Jeff was sitting up in one of his trees in his backyard. Randy and Matt had made several attempts to talk to him but he kept running away from them. He didn't want to talk to them right now. He believed he would break down completely if he talked to them. Then they would break down, and it would all just be a mess.
"It's not fair," Jeff moaned. He hit the back of his head against the tree. Why did this have to happen to him? Why couldn't anything go right for him? It was a week before his wedding and he was handed a possible death sentence. Sure he knew that there was a chance X hadn't passed the disease to him and there were medicines that would keep him alive if he did have it now. But he knew that the disease would eventually kill him, no matter what he did to keep himself alive. And he didn't want to die. He had wanted that once, but not anymore. He wanted to live.
And what about Randy? Jeff didn't want to pass the disease to him. He closed his eyes and moaned. He knew Randy would say that he would willingly risk the disease for Jeff, but Jeff couldn't live with that. He couldn't put Randy at risk like that. And what about his job? If he did test positive for AIDS, there was no way he could keep being a wrestler. What if he bled during a match and his blood infected somebody?
Jeff climbed down from the tree. Maybe he did have to talk to somebody; maybe it just had to be somebody besides Randy or Matt. He stuffed his hands down his pockets and ran to his dad's house. Gil was outside putting some tools away. "Jeff what's wrong?" Gil asked.
Jeff looked down. Tears were already starting to fall out of his eyes. "Daddy I'm scared. I just found out X had AIDS."
Gil stopped in his tracks. He sighed and pulled Jeff into his arms. Jeff broke down and started sobbing loudly. "Daddy I don't want a die. I don't want to be sick."
"Shush that talk now," Gil said. "Do you know for sure that YOU have it?"
"Well…no."
"Then don't start talking about being sick and dying. You're already working yourself into hysterics."
Jeff pulled himself away. "Don't I have the right to be fucking terrified?"
"Yes, I didn't say you didn't. But if there's still hope that you're not sick, you need to latch on to that. You need to find strength from that, or you've already lost the battle."
Jeff sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He was trying to stop his crying but it wasn't working very well. "I just don't know what I'm going to do. What about work? What about Randy?"
"Well what about Randy?" Gil asked. "Does he not want to marry you anymore because of this?"
"No, but maybe he shouldn't want to. Maybe I should call it off. Maybe if I am sick I should just let him go."
"Okay, now you're just being foolish. You and Randy love each other more than life itself. I've seen the way you two are together, and I know you've both had your hearts set on this wedding. You want to call of the wedding because you may be sick? Jeff, people get sick. They get sick, they get in accidents and sometimes they die. It happened to me and your mother and unfortunately, it might happen to you and Randy. But I know for a fact that you leaving Randy to spare him the pain and the disease is only going to hurt both of you worse than you probably realize right now."
"So what am I supposed to do?" Jeff asked. He knew that his dad was right, but it didn't really help his confusion and his fear.
"Well I can't answer that son," Gil said. "That's something you need to talk to Randy about."
Jeff nodded. "Okay. Thanks Dad." He turned around and walked back home. Randy was waiting for him on the front porch. It looked like he had been crying.
"Where did you go?" Randy asked quietly.
"Dad's house," Jeff answered. He sat down next to Randy.
"Did he say anything helpful?"
"He said we should decide what to do together."
Randy snorted. "Well that's great, except for I don't know what to do right now."
Jeff rested his head against Randy's. Between talking to his dad and just being here with Randy, he suddenly knew what he wanted to do. "I say we have the wedding, get me tested and just deal with everything when the results come back."
Randy turned his head in surprise. "Are you serious? Are you sure you don't want to put the wedding off for a little bit?"
Jeff shook his head. "What good would that do? If I'm dying from an incurable disease then we don't have any time to waste." Jeff tried to keep his tone as light as possible, but his voice cracked anyway.
"Don't even talk about dying on me Hardy. I will punt your head into next week." Randy was having trouble even getting those words out.
"Sorry." Jeff snuggled up closer to Randy. The two of them sat there for a long time in silence. Maybe more needed to be said, but they couldn't bring themselves to do it at the moment. Jeff knew he might start crying again and he might not be able to stop. So he focused his mind on the wedding. An event that seemed so impossible and scary to plan suddenly seemed like a welcome relief. The possibility of having an killer disease really snaps things into perspective, Jeff thought bitterly. Too bad it had to happen to me.