Bruce smoothed back his blonde wig and fingered his false mustache as he and Alfred came to the LaVigne house. 1344 was a beautiful sprawling ranch on the side of a cliff. The famous red rocks could be seen far into the distance and myriad cacti grew about the property. A fat old poodle lay on the porch panting and regarding the intruding pair with disinterest as its abundant curls wilted in the heat. A metallic black Mercedes and a purple Lamborghini rested in the driveway. The shutters were a soft lavender and the door appeared to be made of stained glass.
A plastic bag with a book inside hung from the door and when Bruce looked down he could see the title: "Goddess: Memoirs of a Transsexual" glinting in bright letters through the plastic. Alfred noticed this as well and the pair exchanged glances.
"It actually makes sense, I think." Bruce said quietly. Alfred only raised an eyebrow in agreement as Bruce rang the doorbell.
Minutes later the door opened and a large, fairly attractive Hispanic man with dark eyes and a shaved head answered the door. He was wearing an extremely askew green bathrobe and red bloomed in blotches down his neck. He peered at the dark suited man with undisguised dislike. Bruce smirked inwardly at the effectiveness of their disguise.
"Hello?" His accent was thick and his politeness obviously forced.
"Is there a Lyle LaVigne here?" Bruce said and watched as a vein nearly burst in the man's temple.
"What's it to you?" He growled and Bruce swiftly removed pulled out the false ID tucked under his shirt on a chain around his neck.
"Agent Stefan Aukes; FBI. This is my partner John Seward. Now, I will ask you one last time. Is Lyle LaVigne here? Or must I get a warrant?" The man glared at Bruce.
"Netta!" He called from the doorway as he moved inside to allow the two men entrance. The pair watched as a tall, thin, and surprisingly pretty woman dressed in a corset, fishnets, and red stilettos slinked down the stairs. Her lips were painted the color of merlot and she held a riding crop in her hand.
"Dear me!" She trilled upon noticing the two other men and raced back up the stairs. Alfred chuckled and the larger man glared at him.
"Alejo! Why didn't you warn me that we had guests?" She called, obviously embarrassed, as she ascended the stairs. Her gorgeous shoes and fishnets were still apparent despite the fluffy purple robe.
"I am agent Stefan Aukes and this is my partner, John Seward. We have some questions for you."
She looked confused and immediately took her boyfriend's arm.
"Alone." Bruce added and she sighed. Alejo stormed upstairs and she led them to the living room, a tastefully decorated room done mostly in purple.
"The crimes I committed weren't federal, and even they were years ago. What are you doing here?" She asked and Bruce remained entirely professional.
"We are not authorized to tell you much. Rest assured that we are not here by any fault of yours. Simply answer our questions and we will answer those of yours that we can. Now, you were born Lyle LaVigne. Correct?"
She nodded.
"And now you go by Bernetta Levin."
"Netta actually." She corrected as she crossed her legs and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear jauntily.
"Ms. Levin, we need to know everything you can possibly tell us about your family."
"Starting with your immediate family and working your way out." Alfred added in an incredibly unconvincing American accent that sounded more like that of a Texan who had been stabbed in the stomach.
Netta thought for a few seconds before beginning to speak. "Well, there is my mother and father, Adam and Rowan."
"Are they still alive?"
"My mother's been dead for over twenty years. I don't know about my father. I ran away when I was seventeen." She answered pensively. "And I have two older sisters and two younger brothers; Macie, Helena, Cole and Peter."
"Do you know where we might find Cole or Peter?"
"Cole died in a car crash when he and I were young. I don't really remember much about it. I haven't talked to Peter since we were teenagers. Helena would probably know where Peter is."
"Where can we find Helena?"
"Hold on, let me get you her address." Netta then rose and began to rummage through the nearby end table. She pulled out a piece of paper and passed it to Bruce. "Here you go." She said and Bruce stowed it away.
"Thank you for all your help. We'll just show ourselves out." Alfred said with the same bizarre intonation and the pair rose.
"Agent Aukes." Netta called as they made their way from the room and Bruce turned. Her legs were almost completely bared and her hair was splayed against the back of the sofa.
"Do not hesitate to call if you need…anything else." Her voice dropped sensually and Bruce nodded tightly before taking his leave with Alfred.
As they exited the house and shut the door behind them Alfred let out a long- suppressed chuckle.
"Yes, if you need ANYTHING else." He imitated her voice poorly as they entered the shoddy car Alfred had rented.
Bruce scowled as he got into the driver seat.
"Yeah, well, nice accent." He returned as he turned the key.
"Well, if you bloody wankers spoke the Queen's English like you ought to we wouldn't be having this problem." Alfred replied shortly and Bruce rolled his eyes as they sped off.
He only wanted to know where the hell Chataignier, Evangeline Parish, Louisiana was.
Review Replies:
Pride1289: Updates will probably be about once a week. I'll try for more but I doubt that I'll be able to very often.
andaere: Yeah, it's the joker. By the end it will all make sense, I promise. I am pretty sure that Batman will find him in a few chapters.