Chapter 31: Say Goodbye

Spencer left four days, eighteen hours, and twenty seven minutes ago. Approximately. Not that I've kept count or anything. No siree bob. Haven't kept cou- four days, eighteen hours, and twenty eight minutes.

Damn it.

"What'd you get for number three?"

I haven't been wondering what she's been doing for the past four days, nine hours, and twenty nine minutes. I haven't been wondering what's been going through her mind. There's a nine hour difference, I'm sure you noticed. That's because I had something to do, and then I immediately fell into a fitful night sleep.

"Ashley?"

It wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't. I wasn't supposed to fall for the girl online and it sure as shit wasn't supposed to be Spencer Carlin of all people.

"Ashley?"

I can't help but wonder how things would be if she'd just told me how she felt in the first place or maybe if she'd chosen me that night. I can't help but wonder how things would be different if I hadn't made the tape in the first place…

"Ashley!"

"Huh? Ow!"

Kyla picked up the pencil she'd just thrown at my head and shrugged, "Sorry. You spaced out on me, what else was I supposed to do?"

She had a point…

"Throw a pillow at me?"

"You just want to have a sexy little pillow fight with me," she sniggered heartily.

I smirked, "You caught me Ky. All day long that's all I fantasize about."

I loved times like this. Where she and I could just lay back and joke with each other, banter like Regis and Kelly…or something like that. I don't really know if they have good banter, daytime talk shows were never my thing. Maybe Oprah and…Oprah would be a better example. She banters with herself all the time right?

I looked at Kyla, hoping I'd see a smile on her face. Unfortunately I was met with a sad, far off look. If there was one thing I hated more than my stepmother, one thing I hated more than chocolate covered cherries, one thing I hated more than drivers that don't move as soon as the light turns green, was that look, or ones like it on her face. It hurt so bad to see it, but I knew that what she was feeling was a hundred times worse.

"Hey," I said moving closer to her. "What's up? Are you debating the existence of leprechauns again? Because I told you, Ky, they totally exist. Lucky the leprechaun isn't some ad creator's idea. He totally had a run in with him."

She gave me a half hearted smile that didn't even last a full three seconds and sighed heavily. I knew what, or more so who, she was thinking about. She and Spencer were finally getting somewhere and I basically ripped that away from her. It ripped me apart inside every day I didn't tell her.

"I just…I can't believe she would do that. I mean, I know she's a bitch, but…god. She seemed like she cared about Spencer. Like she really loved her, really was in love with her."

Everyone blamed Taylor for the tape. I couldn't even enjoy that. Her little disappearing act made her look extremely guilty. More rumors floated around school about that and the tape than the time Nathan Pinkerton got caught in the freight elevator with his pants at his knees, certain parts in one hand, and a picture of Mrs. Tremaine, the crotchety old librarian, in the other.

"Uh, yeah…" I mumbled. I didn't know what to else to say.

"And Spencer, God. She was so heartbroken, Ash. So heartbroken. You know, like, the day before the video went up she came to talk to me about what was going on with her and Taylor, and how she was thinking of breaking up with her."

I looked at her, semi interested, "Oh yeah? What'd Regina have to say?"

"Just that she was really torn. Apparently she'd been talking to this girl online, some Janet girl, I dunno," I stiffened. Oh crap. So she knew about me. Er, well, my alter ego.

"She said that she really cared for both of them, but was really worried that Taylor was going to hurt her. That she was just going to end up being another notch in her headboard."

It's like she had ESPN or something…

"The fact that she came to me for advice on all of it, out of everyone she could've gone to made me feel like I had to be like…her Yoda or something. So I asked her how she really felt about both of them. And I mean how she really felt."

I swallowed, not really wanting to hear it, but already knowing what was coming. "Oh yeah? And what'd she say?"

"That she was closer to being in love with Taylor than she was with Janet."

And there it was. I knew it was the truth, but it still hurt like hell to hear.

"So then what happened?" I prodded. Apparently I was a glutton for pain.

"I told her she should stick it out with Taylor, and that if it didn't work out then she'd be ready to be with someone that she was really meant to be with. That she'd learn from it and be able to move on without wondering."

I nodded, again not really knowing what to say.

"You know," she laughed softly, "I think she had a little crush on you."

Choked. That's what I did. I choked on my spit, or the air, or whatever.

"Excuse me?" I squeaked out. There was no way. I mean, Spencer having a crush on Janet was one thing, but liking me, Ashley Davies, was another.

"Yeah, she kept hinting that she liked you. Which, by the way, totally weird to hear coming from her considering your…less than friendly past. But she spaced out on me and when I got her attention she was like 'Yeah Ashley?'"

My eyes bugged out, "You're lying to me." Please, for the love of Ellen Page, be lying to me.

She laughed a little louder this time, "I swear to god. She had this glazed and dreamy look on her face too."

"No way. We aren't talking about Spencer Carlin."

"Yeah, we are. And she kept making it a point to tell me that she didn't like you, and for me to let her know when you'd be coming over so she could look…oh what were her exact words?" There was a dramatic pause, "Oh right. 'Not hot so she won't be tempted.'" She laughed louder than she had the past few days, but I was left…angry? Frustrated?

"No! She didn't say those things! So stop telling me she did, Kyla. Stop lying to me!"

Unfortunately, whatever it was, I took it out on the one person that didn't deserve it.

"Whoa. Ash, calm down," she tried soothingly. "What's going on?"

She put her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off instantly. Not wanting, not deserving to be comforted by her. Not deserving to be comforted at all.

"Don't Kyla. Just…don't. Don't tell me things like that."

"What is your malfunction Ashley? Why are you freaking out so bad over this? Why don't you want to hear what Spencer was saying about you?"

I stood from the bed and walked over to her window, hugging myself. How do you tell your best friend that you single handedly ripped away the one thing she's wanted more than anything else in this world, because you were selfish? Because you needed to make someone hurt as bad as you were hurting.

"Ash, please," her tone was desperate. "Tell me what's going on. You've never freaked out like this before. Not even when-" she stopped herself short. She knew full well never to breach the topic of my father and his death.

"I just…I can't."

She stood from the bed too and went to the center of the room, "Can't what Ash?"

I knew I had to tell her. It wasn't fair and it wouldn't be right if I didn't. I just hoped she'd understand. I turned around to face her, met with a pained, almost frightened expression.

"I screwed up Ky. I screwed up big. But before I tell you what I did, I need you to promise me that you'll at least try and be understanding and that you won't tear me limb from limb ok? Please?"

She looked at me perplexed for a minute before simply nodding. That was good enough for me.

"Ok," I sighed out. "Well, you know how I told you after the whole diary fiasco that I'd get the Mean Girls back for what they did?" Another nod. "Yeah well…I did. The video that everyone saw, of Spencer and Taylor-"

A look of realization passed through her eyes before she covered her face with her hands, "Oh my god, Ash tell me you didn't. Tell me that wasn't your doing."

"I'm sorry Ky-"

"Sorry? Sorry?!" she yelled. "Do you realize what you've done?! Do you realize how many people you've hurt?! Spencer was finally starting to come around! She was finally willing to spend time with me and not just out of obligation because Paula told her to."

I let her go on for a while more before she calmed down a little. I told her my reasons, or most of them anyway, for doing it when she gave me the chance.

She took a deep breath and met my eyes, "I kind of wish you'd just let me think it was Taylor. Because you know I can't stay mad at you. Don't get me wrong, I'm still really pissed, but I get why. In a warped way."

"Uh, Janice. There's something else," I bit my lip.

She looked at me warily before dramatically throwing herself back on the bed.

"Just say it Ashley. Tell me you're pregnant with Mulder's baby and that I'm going to be godmother."

I had to chuckle at that. Only Kyla would think of something like that and a time like this. Comedic relief, we specialized in it.

"If only Ky, if only. And you know you wouldn't be the godmother, you'd be adopting that kid."

"Yeah that's true. You're not capable of handling the next great X-Files agent. Not just yet anyway."

"Plus," I said lifting my pointer finger. "I don't want to ruin this hot bod."

We laughed again, but that overwhelming silence fell back upon us.

"What else do you have to tell me, Damien?"

"Um, I nominated you for Spring Fling Queen?" She gave me a harsh look so I got to the point. "You remember the girl online?"

"The one you liked more than that freak of an ex of yours? Yeah."

"And of course you know about Janet that your sister had feelings for?"

"Has feelings for. She didn't just instantly forget about them even though she tried to work it out with Taylor. Why? What do tho-" Her eyes went wide again and she shot up from the bed. "Oh my god. You're Janet?! And…and-and Spencer is-is…help me out here?"

"Amy."

"Amy?! Oh my god this is so messed up," she cried out as she held her hands over her face.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, I'm kind of already well aware of that! What do I do?"

Her hands dropped from her face and she looked at me like I was stupid. Which I mean, I guess I was.

"You have to tell her. You have to tell her everything. Make her come home. You…you just have to tell her!"

"Whoa, hold up. Uh uh, no way. Not. Happening."

"Why not?"

Now it was my turn to shoot the 'You're an idiot' look at her.

"How 'bout the fact that she'll hate me forever?!"

Yes, I was being selfish again. But damn it, if Spencer hated me…well. The plan went to shit in the first place. I guess I didn't really have anything else to lose.

"Ash, you have to tell her. If you just, somehow, coaxed her home and didn't let her in on a very big secret, the entire basis of your relationship would be a lie. In fact, it wouldn't even be a relationship. It'd be a relationshit. Got it?"

"Thank you Liam…"

She sighed and pulled me over to the bed, "What have you got to lose?"

"You mean besides my dignity and pride?"

"This is no time to be quoting The Little Rascals, Davies," she rolled her eyes. "Besides, you lost those things a long time ago."

She didn't say it maliciously, but I knew she was right.

I looked down at my hands, where my fingers were busy tying themselves into knots, "I should've stopped her when I had the chance…"

***

Four Days, Eighteen Hours, and Thirty Seven Minutes ago…

The terminals were buzzing with activity, it was oddly busy for this time at night. People were running in and out of restrooms and gift shops. They were saying goodbye to loved ones or, the smarter folk, were already seated in the boarding area reading their papers or books waiting for the call.

I could see her, about twenty feet ahead of me. That blonde hair, in its usual perfection, looked so tempting and I just wanted to run up to her and…do what? Kiss her? Yeah right. After the things I said to her earlier she'd bitch slap the hell out of me.

God as my witness, I swear I could smell her. Even through the tasty Cinnabon smell, the wall of fast food stench, and the body odor emitted from travelers of endless days and nights. I could smell that distinct Spencer aroma.

She was in the line to board, ticket in hand. I was standing a mere fifteen feet away. If I called out her name, there was no doubt she would've heard me. I watched her hand her ticket to the man in the white polo shirt as he smiled at her. She tried to smile back, but it didn't reach her eyes. Didn't even make it past her nose.

She walked towards the jetway and I backed away slowly from the pillar I was leaning against. There was a big group of people heading towards me from a gate further down the way so I backed up a little more as to not get in their way. I always despised people that stood in the middle of the hallways at school, so at an airport I knew it would be even more annoying.

I felt like I was having a Dumb and Dumber moment. You know, when Lloyd watched Mary walk through along the promenade on her way to her gate.

Just as she reached the doorway she turned around. We locked eyes for a brief second as she turned her head away, but the snapped back do to a double take. Luckily the group was walking past at the time, so I followed along. I didn't want her to know I was really there. I was just saying goodbye…in my own semi stalker way.

I made it back to my car in relatively no time. I was just getting back onto the freeway when I saw her plane fly over my head.

"Goodbye my love…"

There wasn't a car accident though, don't worry. I wasn't a complete moron.

The drive home was completely silent. There were no thoughts going through my head, other than the 'I need to sleep, and I need to sleep now' chant that incessantly went off until I hit my pillow.

***

Back to the present…

It was barely a whisper, but she heard it.

With my best friend's arm wrapped around my shoulders I made up my mind. I had to tell Spencer.

"Ky?"

"Yeah Ash?"

I sighed a little and leaned into her, "Help me get her back?"

She dropped her arm and made me face her, a stern look etched on her features.

"Do you really care about her?" I nodded. "Are you willing to risk everything for her?" Another nod. "If she tells you no, or to leave her alone will you bug her and whine until she gives in?"

I didn't really know whether that was a good idea or not. I mean, she might get a restraining order or something. I wouldn't put it past her.

"Well…no. But that's only because she'd cut all ties with me. So maybe that's when you could step in, if need be?"

She mulled it over, even going as far as taking her glasses off and cleaning them like Giles did when he didn't want to see what the Scoobies were doing.

"Ok, I will do you this favor. But in return you must do something for me."

"Name it, Godfather."

She smirked, but it turned into a more serious, but soft smile. "Don't just disappear on her like Taylor did. She wouldn't be able to handle it."

There was no denying that even through all the years of neglect and pain, Kyla loved Spencer no matter what.

I put my right hand over my heart and raised my left, "I solemnly swear that I will never abandon your sister like some other slut faced, ho bagged bitch."

"Good," she grabbed my left hand and pulled it down. "Cause otherwise I'd have to kick your ass." She got a brainless look on her face and pretended she was holding onto a Jeopardy buzzer, "I know kung fu."

"You wanna tangle, Keanu? You wanna tangle?" I said standing up and backing up from the bed.

She stood up too, "You wanna tangle?"

I broke my stance and casually walked towards the door, "No."

She burst with laughter and chased me down the stairs.

I knew what I had to do though. I just had to man up enough to do it.