A/N: I finally got another chapter up in this one. It's a oneshot about Fai's youth. I mean youth youth, like not even a year after he got out of that horrible place. I'm hoping to do one or two more chapters like this, about Fai's time in Celes, because while we see a couple of scenes from that time, Fai spent years and years there, he must have a lot of stories.

This chapter falls under the catagory of: Hurt/Comfort

Read, review, enjoy.

I remember long ago when Ashura first took me and Fai from our home world. He was very kind to me, offering me everything we needed and more. His touch was comforting and his words were distracting. Although he could not make me forget everything that had happened in that place where time flowed differently and magic did not work, he made me feel like one day it might all be okay.

For about two months I was not aware that there were other people in Celes. Subconciously I knew that there had to be other people, but I never saw anyone. About three times a day Ashura would come in and hand me food, drink, and a few things to keep myself entertained. Then he would lean down and kiss the top of my head before he would leave again.

To this there were a few exceptions, every couple of days he would stay for an hour or so in the morning and hold me in his lap, his fingers gently caressing my hair, telling me of all the things that would happen in the future. Once he came in with a measuring tape and spent a half hour taking my measurements. A few days after that he came in with clothes that were too big on me. He told me I would grow into them quickly. At yet another time he cut my hair, and we took a walk, to visit Fai's grave.

I cannot call this a happy time. Nothing was ever happy for me during my early years in Celes. It was all relief and grief mixed together in some jumbled emotion that I cannot properly describe. It wasn't a truly bad feeling, but it wasn't truly good either. As a result my face remained eternally stoic.

That facial expression didn't change even after Ashura decided I could be seen among other people. For those two months he had been protecting me, watching my body recover from that time in the below. This time allowed my face to fill out into a healthy form, and allowed my now short hair to regain a lot of the luster it should naturally have. It had taken two months for me to change from the hollow and starving child, into a healthy and 'cute' pupil.

On the day that he deemed me healthy enough to go out he gave me my staff. It was beautiful, but it was also three times taller than me and too much for me to carry in my current condition. Ashura told me to try carrying it around my room every day to get the feel of it.

From that day forward I was put into a daily routine that would change little by little over time. Every morning Ashura would knock on my door and listen to my small noise of acknowledgement before he would enter the room and stroke my hair for five minutes until I completely woke up from the previous night's nightmares. Then I would get out of bed and we would go down to breakfast where he always tried to get me to eat two more bites. Then he would walk down with me to the library and I would be left to self-study.

If I ever needed help I was given permission take my book, go up to the throne room, and disrupt anything he was doing and ask for his help. I rarely did this, just as Ashura often told me, my magic was the real thing and everything but healing magic came easily to my fingertips. In fact the only time I do remember going up was when I first realized that I couldn't remember how to do a healing spell that I had just read. When his assistance didn't help me, I never tried again.

In the beginning most of the people in the castle either ignored me, or would every so often pause at the library door to look at me. Unlike in Valeria where they would have hated me or feared me they were merely curious, so I let them gaze.

About six months after I started my self-study someone did more than stare. It was both the first time and the last time anyone ever complained about how Ashura was treating me.

It wasn't so much an argument between the king and the servant than it was the servant complaining and Ashura sitting back in his chair, a look of amusement on his face as he idly stroked my hair. "Your majesty, he's but a child, and yet you leave him in that room all day long. It isn't fair. He should be running around with other children, yet you lock him up as if he were a man over twice his age!"

At this Ashura had only chortled. His fingers never stopping their eternal touches. "But he's not a child. You only see the size of his body and take him to be young. I assure you, I do not lock him up, he does everything of his own free will. Don't you Fai?"I had truthfully nodded, he did not force me to do anything. He never had. "If he wanted to play, he would play, what he needs comes naturally to him. I only nudge him in the right direction."

"Your majesty, he's a child..."

"He's not."

"Please, I beg of you, let him come home with me. I have two young children. Let me show you how happy he could be if he were living the life someone his age is supposed to live."

Ashura's gaze met mine. At once I knew what my king was asking me. He was asking me the simple question of whether or not I wanted to go home with this man overnight.

I had stared into my king's eyes for a long time before I nodded again. For this man's peace of mind I would go with him. I would show him in as kind a way as I could that I was not what he thought I was. "I will go."

It was decided that the man would pick me up early in the morning and take me to his home. During that day I would stay, play with his kids, be introduced to a normal life. Later on in the day he would come back, the family and I would eat supper and then as the sun set we would go to bed. The next morning I would be taken back to the castle and I would tell Ashura what I thought about this.

That day Ashura came and woke me up early. I dressed, grabbed my bad full of books to study from, ate breakfast, and went to wait for the man to take me.

I can't say it wasn't nice. The mother was warm and loving. The children were happy and loud. The food was simple, but you could taste the emotion put behind it. It was wonderful, to watch. I couldn't bring myself to actually participate.

No matter how many times the children asked me to put down my books and play with spinning tops or any of the other toys they had I couldn't say yes. I would say that I wasn't interested and then I would watch them smile and laugh over the top of my book. No matter how many times the mother would ask me if I wanted a blanket or something to eat, I would just shake my head and say that it was all right.

As the day went on the mother had started to look out from the kitchen to watch me. I couldn't see her face, but I could feel her concerned gaze burn into the back of my head as I read spells.

When the man came home from work the family ate dinner. I ate too, but only enough to satisfy the mother. It wasn't like with Ashura where he would urge me to eat more because he knew I needed to eat or my body would go back into the state of starvation. It was different. The first time I said I was done she had looked at my plate and then asked if my stomach hurt, or if the food wasn't to my liking. I had quickly shaken my head and forced myself to eat more, I didn't want to worry her.

After dinner the man and the mother stayed in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes. I could hear them murmur and talk. Every once in a while I could hear them speak my name. "...Fai..." It unnerved me. This perfect little family was strange enough to speak my 'name' in a tone of voice that indicated that they were concerned. They shouldn't be concerned about me. They should be concerned about their own family. The perfect little window that I could only watch through and wish that Fai and I could have had this.

Almost an hour passed before the whispering stopped and the man came back out. "Fai-sama?" He had placed his hand on top of the book and pushed it down so that he could see my face. "Do you want to go back to the castle?"

I had shaken my head, "I don't want to be a bother."

"It's no problem Fai-sama. I realize now that I was a fool. Ashura is right. Something in you is not normal. You're not a child. You don't want to be here, do you?"

A small sound had escaped my lips as I felt my heart ache. I had turned my head to the ground and closed my eyes. "It's not you...This...is not a bad thing. Your family."

"Then what is it?"

"It...has nothing to do with you. It is mine. Mine alone." Although I had not looked up, I knew the man had smiled at me. I knew he pitied me, even though he knew nothing. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Come on, gather your things, we're in the castle area. It's not far. I'll take you back."

"Did I displease you?"

"No, Fai-sama. We displeased you. Come on."

He indeed did take me back to the castle. He guided me right up to my room, even though it was quickly getting dark and Celes was not always safe at night. "Good-bye, Fai-sama. I hope you find your place." He had placed his hand on my head in a very father-like way and ruffled my hair before he had turned and left me in my room.

I had stood very still, staring at the empty doorway. For minute after minute I had stared at it until at last I looked down at the books I still carried. They belonged in the library. I didn't want to just leave them in my room to possibly get lost. I had started out of my room and down to the library.

About halfway there the emotional impact of seeing a normal family and a normal life sunk in. I had tripped over my own feet and I didn't get up. The books lay scattered across the hallway. I took in a deep breath. My entire body had that deep feeling that I wanted to cry, but no tears could come. Not even a sob could I muster. So I just lay there, wallowing in this feeling of jealousy, regret, sorrow, and want.

After who knew how long of my laying there hands had gripped me by my waist and picked me up. "I thought I felt your presence. So he brought you home early?"

It had been King Ashura. In answer to his question I had weakly gripped to his cloak and nodded into his chest. "I see. Let's go, Fai." He had just left those books there as if they held nothing of importance in them and carried me back to his own chambers.

He lay down on his bed with me and just held me. He didn't say anything until he was sure that I was okay. "I'm sorry Fai. I have been a fool."

"Why are you sorry? Why are you a fool?"

"Because I was wrong. You're still a child. I was a fool to think that you had become an adult. I was a fool to think that you could just study and not have a parent's love. You need more than I have been giving you. I will try harder."

"Your majesty, you have done everything for me. There is nothing more I can possibly ask of you. You were not wrong. I am not a child. I cannot play, I cannot eat a person's cooking with grins and smiles. I can't do anything a child does."

"But you're still not an adult. You still need someone to take care of you. You still need that reassurance that you are loved. You are loved, Fai. I love you, and soon, this entire country will love you. Fai D. Flourite of Celes Country. Your magic and care will touch their hearts and they will love you, just as much as I love you."

For a time his words comforted me. I still felt the regret and want, but it was softer in my chest, it was slowly lowering its head to wait until another time when it would rear up and cause another collapse. I thought over his words again and again, allowing them to sink in.

After a time a question had arisen in my mind, "Ashura-ou?"

"Yes Fai?"

"If I am not a child, and I am not an adult, what am I?"

Carefully Ashura had mulled the answer over. "You are in-between. You are in a place that few people see. A place where you can see both sides, but not truly have one or the other. You're confused. You are young in body, but old in mind. You do not know where you belong."

Even now I find his words to be absolutely true. Even though my body had matured, my attitude has become juvenile. Even now I look out to both childhood and adulthood and wonder where I belong. I have knowledge and memories that an adult would have, but I want to play and be loved and held like a child.

I am stuck in the middle of these two. Perhaps it has been that way since I was brought from that valley.