Chapter 23: Sometimes I Wish She was You

User: TrojansNotNeeded
Date: 2/14/08
Mood: Content

Hello my beautiful friends. One week ago, I had the most miraculous experience. If it is any indication of how the rest of my life is going to feel, I say bring life on. Seriously, I feel as if I've been sleeping my entire life and have just woken up. Realizing that I liked girls was one thing but actually acting on that feeling, oh my god the rush. THE RUSH! Did I mention that I broke up with mancandy? Ahem, more like obliterated his heart after he made a fool out of me in front everyone at my party!

But anyway moving on, I have to keep this short because Taylor is coming over. Oh yeah, did I mention that she's kind of like my… secret girlfriend? It's so much fun, it's like… living life as a superhero. At school I'm like Clark Kent, seemingly innocent popular student, the moment I get home I rip off my suit and I'm SuperLez! Not really but, you get the picture.

***

I shut my laptop lid just when I heard the footsteps hit my stairs. What a week it had been: stolen kisses behind closed doors, secret smiles hidden beneath heavy lidded eyes, and of course there were the text messages. Every now and then my phone would buzz in class with the declaration of I miss you or you're so beautiful. Aiden had already said these things to me before, but now it was different.

The blood in my veins pumped furiously as I read each one, my heart pounding loudly as I carefully saved each one in my inbox. The moment I heard the footsteps on the stairs, I knew Taylor was on her way up to my room and grinned when she tried to open the door and found it locked.

"Spencer? Are you inside the batcave?" Her voice called from outside the door, the door handle rattling as she tried to turn it. "Why is your door locked? Are you in there eating German chocolate cake again, because you know what coconut does to your cheeks Miss Chipmunk 2008."

"Because you have to say the secret thundercats password before I can let you in." I could just see her in my mind, rolling her eyes at me as she tried to remember. I looked around my room, which I had cleaned and beamed when I saw the simple arrangement of lilies and the card in front of my bed. Dashing around the room, I lit the candles on my bookshelves and flicked off the lights.

"The secret password is: Hit Me Baby One More Time." I laughed when I heard her say it, remembering a time back when we had been younger and dancing in this very room to the very song that became our super secret password.

"Permission to enter." I unlocked the door and opened it a crack, standing behind it silently. I saw her shadow move into the darkened room in front of me and silently closed the door and locked it behind her. Reaching up, I put my hands over her eyes and kissed her neck lightly. "What do you think? Too much for Valentines Day?"

She didn't answer me and removed my hands from her eyes. Noticing that her hair seemed different, I ran my fingers through the curls. She smelled different too, just like cinnamon and vanilla; the combination was mouth watering to say the least. I kissed her neck again, this time biting down and grinning when I heard her quick intake of breath. No longer able to take the separation of our lips I spun her around and was surprised to find dark chocolate eyes looking back at me.

"Ashley?"

"Spencer. I want you so bad. You want me too. I know you do." The kiss was so gentle I barely even knew her lips were on mine but heat surged through my body as my pulse quickened. Burying my hands in her dark curls, I pressed my body into hers. We melted into each other as our kiss deepened, her tongue tracing the outline of my lips.

"Spencer. Spencer. Spencer. Oh my god. Spencer. SPENCER!"

"SPENCER!" I snapped out of my daydream and looked around my room. There were no flowers, no candles and no Ashley Davies anywhere. My mother's voice shrieked through the intercom next to my door and I dragged myself out of bed to the top of the stairs.

"What?"

"Come downstairs for a minute. I want to speak to you about something." Her voice, as always, was very formal and cold. Groaning, I tromped down the stairs and grabbed the keys to my car on the way.

"I'd love to, but I have to go pick up Taylor. We're celebrating Valentines day together."

"That's what we need to talk about." The door was fifteen feet away and I had to get past her to escape. My mother stood there, with her perfect hair and makeup, daring me to walk by. Instead I stopped and placed my hands on my hips.

"What's up?"

"Sweetheart, don't you think this break with Aiden has gone on long enough?"

"Unless the world is going to explode in two point five… no." She pouted at me and suddenly I realized why I irritated other people when I did that. My mother was queen of the pouting face and at that moment I vowed to abdicate from being princess.

"You've been spending so much time with Taylor lately, I don't think it's good for you."

"Why?"

"You know why sweetheart, she's different. I mean after what she did on my loveseat," I cringed internally at the mention of the loveseat. "I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't spend as much time together."

"How about this mom?" I started toward the door with my back turned on her. "You keep on living your life just like you always do. Go on your trips and ignore me because that's what you do best. The parenting thing, it doesn't suit you. Your Chanel pant suits fit better on your ass than you trying to be a parent."

"Spencer Carlin, you come back here."

"Or you'll what? Do nothing? Go to a party with Ben and pretend to be a perfect family? I shudder and quake mother."

I slammed the door on my way out and slid into my Mustang. One of the few things that I was grateful to my mother for, my black convertible GT Mustang was my favorite part about going anywhere. Like my room it was hooked up with a sync system and the pulsating drum beats of The Almost filled the small space as I roared toward Taylor's house.

She was waiting outside when I pulled into her driveway and I leaned over to open the passenger side door for her. Dropping into the black leather passenger seat, she leaned over and kissed me lightly making me smile.

"Hey are you okay?"

"Yeah just an argument with Satan, you know how she can be." Taylor nodded and leaned back into the seat, grabbing my hand and squeezing. Somehow, it just didn't feel right today. Between the fight with my mom and the strange daydream I'd had about Ashley Davies, it was all I could do not to throw her hand off of the top of my own. We drove to my house in silence and before I could get out of my car, Taylor stopped me.

"Wait." I froze and looked at her, perplexed as to why she was making me stay in the car. "I can tell you're tense, so I'm going to do this early."

"Do what? You know you don't have to do anything…" I trailed off as she placed her finger on my lips, pulling me out of the car and I watched as she stood in front of me.

"Hey Spencer you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Spencer! Hey hey hey Spencer!" Placing my hand over my mouth, I stifled a laugh as she danced around me shaking invisible pom poms. "Oh Spencceerrrr can't stand your step team squad, but I love your pom pomssss I'd feed you bon bons all night!!! Cuz you're just what I need, and you're just what I need. Not everything works as it seems is that so hard to believe?!" The pom poms were replaced with an air guitar and I inwardly I grinned. Taylor was a terrible singer. "You're sexy. You're cute. You're popular to boot. You're bitchin, great hair the boys all love to stare! You're wanted, you're hot. You're everything they'r-"

"Okay Torrance, let's go inside," We were still laughing when we slipped in the door and up to my room.

I noticed that Ashley's convertible mini cooper was parked outside on the curb and I wondered why she never parked in the driveway. Probably for a quick escape to the fortress of dorkitude or something. Making our way up to my room, we shut and locked the door.

***

After Ashley left...

"She is such a bitch!" I felt Taylor's hands slide under my shirt and begin to massage my knotted muscles. The anger began to ease out my body and my hands unclenched; I could feel my palms stinging uncomfortably and tried to push the pain out of my mind.

"I know. They should have shock collars for people like her."

"The kind that knock you out and make you incapable of human speech or thought. It wouldn't matter whether or not it affected her heart since she doesn't have one!"

Taylor kissed my ear and my temple, wrapping her arms tightly around my body. Easing into her embrace, I felt a single tear slip from my eye and cascade down my cheek. I'd thought that by being honest with her like Janet had told me to do, Ashley would see that I was trying to change. But all she saw was my past and it was pretty clear that she would never see the person I was trying to be now. I couldn't understand why that thought was so upsetting to me; we hadn't been friends and she'd never even caught my attention before the dreams began. But it mattered to me now and as I cried into Taylor's shoulder, I felt the guilt and anger begin to form an equation that yielded a dangerous feeling of recklessness.

I let my fingers hook into her belt loops and placed a kiss on her moist collarbone. Her skin tasted salty from my tears and moved to the left a little, kissing the next inch of her skin. As my lips moved on to new skin, I felt her hands glide down my body coming to rest on the small of my back. Arriving at her face, I placed a series of small kisses along the edge of her jaw bone and nipped gently at her chin. Taylor's eyes were closed but I could feel her body tensing underneath my wandering hands, which were currently located on her hips.

Now her lips were on my neck and I felt butterflies invade my stomach as her breath tickled its way to my ear lobe. Fingertips grazed the skin below my breasts, and I gasped, unaware that her hands had moved from my back. The touch was tentative and without thinking, I placed her hand on my chest, unable to stop my sharp intake of breath.

"Is this okay?" She asked resting her head on my collarbone, placing a delicate kiss in the hollow of my neck. "We should-"

I wasn't in the mood for talking and had my mouth on top of hers instantly. Over the past week, we'd kissed a lot but this was different. The kiss rough and hard, not soft or sensitive like the others we'd shared. The insistence behind my touches and kisses urged her onwards; Taylor lifted my shirt over my head, kneeling down to kiss the bare flesh of my ribcage. Goosebumps rose all over my skin as she nipped at my soft skin and I blinked hard as a wave of desire rushed through my body.

"Taylor?" My voice was low and throatier than usual, no doubt a side effect of the onslaught of kisses my body was receiving. Judging by the sensual glare reflected in her blue eyes, Taylor was just as turned on as I was. The kisses stopped right away and she looked at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine, I just. I need you to do something for me. Well two things."

"Anything."

"First of all, if I ever get bitten by Werewolf, make sure to tie me up when a full moon is out. Just so that I don't go all Oz on you and cheat with another Wolfy babe." She laughed and pressed a softer than air kiss to my belly button. Running my fingers through her hair, I lifted her eyes to meet mine. Her lips were swollen and I traced the outline of her mouth with my thumb; the strawberry blonde girl kneeling in front of me smiled shyly up into my eyes.

"Second…"

"Tell me."

"Make love to me's a good-" I cut her off with another kiss, one which left us both gasping for air.

"I need you. I want you so badly, please I'm ready." She struggled for a minute, but as she turned those blue eyes to meet mine, I knew that I'd won out. I'll never forget those moments, the moment when time stood still as she led me by the hand to my bed.

The moment when her eyes observed my body with not only hunger but respect and love, offered in that moment to her alone or the moment when I knew that no man would ever truly satisfy me as her knee slid between my thighs causing a sharp moan to escape from my lips.

I would never forget the sweet promises of protection whispered in my ear and the constant reassurance that I would always be beautiful to her. But above all, I will never forget the moment when my mind slipped away.

The moment when I imagined being in her arms instead of Taylor's.