Registration was strange. Mrs Greenford (our form tutor) stayed annoyingly cheery and happy while my guts were breaking down on me. I didn't want to think about all the terror that lay ahead. I didn't want to have a nervous breakdown. Instead I pictured Natsume's sweet face. His slightly round jaw line and the eyes I went mad for.

When registration ended, the boys all got out of their desks as slowly as possible. Robb rolled his eyes at them. "Come on" he said opening the door for me. On my way out I saw Mrs Greenford wink at me. What the hell was that? I shook my head. I'd obviously imagined it.

Robb walked me to my first class (ICT) and told me if I needed anything to call him. He also made sure I sit next to Natsume, just in case someone tries to talk to me. I agreed without complaint. As soon as he left I felt sick and so scared. No one's ever going to fall for it. They're not that stupid. What am I thinking?

"Are you coming in?" a tall, man that looked like he was in his early thirties asked. He didn't look very intimidating, that kind of comforted me in a way I couldn't understand. "I'm Mr Taraun, your ICT teacher. You're new right? He said extending his hand to me. I shook it nervously. "Umm…yeah, I'm Zasuke." I replied quietly. "Well Zasuke, get in and sit wherever you like, you might want to hurry, the best computers always get taken first" he said pushing me into the room.

I searched the room for Natsume, I was worried he hadn't made it yet but then I heard him call me over. The butterflies marched in my stomach. Oh my God! I walked up to the computer next to him and sat quickly in case anyone else suddenly decided they wanted to sit there.

"Hey umm, sorry for that, I didn't give you much choice did I? You don't have to sit there if you don't want to" he said as I sat down. "I was going to sit here whether you asked me to or not" I replied, smiling at him to show I meant it in a friendly way. Is this boy crazy? Move? No way! I might even sing a chorus of Hallelujah! "So what are we meant to be doing?" I asked casually.

"We're supposed to be doing a presentation on drugs and violence and why it's wrong. Nobody does it though; just surf the net, that's what most of us do" he replied. "What about grades?" I asked trying to keep him talking so he wouldn't go back to his computer. "The teacher gives us a grade at the end of the year based on a test, this work is just to keep us busy.

Someone learnt that a little while ago and it quickly spread through the school. Now nobody does any work in ICT" he said chuckling. "Nice one" I said holding my hand up for a high five. He slapped my hand hard and I held on for a second too long. I quickly moved my hand away. "Sorry" I mumbled. "Don't worry about it" he said although he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the lesson. His eyes stayed glued to his screen.

Well done. You've blown it now. Baka baka baka!!!! I mentally kicked myself. "Why is everything in life so complicated?" I thought aloud. Damn it I wasn't supposed to say that! Natsume sighed "tell me about it!" I inwardly groaned. He hates me!

The rest of ICT was slow and painful torture, Mr Taraun came to check on me half way through the lesson and the rest was spent feeling sorry for myself. I was sure I'd totally blown it but at the end of the lesson Natsume asked me if I needed help getting to next lesson. "Umm, yeah if you don't mind" I said. "No, of course not, I'm going there anyway" he said.

He lead me to French in silence, he probably thought I was gay or something. If only he knew the truth. French was brutal, before the lesson had even started the boys were battering the windows throwing paper balls at people's heads and calling each other swear words I'd never even heard before. The teacher came in and tried to get the boys to settle down but a few of them rammed into her, pushing her to the ground.

Nobody went to help her. As she got up, her knee was badly bruised and she was clutching her wrist. I was horribly worried but there was nothing I could do. I wished I could be bigger and stronger. Why am I such a wimp? "Right, if you boys don't sit down this instant, I'll call in the principal" she shrieked outraged. I was sure that this would have no effect whatsoever on the boys but to my surprise they returned to their seats.

I didn't understand, why would they be scared of the principal? It made no sense. If he scared them so much, I wondered what he'd do to me. I shuddered at the thought, praying I never came into contact with him. "Are you okay?" Natsume asked. It was the first thing he said to me all lesson. "I'm fine" I replied. Note to self: don't shiver too much next time.

The lesson ended all too slowly. It dragged on and on, I actually got told off for looking at the clock too much. I couldn't help laughing when she said that. Strict much?!?

When the bell finally went, I plucked up just enough courage to speak to Natsume again "Where are we off to next?" I asked. "It's break, we're going back into our little shelter" he replied and walked ahead of me, leaving me all but running to try to catch up with him.

What is his problem? He seemed fine earlier. What had I done? He glanced back at me every now and then and his face seemed more depressed every time he did. I probably disgusted him. I saw my reflection through the glass "moron" I muttered to myself.

When we got to our little 'shelter' beneath the staircase I saw that the rest of the group were already there. "Hi" I said waving at them all. "Hey" "Yo" "Sup?" were my replies. I sat down next to Robb and Natsume sat next to me. "How has your day been so far? You didn't get too scared did you? Oh God I should have stayed with you" he fussed. I saw the other guys looking at each other confused. "It was fine" I assured him.

"So are you guys like…you know…an item?" one of the boys whose name I didn't know asked. "What?!? No!!" I replied shocked, I was so taken aback I forgot to use my masculine voice, I sounded really high pitched. All eyes were on me. "Sorry, sore throat" I said trying to sound calm. It seemed I'd fooled them because they all resumed their previous chats from before I interrupted; everyone except Robb who was been unusually sulky. "Hey Robb, can I speak to you outside please?" Natsume asked in a husky, urgent voice. "Sure" he mumbled in reply.

They both stepped outside the double doors. I couldn't help but hold my ear to the door to try and hear what they were saying. I was paranoid it would be about me. "What's wrong Zae? Don't trust your boyfriend alone with another boy?" Corey asked jokingly. "He's not my boyfriend" I corrected. "I know, I was only joking, hey you're cool, don't get pissed at me over a stupid comment" "I'm not pissed" "good."

Thanks to the interruption by Corey, I missed half of the conversation. The wall of the door was quite thick so I couldn't hear it fully. "I think I'm turning gay!" said Natsume worried. Huh? I barely heard the reply I think I heard the words 'you' and 'love'. There voices almost a whisper now "…Can't go on like this" That was all I needed to hear. Suddenly, the whole room around me was spinning. There was no remaining reason for me to live. My whole life had been taken away from me just like that.

It all made perfect sense, Robb and Natsume were together so when I held on to Natsume's hand he felt like he was betraying Robb. I began to feel light headed and my heart was breaking on the spot. I burst into tears and stormed through the double doors, running as far away from possible as anything.

I found a deserted, desolate hiding place beneath a broken building; the geography block I think. I wasn't surprised it was empty. It wasn't a great place to sit as it was very muddy but I was pretty much shaded from the rest of the school which was all I really wanted right now.

I poured my heart out; I cried and cried until I couldn't cry any more. My lungs were weak and I was breathing short, slow breathes. It was always this way-my love was always unrequited, always one way- nobody would ever love me. Why would they? I'm nothing, totally useless. I'm trash.