Just for reference, we do go into first person narration here and to be helpful since the names in the blog are changed, even though I don't think any of you are thick enough not to get it, TaycenTaylor, Parker Patrick, Addison Aiden

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Chapter 3: Don't Get Yourself In Situations

January 25, 2008
Time: 6:21 PM
Mood: Irritated
User: TrojansNotNeeded

Do you think that someone could possibly watch a movie too many times? I'm a little afraid that I may be slightly over-obsessed with this particular movie. Well actually, it's like three different movies. You see, I don't know why but one day this DVD just showed up in my mailbox. I didn't even order it, I thought it might have been a joke from Taycen but I watched it anyway. Afterwards, it became this "obsession", though I wouldn't necessarily call it that. I just love it. The movie is so funny and the relationships between the characters flow so easily. Ugh, speaking of relationships, my mancandy has been annoying me yet again. Yesterday, he actually wanted to go ring shopping. I was like, so I don't get any say in the fact that I'm almost damn sure that I'm not in love with you?!

But as usual my spine had gone missing, so I said nothing and went along. They say diamonds are a girl's best friend but honestly, they seem more like sparkly prison bars to me. I mean it's like a guy's way of locking you up and throwing away the key. Forever! Forrrrrrr-evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv-errrrrrrrrr. You hear about men cheating on their wives all the time and I mean, people are like oh what a shame whoopeedoo let's watch American Idol. But if a woman cheats on her husband, it's like the entire SWAT team is called down from Special Ops to attach the scarlet A to her chest and make sure that people try and burn her at the stake. Just a little double standard. Personally, I really honestly would have taken being burned at the stake over shopping in Tiffany's with Addison. The guy is like a woman, only worse, meticulously going over band designs with the salesmen while I tried to look interested in whatever they were going over.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't even get married. I just think the whole institution is pure crap. I mean my mom left my dad for a married man who left his wife for my mom. Essentially, married people shouldn't have kids. Because all they do is rip them apart and it screws them up. Just look at my weirdo step-sister, she never talks to anyone but this creepy little girl who wouldn't even tell me her name the first time we met. Granted, Taycen and Parker have been over here every time we've been introduced but I mean how rude is that?! Anyway, it just goes to show the company you keep reflects upon yourself. Except, I'm not a slut like Taycen. But I could be. Anyway, now that I've gotten off onto a complete and utter tangent that is irrelevant to my original topic…

Back to the movie. Now I've heard people call this a cult classic, among well your people (i.e.…lesbians), and I have to tell you I love it. So most of you should know the title D.E.B.S. and if you don't you must go out immediately and buy it. Not rent it. Buy it. So this movie, it like finds me right? I mean it was fate, I was meant to have this movie. The moment I saw those plaid skirts, I knew that there really was a secret test in the SAT and it was only a matter of time before they recruited me. Obviously, my eccentric step-sister is not the only one who is delusional in this house. But honestly, D.E.B.S. can be used to navigate life. You have romance, drama, action, comedy and solution. And not too mention one of the hottest super-villains ever. I can say that, because I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to know that I'm just admiring the fact that she has been beautifully built. Right? Shit.

This is also something I need help on. I don't know whether or not it's natural for me to be admiring women this way. Honestly, I can't help but notice when a gorgeous woman walks by me on the street. But I wouldn't say that I'm checking her out. I've never even wanted to kiss a girl before, much less, do what the people on the L-word to each other. Okay that's a lie; I wouldn't say I would never kiss a girl because there was that one dream that I had about Leisha Haley when she was dressed in the bunny suit offering me carrots and other things. Taycen says that I'm the straightest girl she knows but that's only because I won't have sex with her no matter how drunk she gets me. It isn't that I'm the straightest girl she knows, I mean all of the lesbian pop culture I'm exposed to must have downgraded my straight status a little, it's just that I don't want VD.

Frankly, I really don't think I'm gay. The repercussions if I were gay would be monumental. I can only imagine how my mother would react. If I were to actually tell her, that is. We would be sitting down in the enormous kitchen that she never uses and she would fold her hands in front of her and cock her head to the side waiting for my revelation. Of course, she would assume I was pregnant with Addison's child or that Taycen had once again defiled her living room loveseat. As the truth dawned in her eyes, her face would contort in horror and then she would grab my arm and plead for it not to be true. Sadly, I would refuse to deny it and then, her horror would transform to rage. The arm she had clutched so protectively would be used to drag me outside, where she and our perfect Stepford neighbors would proceed to stone me with the leftover building materials from our rock waterfall.

My eyes are burning, should my eyes be burning? Parker bought me some visine, I just forgot where I put it. When I stress out, it's like my eyes get super dry and start to burn. I have no idea why and it only happens whenever I stress about my mom. But enough about Dr. Doom. I do want to talk about my sister for a moment though.

Remember her little creepy friend I was telling you about? She's over here right now. Parker and Taycen are lounging in front of me on the infamous loveseat. My sister just came in to see if we wanted anything to eat but Taycen once again, had to be a total bitch. I'll apologize later; it wouldn't do any good now anyway. I know I make Taycen out to be a bad person but it's only because I don't focus on the good things she does. Well, she hasn't actually done any good things in a long time but once upon a time, she was a sweet girl. I think she changed after some of the girls at school put up those fliers about her and her volleyball coach. Taycen and my sister used to get along but I have no idea what happened, it was like World War 3 in my kitchen one day after school. I can hear them watching Lord of the Rings again, Frodo was a serious fag. I mean, he and Samwise were totaaaaaaalllly getting it on. That look at the end of Return of the King said it all. And then Samwise had to go and be a dick, breaking Frodo's heart and marrying that hobbit slut Rosie.

No one knows about my secret movie collection by the way, and I know I shouldn't worry but I'm completely paranoid that someone on here is going to figure out who I am and then my obsession will totally be outed. Because the obsession is the only thing that can be outed, just to clarify. I had this idea after DEBS found its way into my possession, to keep people from finding out that I had it and I hollowed out an old encyclopedia in my room and you know, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to add to the collection. So I looked DEBS up on the internet and found related titles and did a little ordering. Shit, I should probably go, Taycen keeps trying to look over my shoulder.

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Spencer Carlin Private Entry: I think I might be gay. But how do I know? I had a dream last night about Ashley Davies, which is so weird. I mean she's Kyla's freaky little friend not mine. Why would I dream about her? I mean honestly, you would think that I would be dreaming about Taylor. She's actually in my circle of friends but no. I dreamt about Ashley Davies and her lips and her eyes. I dreamt about her hair down and around her face, the tips of those dark curls brushing against her smooth tan shoulders. I dreamt that I was kissing Ashley Davies, can you say gross? Cuz I can. My first dream about a girl is about a complete nerd who thinks that entertainment is drinking a bottle of vault as fast as she can and then burping the words to the Star Wars Cantina. Ugh my subconscious sucks.

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"Spencer!" Taylor's voice nearly made me jump out of my skin as she bounded into my room with Patrick close at her heels. I slammed the lid of my laptop shut after clicking submit and tried not to look guilty. "Girl you will never guess what happened."

"Oh I doubt you could surprise me," I replied dryly. As usual Taylor's hair and makeup were immaculate. Sometimes, I just wished for once that she would let herself go a little. But then the world would explode. "But go ahead."

"It's about your sister," Patrick warned as he flopped down on the end of my bed. My bed was notorious for being the most comfortable place on the planet. Some people said that it was the down navy comforter that provided the ultimate softness and warmth, while others argued that it was the memory foam mattress topper. But I knew the secret was hidden within the sheets, hello it was me.

"What about my very own piece of Middle Earth?" I asked.

"People are saying that she and Ashley Davies, totally got drunk last weekend and had sex."

"Oh my god," I said nervously remembering my "insignificant" dream. "You do realize that people have been saying that every weekend since the day they met right?"

"Seriously Spence, I don't know how you deal with her. She's like the definition of the loser group in high school." Taylor said flipping her straight strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. "Want to hear the real news?"

"Sure. I'm just dying to know." I winked at her and she grinned tossing a pillow at me.

"Wait wait, let me guess." Patrick said running his hands through his dark curly hair. "You finally had sex with a donkey and George W. Bush taped it."

"Shut up Captain Virgin. For your information, I have a date tonight. With a boy."

"Oh god Taylor, you don't work at In and Out burger. Just seriously decide already, your battle of the sexes drama gets so old." Patrick sneered obviously trying to impress me.

"Patrick be nice. Which class are you failing this time?" I asked, we had known Taylor long enough to know how she operated.

"Home Ec." She sighed. I couldn't contain my burst of laughter and nearly snorted.

"You're like the worst version of a girl ever. Your thundercat club card should so be revoked and replaced with a thunderclap card." Patrick said mussing her hair. "So Spencer, what's up with you and Ashley Davies?"

"What?!" My head snapped up at the mention of her name. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks and tried mentally to control my blush. "Nothing! Why?"

"You're a slut Spencer. A gay slut. Everyone knows it." Taylor whispered in my ear licking the tip of the lobe. Suddenly a loud noise popped in my ear.

"Earth to the student body president." Patrick was waving his hands in front of my eyes. I must have spaced out for a minute. Damn my habit of daydreaming. "Did you hear me? I said what's up with you and Aiden? Someone saw you two at Tiffany's."

"We were just looking for a bracelet for Dr. Doom," I said avoiding Taylor's probing blue eyes. "It was nothing."

"Patrick didn't you say you needed to pee?"

"No."

"Patrick go listen outside of Kyla's bedroom door and see if you can hear sex noises." Taylor said with a commanding tone to her voice. I would never tell it to her face but sometimes she reminded me of a Nazi or of Peggy Peabody.

"I don't- "

"If you value your package and future sperm count I suggest you give Spencer and I a minute to chat."

"Fine whatever, Spencer guard your carnal treasure." Patrick muttered as he hopped off the bed and let himself out.

"Are you engaged?" Taylor asked before the door was even shut.

"Yes, your dad and I were going to tell you, I just couldn't figure out the right time."

"Ohhhhh we've got a comedian in the house. Someone call Dane Cook and tell him to," Taylor stopped and put me in a headlock. "you tell me right now Spencer Carlin or I'll pop your head like a zit or like a tick or something you pop!!!"

"No I'm not engaged." I choked out. The girl was strong; she played volleyball and was in pretty good shape.

"Are you having sex? Are you pregnant?" Typical Taylor questions.

"Yes and NO!" I squealed trying to tickle her hips.

"Who are you having sex with?"

"Your mom bitch!" I yelled escaping her grasp and pinning her arms behind her back. Patrick came barreling into the room with his best Tarzan yell, tickling her hips until tears streamed down her face. It was always like this for me with my best friends. They came first in my life and it was enough to help me forget about the stupid Ashley Davies dream. For now anyway.