Espada Diaries

Chapter 4

The Fourth Espada

Ulquiorra

A/N- Whew, sorry for long update time! I lost my inspiration there for a bit...but now I'm back, crazy as ever!

Thanks go out to all my reviewers, and Jenna, who helps with the ideas that get mushed in here.

And to Puppy, get better soon, it's not good seeing you all emo depressed!

-XxXxXxX-

October 29th

Every day is a black abyss for me. Today was even blacker.

I came across Luppi and Halibel this morning. They were having a bitch fight.

I don't know what about but I heard the words "Raisin Bran" tossed around a lot.

Bitch fights have been erupting everywhere in Las Noches for the past week since the cereal extravaganza.

Like Nnoitra and Szayel faced off yesterday, although during the second half it sounded suspiciously like they weren't fighting at all...

Urgh. Get out of my head.

But then, my love greeted me, and all turned to singing angels and light.

What the crap has happened to me? I'm like some sort of happy person.

Anyhow, I was overjoyed (on the inside) to see Grimmjow. He was the only bright spot in this hellhole recently.

Honestly. Bitch fight here, bitch fight there, panty-raid here and enormous cereal war there. Plus the pictures Halibel took...

I SWEAR I didn't steal her makeup.

I just...borrowed it without asking...permanently...

Grimmjow reminds me why I always loved cats...

Unlike Luppi, who reminds me of how much I love falling into an open sewer. That octo-bitch never gave Grimmy any pot pie...

I would gladly give Grimmjow my pot pie.

...

There was a water war today, which I stayed out of the way of using my cunning skills...

And Yammy.

He's like a walking, talking wall. So I just stayed behind him the whole time. Not HIDE... subtly disappear behind...

Everyone was fliging water balloons about, which wasn't a great idea considering we're all wearing white...

I am mind fucked now, all thanks to that.

I won't ever be the same after seeing Luppi's man-thong on display due to being soaked by Szayel and his Super Soaker.

Oh, I pray for things to be normal tomorrow...

-XxXxX-

October 30th

Nope, my wishes went unheard.

I was just preparing my morning glass of orange juice. Black food coloring added because orange isn't emo enough, when I turned around for a second, and someone dropped happy pills in it.

It tastes so wrong, like...HAPPY. My orange juice is NOT supposed to taste like happy. It's supposed to taste like hurting and depression.

Anyways, I was bouncing around Las Noches, on a high from the happy pills for hours. I think I may have actually SMILED.

Oh no, I think Halibel still has her camera...My reputation...my poor, poor reputation!

Now that I have none of my dignity left, maybe I can stop hiding my stash of Chocolate and Aqua CD's...?

No, I must regain my reputation. I don't want those other pieces of trash to think they're above me...

Now, to try and continue with my breakfast in peace... without happy pill incidents. I will make myself pancakes with DARK chocolate chips and skim milk.

What? I can't be getting fat if I'm on a mission to regain my emo reputation.

-XxXxX-

Nachos for supper. My turn to cook...and to get my revenge.

Luckily, I know where Zomarri and Nnoitra are hiding out. In Aizen's "secret" ice cream cooler. Hopefully they still have some of the...ahem...evidence they gathered from the panty raid...

Sort of creepy... they're keeping some of Halibel's for "future use", so all they gave me was a pair of Gin's heart print undies.

Haha. wait 'till they get a taste of my "Las Nachos surprise"...

After this, they'll have nachophobia for the rest of their lives. That will teach them to make me happy.

While that little monstrosity was cooking, a strange pink gas has filled the room...that can't be good.

I only put chips, cheese, tobasco sauce, salsa, sour cream, Gin's undies, a shred of Nnoirta's spoon collar, Szayel's pink toothbrush, one of Gayleen's ears, and a dash of Grimmjow hairball in there...It can't possibly do any harm.

Nah, they'll be fine after they finish barfing their guts up...

It was brilliant. Everyone got sick.

Except for Szayel, who choked on his toothbrush... and almost died when Yammy tried to give him the Heimlich maneuver.

And Aizen, who was too busy crying over "Teddy Bear Slaughter" after he bit into Gayleen's ear.

Oh well, at least my reputation is safe now.

-Ulquiorra-

A/N- Whew! I'm running out of ideas! To all my reviewers, PLEASE send in any ideas you might have, or this story will dieeeeeee!!!