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Just one thing to say…LONG chapter, but a good one. Enjoy!
Chapter Nine: Can I Know Your Name?
Northwestern Memorial Hospital, Illinois
Cuddy entered the hallway, leaving the OR behind her. She had just finished surgery on a patient who had Meniere's disease, which had been the same surgery that had been performed on her a year ago.
She quickened her pace, trying to get to her office before anyone else could stop her to inform her on how a patient was doing or to give her an order. As she passed through the lobby, she glanced at the butch of chairs in the room, hoping to see the person who had signed to her earlier. The woman wasn't there, so she decided that she must have already left.
When she had almost reached her office, Dr. Eric Foreman and Dr. James Wilson stopped her, and she almost knocked into them. She glanced from Foreman to Wilson, then crossed her arms, and gave them a questioning look as if to say, "What do you two want?"
Foreman was about to begin his sentence, but Wilson stopped him. He then took out his cell phone, opened up a new text message, and began to text what he needed from her. He held out the cell phone to her, and she took it from him and began to read.
Cameron wants 2 talk 2 u, in your office, about a patient.
Cuddy nodded and signed, "Thank you," to them. She quickly added to the text.
And what I just signed meant 'thank you'.
Foreman and Wilson nodded to her, and then walked away, to attend to another patient. Cuddy headed for her office, just as she had been before. She wondered what patient was giving Cameron problems this time, or if it was something personal, but she couldn't think of anything that could possibly be bothering her.
She opened the door to her office, and immediately Cameron turn towards her. Right when she was going to sign, "What's the problem?" she saw a familiar face. The woman, who had signed to her in the lobby, was now in her office. She smiled to her.
The woman looked at Cameron, and then introduced herself, in sign language. "I'm Lilly Rush," she began. "I work for the Chicago Police Department, solving cold cases. Also, Scotty Valens works with me." Lilly pointed to Scotty, who was sitting in one of the chairs in her office. "I worked a case before with a deaf boy, and I was wondering if I could learn how it is, being deaf."
Cameron looked at her apologetically, thinking she might have been upset because Lilly had mentioned her being deaf. But Cuddy wasn't affected by what the detective had said; she would explain her story to her and tell her everything that had happened. She slowly nodded.
The three took a seat by Scotty. Cuddy took a deep breath, and then began her story, signing away. Cameron sat besides her, interpreting everything she was saying and told Lilly and Scotty.
She told them of how they had evacuated New Jersey, how she had fallen in love with House, and even her disputes with Thirteen. She explained how a few months later of the evacuation, she began to hear ringing in her ears, how she experienced symptoms of vertigo, and how Cameron had diagnosed her, concluding that she had Meniere's disease. She explained how different it was, to wake up in her hospital bed and not hear anything. She left out the part about discovering she had a sister, Lianna Sardo, and how she had learned of a CSI investigator's secret, of being two different people. When she was finished, she let her hands rest on her lap, but she could still feel them shaking. She had signed so much that her hands had begun to hurt.
Lilly had a thoughtful look on her face, as if she was trying to comprehend everything she had just heard. She turned to Cameron and asked, "So it has been one year that Lisa has been deaf? Meniere's didn't come back after the surgery at all?"
"No," Cameron said, shaking her head. "The surgery eliminated the vertigo, the symptoms of Meniere's, and restored her balance again. But she has been deaf for one year now."
Lilly slowly nodded her head. "Has this Dr. House ever come back to see her?"
"No," replied Cameron. "He just writes letters to Cuddy." Even though she couldn't hear, she was certain that Cameron had lowered her voice as she said the next thing. They were talking about House.
"To tell you the truth, I don't think he's coming back. I think he just writes the letters to make Cuddy feel like someone cares for her. I mean, he just left her there, in her hospital, right after he learned she was deaf. He just walked away, not even saying goodbye."
Scotty began to talk. "He'll come back; he wouldn't just leave her if he loved her."
Cuddy smiled. She had just lip read what he had said, and she was happy for his reassurance. She believed House would come back too; after all, he had said what he was doing would benefit the both of them.
Scotty must have seen her smile. He tried to ask her a question, the best he could, without knowing any sign language. "How is it?" he asked. "How is it being deaf, not being able to hear anything?"
Cameron was going to answer for her, but Cuddy stopped her. This question had been for her, and she wanted to answer it, not by signing, but actually talking. She tried to form her sentence, as best as she could. "I hear," she explained, "the world through my eyes. I don't need…" She stopped, and then cleared her throat. "…to hear through my ears. I'm perfectly fine with who I am."
"It's nice to hear her voice again," said Cameron. She turned to Cuddy and signed, "That was amazing."
Cuddy shrugged. She had said something she hadn't even heard, was it really that extraordinary? She had just spoken something; people do that all the time…normal people, who could hear. She looked down at her hands, still slightly shaking. Then she looked up at Scotty, who had asked her the question how it was like being deaf. Maybe she wasn't satisfied with who she was.
"Has she ever though about getting a cochlear implanted?" asked Lilly.
Cuddy shook her head immediately. "No!" she cried out. Then, she signed, "Never would I get that. I'm fine with who I am! I don't need to hear again; I don't need a cochlear implant."
She got up from her seat, and walked over to her desk. Saying she needed a cochlear implant, it made her feel like she was disabled. It was like not being able to hear made her incapable of being able to do anything. She was perfectly fine with who she was, at least, that's what she had thought...
"I'm sorry," Lilly apologized. "I didn't realize how much that bothered her…"
"It's okay," said Cameron. "See, most patients who get the surgery and have Meniere's; the symptoms of vertigo have a chance of coming back. Cuddy was lucky not to have that happen to her. Since she had had the disease, and she still might have it slightly; she might not make a good candidate for the implant. But I'm sure it would help her. It is her choice, though, if she wants it or not."
Lilly quickly glanced at Cuddy, and then looked at Cameron. "Have you ever felt…like wish that Cuddy hadn't become deaf? I know it sounds like a personal question, but I was just wondering if having to interpret things to her and the things she says to others become annoying for you?"
Cameron looked at Cuddy for a while, and then slowly shook her head. "Sometimes I just wish I wasn't the only one who looked out for her. I've had plans to get married, but with hospital life and having to help Cuddy it's just, it makes things difficult." She turned to Scotty. "Is your friend in the ICU, for lung cancer?"
Scotty nodded.
"I wish him good luck," said Cameron. She turned back to Lilly. "I think it's a good time for you two to be leaving. We should give Cuddy some time alone."
Lilly and Scotty immediately stood up. "It was nice meeting you, Dr. Cameron." She shook hands with Cameron, and then she and Scotty left the room. Cuddy turned to look behind her, seeing that they had left. Cameron was still standing by the doorway.
"Leave," Cuddy signed. "Leave now."
Cameron obeyed her order and left her office. When Cuddy was sure she was gone and out of sight, she took a seat at her desk, and grabbed House's letter, reading it again. Tears filled her eyes, and her sobs were only silent to her. She didn't care if she couldn't hear anything, she just wanted House to come back, to come back and tell her everything was going to be all right.
Outside the Hospital, Nighttime
The cold breeze blew through her hair. She loved the night; it was the time when the world would go to sleep, making everything calm and quiet in the streets. Unfortunately, the streets of Chicago would still be full of noise, even late at night. The fortunate thing for her was that she didn't have to hear any of it, since she couldn't hear the sounds at all. But sometimes she still wished she could hear the sounds of the night. The whole world didn't go to sleep during the night; the hospital was still busy throughout the evening. She would be working late, since she was administrator of the hospital.
She was thinking of everything that had happened to her, not only in the past year, but in all of her life. She was so desperate to know where House was and if he would ever come back to Chicago. And she was considering the thought of hearing again, if getting a cochlear implant would be a good choice. But something told her that life would be too different again; being deaf had given her a new perspective of the world.
Lilly, the woman she had met earlier in the day, she wondered if she had given her too much information, if having her know how she felt was a good thing. She thought about Scotty, the other detective, who hadn't said much to her. But what he had asked was something she wanted to answer; Lilly's questions were a bit personal. And whatever she had asked Cameron when she had walked over to her desk, she wondered if those questions had been personal too.
She thought about Cameron, of how much she had supported her through the year. She wondered if she felt like she had had too much of interpreting things for her; she wondered if Cameron wanted to have a break from that. But she knew Cameron would have said something; she would have explained her feelings to her.
She stared out into the distance of the night sky. The stars shone brightly, and for the first time she had been in Chicago, she felt like everything was normal, like everything was the way it used to be.
Through the windows, Cameron was sitting in a chair in the break room, watching Cuddy outside. When she heard an opening of a door, she immediately turned around and gasped. The person who had come into the room was Chase. "Chase!" she whispered. "You have to be quieter than that!"
"Sorry," he quickly apologized. He sat down in a chair next to her. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be heading home?"
"I know I should be," said Cameron. "It's… it's just…"
"…Cuddy," Chase finished for her. "Don't you think you should stop worrying about her for one second and maybe spend a little time with me?"
Cameron gave him an angry look. "What are you talking about? I do spend time with you."
"Cuddy's fine," said Chase. "You've been worrying so much about her, interpreting things for her, that you don't get one minute to do something without thinking about her. But you need to accept the fact that she'll be fine one minute without your help."
"Stop being so insensitive, Chase," said Cameron. "You are just mad that we haven't been able to get married because of work and taking care of her."
"Maybe I am," said Chase. "Someone else can take care of her, it's not like she needs help with eating breakfast!"
"Well, no one else in this hospital knows sign language!" exclaimed Cameron. She glanced at the window to make sure Cuddy hadn't seen her there with Chase. She lowered her voice. "I was the only one who came to help her after that surgery. House left, you left, and everyone left. Everyone left me alone to take care of her."
Chase shook his head. "You're forgetting one person," he said. "Thirteen knows sign language, Cuddy taught it to her. Maybe Thirteen can help Cuddy; help her interpret things, just so you don't feel you have the pressure to do it."
Cameron took her eyes off the window and looked at Chase. She couldn't say anything; she knew he was right. Thirteen might have hated Cuddy's guts before, but now, she may be able to help her. "We should leave Cuddy alone," whispered Chase. "We should be going home."
"Okay," Cameron replied in a weak voice. "Let's go."
Chase stood up first, then took Cameron's hand and helped her up from the chair. She took one last look at Cuddy, and then walked with Chase out of the room.
Later in the Evening, Cuddy's Office
Cuddy stopped typing, leaned back in her chair, and glanced at the email she had just completed. She had taken House's advice; she only told him of how she was doing, how everything was going at the hospital, and not asked any questions. She would send it right when she left work, either waiting for his reply in an email or through a letter. She would always email House, since he didn't ever leave a return address. Wherever he was, he wanted to keep it a secret.
When she turned to look away from her computer, she saw Thirteen enter the room. She took her time, closing the door slowly, so that she wouldn't make noise. Thirteen must have forgotten that she couldn't hear anything, or she just liked to do things quietly.
Once Thirteen had taken a seat across from Cuddy, she signed, "You know I can't hear you make any noise, right?"
Thirteen nodded. She then signed, "Of course I know that. Why?"
"You looked as if you were trying to close the door quietly, so I couldn't hear you come in," Cuddy signed.
Thirteen opened her mouth in a sigh, as if to say, "Oh." Then she looked at Cuddy.
"So, what are you here for?" Cuddy signed.
"I was just about to leave and I thought I'd come see how you were doing," signed Thirteen. "You've been working hard all day. Don't you think you should be heading home?"
Cuddy nodded. "I'll be leaving soon," she signed.
Thirteen looked behind her, as if she thought someone had followed her into the room. She turned back to Cuddy and signed, "Where's Cameron?"
Cuddy shrugged. "She probably left," she signed. She watched as Thirteen stared blankly around the room. She wondered if she had really come to see how she was doing or if someone had sent her here. She knocked on her desk to get Thirteen's attention. "Did Cameron send you here?"
"No," she quickly signed back. "I just wanted to stop by before I left, honestly, that's the truth."
"Well, I'm doing fine," signed Cuddy. "There's nothing I need help with right now, so you can leave and go home. I'm not going to be here much longer anyway."
Thirteen immediately nodded and stood up. She was obviously waiting for Cuddy's permission to leave the hospital. She began to walk to the door, when a thought came to her mind. She knocked on her desk again, and Thirteen turned around to look at her.
"By any chance, can you tell me your name?" Cuddy signed.
Thirteen smiled. "I don't know, can I?" she signed. She then opened the door and left the office. Cuddy shook her head and then turned back to reread the email.
Dear Greg,
So you want to know about me? Well, things were going okay, for the most of this past year, until today. First, a patient didn't want me to treat her, because she couldn't accept the fact that I was deaf…(or in her case, "death.") Then, a Chicagoan detective came to talk to me about being deaf, after she saw me in the lobby, signing away to a nurse. She had dealt with a case before that had involved a deaf kid, and wanted to know more about how it was like to be deaf.
Her partner, another detective that works for Chicago PD, actually asked me the question, how it was, not being able to hear anything. I told him that I heard the world through my eyes, that I was fine with who I was. But Greg, I don't think I like who I am anymore. And that's what made me come to this difficult choice: Should I get a cochlear implant, so I can hear again? (Oops, a question let me restate that: I'm thinking about getting a cochlear implant, so I can hear again.)
I don't want to hear again, but then again, I do. If I get a cochlear implant, I'll have to learn how to hear again, it will be like having to start over again, when I've gotten used to the idea of being deaf. And with the implant, I'll feel like I am disabled, like I needed it so I could be a normal person and communicate with people without having to sign to them.
I guess I'm stuck between wanting to hear and not hearing. I don't know what's best, and I'm so confused on everything. I like my life the way it is, but I still wonder how it would have been, if I had never gotten Meniere's, if we had never had to evacuate New Jersey. Greg, I want you to come back, I want to hear your voice again. And I want you to hear my voice too, so I think I've come to my decision. I think…just think right now…that I will get a cochlear implant, if I'm a good candidate for it.
Please support my decision, please. And I will miss you, for I have missed you for all these days that have gone by. And I love you with all my heart.
Lisa
After she was done reading it, she added to the letter, below her name.
P.S. We have to figure out what Thirteen's real name is…even after the evacuation of the storm, she still hasn't told me. I even asked her if I could know her name, and she replied, "I don't know, can you?" and walked out of my office…it's odd that she won't tell anyone what her real name is.
She quickly sent the email, got up from her chair, and turned off the lights. She left the office, finally glad to go home and fall into a peaceful sleep.
A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it! I know it was kinda long, but just think…it is building up to the action! Next chapter will have a little more action in it than the other chapters have…More people may know about Lindsay's double identity than Samantha thinks…the Day after Tomorrow will just start beginning for everyone…so the next chapter will be about Lindsay and Samantha and also some appearances by Mac, Stella, Danny, and…Miami is making its way into the story guys! Horatio will be in the next chapter too! And it's a nice long chapter too! Many things to look forward to! :)
And...more questions are yet to be solved! What is Thirteen's real name? (I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you do know Thirteen's name, maybe you were looking up spoilers for House season five, maybe not, please, please don't mention the name in your reviews! So don't tell anyone if you know! Thanks!) Where is House? Will he ever come back? And will Cuddy decide to get a cochlear implant? Thanks for the reviews and please continue reviewing! :)