Author: youknowyouloveme91
Summary:Once again I have fallen into the darkest side of myself , the one that is affected the most by the mean reds , the side that hurt myself the most.' Post 2.14. B becomes bulimic after C left her. and all the drama comes along with his arrival CB B's POV
Disclaimer:I own nothing, not Gossip Girl ( yet jk ) , not any quotes/lyrics used .but i do own this story
Rating: PG-13
Hearts will never be practical
until they are made unbreakable.
-wizard of oz
'what?' I said
' thats the reason my father and grandfather never spoke again' he said
'is she alive?'i said
'no , she died when I was 14' he said sad.
'but , how?'
'my father faked her death' he said
'how is that even possible?'i said
'with money you can do anything' he said
' I don't get this' I said
'well when I was born my father and mother were about to divorce and that wouldn't give Bart a good impression , he was selling his best buiness in the moment' he said
'so he just faked her death like that?' I said
'yes unbelievable right? All this years I blamed myself for the unhappiness of my father , but he actually caused it himself' he said
You live so much its like
you're dying
You can't get up your body's
trying
'so , what did he do to convince your mother to leave you?' I said
'he didn't convince her , he had her in an metal institution under another name , when my grandfather found her , he took her out , she was already out of her mind and the worst happened' he said
'she died?' I said
'no , she killed herself' he said. I hugged him.
'it's okay , everything is going to be okay sweetie' I said
'all this years I told myself not to love someone , just because I though that I would kill everyone I loved' he said holding me close , hugging me.
'Chuck , please , you know you wont kill anyone you love , people die because its meant to be , I love you' I said
'thank you for being here for me' he said
'its okay , I want to be here with you'
You build so tall its like
you're flying
But rocks that fall the sky
keeps climbing
that night he stayed in my place , we talked all night long until we fell asleep , we also watched one of his favorites movies. which was kinda weird since we always watch my movies.
The next morning I woke up with chuck by my side.
'hi' I said he was in his laptop reading something.
'hey' he said
'what are you doing?' I asked
'uh nothing ' he said but I got to see it even I pretended I didn't , how to realize if someone is bulimic. He knew..I said to myself in my head.
You're gonna lose everything
How does it feel?
'oh gosh , I have to get ready for school!!'i said
'so , dinner with me tonight?' He said
'sure , where?'
'surprise , I'll pick you , I have to talk to Jack first , long story' he said
I'm not scared so much
of trying
But don't look up you might
start flying
That night I waited , in my best black dress , with the necklace he gave me for my 17th birthday ,he didn't show up , instead when I was already sleeping he came.
'Blair' he said mad
'you idiot!!! you didn't pick me up' I said totally upset
'are you bulimic?' he said
You're gonna lose everything
How does it feel?
'why didn't you come? , did you cheat on me?' I said
'NO I talked to Jack who told me what happened in new years eve. , Blair answer me are you bulimic?' he said
I wanna know
How does it feel?
'LEAVE ME NOW , GET OUT!' I said
You live so much its like
you're dying
'I'M NOT LEAVIING , UNTIL YOU TELL ME' he said
You can't get up your body's
trying
'OH SO NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST NOT SHOW UP , AND COME UP AND JUDGE ME LIKE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG? Fine Bass , don't leave , stay as much as you want , I'll leave' I said shutting the door angrily.
You build so tall its like
you're flying
But rocks that fall the sky
keeps climbing
'S , it's B , can I go to your place?' I said
'sure B it's late , you sound upset what happened?' she said yawning
'I'll tell you when I'm there' I said , I was gonna tell her I needed to tell someone , i couldn't do it by myself anymore , i felt like a monster ,i felt alone and superficial
'B , whats wrong?' she said
'everything! My life is a disaster '
'what happened?'
'I am a horrible person , I'm bulimic ...again and I didn't tell you i didnt mean to do it , but everything was so hard , you don't imagine how much I wanted to tell you but you just were so busy or then I was scared I wanted to be perfect , and now Chuck knows , everything was so perfect between us and now I screwed' i said crying
'why did you keep doing it Blair?' she said
'I don't know I didn't want to its just , I couldn't help it , I'm so ashamed' I said
'its going to be okay ,Chuck and you just need to talk ,and you will fix everything' she said and i hugged her
'thanks'
Serena and I finally talked and she took me home , I agreed on visiting a doctor on Monday so I can get help , I wanted get my life back.
New York city in the night , in Chucks limo , the best view you can get of the fifth ave,
'Are you mad?' I asked
'no I love you , I couldn't be mad at you 'he said and kissed me , and hugged me , and we started kissing , while everything was getting good...
I woke up , just to realize it was a dream , my life was still a disaster , I felt so angry with myself and the world , for doing this to me , I felt like throwing every pillow in my bed angrily , I felt like screaming , I felt like dying...
only to find myself on my knees again , killing myself softly and painfully.
Go to sleep now and dream of him close
While the sky turns from blacker to red
When you wake in the morning he will be gone
And leave you dreaming him close
a/n: this is kinda sort , at least I updated right?
I will soooo update tomorrow cause this is getting good , at least to write!
Please review!
The songs are 'how does it feel?' and 'carousel' both form eskimo joe.
Do you like it? Let me know , criticism helps too!
Thanks for reading!