Chapter 34: I Wanna Go Back

MuldersSecretLover: God Spencer, you didn't have to change your screenname.
SCforUSC: who told you?
MuldersSecretLover: Glen.
SCforUSC: That rat bastard.
SCforUSC: I would have told you eventually. I've just been...
MuldersSecretLover: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
SCforUSC: You don't need to apologize. I know you didn't have anything to do with the night vision sexcapades
MuldersSecretLover: Regardless, you got put into a shitty situation.
SCforUSC: Hasn't she gotten tired of releasing embarrassing videos yet?
MuldersSecretLover: Cut her some slack.
SCforUSC: Slack?
SCforUSC: Sure I'll cut her some slack, while I'm loosening the noose around her neck.
MuldersSecretLover: Well I mean, you won't talk to her. She had to tell you somehow.
SCforUSC: Would you cut her slack? If she was the reason why thousands of people knew what you looked like naked?
MuldersSecretLover: Uh...eventually.
SCforUSC: I'm so angry about this whole thing. I just want to HI YAH! and HOO AH! And then I'd kick her!
MuldersSecretLover: Kick her you say?
SCforUSC: Yes. I'd kick her sir.
MuldersSecretLover: Spence...
SCforUSC: Yes all powerful Oz? Is that you?
MuldersSecretLover: Come home.
SCforUSC: Ew. Why? I much prefer the rain, clouds and doom of Ohio.
MuldersSecretLover: Because you left your...Jimmy Choos?
SCforUSC: omg
SCforUSC: seriously?
MuldersSecretLover: Well, yeah. But no.
SCforUSC: How are you and Cal doing? Have you two bumped ugly monkeys yet?
MuldersSecretLover: We're fine and no, we haven't. Stop changing the subject!
SCforUSC: i don't want to run into her
SCforUSC: i don't want to see her face.
MuldersSecretLover: Yes you do.
SCforUSC: no i don't!
MuldersSecretLover: Liar liar, pants on fire!
SCforUSC: why are you so grammatically correct on the internet Kyla? thats always bothered me.
SCforUSC: let loose
SCforUSC: lol once in a while
MuldersSecretLover: You want me to let loose? Hmm...
MuldersSecretLover: lyke Z0MGZ!11!! spencerz you hz 2 c0m3 homz
SCforUSC: woah. that was like sarah jessica parker scary
MuldersSecretLover: sorry
SCforUSC: well
SCforUSC: sarah jessica parker without makeup scary
MuldersSecretLover: how can you tell which is which?
SCforUSC: absence of mole.
MuldersSecretLover: she still scares me
SCforUSC: me too. i think its the stilettos and lack of fear when using her gold card. that kind of woman is not to be reckoned with
SCforUSC: like my mom. *shudder*
MuldersSecretLover: yet another reason to come home. she won't leave me alone!
SCforUSC: yet another reason to stay away. she's like....
SCforUSC: whats the word im searching for...
SCforUSC: right.
SCforUSC: the devil.
MuldersSecretLover: she's been in her terminator mood since you left
SCforUSC: oh my god. did she kill an animal again? i told ben to stop her from shooting those squirrels
SCforUSC: i swear to god one red leather suit and a bbgun and the woman thinks she's a freaking assassin
MuldersSecretLover: please don't bring up the red leather again. god i was scarred for life.
SCforUSC: at least she's not going through her I want to be Britney phase... do you remember the Wade Robeson instruction hip hop video in the living room for a month?
MuldersSecretLover: worst. month. ever. i had britney in my head every single night
SCforUSC: oooooooooooooops i sucked dick again!!!!!
SCforUSC: oh wait.
SCforUSC: those were mom's lyrics
MuldersSecretLover: ugh.
SCforUSC: you should come to ohio for a visit!
MuldersSecretLover: or. you could just come home!
SCforUSC: hmm. i'll tell you what.
SCforUSC: you make me an offer that i can't refuse and i'll come home for the weekend.
SCforUSC: but
SCforUSC: you have to beat my offer
SCforUSC: Ohio. Two days of stuffing our faces with extra chocolatey brownies made by chef arthur carlin and watching x files season 4 because everyone knows thats the best season. Plus you can hang around my brother all you want and should happen to catch a few glances of him with his shirt off, i know you like looking at him don't deny it.
MuldersSecretLover: tempting, very tempting. but i have cal to look at, and glen's like my brother. i got over that crush.
SCforUSC: yeah but chef carlin?
MuldersSecretLover: while i would love to meet your dad, you need to come home.
SCforUSC: okay i'll come home on one condition
SCforUSC: you finish this quote
MuldersSecretLover: hit me baby one more time
SCforUSC: "We have to talk" "I don't suppose this is about happy squirrels?" "Vampires." "......" fill in the blank.
MuldersSecretLover: "That was my next guess"
SCforUSC: sonofabitch!
MuldersSecretLover: don't mess with the best spencer
SCforUSC: oh don't you dare make me start cheering
SCforUSC: madison taught me that cheer
SCforUSC: don't mess don't mess with the best cuz the best dont mess dont fool dont fool with the cool cuz the cool dont fool at king high school the cobras are the best!
MuldersSecretLover: ugh. poor ashley. she has to put up with that crap all the time
SCforUSC: i know. at least you got the lesser evil as a step sister.
SCforUSC: she has madison AND sherry
SCforUSC: poor baby
MuldersSecretLover: what was that?
SCforUSC: not that i even care if she's unhappy
SCforUSC: she can rot in hell
MuldersSecretLover: you totally just called her baby
SCforUSC: yeah like as in "poor baby" like when your parents said it to you when you were little and they didn't really care about what happened to you
SCforUSC: not as in "oh baby sink your fingers just a little bit deeper"
MuldersSecretLover: spencer carlin, you're gay?
SCforUSC: well yeah. indeed i am. i had this really torrid affair with megan fox and just figured it out.
MuldersSecretLover: lucky girl
SCforUSC: you have no idea who she is do you?
SCforUSC: put transformers down on the list of movies to watch this weekend
MuldersSecretLover: not a clue. i'm sorry
SCforUSC: one look at her will clue you in to the joys of rainbow land.
MuldersSecretLover: if you say so. did you book your ticket yet?
SCforUSC: yeah
SCforUSC: i couldnt get a flight to LA until Sunday morning so I'll be there through tues
SCforUSC: man i love this emergencies only american express. way to go paula.
MuldersSecretLover: you can go to school!
SCforUSC: don't push it. pick me up on sunday morning?
MuldersSecretLover: of course
SCforUSC: oh and kyla...
MuldersSecretLover: are you sure you wouldn't rather have ash do it though? ;-)
SCforUSC: no ashley.
SCforUSC: whatsoever.
MuldersSecretLover: uh...ok...
SCforUSC: i will murder you
SCforUSC: just like deep throat got murdered on x files.
SCforUSC: you dig?
MuldersSecretLover: *gulps* uh. yeah.
SCforUSC: see ya sunday.
SCforUSC has signed off