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Chapter 6 – The Kiss
Now they were alone.
"Hmm, that smells delicious, Severus." Minerva leaned over the bed tray and inhaled the sent deeply.
"I'm not hungry," Severus pouted. His stomach already clenched just seeing the food. He was very sure that there would be an accident, just as Poppy stated, when he tried to eat. If his back was not already resting against the headboard, he would have backed away from the meal. And with Minerva still sitting on his bed there also was no room to push the tray away from him.
"Severus, you have at least to try," Minerva said encouragingly.
Couldn't Poppy have stayed? It would at least be less embarrassing to throw up in front of her instead of Minerva, he thought, annoyed.
"Then at least give me the potion for nausea," Severus demanded and tried to reach for it.
"No, Poppy said you should try first without it." With that, she moved the vial out of Severus reach.
"But I am absolutely sure that I cannot eat without it. I am old enough to know what I can do and what I cannot," Severus spat angrily.
"Oh, really? And is that the reason you are here?" Minerva rolled her eyes and started to take the spoon.
But Severus was faster and grabbed it before she could. "You will not feed me, woman." When his angry glare had no effect on Minerva, he sighed and leaned over the tray to observe the food closely. The chicken soup really looked and especially smelled wonderful, but it did not change the awful feeling he had in his stomach. And the fresh bread also looked delicious. Maybe first a little bit of the bread, then I will see if I can hold the soup down as well. Still holding the spoon (I will not give her the opportunity to grab it!), he took the bread and broke a small piece from it. He placed it in his mouth and chewed it very carefully. Waiting for a violent reaction from his body, he concentrated on any sign of nausea. But even when he swallowed, his stomach did not react badly. One glance at Minerva showed him that the woman was smiling at him.
"See. Everything is all right, Sev." He almost choked on the next piece of bread he had placed in his mouth when he heard her call him Sev.
"Don't call me that, Minerva. Or I will call you Min." He glared at her but she only was grinning.
"Oh, feel free to call me Min. I don't mind."
That did not work like I planned, he thought, confused. Rolling his eyes, he changed his attention to his meal again. Maybe I should try the soup now.
After two spoons of the soup, he already felt a little dizzy and his stomach rumbled in protest. After the fourth spoon of soup, he felt cold sweat on his forehead and the feeling of nausea increased. He rested the hand with the spoon on the tray and closed his eyes and concentrated on forcing the nausea down. Still with closed eyes, he fumbled for the bread, broke a piece off, and started to chew. But it did not work. The salty taste in his mouth increased and he felt that he would lose the battle.
"Please, Minerva, I…." He opened his eyes and saw that Minerva already had a spoonful of the thick brown liquid in her hand. She moved it in front of his face and he gulped it down. The nausea shortly increased so that he feared he could not hold the potion down, but it soon kicked in. The salty taste vanished, and he did not feel dizzy any longer.
"And why couldn't I have it before? I already said that I could not eat without it!" he grumbled.
"Because Poppy said so. And she will have her reasons," Minerva said in her no-nonsense voice.
"Yeah, the reason is that she wants me to suffer," he muttered under his breath.
"That's not fair, Severus. You know how much Poppy cares for you." Minerva shook her head at his behavior.
When she realized that he had leaned back and almost closed his eyes, she said, "Severus, the soup is getting cold and you haven't even finished half of it."
"Maybe you didn't notice, but I'm ill. I can't eat more." With that, he crossed his arms in front of his chest to make clear that this was his last word.
"You have to eat, and Poppy said you have to at least finish the soup." She grabbed the spoon, filled it with soup, and then moved it in front of Severus mouth.
But Severus kept his mouth closed and looked at her challengingly.
"Severus, don't be a child. You want to leave the hospital wing as fast as possible, but Poppy will only let you go when you have eaten and slept properly for a few days. By refusing to eat, you just lengthen the time you have to stay here," Minerva tried to reason with him.
But Severus was stubborn and just looked at the ceiling.
"Okay then, you leave me no other choice. I will call for Albus."
"You ca – " He could not say anything else because she shoved the spoon into is mouth. This did not exactly work very well, and soup was running down his chin and onto his lap.
"Minerva, are you crazy?" he shouted as he cleaned his mouth with his sleeve. If looks could kill, Minerva would be dead now.
"Oh, don't be such a baby, Severus." She flicked her wand and the spilled soup vanished. "Now eat, or do we have to repeat it?"
He angrily plucked the offered spoon out of Minerva's hand. "I don't know why you are here. Haven't you something important to do?"
"Something more important than looking out for a friend who tries to kill himself, you mean?"
"I have no intention of killing myself, Minerva. I'm just a little tired and you all make a mountain out of a molehill."
Now Minerva became angry. Her wand still in her hand she glared at him. "We are overreacting? Severus, stop lying to yourself! You fainted in front of us. I saw your body when Poppy got you into the hospital gown. You are thin like a sheet. You haven't eaten right for months. And look at your face, Severus. You look horrible. Merlin, you scared me like hell when you broke down. You are one of my best friends. I don't want to lose you, Severus. So DON'T tell me we are overreacting."
Severus was shocked by her outburst. He looked stunned at Minerva's angry face. They really must think I'm nuts. I was always thin and I can't see such a big difference now. So why is she reacting so violently? And why does she care anyway? The sentence 'one of my best friends' was ringing in his ears. He always was close with Minerva, especially after his recovery as a spy. She was there for him when he was healing from the torture the Dark Lord put him under, and she listened to him when he was confused about how he should then live. Her private quarters were warm and always smelled a little bit like cinnamon. And Severus really enjoyed spending time there with Minerva over a cup of tea or a scotch. Best friend. She called me one of her best friends and she is really worried about me. Guilt started to overcome him.
"I'm sorry, Minerva," he whispered loud enough for her to hear. His eyes were lowered in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry for screaming at you like that," Minerva said gently. She was surprised by her own outburst and slowly regained her composure. "Please try to eat more of the soup. Try for me, Severus," she pleaded softly.
Without looking at her, he took the spoon and ate the now only slightly warm soup. He managed to finish the soup and some bites of bread silently. When he finally could not take any more, he leaned back. "I'm really tired, Minerva, and my head hurts even more." Closing his eyes against the bright light in the hospital wing, he sighed.
The tray was moved from the bed and he felt the mattress dip slightly between his hips. A hand was placed on the right side of his face. "I'm really sorry for screaming at you. But I'm so worried, Severus. I don't want to lose you." Her voice was very sad, and he did not dare to open his eyes to look at her face.
Still with closed eyes, he said, "I know Minerva. I'm still very confused because I can't really understand why you all are making such a fuss. I'm an adult. Shouldn't I be allowed to decide for myself? Shouldn't I have the right to decide how much I eat and sleep?"
"But you are killing yourself! Your body can't live on such small amounts of food and sleep. Can't you see that you are so tired because of your lack of care for yourself?" She moved a loose whip of hair out of his face. A tear was running down her cheek as she sadly looked at his sunken face. She leaned over and kissed his forehead.
When he felt her kiss, he opened his eyes. She was only inches away from his face. He looked into her deep green eyes and saw all her pain and worries for him in them. He did not know what overcame him, but he reached for her head, gently pulled her the last few inches to him, and kissed her.
When she felt his lips on hers, she was stunned. She could not think. Her eyes were wide in shock. Before she could react, he let go of her. And on instinct she pulled away.
"Merlin, I'm so sorry, Minerva. I shouldn't have done that. Please, Minerva, I'm sorry," he stammered frantically. He moved his fingers through his hair, lowered his gaze and shook his head. "I'm so sorry."
When she regained control of her feelings, she realized that he must have thought that she had not wanted him to kiss her. She again reached for his face to calm him, but in that moment he moaned in pain and grabbed his left forearm.
Great, exactly what I need right now. The Dark Lord's physical torture when I'm already torturing myself emotionally.
Minerva put her arm around his shoulders to support him. It was not the first time she was present when the Dark Lord tortured him like this. "Severus, it will be over soon. Everything will be okay in a few minutes. Just hold on." She had a firm grip on his shoulders and forced his head to lie on her shoulder. He did not object. The pain was almost unbearable, and he was glad for the support. She was like an anchor to sanity right now. He clawed his forearm just above the mark with such force that there would be bruises after. Slowly, the pain ebbed. He stared at the Mark, which was a deep, angry red. The area he had clawed was white because no blood was flowing through it. At the same pace the pain in his arm became less, the pain in his neck and head increased.
"Minerva, the potion for my head, please," he whimpered.
"Of course, Severus." Still supporting his shoulder with one hand, she reached for the vial. She slowly guided his head against the cushion. When she was sure that he was resting properly, she removed her hand and opened the vial. She swirled the vial a few times, took his neck for support again, and moved the vial to his lips.
When he felt the vial placed at his lips, he gulped down the bitter liquid without grimacing. He felt the pain ease and the tiredness overcame him. Slowly he opened his eyes. "I'm sorry, Minerva."
"Don't be." She sadly smiled at him.
With that he drifted into sleep.
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