SCENE TWENTY SEVEN Isle d' Tresor,
" Torry, mon cher," Antoinette called out softly from the doorway of Jim's room. "Ca va? How are you this morning, Torry?"
"Pas mal…" Jim started to answer and shook his head. "No, no, I'm mal, alright, Ani. I can't sleep for these nightmares. And I wish I couldn't make heads or tails out of them. But I can. They're only showing me that I'm an absolute, absolute failure and … a bloody coward!"
"Non, that I will not believe, mon cher ami." Antoinette insisted, carrying a breakfast tray into the room and putting it across Jim's legs. "You've only had a bad night and are in dire need of my coffee and nutbread. Luckily, I have brought you both."
"Ani, I've had a bad night, almost every night for weeks now." Jim protested, even though the coffee smelled great when he picked up the cup, and the nutbread felt warm to his touch. "If it isn't wishing I hadn't quarreled with Jimmy and going through all that all over again, it's dreaming about that awful day in Baltimore when Liesl died and I nearly killed the Man. And if it's neither of those two, it's the times I thought Artemus … died in the line of duty… or it's the boys who really did die all around me in the War. And there's more, a whole lot more, besides those that just keep coming."
"Mon mari seems to believe that an increase in dreams of any kind infers an increase in what he calls mental acuity, mon cher. And you do seem to be remembering more of what truly happened to you, Torry, rather than being confused by our adversary's many lies. That is an improvement, non?"
"That is an improvement, oui." Jim agreed, and sipped some coffee. Ani had a way of making the brew that he wanted to figure out, because it seemed to enliven his mood at times and at others to distinctly relax him. "And there is one other piece of … better news. I'm the one … or rather V Company are the ones having these dreams, so the Ls can actually get their rest these days. Well, V Company has the reins back in our hands for now, you see. But that was the way things were supposed to be, ever since the War started. And G-d knows, if there are nightmares we have to get through, it's time and past time V Company was the one dealing with them."
"Micah Diego tells me your small brothers are quite happy to have real play time, despite the fact that they worry for you." Antoinette said, putting slices of nutbread on Jim's coffee cup's saucer. "And they like this nutbread almost as much as mon ami Artemus does. How are you this morning, mon cher ami?" Miguel's wife asked, turning around as Artie walked out of the adjoining bedroom.
"I'm sorry, Antoinette." The former actor said, stopping in mid-step. "But did you just call me your dear friend? And if so, why?"
"Bien sur. Par ce que you have proved yourself to be just that." Ani nodded. 'miguel related to me how you …comment se dit? Ah, oui, how you told off those false physicians some weeks ago, when they attempted to deride his physicality and his skills as un docteur. Also, Micah Diego is tres enchante with the stories you've taught him in languages neither Miguel or myself have your fluency in. I would add that Cook, who has been known to be rather irascible at times is genuinely delighted with the recipes you've shared since your arrival."
"And the Lady of the House seems to like your singing, quite a lot." Jim chuckled. 'maybe you should take on Buckingham, partner and give me back Athos."
"No, no, thanks, just the same, James. I make a practice not to make a practice of flirting with local royalty, as their royal spouses could abruptly decide to send me to the block!' Artie chuckled, reaching for a piece of nutbread.
"Hey, Ani brought that for me, partner!" Jim protested laughing himself now, and pushing Artie's hand away. "Go get your own breakfast."
"Why should I when I can always nab some of yours, James m'boy?" Artemus laughed. "And what's this I hear about you having yet more nightmares?"
"That? Oh, that's about you eavesdropping on my conversation with Ani, partner. And Mac and Jacques and Jeremy when he's down here all do the same. Didn't any of you fellows ever hear of a fellow's personal privacy?" Jim complained.
"Personal… Jim, in case you've forgotten, we're all spies!" the former actor snickered.
"Yeah, get that, figure that, pal!" Jim frowned, and folded his arms across his chest. "But I'm not a suspect, a traitor or a bigwig of some kind you're supposed to either spy on. So, how's about letting a fellow talk to one of his doctors, which Ani also happens to be, even if she's mainly a bio-chemist these days, in private, Mister Gordon?"
"No, sorry, no can do, James m'boy." Artie insisted, still chuckling. "Because as it happens these nightmares that you don't want to talk to me about very likely have to do directly with the case I'm working right now. See, this friend and partner of mine got roughed up, beat up and then locked up for over two years' time by some really poisonous bad guys. And that partner and friend of mine is still the one who knows the most about those particular bad guys.
So, I'm just here following up the best leads we have, per my orders from Mac and according to protocols set up by that same partner of mine, fellow by the name of … What WAS his name, now? East? No, North? No, that was a cover name he used once. Nope, I just can't seem to recall his name."
"Hold on a damn all second, Artie. Did you just say that Thomas Macquillan ordered you to question me? Cause I don't believe that!" Jim exclaimed.
"Hold on yourself, Jim. Mac did no such thing. So you're right. He ordered me to run down any lead I come up with. And the way I figure it, that noggin of yours is still crammed of things we still need to know about this case. So, here I am. And I was talking to Ani about that partner of mine. So let me finish, will you?" Artie laughed.
"He's a real funny, kinda crazy guy. Maybe you've seen him, Ani. He's got a freckle-face and absolutely unruly kinda brownish red chestnut colored hair, a chin that sticks out a mile with a nice little scar across it, cause he loves a good brawl from time to time. And he's got these sort of strange eyes, that seem to change color depending on who's looking at them, kinda wiry build on him and … a short…"
"ARTEMUS, STOP RIGHT THERE!" Jim shouted, holding his temper with both hands.
"Temper." Artie finished. "He's got a pretty darned short fuse on his Black Irish/Welsh temper, especially for a former REGULAR ARMY officer. See, Ani, in the Regular Army, from what I hear, if the Army wanted its officers to have a hot temper, they'd issue them one, but only for limited periods of time."
"Antoinette, will you please excuse Artemus and myself for a little while?" Jim asked, turning in the direction he'd last heard Ani's voice. "I need to clarify a couple points with him, which I don't think will take very long. Then I'll come down and Micah can read me that story he mentioned about Coronado and Cortez and Mexico. Would that be alright?"
"Bien sur. Don't be too hard on Artemus', mon cher Duc, s'il tu plait. He's dealing with a great many … changes, just now." Antoinette smiled at Jim, and shook her head somberly at Artie.
"Your wish is my command, as always, ma plus cher reine." Jim answered, bowing his head like a Duke would, as Ani left the room. "I promise not to decapitate or defenestrate M'sieur Capitaine-Lieutenant Athos any time soon. That should be left to King Louis, after all, this is your Kingdom, La Belle France, n'cest pas?"
"Oh, gee, thanks, Jim." Artie protested. 'there are days when I'm not sure … Miguel wouldn't still be glad to do either of those things to me, you know."
"And there are days like this one, Artie, when I'd be damned glad to help!" Jim snarled. "Especially when I hear you talk as if you still don't want to so much as say the man's first name!"
"You're in a fine temper this morning, James m'boy. What the devil is wrong with you?" Artie asked, knowing he'd get either another explosion or some answers from the younger man or maybe both.
"What's wrong with me?" Jim echoed. "Just how long a laundry list do you have time for, pal?"
"Share your nutbread and coffee and I've got all the time you need, partner." Artemus said, promptly sitting on the winged chair Ani vacated beside the bed, and reaching for Jim's tray.
"I thought you were told 'no coffee' after that last heart seizure, Artie." Jim hedged.
"And I know you were told to act as though you're still part of Mac's team until Mac, or James Richmond, or the President tell you differently, Jim. Besides, that last little problem of mine was more than a year ago, now." Artie grinned, sipping some coffee. 'so, spill. What's got you sleepless, or having nightmares or just edgier than hell these days?"
"Well, I'm blind as a pile of rocks,now." Jim quipped albeit half heartedly. "Can't say as that's much fun, especially now that Ani and I have got the mansion mapped out and … aisles cleared for both my left feet. I still trip over things in the garden and the greenhouse really well though. So at least that adds some excitement to everybody's day, right?"
"Right. Great fun that, picking you up off the grass or the pavement. Go on." Artemus prodded.
"My aunt and uncle aren't speaking to me, just because I said no to his corneas. And he's … my g-dfather, my namesake and all, so I don't much like making Jimmy angry with me. And I especially don't like doing that when he's … ill. Then, Joanna would like to wring my neck for talking back to Jimmy, and so would Queen Bea. Which reminds me, my best friend doesn't really trust my uncle, or our long time friend, Bea Parry. So, that's kinda got me down, too. You can tell him that for me." Jim frowned, and grabbed the last piece of nutbread before Artie could take it.
"If I run into the guy, sure, Jim. What else should I tell him?" the former actor asked, hoping he could keep this discussion going.
"Tell him a partner trusts who his partner trusts, that's what!" Jim scowled. "What's the use of being partners at all if you … if one of 'em doesn't trust the other, anyhow? And while I'm on that subject, pal, a partner doesn't question his partner's judgment of people his partner's known for thirty years! That's … that's just uncalled for. Also, a partner doesn't make wisecracks about his partner's trust for someone JUST BECAUSE his partner's aunt let slip that there used to be a crush involved when his partner was still in short pants!"
"Yeah, that was probably pretty rude of him. I think he's pretty sorry about that, by now. But I'm wondering, honestly, if these disputes with your partner have that much to do with what's keeping you up, or waking you up these days. So, what about that? C'mon, James, here's your chance to tell me I'm a thousand percent wrong, this time." Artie probed.
Jim sighed. Artie was good at this, very good. Why shouldn't he be, when Jim and Frank and Mac all trained him to ask the best, most probing kind of unavoidable questions? "You're … you're 550 percent wrong, this time, Artemus. You've gone down in the wrongness quotient from the last time I measured."
"Well, that's a kind of progress. Now, listen to me for a minute, will you, partner? I have some… uncomfortable things to say. But you're gonna like it." Artemus promised. "First, I shouldn't have a hard time saying the Doctor's first name any longer, you're right about that. I did at first, but… I should be past that. Miguel saved your life, Jim. And like I told those fools Boudin sent here, he likely saved mine, too.
Second, if you trust Mrs. Parry, and your uncle, you're right again. I should trust your judgment. So I will. I'll trust them. And last, for this session, I'm sorry I eavesdropped, not this morning so much as a week ago, when your Aunt Joanna was saying something about … how you … how much you've always liked Mrs. Parry. That was none of my business and you're right to call me on it."
"Okay, Artie. We're done for now, then?" Jim asked, hoping against hope to drop the rest of this 'discussion' like a lead balloon down a coal mine's shaft somewhere in West Virginia.
"Nope." Artie swallowed a chuckle that would only raise Jim's Irish again. "We've only just got past the surface problems, James. Now we're back to these nightmares you're having. Tell me about them, that is, unless you no longer trust me, partner."
"Damn all, Artemus, you know I trust you." Jim glowered, rubbing both hands back through his hair."I just don't… I just don't know what's happening with me, these days. So how can I tell you?"
"Well, one way would be to go at it from the opposite direction, I'd guess. I'll tell you what I see and hear from you, Jim. And you tell me if I'm getting any of those …signals clearly or not. And if you need me to not get some of them, just say… y'know, back off from that one, Artemus." the older man offered.
"And people used to say I'm stubborn." Jim quietly complained.
"People still say that, my friend. But you know I can out-stubborn a caterpillar in a cocoon, so I've got you on that one." Artie laughed, and then turned serious again. "And I thought this was going to be my turn at the conversation."
"Go right on ahead. I'm all when ready, Gridley." Jim smirked.
"Thanks, Admiral Faragut, I think I will, sir." Artie quipped right back. "Okay, like I said, you're really edgy lately, James. And that by itself would have told me you're not sleeping. And that by itself would have me thinking there's something pretty disturbing keeping my best friend and partner awake nights. So far, so good?"
"So far." Jim nodded.
"Good. Now, you came right out and said you are having nightmares, so I don't even need to put that on my list of guesses. Okay, so what else have I observed? You're not eating like you normally do, by which I mean like a house afire, only nothing ever sticks to you. And Ani's Cook is pretty darned talented, so it's not the food here. And it's not like you're craving Army field rations or even my cooking when we're out on somebody's trail. And a loss of appetite has already been shown to match up just great with that not-sleeping problem. So something, and it's not just the idea of this surgery has you off your feed and sleepless. I'm right again, aren't I, Jim?"
"Right." the younger man admitted.
"So, we're back to this new siege of nightmares again. So I guess I'll have to play twenty-more questions with you, James, to find out about them. Are they like the ones we both had about the War, after our separate stays with the delightful, late Dr. Aynsley?" Artie prodded.
"Partly." Jim nodded.
"Well, at least that was two syllables instead of one. Are these dreams like ones we've both had after some friendly type or other drugged or gassed us, Jim?" The former actor asked.
"Not that much, no." Jim muttered.
"Alright, partner. Are you dreaming these days about the months and months you spent in Aynsley's lab, with his charming niece and those really amusing isolation chambers?" Artie asked.
"Sometimes, part of them … go back there. But mostly I dream about Liesly dying in that hallway in Baltimore." Jim agreed, sadly.
"James, you know I've never told anyone what you told me after that cave in down in West Virginia. I've never told another living soul that you got claustrophic down there. And I won't do that now, I gave you my word, remember, pretty much as soon as you came around back then and we talked about it? So, are these nightmares revisiting that mine cave in from seven years ago, when you were the last one down there and half the tunnel collapsed on you?" Artemus questioned.
"And you came down on a rope and leather kinda harness and got me and my busted leg outa there, Artemus? No, tell you the truth, it's been a while since I dreamed about that one. But I've got a question, if you don't mind an interruption, partner."
"Not a bit. Shoot." Artie chuckled.
"Yeah, right." Jim grimaced. "It's just something I've had occasion to wonder about a few…thousand times. Artie, didn't you ever get really, really tired of pulling my backside outa the fire?"
"Tired of … no, no, can't say I have, Jim. As far as I'm concerned that was just my part of the deal, sometimes and sometimes it was your part. Don't make too much of it. It's what a partner does when his partner's in trouble." Artie shrugged. "Any more questions?"
"Not right now. But you're a total fraud, Artemus Gordon and you know it." Jim chided his partner."You saved my hide and Frank's and Jere's, not to mention the President's life more times than the rest of us saved yours, all rolled together. So, I owe you, so go on with your … questions."
"Fine. Fine. You said you dream sometimes about Liesl Branoch dying. But Jim, you know now that you were gone … you were out of that hall, and out of the hotel itself before she passed away. You know that, right?"
"I know it up here, Artie." Jim said, tapping his forehead. "Not in my gut, not down here. Maybe I will, some day. Can't tell. And by the way that makes only fifteen questions you still get, pal."
"On this turn, right." Artie agreed. "Jim, when Mac and I found you in Baltimore, and found your brothers were the only ones who could even try to talk to us, when they weren't completely terrified. What they had most of their nightmares about was … your mother. Are you dreaming about her now, and the way you lost her?"
"Yeah." Jim nodded. But just when Artie thought the younger man had nothing more to add, Jim went on. "And about my Uncle dying, and about my grandparents passing on, I dream about all of them, a whole, whole lot, lately. I dream about Jeanny's husband Tim dying on Cyprus, leaving her and April alone there, and about my great grandfather Aidan Torrance losing most of his family in a hurricane… And killing himself, not too long afterwards. My grandmother Jean and her sister Meg were the only family he had left. And they both were… so sad, so sick with grief and so furious with him, even I could tell. And I was … eight and a half, that winter.
" I dream about the way my great grandfather Aidan cut his arm open, and lay In what amounted to a cell in a madhouse, and died there, all alone. I dream about my aunt Sarah dying off in Chattanooga, and I never really knew her at all. I dream about the aunts and uncles I never knew, because they died when they were Littles. Yeah, I dream a lot about people dying."
"Who else?" Artie softly demanded, thinking he could almost read the answers in Jim's bright, blind eyes now.
"You probably have dreams like the next batch, too. Anyone who came home from the War probably has these: They're about all the boys we knew who went with us 'to see the Elephant', and never came home at all. They're about the boys we went to school with and the boys we fought with in school, who marched alongside us, or on the other side, then. They're about the men who led us, and the men we led into battle after battle, who fell leading a charge or defending against one.
They're about the friends, brothers, uncles, nephews, fathers and cousins we'll never see again because they went to that 'Boy's War'. They're about all the blue carpets and the grey mounds of dead and dying heroes, thirteen thousand at Fredericksburg, just on our side and five thousand Confederates, twenty four or twenty five thousand in one day at Antietam, thirty five thousand total in the siege of Vicksburg, and on and on and on, till we had six hundred and twenty thousand of them!" Jim said and turned his face away as if he could but didn't want to see the same memories in Artie's wide, dark eyes.
"And other agents who didn't make it to the end of a case…" Artie added but not as a question. "And partners who came far, far to close to dying, far too often. Yeah, get that."
"Figured you might." Jim offered. "Funny thing, though."
"There's something funny?" Artie asked.
"Kinda funny. I haven't once in months and months dreamt about … dying myself. And that was … that was pretty much the finishing touch on Stephan's patterning. You should be glad, pal, they didn't take you quite that far." Jim shrugged. "Well, I'm glad they didn't. So it seems kinda odd, especially with my memory improving… fairly well, now."
"Jim, this is definitely something I haven't heard you mention before this morning." Artie told him, putting one hand on Jim's left arm. "What does your memory getting better have to do with this 'finishing touch' on the patterning?"
"Well, I …I'm not sure I know the answer to that, Artie." Jim shook his head. "Stephan's whole, entire deal was to twist and turn and shatter, and then rebuild a man's memory. He did that … we all know, with me … with the night momma died. And Jacques said Stephan tried to do something like that to you, about … "
"Ima, dying of pneumonia, yeah." Artie nodded bleakly. "So, what does that damnable 'memory Work' have to do with dreams you said you're not having about…James!" the older agent exclaimed as Jim stiffened his back and stared rigidly at something Artemus couldn't see.
" A precaution… a precaution, only." Courier recited, caught up again in three year old patterning. "A precaution only… Courier. Our lesser enemies surround us in this place, as you well know. Courier they will press you, ceaselessly. We do not doubt to break your Artemusantine loyalty to the One. But they will seek any smallest crack or fissure in your resolve to keep the Great Oath. That being their treacherous intent, you must be fully prepared for any and all assaults. That preparation also lies within the framework of the Great Oath to the Work and to the One. You will therefore recite the rest of the Great Oath in our heAning, now. Recite for us precisely the precautions built into the Oath to prevent even the tiniest defection or betrayal.
I am the Courier of the Great Work, Sir. I carry the Well of Fire within my core, lighting always and only the Faultless Path which I must tread. Needing only to keep to my Duty, I need only keep in mind the Well of Fire at all times. I must forget all else as regards The Great Work or the One, as if I never knew either to exist. I must remember only the Well of Purest Fire, nothing else and nothing more to carry out my Duty on the Faultless Path."
"And if you chance to forget the Well of Purest Fire, Courier, what will become of you, according to your Oath?"
"If I forget the Well of Fire, I will be lost beyond any hope of recall. I will wander the boundAnies of oblivion where you found me, Sir. Therefore I will forget all but the fire, as if it never existed. I will forget, all but the fire."
"Courier! Stand down!" Artemus ordered, in the best parade ground Commander's voice he could muster. For some reason he couldn't put his finger on, Courier's recitation sent bitter chills down his spine, and Artie knew he had to stop it. 'stand down. Stand at ease, Courier. Your orders have been rescinded in this matter. I have new orders for you."
"Yes, Sir?" Courier replied and then blinked and shook his head, visibly relaxing. "Well… well, thanks for that, Actor. I guess you just learned more than you really wanted to know about the whole, entire nightmare."
"If it keeps Jim and his brothers alive, and yes, I mean all his brothers, I'll learn anything, anytime, Courier. I think you know that, by now." Artie answered. "For example, what is this damn all Well of Fire, or are you going to go back into a mesmeric trance if I ask about it?"
"No. I can hold it off, most the time now, really." Courier insisted. "In fact, you did kinda ask for that little … recital, there, Gordon."
"Well, not on purpose! Okay, okay, I'm not going to waste my time losing my temper at you. What else do you know that I need to know to help all of us?" The agent probed.
"Gordon, honestly. The total tonnage of what I know that you don't would stun a team of oxen in its tracks." Courier jibed. "Alright. Take it easy, old man. The Well's a very big, very bright kinda stone, set in a heavy ring that … He wears… all the time. You know who I mean. And he gave little crazed Liesl a ring pretty much like it, only in a size she could wear. And it's … damned bright, like the color of a … bonfire."
"So it's an orange citrine or an oddly colored topaz?" Artie asked.
"Don't think so. It's … the girl, Liesl said it was a ... kinda sapphire, but … orange colored. That's not my field, y'know. It's just what she told us. She flashed it at us, when we were stuck in the ol' Doc's attic. And He… th' other one, used it before then, and after. It's a damned dangerous thing, Gordon. If you see it, don't let anyone flash it at you."
"It's a Ceylonese sapphire, also called a padparascha, meaning lotus. And I don't want to look at it, because it was used in the patterning to plant, or even trigger post hypnotic compulsions?" Artie suggested.
"Good job there. You're catching on pretty well, old man. Gotta go, D's got next watch. Take care of my little brother now, will you?" Courier said and left Jim leaning his head against Artie's right shoulder.
"No problem." Artie replied to the brother who wasn't there now. "Jim, James, c'mon, Jim. C'mon, wake up and blink those baby greens at me."
"What? What goes on?" Jim asked somewhat peevishly, twisting his neck to get the kinks out. "Who ordered that mudslide?"
"Well, in a way, I guess I did, Jim. Sorry." Artemus admitted. "But it got me something more to follow up on. Quite a few somethings, really."
"Like what?" the younger man demanded.
Artie hesitated a moment too long, and he knew it. But could he safely ask Jim about what had just been 'added'? He needs me to trust him now,as much as ever. So, I have to do that. "A ring, a ring set with an orange gemstone, a ring that Liesl Branoch got from …"
"…from Boudin." Jim finished, rubbing his left arm as if it ached now. "And she was very flattered, because he wears one so much like it. It's okay, Artie. If I'm only thinking about it, I don't think I'll … y'know, go under."
"Jim, I'm even more … concerned about something else that came up just now. But I'm pretty sure you know about this consciously. Because we were starting to talk about what you called the finishing touch on Aynsley's patterning." Artemus said, watching his friend intently.
"Oh, oh, yeah. That… that's mainly … Boudin's contribution. He can't abide loose ends… And so far, I'm still a really loose one." Jim nodded. " 'm sorry, Artie. You sound like this session really shook you."
"Naw. I grew up in earthquake country, James. You'll have to do better than that to shake me." Artie joked. "But I think I've used up my twenty questions and then some. You should go and read with Micah."
"Yeah… No, wait a second. Artie, you want me to get into all this, and I will. I promise. But you don't have to do all the prodding and probing yourself, partner. That's … that's not fair. You're the one who best knows how many layers there are to the cocoon I'm in now. But Stephan tried to build one around you, too. So maybe you shouldn't be the one in here cutting at my layers." the younger man suggested.
"Jim, you're not a caterpillar." Artie argued.
"No, no, maybe …Maybe that's just what I am now." Jim disagreed, with a tired half grin. 'something hidden away … half asleep, and changing into G-d alone knows what when it's all over. The caterpillar pretty much disappears, as I understand it. Something wholly, entirely …other comes out and flies away. And I am, or I used to be that caterpilar. That is it, Artie. But you know that already, don't you? You know better than I do how different I am, even now from … whoever Jim West used to be. And it's not over, not yet! So, what do I do about that, pal? Any ideas on that one?"
"You talk as if the whole kit and caboodle was entirely out of your hands, Jim." Artemus suggested, somberly now. "And maybe that's the way you 'see' it. But I don't, and I don't think anyone else, not even that caterpillar-Jim West sees it like that."
"Sure, you don't. But you're forgetting a key element here, aren't you? I can't see my nose in front of my face any longer!" Jim argued. "And I can't take the only shot I might have, somewhere in the realm of possibility to change that plain, hard fact. It makes me physically ill to even think about it." Jim stopped and groaned and frowned and started over. " Artie, G-d help me if I don't tell you this now, I don't deserve your trusting me a bit. But it's … not easy to say or probably to hear… either."
"So tell me, Jim. Go ahead."Artemus urged.
"And you won't repeat what I'm telling you now? You won't put it in a report or a case file or anything like that? You won't, Artemus, because this is me, your best friend and partner asking you not to, right?" Jim demanded.
"Absolutely right, James. Go ahead." the older man agreed.
"I … don't think that's something I can … Artemus, don't get your temper up when I say this, because you wanted to hear my answers. And these are MY answers, not Boudin's or anyone else's… But, one thing's pretty damn all sure, as far as I can 'see', Artie. Either I'm changing into one, or I always have been an absolute, unqualified coward. No, hear me out! I'm almost done here. The thing is, the main thing is, I'm … I'm … scared, damned scared now." Jim finally whispered, knowing full well Artie could hear him.
"I'm scared because these latest dreams are all about … when I've failed in the worst possible ways, and how I could so easily pull disaster out of the jaws of victory, again. I'm scared because I see people I've lost. And its as if I've just lost them all over again, now. And … and … "
"People you haven't lost, yet?" Artie asked just as quietly. "But you see them dying all around you in these nightmares. You see them, each and every one dying, because you can't so much as reach for them. You can't even speak a word, not one syllable of warning. Its as if there was a foot-thick, glass wall between you."
"Artemus, you've had … those dreams?" Jim asked, astonished and chagrined because he'd never asked his best friend that question before now.
'they seemed to come up every single time I saw you, James, saw you in that asylum and couldn't help you." the older agent reluctantly answered. "I see Zeyde Yakov and Bubbe Leah, out in the City, and right next to them, ima… and tante Miri, and her husband, my uncle Zalman, too, all too far away for me to reach and all … falling …mayn shves'terkind, my cousins, too. Yeah, and then there's the others in the same category… Thomas and Frank, Jeremy, Jacques and you, Jim… all out of my reach and all …dying. And of course the President figures rather largely in that 'batch', too, along with Shimon Danielson and his wife Zarah, along with a lot of the 'Second Team', more recently. Yeah, I'd say those dreams were enough to scare anyone, partner."
"Yeah… they are." Jim nodded. "Figured you'd understand that part."
"Is there a part of this you think I won't or I can't understand, James?" Artie demanded. Jim turned to his left, away from his partner. But Artemus stood up and walked over to Jim's left. Then he cleared off and sat down on the bedside chest there. 'this is me. C'mon and tell me what's going on inside that overly clonked noggin of yours."
"Cause if I don't, you'll clonk it?" Jim quipped.
'damn right I will." Artie chuckled.
"Okay, okay… There's a part you might not even believe is true, or coming from me, not Stephan, or Liesly or … Boudin." Jim sighed. 'there's a part I might not have believed myself… say four, or five years back. See, I'm stuck. I'm good and stuck here, right where I am, now. I'm stuck because … I'm scared to go forward where I have a tiny, tiny ghost of a chance to go now, where I might … get some part of my life back. And I'd be just plain insane if I even thought about going … backwards. And I'm beginning to pretty much hate where I am now. Yeah, just when I thought I'd at least got used to that, used to the way things are with me, now. So… so, I'm not sure… not sure at all… that being stuck this way… being stuck here, unable to move in any direction… is something I … is something I can…deal with."
"Well, if that's all it is." Artemus said, with a lot more lightness in his voice than he felt, right now. He was shocked and somewhat bewildered, because he could tell this uncertainty was coming from Jim, not any outside influence.
"If that's all …?" Jim repeated, wide eyed. "What more do you want there to be, pal?"
'that's not what I meant. And now its my turn, so hear me out, James m'boy. Just hear me out. You're stuck, the tunnel fell in on you, at least half of it. And I get that. I do. So this is where I get out my rope and leather trapeze artist kind of harness, and thread the whole megillah through a good strong pulley set up. Then I put the harness on, I come down the mine shaft and pull you out.
Because you're right about one thing, friend. You can't get out of there under your own power. And that kind of trouble, James, has always been kind of a shock to your system. I know that. And that's where I come in. That's what a partner does for his partner, when his partner's trapped somewhere, or when his partner's got his head turned around six ways from Sunday." Artie answered.
"…not to mention just entirely, entirely whopperjawed?" Jim finished, sounding and looking almost hopeful again.
" …farmisht, is what my grandmother called it. In English it means…" Artie sighed. "Whopperjawed. Now, lets get downstairs and get some more nutbread before Micah eats every bite. Cause I'm hungry."
"Varr meesht?" Jim repeated roughly what he'd heard Artie say. "I think I like that, partner. I like that. Let's go."
Artie pulled Jim to his feet and the partners went off to the lift, laughing and joking as they hadn't done in weeks.
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