Hey everyone, this is my first attempt at writing Degrassi. It's going to be a twoshot - the first chapter is from Manny's POV, and the second is from Emma's.
Many thanks to TheBucketWoman for the encouragement. *high five*
Enjoy!
--Brandi
Disclaimer: Degrassi belongs to Epitome, Alliance Atlantis, CTV, and The N. Do you see my name on that list? Didn't think so.
Part 1: I Wanna Be Sedated
Manny Santos did not sulk over guys. Well, okay, she did. But she tried not to do it in front of other people. That would be completely lame.
When she broke up with Jay Hogart, she spent several days (it was actually more like a few weeks) wallowing. She was pretty miserable for awhile. She kept looking down and expecting to see that breathtaking ring on her finger, and every time she did and it wasn't there, her heart broke a little more.
But then things got better. She was going to prom, graduating high school, going off to an amazing university with her best friend. She would probably be so busy that the idea of a fiancé trailing along behind her was just cuckoo bananas.
She didn't see him at all that summer. She purposefully avoided places she knew he'd be. She barely even went to The Dot, scared she'd walk in on one of Spinner and Jay's epic meaning-of-life conversations that went round and round in circles and never accomplished anything, and yet were endlessly entertaining.
The night before she left for Smithdale, she dreamed about him. He was lying next to her, stroking her hair. She was crying, and he was murmuring softly, some story about the eccentric owner of the car he had been working on that day, and it was making her giggle through her tears.
That was it. Most irrelevant dream ever. But the knot in her stomach that had formed during her last week at home in Toronto was gone when she woke up, and it didn't come back, not even during her first week of classes when she started to feel a little homesick.
She hadn't thought about him in weeks (well, hadn't thought about him much, anyway) when she came home for Christmas. But her mom was making a big family dinner, and the relatives that had been at her debut kept asking her what had happened to that nice young man she had been dating. She had actually considered calling him and wishing him a Merry Christmas, but decided against it. No reason to open up old wounds. He had probably found some other girl by now. Or maybe he was in jail. Or not even in Ontario anymore. She didn't care. (Much.)
By the end of January, she was completely settled into her new life. Classes, theater, hanging out, homework, eating bad cafeteria food. She had scoped out the selection of single guys, and decided that instead of accepting any offers, should they come along, she'd hold out for something better.
He hadn't been on her mind at all that semester. That's why it took her several seconds to compose herself when she answered the loud banging on her dorm room door one Thursday morning. Kelly was in class, Liberty was reading, and Emma was busy piling dirty clothes into her laundry basket.
Manny's breath hitched when she opened the door to reveal none other than her former fiancé. But before Jay could say anything, she blurted out, "You have a lot of nerve showing up here, Hogart. What makes you think I want to see you?"
Jay's expression, which had seconds ago been filled with something resembling apprehension, quickly hardened. "What makes youthink I'm here for you?"
"What?" Manny glanced back into the room in disbelief at Liberty and Emma, who had stood abruptly when they saw who was standing in the hall.
"Listen, Dimples—"
Manny cringed involuntarily at the nickname, feeling a lump forming in her throat.
"—I need to talk to Emma. It's important."
Emma stepped forward, looking Jay over quizzically. "What's going on?"
Jay shifted his weight from his left foot to his right, and back again, looking inexplicably like he was about to cry. "Can we go somewhere more private?"
Emma must have sensed his uncharacteristic discomfort, but she stood her ground. "Come in and talk to me here. Whatever it is, I'm just going to tell them anyway." She motioned to her friends, only half joking, and Jay managed a weak smile. He stepped into the room, and Manny closed the door behind him.
Just looking at him acting so subdued like this was throwing Manny for a loop. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to act. Every muscle in her body was aching for her to throw her arms around his neck and never let go, but her brain knew better. Jay had started to talk. She tore her eyes away from his face and listened.
"Emma, I have some bad news."
"Are my parents okay?" Emma paled instantly, and Manny and Liberty moved to stand beside her without even blinking an eye. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to be easy to hear.
"It's…" Jay's voice cracked. "It's Sean. He…he was in an explosion. They flew him to a burn center in Nova Scotia."
Emma slumped against Liberty and Manny, who each grabbed an arm and kept her standing. Liberty had clapped a hand over her mouth, and Manny was just trying to keep breathing.
"Mr. Simpson sent me to come get you. He and your mom are there already. We'll both fly out there to see him. Pack enough for few days."
"She has class in an hour," Liberty remarked flatly, and Emma just groaned.
"How bad…" she began, and Jay reached out for her hand and squeezed it.
"He's, well, he's been unconscious since it happened."
"Oh, God." Emma leaned into Liberty and hung her head. Jay dropped her hand and moved to stand in front of Manny. "Help me pack her stuff."
Manny sprang into action, grabbing Emma's suitcase and throwing things into it. Emma stood in the center of the room, still supported by Liberty, who patted her shoulder sympathetically, probably thinking in vain for something to say.
Jay and Manny finished filling up her overnight bag and Jay grabbed Emma's hand again. "Let's go."
Emma finally snapped to attention. "Will one of you email my professors and tell them what's going on? And could you finish my laundry?" She glanced at the forgotten basket, probably wishing it could turn into a time machine. Or possibly Sean himself.
"We have to go," Jay reminded her, tugging on her hand. "Our flight leaves in less than three hours."
Emma told Manny and Liberty goodbye, and they took turns hugging. Jay waved distractedly to both of them, slung Emma's bag over his shoulder, and led her out of the room.
Once the door was closed behind them, Manny stared at Liberty, sure that her friend's wide eyes mirrored her own. Sean wasn't supposed to get hurt. He was in the army. He was saving lives. He wasn't supposed to be fighting for his own.
Liberty stepped forward to give Manny a hug, and Manny let out a ragged sigh. The lump that had formed in her throat was making it hard to swallow, and she knew she would start crying if she didn't compose herself.
"I'll finish the laundry. You want to email her teachers?" Manny asked.
"Sure. I'd better call Kelly, too, and let him know what happened." Liberty headed for the computer.
Manny grabbed the basket and turned towards the door. If she squinted, she could still see Jay's anxiety-ridden form there. But he had barely looked at her. This had not exactly been what she'd imagined their reunion would be like.
Before leaving, she grabbed her mp3 player off her bed. She had a feeling that she'd need something to take her mind off of worrying about Sean while she waited for the clothes to wash.
DTNGDTNGDTNG
Jay and Emma returned Sunday night, clearly exhausted.
Manny heard their voices in the hall and threw open the door before they even had a chance to knock. Kelly and Liberty were in the library, so she had been pacing the length of the dorm, anxiously awaiting some news.
"Well?"
Emma looked like she hadn't slept in days, and she probably hadn't. Jay smiled weakly at her as he removed the hand from her back that had guided her into the room. Emma leaned into Manny, who enveloped her in a hug. Manny's eyes met Jay's.
"Hi. Thank you," was all she could think to say.
Jay shrugged and repositioned his cap, which he was apparently still wearing backwards these days. "Make sure she sleeps," he said, and with that, he was gone.
"Em?" Manny asked into her hair.
"It's horrible, Manny." Emma pulled away and focused on her with bleary eyes. "He's covered in bandages. You can barely see his face. His whole right side is—" She choked on the words and couldn't continue. Manny was surprised that she wasn't crying, but then again, she was probably all cried out.
"Was he awake?" Manny asked gingerly. She dreaded the answer.
"He was slipping in and out. He would grumble and twitch a little, and then go back to sleep." She grabbed her hair in her hands and twirled it absently. "I don't think he knew we were there. Mom, Dad, Jay, and I all took turns talking to him, sitting with him. Jay was making jokes and trying to keep it light, but when it was my turn I could barely say anything. I let him down, Manny."
"No, you didn't." Manny led Emma over to her bed and sat down next to her. "I'm sure if Sean could hear you, he was so happy you were there."
Emma just shook her head. "Snake only got one hotel room, so we would leave after visiting hours and then come back first thing in the morning. I didn't sleep at all."
"I don't blame you, Sweetie," Manny said, patting Emma's thigh. She bit her lip, hating herself for the pang of jealousy she'd felt right then. She tried to word her next question carefully. "You, uh, you all slept in the same room?"
Emma didn't register Manny's accusatory tone. "Dad stayed at the hospital. He's been sleeping in the chair next to Sean's bed. Mom and I slept in one bed, and Jay took the other."
"Oh." Why was she so hung up on this? Sean was in serious trouble, damn it, and all she could think about was her best friend getting to be so close to stupid Jay Hogart. Get it together, Manuela, she chided. "Do the doctors…I mean, what do they say?"
Emma took her time answering. Manny refrained from prodding her along, realizing that she was potentially about to get some life-changing information.
"They don't know much. He's breathing on his own, which is good. But they're not sure if they can—" Emma paused to take a deep breath, and Manny rubbed her back soothingly.
"—if they can save his leg. His right leg is practically crushed. And he's got burns all over. They just need to wait and see if his body heals itself, I guess."
"Oh my God." Manny brushed a few tears away from Emma's eyes. "This is so not fair."
"I know," Emma sighed. She leaned back onto the bed and curled up, arms wrapped around her legs.
Manny carefully removed her shoes and pulled the blanket over her. By the time she was finished, Emma was sound asleep.
DTNGDTNGDTNG
The next Friday, Jay arrived at their dorm again to bring Emma to Nova Scotia. This time, Kelly answered the door and introduced himself. Jay looked him up and down and smirked in that Jay way. Manny hadn't realized how much she'd missed it until that moment.
"You girls got yourself a boy toy, eh?" he teased in a high, condescending voice. Emma thumped him on the shoulder with a frown. Manny rolled her eyes.
"Shut up." Emma's expression changed when she saw him smiling. "Good news?"
Jay's eyes twinkled. "I can't say."
"You jerk." Emma grabbed her bag, already packed this time, and grinned at her roommates. "Bye, guys. I have a feeling this trip is going to be a lot better!" She crossed the fingers on both hands.
They left. Manny kicked herself for not saying even a word to Jay. She could have at least said hello. Or goodbye.
"I really hope Emma's right," Liberty said, and Manny just nodded.
DTNGDTNGDTNG
By the time they returned on Sunday, Emma was still in high spirits, and Jay matched them laugh for laugh. They entered the room guffawing about something, and Manny's eyebrows shot up involuntarily. Emma and Jay were being all buddy-buddy, huh? Ew.
"What's the report?" Manny jumped up off of her bed, and Liberty and Kelly gathered around as well.
"He's awake, and he's talking, and he looks great!" Emma grabbed Manny and spun her. "He's really improving."
"That's amazing!" Manny said, and everyone else chimed in their excitement.
"He's still in for a long recovery, though," Jay said, and Emma shushed him.
"We're not going to think about that now. We have to concentrate on making him want to get better," she insisted.
"What do you mean?" Liberty asked.
Jay and Emma exchanged an infuriating 'we have a secret' look that made Manny want to throw something.
"It's just that he's so…" Emma began.
"Disfigured?" Jay supplied callously, and everyone turned to look at him. "What? That's the word for it. The nurse let him see his face in the mirror, and it freaked him out. He got kinda depressed."
Emma picked up the explanation. "He was pretty upset this morning. The doctors think his face will have some scarring, but he should look the same. His right eye is fine, too. But it's not just his face. He's scared he won't be able to walk. Or use his right arm." Emma sighed. "Let's not think about that now, though. Okay?"
Everyone nodded, and Emma relaxed. "Good. I'm going to bed." She began rifling through her suitcase, unpacking from the trip.
Jay cleared his throat. "Hey, Manny," he looked directly at her for the first time, "can we talk?"
Manny's eyes widened. "Sure. Totally." She made a face at Emma, who gave her a look that said "Behave!"
Apparently Emma knew something she didn't.
Manny and Jay walked out of the room and down the hall. Jay was scratching the back of his neck, eyes darting back and forth. Manny was about to put him out of his misery and say…something, anything, but he beat her to it.
"Life's too short, Boo."
"Excuse me?" Manny stopped in her tracks and looked at Jay.
"I miss you. I hate that we don't talk. I want to at least try to be your friend." Jay exhaled forcefully. "Whoa, I think that's enough sharing for now. Wanna go get something to eat?"
Manny glared at him, but Jay stared her down. When they were together one glare would have cowed him into submission. But not today.
"So let me get this straight. You want us to be friends?" Manny leaned back against the wall, arms folded.
Jay shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, look at Sean. A week ago, we thought he might not make it. And now, he's, well, he's on his way to being better. I just think life is too short to have regrets."
"I see what you mean. Why not do anything that pops into your head? Like theft, vandalism, cheating, vicious pranks that get people killed…"
"Manny!" Jay cried, visibly hurt.
Manny was instantly sorry she had brought that up. She knew that Jay had never stopped privately punishing himself for the Degrassi shooting, even though he never, ever talked about it.
"I'm sorry. That was low. I know you're not that guy anymore."
"But I'm still a guy who steals stuff, right?" Jay threw back at her. He huffed in annoyance.
Manny was still trying to make him into something he wasn't. And that was not okay. But she just could not let the ring fiasco go.
"Well…"
"Jesus, Manny." Jay started to walk away. "Never mind."
Manny pushed herself off the wall angrily. "That's it?"
Jay threw up his hands. "What the hell do you want me to say? All I wanted was to try to be your friend, and you can't stop attacking me. So I'm going." He kept walking.
Manny ran up behind him and tugged on his shirt, knowing that if she didn't stop him now, she might never see him again. For real. Thankfully, he turned around.
"I'm sorry," she cried, more desperately than she'd intended. "I'm being a complete bitch, and all you're trying to do is talk to me." She looked him directly in the eye, hoping to show her sincerity. "I don't know if we can be together again. But I do want you in my life."
"Good. 'Cause I want you in my life too." He smiled at her, the smile that only she was allowed to see.
DTNGDTNGDTNG
For the next few weeks, Jay would bring Emma back on Sunday and stay as late as he possibly could. Manny showed him around campus, and they would take long walks, trying to get to a place where they were actually comfortable around each other again.
It wasn't easy, but each time she saw him, Manny would get this aching feeling in her chest that told her she was doing the right thing. She didn't miss him anymore; now she only missed them. But that wasn't in her control. Jay hadn't said anything else about their relationship, and Manny wasn't sure she was ready for things between them to change again. They were doing so well where they were.
The first weekend Sean was well enough to move back to Toronto, Jay picked Manny and Emma up at Smithdale and drove them home to see him.
Sean was getting around on crutches. His right arm was still weak, but usable, and the nerves were so damaged in three of his fingers that he had to learn to do some things, like using a pen or grabbing onto something, differently. But his progress was steady. Most of the scars on his face had faded just enough so that they were only slightly noticeable.
He had been staying on Emma's couch bed. He needed everything as easily accessible to him as possible, so staying at Jay's apartment was out. But he kept saying that as soon as he could work again, he'd save up enough to get his own place.
Manny had confided to Emma that she didn't really think he was in too much of a hurry to leave, and Emma agreed. But it's not like anyone at her house wanted him to go any time soon, either.
Emma had been on cloud nine since he got home. She and Sean were getting along great. Manny was so completely jealous she couldn't stand it. But she kept that to herself.
DTNGDTNGDTNG
"I had lunch with Alex last week," Jay said out of the blue. He and Manny were on his couch watching TV one Saturday night towards the end of spring semester.
Manny's chest tightened, but she really needed to get over this jealousy thing. She knew that Emma and Jay were just friends, but now he was seeing ex-girlfriends? Not so cool with Manny. But they weren't together. So all she could say was, "That's nice."
Jay pressed the off button and turned to stare at her. "That's nice?"
Manny shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know."
"Then why did you bring it up?"
Manny couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw a slight blush creep into his cheeks. "I just thought we were trying to, you know, communicate better," he explained.
"Why should I care who you go out with?" Manny had no idea why she was lying to him.
Jay stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of the couch. "I didn't 'go out' with her. She came into town and called me, asked if we could meet for lunch to catch up. That's all."
Manny was confused. "So you wanted to make sure to tell me that you had an innocent lunch with your ex, because…" She hoped he would finish her sentence with something she wanted to hear.
Jay sat back down and placed both hands on her shoulders. "This whole thing," he removed one hand and gestured at the space between them, "is about us reconnecting, right?"
Manny knew for certain that she was blushing now. "Well, yeah. But—"
"So I figured if I told you something I wouldn't have the last time we were together, you'd see I'm…maturing." He made a face at the word.
Manny pushed his hands off her shoulders. "We're not together, though," she said quietly.
Jay sniffed and crossed his arms. "You're right. You just spend all your time here instead of visiting your parents because my apartment is…cleaner?" He laughed.
Manny grimaced. "If you don't want me to spend time with you, that's fine. My parents won't complain if I hang out with them." She got up to leave, and he tugged on her arm.
"That's not what I meant, Dimples."
She sat back down and met his eyes, taking a deep breath before speaking. "You know I still love you, right?"
Jay's expression softened and he pulled her into a hug. "I love you too," he murmured into her neck.
Manny was the first to pull away. "But what can we do? We might have the same problems we did last time." She felt like crying. She would not be able to take it if they started something and it ended badly again.
Jay sighed. "Maybe we will. But hey, we've been hanging out for months, and I haven't committed a single crime." She gave him a dirty look, and he stopped smiling. "And you haven't acted like my mother, either. So I'd say we're ahead of the game so far, don't you think?"
"I don't know. I don't want to get my heart broken again."
"I know you don't." Jay wrapped an arm around her and placed his other hand on top of hers. "I don't, either. But we owe it to ourselves to try again. Having you back as a friend has been great, but it's not enough."
"For me, either," Manny admitted. "And hey," she looked up at him. "Thanks for telling me about Alex. I think."
Jay cleared his throat. "Anything you'd like to share?"
Manny thought for a second. "No. But I do promise to be honest with you, if you promise to do the same."
"Deal." He kissed her forehead, and she snuggled against him.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Jay spoke up, "Hey, you know how I said I wanted to be more than friends?"
Manny sat up and gasped in mock indignation. "Don't tell me you said all that stuff just to get me in bed!"
Jay threw up his hands in defeat. "That was kind of the general purpose, yeah," he admitted with a smile.
Manny just laughed as she moved over into his lap and cradled his face in her hands. "I think something can be arranged."
She didn't let him answer because her lips were already pressed against his.