Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING of the Law and Order Franchise…That is Mr. Wolf….

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Prologue 2

I guess it began to accelerate after Declan. Actually, the moment the Gage family came back into my life. The guilt I felt at Eames' kidnapping haunted me. The events that followed deepened the fault lines that had begun years ago.

The case in which I was framed seemed to surpass the mental breaks I had received at Tates, though I nearly died. I knew that Alex would bring me back. My savior, my angel. But, my way back from purgatory almost destroyed me. Her misconstrued idea that she could ever only be the one who "carried my water" shook me to the core. I thought she understood how I felt, but maybe it was just too much for her at the time, since we grew back into the groove of years past after a few cases. At least until they came back.

My brother's death, nor Nicole's made me feel free. They broke me down even more, to the shell of a man.

It was out in the open that Ross didn't trust me. Through him lying to get me out of Tates, to the way he helped me get back on the squad during the suspension. The fact that he began investigating me after he found out that Mark Ford Brady might be my father drove me insane. I thought he trusted me more than that, after everything. How dare he think that? After every barrier that I went through to get to where I am today! And the fact that he didn't even ask me about it! I know that he must think that I am crazy now, and to be completely honest, I can't blame him. I even think I'm loosing it, if there's anything left to loose.

Alex is the only one who still believes in me, after everything that's happened in the last 8 years, she still thinks there's hope for me. And that hope fills me with nothing but shame. Everything I've done has held her back. Her affiliation with me throughout the years has held her back, and we both know it, no matter what she says otherwise. Alex has the capacity to be the best Captain the NYPD has ever seen, but she will never attain it. And I know she wants it, and it kills me everyday.

It hurt so much when I thought she was investigating me. To think that after all the times we have been there for each other, she didn't think I was stable. At that point, I couldn't care less what I did. Alex thought I was capable with murder. I had no idea that she was trying to clear me the whole time. I felt ashamed after my outburst with Rodgers, it wasn't her fault, she was only trying to be helpful. Thankfully Alex took me out and talked to me about the case. The fact that she had believed in my innocence through all the twists and turns calmed me, and I was able to solve the case with her by my side.

The realization that it was Declan hurt. A lot. I used to think of him as a father figure when I was growing up (Deakins took his place when I got to Major Case). And the fact that he had killed Nicole Wallace, for me, to free me, put me in a dark, dank place.

I would never let my partner know this, although I'm sure that she has figured it out by now, but I wanted to save Nicole. So very badly. I had come so close so many times that whenever it came close to giving her justice, I felt at peace. Maybe I had actually done something right with my life. She was the one that I could save, since I couldn't save my mother.

I never had any feelings toward Nicole, except for those of pity. She could have been a good person, grown from her experiences. She was my exact opposite. My dark reflection. The thing that I could have turned into if I had fallen to my inferiority issues. I like to think that I have grown into a better person, but I couldn't tell you that…

After all, everything around me is staying the same, while I just keep on falling…

Down

Down

Down

I'm just waiting for the crash…

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Author's Note:

I feel like the end is kind of rushed, but I really didn't know what else to write and I felt like this was getting WAAAAYYY too whiney and emo to be Bobby. I want to get on with the story and I hope that this has set the tone for the rest of the story, as it is gonna be an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. I wanted to make sure that Bobby's thoughts were a little jumbled, cause I'm sure that's what his mind is like all the time and at the time of this fic, which is obviously after the Season 7 finale, "Frame". I don't know, but I think this case affected him 10x more than "Untethered or "Purgatory" did…Anywayz…Please review…I really want to know what you think, because obviously, I've told you what I think…lol

Plus…I'll give you all cookies….XD