How dare she?! As soon as Nathaniel woke up, Kitty was all over him! And I was just about to tell him how I feel, too.

While Natty-Boy was out, I got a chance to think about my feelings for him. I remember something like this with Ptolemy, except not as strong. I hated the thought of it, but all evidence pointed towards the fact that I am in love with my master.

And not just any master, oh no. The snot-nosed little brat that put me through Hell for the last… two years, wasn't it? Well anyway, he's a jerk. Like I told him after the Golem incident, the boy that was Nathaniel's fading, almost gone.

But now, John Mandrake died in the Glass Palace explosion. All that's left is Nathaniel, whether he likes it or not… right? I hope so.

Actually, all this multiple personality crap is giving me a headache. I should have just jumped in front of a truck a couple decades ago, and then I'd have saved myself the trouble.

Back to the point. I think I'm in love with Nathaniel, and it's annoying. I want to strangle him, but I know that if I do, I won't be able to live without him. Gah. I want out of his body, and I want out NOW.

Nathaniel, I think I'm getting cabin fever from staying in here so long. Can't you figure out a spell or something to just remove me from your body, and not dismiss me?

Actually, yes, I've been thinking about that. I've had to do quite a bit of tweaking to a summoning spell, but I think I've got it. Maybe I can do this before Kitty gets back… She wouldn't like me doing spells. Kitty had gone off to get some food for herself, after forcefully suggesting Nathaniel eat everything the nurse gave him, or she'd shove everything he didn't eat up the other end. The scary thing was, I know she wasn't joking. Ever since her little mental break down a few hours ago, she was practically breathing for us.

Don't you need a pentacle or something?

Only if I don't want you to kill me. As long as you promise not to shove me out a window or anything, I think we'll be fine. Whoa. Nathaniel trusted me? How creepy was that? I was just about to get used to being given a three minute long speech about what not to do when I went out to get groceries. Alright, get ready then. Nathaniel started mumbling out some stuff I didn't pay attention to. A minute later, I felt myself being tugged up and out, and I went with it. It felt like I was being dismissed, but halfway through, I was sucked down to the floor again. I chose Ptolemy's form, in just a simple Egyptian skirt. I grinned and jogged in place for a bit, and then started doing stretches.

"Woo! I feel so much better. How 'bout you, Natty?" I turned to look at the boy, and his face was a bit red. I raised an eyebrow, glancing down at Ptolemy's half-naked form. Ooh! Why, I didn't know Natty-boy swung that way. Oh well, makes my job all the easier. I struck a pose. "Like what you see?" I inquired innocently. It only made him blush harder.

"N-No. I'm just… a bit worn out from a sudden spell, is all." Worn out my foot, the little jerk. Why couldn't he just admit he's attracted to me so I can tease him about it, and then jump him? Honestly. Kids have no respect for their betters these days.

"Right. Nice save. Well, whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess I'll go along with it." I strutted over to a chair and plopped down, my hands behind my head and my legs crossed leisurely. "So. What're you gonna do once you get better?"

Trying to forget my earlier teasing, he shrugged. "I don't know. Probably help rebuild the government or something. Maybe take a long vacation. I'm tired of saving London from certain doom and destruction all the time." Oh, the poor kid. He actually looked rather pouty.

"Yeah, summoning up helpless djinn and sending them out to steal amulets, stop golems, and harness magical power far beyond anything anyone has seen in the last century or so. Oh yes, must take a whole lot out of a guy." My sarcasm, as always, is not taken in as the brilliant wisdom it really is. Nathaniel simply scowled and glared weakly at me.

"Actually, I'm going to try and stop enslaving djinn. When you were in my body, it made me realize how mistreated your kind really are. I'm sorry, Bartimaeus. Please forgive me for being an arrogant jerk all this time." I smiled pleasantly at him.

"Gee, Nathaniel, that was kind of sweet, in a twisted childish sort of way. And I find the correct term for what you are is 'arrogant, low-life scum of the Earth jerk that needs a psychiatrist.' But your version is good, too."

"Thank you for making me feel so good about myself, Bartimaeus."

"You're welcome. Oh, and about the whole 'inside your body' talk. Yeah, that has to stop. People will start getting the wrong idea about us two." Don't get me wrong, I was totally fine with strangers asking us when our wedding will be, but I don't think the kid would like it. Unfortunately, I didn't get to hear his opinion on it, since that was when Kitty decided to join us. She took one look at me, then gave Nathaniel the famous death glare known only to women and their sneaky minds.

"Nathaniel…" she began warningly, and the kid turned rather pale. I hopped up.

"Well, see ya Natty-Boy! I'm off to… uh… get some fresh air! Yes, fresh air, heh…" To tell you the truth, I was just too chicken to stick around for Nathaniel's death by Kitty. Hey, don't look at me like that. Did you see the look on her face? Oh, right, this being a written story and all that. Maybe I'm not describing this accurately enough for you? Let's just say, she was so ominous even I, the brave Bartimaeus, had to flee.

I hung around the waiting room, conversing with the nurses and being an altogether nuisance. I suddenly remembered that Kitty was competition in the Win Nathaniel's Heart game, and I really don't want the two alone together. But I didn't want to be in the same room as an evil Kitty, either.

I compromised. I went outside and spent a few minutes trying to locate the window to Nathaniel's room. Once I found it, I turned into a lizard and scaled the building, peeping inside. Excuse my chat speak, but… OH EM GEE.

Nathaniel and Kitty were hugging. What the Hell? I ran back down the side of the building, quickly changing back into Ptolemy and running inside, my arms flailing, shoving anyone in my way. I was also repeating something to myself over and over, but I don't really know what it was. It sounded kind of like "EDGUIFBYSDFMOVEDANGIT." Yeah, don't ask.

I paused at the door to Nathaniel's room to catch my breath, then I slowly opened it, doing my best to recreate Kitty's look of doom. Kitty was back in her chair, turning to smile innocently at me, while Nathaniel was blushing and looking rather flattered.

ARGH! Kitty has corrupted his mind! I shall never leave Natty-Boy alone with the Jones Menace ever again!

"Kitty, I'd like to talk to you alone for a bit, please," I said quietly, surprised by how level my voice was. The Bartimaeus was angry. No one messes with my man.