Author: youknowyouloveme91
Summary:Once again I have fallen into the darkest side of myself , the one that is affected the most by the mean reds , the side that hurt myself the most.' Post 2.14. B becomes bulimic after C left her. and all the drama comes along with his arrival CB B's POV
Disclaimer:I own nothing, not Gossip Girl ( yet jk ) , not any quotes/lyrics used .but i do own this story
Rating: PG-13
Previously:
I was getting my perfect picture again , i was the perfect girlfriend , perfect girlfriend , perfect daughter and perfect student.
But when I looked at myself in the mirror I though I realized the other thing that I need to be the perfect girl , my figure , I wasn't thinking anymore , Chuck has gotten my life back but It wouldn't fix all. i had already lost my mind. I made myself sick again and this time there was blood and much more dizziness.
There was blood …
It was the first time that there was actually blood , I pretended nothing happened and I kept going on with it and every time everything got worse and worse. Until I started getting headaches . it wasn't perfect. I wanted to be perfect .
Finally it was the time , the thing that I've been waiting for 8 years was in my hands. The Yale letter , my future , I wanted to open it with two people , Chuck and Serena.
After school we went to Chuck's room at the palace , I felt like I couldn't breathe , I was minutes away from knowing what was going to happen with my life.
'Ok open it'
Chuck held me tight and kissed my forehead.
'Dear Blair Waldorf : congratulations on your admission to Yale college class of 2013' I gasped and felt like I was going to faint ' am I dreaming?' I said
'no ' chuck said ' congratulations' with a warm smile that meant the world for me after all we've been though
' oh my gosh!!! B this is so amazing I told you , you were going to !' S said all exited.
That night we celebrated with Eleanor and Cyrus and my dad was coming in 2 weeks when my mom and Cyrus are back from Paris. I convinced my mom to let me stay with Chuck until daddy came home. The next morning I woke up with Chuck stroking my hair.
'hi' I yawned
'breakfast in bed?'he asked
'sure' I said , I was trying to control myself at least while I was with him
'you know you look lovely when you sleep?' he said
' Your being too sweet , what did you do now?' I said joking
'nothing but I wanted to ask you about something' he said
'what?' I said out of my breath
'well , I don't want jack to be my guardian , and when I was younger I remember I used to talk to my mother's father a lot, he was my favorite person , like you with your dad , but my father and my grandfather got into an argue and he didn't let me see him anymore'
'do you remember his name?'
'Charles William Lewis , he used to live in London I visited him in the winter'
'good' I said
'do you think this is a good idea? I mean I would have done it myself but you know , I just wanted your opinion not you doing it.'
'I think its great' I said smiling
I got my laptop and googled 'Charles William lewis'
'do you remember his profession?'
'he was a doctor' he said
Chuck had gotten his father's private investigator to find him , and 3 days later he contacted us.
His grandfather was alive he came from a family with a lot of money (which I was not surprised ), he had a retired for 4 years by then , he was a recognized Cardiothoracic Surgeon that used to work in the royal London hospital , and there was even an hospital founded in his name in Scotland. He was a graduated from Oxford , and he had married Misty's mother Lauren at age of 20 , Lauren was daughter of a rich businessman and a duchess , sadly she had died at the age of 37 , when Misty was 13.
he was what chuck needed.
'can I tell you something?' he said
'sure' I said and smiled
'I haven't told anyone but Brooklyn , about it , and you mean much more than Brooklyn to me of course'
'either I would be scared' I said joking
' all this years I've been living with the guilt , my mother died giving birth to me , I killed her , and when my mother died so did the happiness of Bart she took his life , thats the one and only reason my father has always hated me.' he said
'oh my god , Chuck your dad didn't hate you , maybe it was hard for him to show his feelings , but I'm sure he loved you' i said
' my mother meant the world to Bart , like you do for me , and I left because I didn't want to lose you to'
those worlds touched me , I was killing myself and he had left me cause he didn't want that for me.
'I'm not going anywhere , I love you , don't you see that I'm always here' I said
'I don't mean exactly that ,Blair , I kill everyone I love is who I am i'm- '
'Sh Chuck ' I said putting my finger in his lips ' no don't say that , if I die but being with you it'd be all worth it , without you I'm dead'
'but , lets say you die in a childbirth , am I going to be like Bart?'
'no , no chuck , and I'm not going to die and I know you wont be like Bart , besides the medicine and technology of these days make death in childbirth impossible , let's not talk about it , ok? '
'I love you' he said and kissed me
I felt so guilty , all this time , hurting myself . He needed me , as much as I needed him.
When we went to dinner I made myself throw up , I really didn't want to but I couldn't help it anymore , I felt like shit.
Chuck realized how I was feeling , but he didn't know the reason , he took care of me like I was a baby. The next morning when he was sleeping , I made myself sick , and he heard.
'Blair ! , are you ok?' he yelled knocking the door of the bathroom
I was terrified I didn't know what to say I didn't want him to find out . I wanted to be perfect. And with people knowing the truth they'd doubt my perfection.
' yes I'm just feeling sick , I think I must have a flu , you know?' I said
' did you get your period?' to be honest it's been seven days and it hasn't stopped.
'yes chuck and I'm not pregnant if thats what you think' I said and I hugged him , he held me tight and I started crying.
' what's wrong?' he asked.
'I'm scared' I said .
' of what?'he asked I didn't know what to answer.
' of us when I go to Yale' It was true I was also worried about that.
He stayed in silence for like 4 minutes and he said.
'we can movie in together until you finish college . We can find a place and I'll buy it.'
'are you sure?' I said
' more than ever' he said
Chuck had gorwn up before than me , he learnt to live and love without hurting himself or other people . but i couldn't do it and it was a shame.
Chuck got a way to contact Charles , and they talked for hours , he was coming to NYC so they can fix everything as soon as possible.
' so what did he say?'
'he needs to tell me something about my mother'
A/N: hope you like it!
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