Chapter 4- You Have to be Very Careful of What you wish for
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wished ta hell I worked for KripkeB4B4B4Dean got up and padded his way into the bathroom being quiet so as not to wake Sam. He did good by himself just like Sammy taught him and when he was done he washed his hands too coz that's what all growed up people are 'posed to do. He looked in the mirror and saw that something had happened to his face during the night. It was all covered in these tiny red-ish hairs! He was growing a beard! He smiled in wonder as he ran his hand over his chin, it was bristly and it made him laugh. He needed to shave like the big boys, but he didn't know how. But Sammy would Dean reasoned, coz he knows every thing!
The clink of metal and a slight hissing sound woke a bleary eyed Sam up a few minutes later. What had he done last night that made him so tired? Did he and Dean go out to a bar?........... DEAN! It all came back to him. He looked over at the rumpled sheets on the empty bed his brother slept in and started to panic.
"D-Dean!" Sam shouted. Then "Ummmph!" as a heavy body landed on him. "Dean???" he gazed up at his brother sitting astride him and tried to figure out what was wrong with Dean's face.... it was covered with white fluffy.... ('Fwap' a daub of the creamy foam fell off Dean's hovering face and landed on his own)... uh.... shaving cream.
"Deeeaan,what did you do?" Sam struggled to remove his pinned arm out from under his brother's knee so he could wipe the dripped foam off.
"I'm shavin' ", Grinned Dean as another blartch of foam slipped and fell on to Sam's face again.
"Get off me," groused Sam. And Dean scrambled off from on top of him and scooted back into the bathroom. In three long strides Sam was in the doorway, and in one wide reach snatched Dean's electric razor out of his big brothers hand.
"Hey!" Dean said.
"You'll thank me later." Sam said groggily at him.
"But I gotta shave I got big boy hairs on m'face" Dean grabbed Sam's hand and smushed it onto his foam covered cheek. "See? I growed a beard!"
"Oh, now that's...." Sam sighed and made a sour face as he pulled his foam covered hand away and turned on the tap to rinse it off. " Just gross."
Dean giggled.
"I'll tell you what," Sam said. "I'll shave you ok?" as he grabbed and wet a washcloth and began to wipe the foam off his brothers face. Muttering, "But I'm not rolling your electric razor over your mug until after I've had a cup of coffee."
"Mumph it" Sputtered Dean between the wet cloths path across his face. "Awwwweee Sammy!" He grumbled when he could come up for air.
"Com' on" Sam said as he pushed Dean out the door, "gimme a minute and then we'll go get drive thru breakfast, how's that sound?"
Dean went from pout to grin in five seconds flat as he leaned in through the doorway while Sam closed it, "Kin I have pancakes?"
Sam laughed and shouted through the closed door, "Sure, and I'll get extra syrup."
"That rocks!" Dean answered back.
A splash of soap and water on faces and pits plus a liberal application of deodorant and the Winchester men were presentable. Casual was the dress code for the day and the clothes Sam had laid out for Dean went on him without out incident much to Sam's relief.
As soon they were back in the car Dean began bouncing on the seat with nervous excitement at the prospect of pancakes and Sam found it hard to keep his eyes on the road and not be totally drawn in by the sheer enjoyment on his brother's face as Dean pointed out all the sights along the way.
"Red Dog!" shouted Dean.
"Squirrel!" was noted next.
"Basket ball!" Dean said and added, " Looks lik'a big Orange with linz on it, huh?"
Sam chuckled, "I guess it does." What a great time he's havin'.
But as they passed a church with a huge stained glass image of an angel Dean stopped bouncing and grew silent. "I had'a dream of a angel" Dean said.
Still smiling Sam asked, "Was it a good dream?"
"Dunno..... He was sad." And Dean started to look sad himself.
Sam stopped smiling. What are the odds Dean'd be talking to a sad angel and have it not be someone we know? And he cautiously asked Dean to describe the angel.
" Din't have a robe or harp....was a.... diff'rent kinda angel, he had pants and a long coat.... but his wings were big n'white."
Close enough, thought Sam. "Did he say anything?"
"Jus' "Sorry". He looked real sad." Dean said with big hazel green eyes that could tear up too.
Sorry? Sorry for what? That he was gonna toss a four year old's ass into the pit cause he couldn't use him any more in this God forsaken war? Sam fumed and he felt his fingers tighten on the steering wheel till the knuckles went white.
"'pose he was m'guarian angel? Mommy always says they're watchin' over me. Did I make him sad?.......... Did I do sump' in wrong Sammy?"
Sam's throat closed up at the sound of worry in his brother's voice. The mere thought of Dean being judged as doing anything considered 'wrong' in his present state burned inside Sam's gut. And yet the dire threat Cas had given him fueled a vast rage he felt building in there too. NOT FAIR, NOT RIGHT, NOT.... Dean's fault............ I'm to blame.
The pressure of Dean's eyes on him finally pulled Sam back from his inner rant, "Huh? NO you didn't do anything Dean." Sam flashed him a quick reassuring grin and reached over to affectionately slap his leg, "You're the best brother ever----don't forget that," he added softly. He was rewarded by Dean's return grin. And to Sam time froze, in this morning's light every freckle across Dean's nose stood out more brightly against the paleness of his skin; more than he'd ever noticed before. The effect was startling. Sam was suddenly struck by the extreme fragileness of life and these too few moments of utter joy he got by having Dean around. I wish Dean could see himself the way I do right now, I wish he could feel the love and pride and....gratefulness I feel in my heart for him at this moment.
Dean broke his gaze away, eyes suddenly wide in delight; "Mickey-Dees!" he shouted, and he bobbed his head and bounced his shoulders in a' boogy on' groove that made Sam snort out loud. Some things never change.
Right after they got their food Dean began to shuffle in the bags to get at the pancakes and Sam got a frightening image of spilled syrup in the Impala. So he popped a Kansas tape in to keep Dean distracted from eating his sticky breakfast in the car on the ride back to the motel. Dean bounced and sang along until "Carry On" started to play and then he got suddenly quiet. Sam instantly noticed the silence and lack of vibration beside him and looked over to see Dean wearing a sad smile on his face, his head cocked to one side listening as if he was hearing the lyrics for the first time.
"Whatz amatter Buddy?" Sam asked softly.
"Song... makes me.... quiet... inside...happyquiet" Dean looked up at him, his hazel green eyes filled with a kind of calm.... trust, "Lik'a do when you tell me a bedtime story."
Sam had never seen that kind of deep serenity in his brother's face before. There were always worry or frown lines in the way. But now, without them, Dean looked years younger and he too began to listen real hard at the lyrics that made this transformation occur.
"Carry on my wayward son, you'll have peace when you are done"
"Don't you hang your weary head.... don't you cry no more..."
Suddenly it was like a door opened up in his chest and Sam felt a rush of energy ride through him as his heart clenched in realization. If he'd been standing it would have brought him to his knees. I been listening to this tape, what...all my life ...and I never put it together until now. He looked over at Dean's serene face and realized that in his child like state Dean'd picked up on the gist of it loud and clear. It all made sense, our childhood, the military training we'd had to endure...it was all in preparation for this...this role we have to play in saving the world from a greater evil than we'd ever had to fight before.
Sam felt another rush but this one brought pain as he attained a clarity that made him realize that he'd been selfish. He looked at Dean again and thought, Sure I did the spell coz I love 'im and the way he is now is...is like a precious gift of respite for both of us.... got us away for a while from the damned toll of loss and pain the demons dealt us. But it was wrong to take Dean out of the role he was destined to play. Sam sighed; he suddenly saw that as much as he'd be willing to walk away from it all and devote his life to taking care of this beloved 'giant' his brother was now; he understood how the world would suffer for it. In fact if he could hear his big brother's voice right now he'd be giving him an earful about what he'd done, "Sam, he'd say with those godam big eyes of his that look right into your heart, " You hafta put me back the way I was before. I know what you did was because you were only trying to help, but my suffering throughout the night is just what I was dealt and it doesn't matter worth a hill o'beans compared to the millions of lives we can save by staying in the game Sammy. You gotta put this right."
This insight, of knowing that he and Dean were already on that path, that they were meant to be a part of this gave him a sense of... bitter sweet peace.... it was a sense of comfort he hadn't felt in a long, long time.
Sam stayed transfixed listening to the lyrics play out as he turned into the motel parking lot. He pulled to a stop in front of their room the rush of energy he'd first felt swelled within him one more time, as the last of the song was sung, and he felt as if his whole body was filled to over spilling with white-hot light, his head reeled from the song's words.
"You'll have peace when you are done.... don't you cry no more."
"Sammy, why you cry 'in?" a worried Dean's voice broke into the reverie and Sam reached up, touched his face and looked puzzled at the moisture on his fingertips.
"Wha...What?" he said softly as he brushed the tears away with the back of his hand. He hadn't even known his eyes were leaking like that. He looked over at Dean's raised eyebrows and huge hazel green eyes filled with concern. "No, no it's nothing. They're happy tears" Sam soothed and he reached out to smooth his brothers spiky locks. "Its just that I never really listened to that song before...not really...and it made me kinda sad and happy too.... Happysad. You know?"
"Totally." nodded Dean sagely. Then after a moment added, "Kin we eat now, I'm starvin!" Some things never change.
B4B4B4
They did breakfast on the tiny table in their motel room. Sam showed Dean how to roll his pancakes up and dip them in the small maple syrup cups to get the maximum coverage on every bite but Dean still managed to get an equal amount of the sticky goodness on himself and the immediate furniture. Clean up was going to be a bitch. But the sound of happy smacking lips across the table from him made him also think it's worth it.
Once they were done Sam used the washcloth on Dean's face to remove the traces of syrup and Dean reminded Sam of his promise to shave him.
"Uh, I did say that huh?" Sam smirked.
"Yep, an you'd never fib to me wouldya?" Dean said it with the look of complete trust in his large eyes as he looked up to meet Sam's gaze.
Reminded of the first month of half-truths and out right lies he'd told Dean after he returned from hell; Sam could feel his face burn. Could and did bro, could and did. And sighing he said whole-heartedly, "I couldn't now even if I tried" And he gave Dean a big squeeze on his shoulder.
Dean grinned and then reached for the can of foam.
"Whoa," Sam snatched it back. "Whatcha do 'in?"
"I'm shav'in!"
"Not with that." Sam said and reached over to pick up the electric razor. "With this! See?" and turning it on Sam buzzed it across the palm of his hand, "No foam!"
Dean's mouth was in the shape of a perfect "oh!" as he watched Sam demonstrate.
"So ya ready?" Sam asked.
"S'not gonna hurt?" Dean questioned.
"Nah, but it might tickle" Sam said reaching over and tickle poking his brother in the ribs.
Dean squirmed and giggled then said, "Ready."
Sam flicked the razor back on and told Dean to stand real still. Carefully he moved the buzzing appliance over his brother's cheek, then chin, then the other cheek. He looked up from where he was concentrating and saw Dean's eyes were wide with fear. "You ok? Sam asked. Dean didn't answer but kept his lips pressed together and nodded his head. Brave thought Sam, even as a child. Sam gave him a smile of reassurance and slowly tipped Deans chin up to do under his jaw. When he was done Sam flipped open the collection bin and tapped out the hairs into the toilet. Dean was fascinated.
"Is that all me?" he asked.
"Yep," Sam answered as he flipped the trimmer shut, "you did all that last night."
"Wow!" Dean said eyes full of wonder.
"Are you ready to salute?" Sam asked his finger on the flush handle.
Dean had been the one who started the practice of 'Saluting' as the game came to be called. His big brother had created the ceremony in order to get Sam into the routine of getting rid of any bits of them, hair from combs, nails or band aids anything that had a trace of their DNA that the big bads could use to cast spells or trace their whereabouts. Dean was always teaching Sam to stay safe.... in a fun way.
"Salute?"
"Yeah, it's this little thing you do after you shave, or clip your nails, what ever," Sam explained, "You salute (he demonstrated) and then you flush, it's what you call honoring what once was a part of you."
Dean followed Sam's lead and put his hand up to his forehead and made a solemn face. Sam added a solemn face to his salute... then flushed. They both giggled.
B4B4B4True to his word Bobby pulled up to their door just a few minutes past noon. Sam recognized the sound of his truck and opened the door just before Bobby could knock.
Sam pulled the door open with a whoosh that startled Bobby a moment but when he saw Sam standing there all stiff and guilty looking he instantly forgave him.
That boy carries around almost as much guilt in him as his brother and that's saying som'thin. Thought the older hunter, "Sam... You look...tired" smirked Bobby.
"Well, yeah... it's been pretty much non-stop" Sam said returning a weary grin back.
"Uncle Bobby!" shouted Dean from inside the room
"Oomph!" huffed Bobby as the resident giant suddenly engulfed him in a warm hug.
Bobby stood there eyes wide for about two heart beats while Dean hung on. He looked into the room and saw the Bugs bunny cartoon balloon still tied to the headboard of Dean's bed and he broke into a gentle smile. (Sam would swear his face lit up) It was then that he returned the giants hug in earnest.
"I miss'd ya Uncle Bobby!" Dean said to Bobby's chest.
" I can't tell you how much I missed you Tiger," replied the older hunter as he rocked Dean in a gentle swaying hug.
Suddenly Sam noticed the woman standing beside the passenger door of the truck. She stood very still with a small kind smile on her face watching the two older hunters reunion. She was tall, about five foot eight, in her mid to late thirty's, medium build, pale fine blond hair the color of corn silk that was cut just above her shoulders in a flattering straight style. Standing there in jeans and a print top and sweater she could be anyone's mom. Except for the eyes. They were deep blue and the expression was sharp as a hawks, Sam knew in an instant that nothing much got past the astute gaze of Belinda the white witch.
"You must be Belinda" Sam said with a curt nod.
"And you must be Sam Winchester," She answered with a quirk to her smile. "And this...must be Dean!" She said as she approached the room.
At the mention of his name Dean broke free of the hug to Bobby and craned his head around to look at the approaching stranger.
"Tiger, I want you to meet a friend of mine," Bobby said as he slipped his arm around Dean's waist and motioned for him to greet her. "Dean, this is Belinda"
Dean started to feel shy about being too close to the woman with the piercing blue eyes and hung back a moment then he smiled and peered around the door to look out into the parking lot. "Wherez yer bubble?" he asked.
Belinda stopped her approach and looked momentarily puzzled then broke out into a very pleasant laugh. She turned to Sam and said, "I actually get that a lot."
Her easygoing nature and sense of humor put Sam at ease and he smiled and turned to meet Dean's questioning eyes with the answer, "It's in the shop." She and Sam said at the same time and they both laughed. Dean felt better about her coz she made Sam laugh, even though it meant he wouldn't get to see the bubble.
"Uh, come on in," Sam gestured to her with a genuine smile and he watched her as she entered past the threshold. He was waiting to see her reaction to any lingering Majik from the spell he had worked.
Belinda walked cautiously past him glancing around the room and opening herself up to any traces of Majik that may have clung to the surfaces. A spell as strong as this one, to have done what it did to his brother, would leave traces echoes of the materials and intentions that had been used to weave it. It was best in cases like this to get a "taste" of what had been done to better prepare a spell to break or in this case reverse what happened.
Dean stood between Bobby and Sam and watched quietly as the woman put her hands palms out and moved silently about the room. She instantly turned to her right and stopped at the foot of Dean's bed. She looked down upon it then up at the Bugs bunny balloon and then to Sam and asked, "The alter?"
Sam nodded curtly and bit lightly down on the side of his bottom lip. Bobby glanced over to him and put his arm back around Dean who just looked up to his uncle Bobby with an innocent smile. Sam however returned her gaze and she noted his eyes were full of worry.
She made a mental note, "He looks guilty as hell, and waves of regret are rolling off him...good. But he still... he holds back...he wants to be assured of his brothers safety...Dean is.... more important to him than his own life. And raising her eyebrows she let the taste of that information roll around on her tongue. Then she focused her inner vision back on Sam. He's learned his lesson; maybe he won't do this again. No tell'n how bad this could have been."
"I sense you regret your actions." She continued to stare at Sam. "But...not your motivation." She smiled then and conversationally asked, "Did you save any of the spell's...uh... components?"
"Uh, no.... I threw everything out that night after it was done. But I have the spell book if that helps.' And Sam went over to his duffle, pulled the book out and passed it over to her.
The book was old, ancient and quite possibly worth hundreds to a collector of rare books, but she knew as soon as she touched it that it would never be traded for wealth by the Winchesters, its worth to them was in its valuable information as a unique tool of their job.
When she opened it, it fell to the exact page of the spell and told her all she needed to know, there was no harm woven into it and she would be free to use even her modern skills to modify its effects.
She closed the book and smiling handed it back to Sam. "Thanks" she said as the book exchanged hands.
She then looked over Dean and said, "Now Dean," as she walked over to him extending her hands, which he readily took. She nodded toward the balloon over his bed and asked, "I want you to tell me everything that happened the day you got Bugs, can you remember that day for me?"
Dean's grin flashed bright and he held on to her hands as he enthusiastically recalled the fun day he had. And while he talked she got a vibe off of him; not only of whom he thought he was now but deeper down of the man he really is.
"I turned into a giant...an Sammy an me had choclit pie...an we went to this place with all the animals...an I fed a Llama....an Sammy got hit in the butt by a goat..."
Bobby quirked his eyebrow at Sam and Sam nodded his head and rolled his eyes.
"An I got to pat tons of dogs and kitties..and I liked them all an they liked me back..an there was the biggest rabbit ever!!!!...I named him Bugs... an his nose tickled (Dean paused to giggle at remembering) and we made a nonation so's the bad truck wouldn't run over his house...an Sammy bought me Bugs the balloon....an...an I shaved today coz I'm all growed up!"
"Well," Belinda said impressed by the narration, "you did have a very exciting day Dean." She stood a moment returning his innocent smile and then let go of one of his hands and cupped his cheek gently. "You are a decent man Dean Winchester, I mean it. You have this light inside you from when you were this small and it still burns bright even though you yourself have been surrounded by darkness, that light has never grown dim."
She turned to Sam and said, " I see why he's precious to you. To both of you," she added to Bobby. Both the men standing before her felt their throats go dry and Bobby had to turn around to adjust his hat while he cleared his throat.
When he turned back he blinked a few times before he could speak. "So," Bobby asked, "Can you...will you be able to put this right?"
"Yes, I thinks so," Belinda nodded happily. I think the best approach is to first try a regression to see how the nightmares started, that way I can figure out how to stop them."
Sam gave a worried glance to Bobby and asked him, "Did you tell her?"
"I filled her in on his where-a bouts four months ago, yeah."
She smiled that kind smile of hers and letting go of Dean's hand moved over to stand before Sam, " I'm not afraid to go where ever it takes in his memories to bring him back."
Sam pressed his lips together as he remembered what lead up to that night four months ago and the feeling of loss he'd felt came back into his heart unbidden. Never gonna let it happen again, do anything to stop it, anything to stop him hurtin' anymore.
The fleeting look of pain and sense of grief was not lost on her as she studied his face. Sam asked, "What do you need us to do?"
She sighed centering herself and suddenly the three men in the room sighed too. "I need to make some tea, Dean you like tea don't you?"
Dean had crawled up on the bed and was gently pulling on the balloon's string watching it bounce in the air. "Dunno..."
She smiled and said to him, "this tastes like feet but it will relax you and let me see inside your head."
Dean made a face and giggled then he tried his brave face on and said, "I'ma giant I can drink anything!"
That made her smile widen. And Sam and Bobby said simultaneously, "Atta boy!"
To be continued...
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