, I'm sure we'd look like lovers. "I'm sorry if you feel awkward," Bella whispers as she twists a few strands of her hair around her finger.
"It's fine," I murmer. "We're still Bella and Edward and nothing has to change about that."
"Yeah."
"Hey, why'd you and Jacob break up?"
"I don't think I can tell you right now. Especially not now, actually," Bella says.
"Why? Does this have something to do with James?"
"I guess you could say that. Edward, I'll tell you someday. It's just a little...embarassing."
I say okay and don't push her because I'm scared she will decide she doesn't want me to take her virginity afterall. Now that i've accepted her offer, I can imagine myself getting greedy and obsessive. I shudder away the thought and when I open my eyes, Bella is staring right into them.
"I should take you home," I say and we rise from the bed, then head downstairs. Bella says goodbye to my parents, who tell her to come back soon and then we walk out into the garage. A silence overcomes us on the ride over to Bella's place, but it isn't awkward. It seems...thoughtful, like in my room.
Bella goes to get out of my car but I tell her to wait, then I run around to her side and open her door for her. She laughs at my gesture, then as she turns to walk towards her front door, I pull her into a hug, the rain falling down around us. She secures her arm around my waist and I whisper that everything will be okay. The police chief, aka, her dad, peers out the window and so Bella pulls away from me.
"Goodbye, thank you," she whispers, then she heads inside and I stand in the rain until I see her appear at her bedroom window, waving down.
When I drive home, Esme and Carlisle are sitting in the family room, both with books in their laps and their heads bowed. When they hear me come in, they both look up and I'm sure my facial expression gives off the vibe that something isn't right because they both give me concerned looks.
"Are you alright? You seemed funny at dinner..." Esme begins but I cut her off.
"It's fine. Is Alice home yet?"
"Yes she's in -" I don't stay to hear the rest, instead I bound upstairs to Alice's bedroom and bang impatiently on the door.
"Alice!"
Alice opens her door, wearing her fluffy pink bathrobe, looking thoroughly confused. I push past her into her overly pink bedroom and sit down on the edge of her bed. She looks at me expectantly, her short, normally spikey hair, smoothed down and still wet from her shower.
"Alice, I need your help," I sigh.
"What is it?" She asks, tapping her pink-slipper covered foot impatiently on her plush carpet floor.
"Bella," I say and Alice sighs like that explains it all and takes a seat beside me.
Alice knows my internal battle with Bella well – ever since she called me out on it at the start of the school year. Apparently sometimes I don't look at Bella in the normal best friends way. Although she says it's because she's my sister and she lives with me so she can better analyse me, i've always feared other people will pick up on it but Alice assures me they won't. How Bella feels about me is unfortunately as much a mystery to Alice as it is to me. "Bella is guarded with her emotions, very hard to read," Alice always says.
"What's going on?" Alice asks.
"Well you know how i've been trying to just, forget her...as more than a friend?"
"Stupid idea, but yes?"
"Well.... today she asked me to...god Al you're my sister, I can't tell you this," I complain.
"We're not blood-related," she reminds me. "So just tell me. I promise not to be grossed out."
"She wants to lose her virginity....to me," I say, then I explain all about James and Jacob and of course Alice won't say anything. Her and Bella are very close, but she knows how touchy I am about Bella. Alice sits and takes in everything I tell her then I can see her face contort into different expressions, as if she's calculating the answer in her head.
"Well you're certainly in a bit of a pickle," Alice teases. "What to do...hmm?"
"Come Al, i'm frustrated enough without you having a go too."
"Fine. It's quite simple, really."
"How is anything simple?" I question and now i'm really annoyed with Alice and wishing I just kept my mouth shut instead of venting. Okay maybe that isn't true, Alice usually does have good ideas and advice.
"You get Bella to fall in love with you before graduation. Simple."
"If it were that simple, don't you think I would've done that already?"
"Well you haven't exactly tried. You're too busy whoring yourself out and Bella is usually with a boy but seeing as she's not with Jacob anymore...."
"Al, I can't make her fall in love with me," I interrupt.
"Sure you can. Besides, maybe I can get her to just admit she already loves you," Alice says.
"But she doesn't already love me. You said you couldn't tell and I quite doubt she does anyway. She's always going on about how we're best friends and how she loves me platonically and all that crap," I complain. "Why would she ever want me in that way?"
"She is probably just trying to cling to you in a way she knows is safe. If she does feel something else for you, she's probably scared of ruining your friendship, just like you are. I think maybe you should just take a risk with her, otherwise you're going to spend your whole life wondering what could've been. Bella's not as forward as you are. If one of you is going to admit to your feelings, you're the one who is more likely to do that."
I process that in my head for a few minutes, while Alice watches me, that calculating look still on her face.
"What if she doesn't feel the same way?"
"She asked you to have sex with her, Edward. I'm sure she feels something, whether she realises it or not," Alice points out. "If she...umm....enjoys your sexual relations, then that will add a physical component to your relationship so it can't keep being platonic."
"What about the whole...virginity thing? What do I do?"
"Well, I think you should tell her how you feel before you do it. That's just my opinion," Alice advises and then I decide to go back to my room so I can think by myself. I lie down on my bed and the pillows smell like Bella – her natural freesia scent and her strawberry shampoo. I'm in way over my head.
I dream of Bella all night, but none of it makes sense. She just floats in and out of my mind, like she untouchable and I'll never catch her.
The next day, I pick Bella up for school as usual and she's positively beaming when she gets in the car. If I didn't know better, i'd say it was some kind of post-coital glow. She winds the window down and smiles into the sun and the breeze then turns and faces me. How could I ever make someone as beautiful as her, fall in love with me?
"Bella?" I murmer, breaking her out of her daze.
"Mhm."
"I was thinking about last night...and just if you're sure then I wanted to know where you want to stay for the night?" I ask.
"It doesn't bother me," she says, turning towards me and smiling. "What about prom?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you still want us to go to Prom together? It's only four weeks away now and I mean I know we've always said we'd go together but I don't want you to feel inclined to take me just because you've agreed to sle-"
"Of course I want to go with you still," I intercept.
"Good. Just checking."
"And you still want the post-graduation...erm...festivities?" I ask.
"Yes."
"Good. Just checking," I say, using her previous words.
"I guess we've got a lot to look forward to, then," Bella teases as she hops out of my car and walks into the grounds of the school, not bothering to wait for me.
Plan win Bella Swan's heart is now in place, because I can't not have her. Not now.