SCENE THIRTY ONE Isle d' Tresor, Richmond Virginia, the same night
Oldest Torry became aware and found himself face down on his bed in the room Ani gave him, upstairs in Isle d' Tresor. The carved frame chaise was gone. His friends and hosts seemed to believe somewhat superstitiously, he thought, that it would give him nightmares.
They still don't understand, do they, fellows? Oldest asked his brothers. Everything gives me nightmares, these days.
Oldest, this isn't the way! Most of D and W Companies cried out inside his head where he'd ensconced them. This only does what the Original Bastard wants done! And besides, you never should have stuck us in this … makeshift padlocked dormitory. We're s'posed to help you, not hide like babies!
No, this is the ONLY WAY! We can't, we can't undo what we've already done, what we didn't do, what happened because of both those things. We can't unmake the life we lived, the life we always thought we wanted more than anything. All that's turned to ashes in our mouths, now. Can't you taste them? That's almost all I can taste, now! It's too late, it's far too late to worry about doing what Remy wants now! We already did anything and everything he wanted!
He used us! He used us like a mindless thing, a tool, a puppet, a weapon in his hand! And he'll never stop using us that way, unless we stop, now! He'll never stop going for the ones we love, the ones we swore to protect who are still alive to be protected. He'll never give up on using us as his own personal automaton, until we take ourselves out of his long reach, for always. So, we have to get out of his reach. We have to win free, finally free of all the nightmares. We have no choice left now. This is what has to be done. Oldest Torry/Jim answered bleakly.
Oldest, this will only take us all out of the world, all of us that have survived so long... and we know, we do know just exactly how hard it is to stay on, to hold on...and we won't let go, we won't let you go... we won't...
We have no choice...now, I have no choice, now... I have only one oath left unbroken, and I WILL KEEP IT! Don't you see, they 'll never stop, they never have, they 'll go on, coming back, coming back, coming back, lying and teasing and offering ...anything, anything at all...when there's purely nothing we have any right to...anymore... We threw it away! WE THREW OUR WORLD AWAY! And you don't get that back; you don't get a second chance... WE PURELY THREW OUR WORLD AWAY TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANTED! WHAT THEY WANTED TOOK TH' PLACE OF EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WE EVER LOVED OR SOUGHT FOR...OR DREAMED OF... DON'T YOU SEE? CAN'T YOU SEE?
We see that you're in pain so deep you can't feel or think or see anything else. We see that you're in a darkness so far down that you don't know anymore there's a way out...a living way out...And we see that you are in fear so great that you can't really hear us anymore, But we won't give you up, we won't... you're our brother, our starting point, our reason...our home.
No! Jim, snatching the role of Courier back cried out. No, a monster on two legs, and his monstrous friends were our starting point and even there we have no more handholds, no more hiding places, no more ... belonging... We failed the Work, We failed the One...We failed and they will come back, they won't ever stop coming back.. And we can't...we told them we can't... and they won't stop, they won't believe us. They won't stop coming back, unless we give them no place to come back to!
The monsters, the monsters on two legs that we let take us over, take our lives and our world over ... they won't stop unless we're gone! So we have to be gone.. And gone where they can't reach ... You do, you have to understand this, now. You have to.... understand there's nothing more ... nothing else... no one else. THEY 'LL PURELY SEND US NEXT AT EVERYONE WE LOVE! AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WE LOVE THEM, BECAUSE THE MONSTERS TOOK THAT TOO! THE DAMNED MONSTERS, STEPHAN AND DUPREE TOOK EVERYTHING! ARE WE SUPPOSED TO STAY AND LET THEM SEND US NEXT TO MURDER EVERYONE WE LOVE? ARE WE SUPPOSED TO STAY AND LET THEM SEND US NEXT TO BETRAY AND BETRAY AND DESTROY AND DESTROY ALL THAT'S LEFT OF THE WORLD AND THE HOME WE LOVE? NO, NO, NO!
Gulping some bourbon, Jim wondered who would tell his cousins and their kids down in Norfolk. He wondered who would break this news to his dying uncle, for that matter, when it would be like to kill Jimmy Randolph outright.
Then stop, Oldest, stop, now. He loves you so terribly, so terribly... Do you want him in the grave next to yours, a double funeral to put paid, to put an end to a man you cherished, a man who helped your father raise you? A new contingent, this one from his own V Company asked Jim.
No, no, I don't. But I'm empty. I'm completely empty now and they won't stop for that. They won't stop as long as they can send me at the people I give … the people I cherish. I'm their damned Assassin, aren't I? And just how, how do you imagine Jimmy would stand up under my courts martial, under my trial for treason, under my … hanging? He's already dying. Am I supposed to put the last nail in the man's coffin? No! So, what choice is there left anymore, fellows? How else can I protect … all of them? How else can I keep them safe?
If we knew, Oldest, we'd surely tell you, what are you doing now?
Leaving a note while there's still some time ...isn't that what you're supposed to do in these ... circumstances? Anyone got a good, clear hand? Anyone know how to take dictation?
We do, Oldest. School and Vicar answered him.
Then will you write this down for me, my hand's kinda shaky? And I have to decide who it goes to... who it goes to take it to the rest...and who asks them to for...forgive me, for making such a mare's nest of all...of everything? Artie...no, Artie feels the lack of his own family too much these days, the more he hangs around mine,
And Jacques is madly in love with Jeanny, and only a little less so with April, so he'd hate this errand, and so not Jacques. Ori is a grand fellow, a great guy, but he's purely going ta have his hands full with Artie, I'd have to guess. G-d! Artie's gonna want to take my head off by the ears...They all are... And Mac, if I leave Mac detailed for this, he won't be too thrilled, but ... He gets along with all of them, and especially Jeanny and Uncle... so it's Mac, then. School, Vic,' are you ready for me, now?
We're ready, Oldest.
Good, Mac, ... you're gonna hate this, you are, I know it, and you're gonna be even more pissed off with me, then you were when I resurfaced in Baltimore that week... in 69. But as almost always, you're the best man for the job that has to be done, now. You purely are. So try to think about...not stayin' mad at me, too long, Prof, please. Mac, the daguerreotypes, they should go to Robby and Steph, or to my Uncle, aunt Jo had them put together for me. I never have had a picture of Uncle, or his parents, or I'd leave them for uncle Jim's kids and their kids, too. My class ring, well, whatever you think, now, Mac, keep it, if you want or give it to Dani's boys, and GrandDad's watch well, it's...I think one of Steph's boys was really admirin' it.... Tommy, mebbee. So he should have it.
The tin Continental, that's for one of the Texas Wests, as it came from their grandfather, uncle Jimmy, long since, and the horseshoe nail...well, April loves to ride and she knows so much about soldierin' on... she should have it...to remember her lost cousin Torry by...Anything else I have of uniforms and such purely belong to Dani and Steph's boys now, of course. You're something else, you're one of a kind, Thomas, one of the best mentors and teachers, one of the few almost doctor/lawyers I know, and one the few partners who could ever get on with me, take it easy will you, Mac? And Prof, please, for the love of G-d, don't let anyone else give my eulogy, they 'll put the whole place to sleep! I would never have had... a tenth of the life I did, Mac, without your help and your occasional kick in the butt. And I wish I could have learned the kind of quiet courage we've always plagued you about.
Jacques, Mon docteur d'ami, for pity's sake, don't read you blind, comprends tu? I know a little about that now, and I don't recommend it, not a bit. Try to help Jeanny lean on you, mon ami, she's gonna try so hard to let everyone lean on her...and she can only do so much...And she loves you, as folks in my family always do, so terribly... why, I couldn't say...no, I could, it's because you let her see how kind and strong, how profoundly good and what un vrai gentilhomme you are, I promise to say bon jour to Jeanne, and tell her how well you and Eugenie are doing when I see her.
Jacques Merlion Etienne D'eglisier I just wanted to say tu est un ami incroyable, if only for putting up with me for so long, patching me back together and keepin' my secrets, when need be, even from me.... Mais, damné le, Jacques will you stop tellin' those greatly exaggerated stories about how clumsy I used to be? I'd purely appreciate it, even if you're going to ream me a new one in gran Gallic style when you see this... don't forget for and instant, you taught me nearly everything I know about civilian life, including cherchez les femmes... I wonder why it worked so well for me and not so well for you? And Jacques, please keep our elder statesmen on track, they 're going to be quarreling all the time, now,
I can almost hear it, I can almost see it... thanks.
Artie, my big-brother, Artie, the one I needed and never had, growing up, take Ori as your partner, okay? He's learned my trick for getting you to put up with stealth, secrecy, sheer cussedness, steely-eyed determination and me. Turns out I had a big brother, who lived to be all of five months old. Turns out he looked kinda like Grampa Drew... Turns out I'm the one who had a mort of brothers... But you were the one I purely would have ... asked for, if there was a place to ask that kind of thing.
Keep Jacques and Mac under close watch, and come around sometimes and cuss me out good for cavin' this way... I wish..
.I purely wished to hell ... I could see anything else to be done, now... Artemus Alastair Lachland Gordon, which never was the name you were born with... damn it, Artie, you're such a stubborn old grifter, and you like plaguin' me so much I ...
and you did things for me that nobody should have been asked to do, that nobody purely asked you to do, and you didn't' do and say things I've got this gut feArtien you wanted to...and I wish like hell I'd had the nerve to ask you your favorite question...why, Artie, why? Oh, and Artie please, tell the ladies, especially Charlotte and Hildegarde, I said goodbye to them, too. Blackjack's yours, Artie, I've had Robby, the best horse trainer-handler in the family, not to say in five states around, training him to let you and only you ride him, now.
Sean Oriel Liam Hoynes, we haven't known each other long, and yet I still am glad we do, because it lets me do two things, now, one, thank you for ... watchin' Artie's and Mac's and Jacques' backs while I was 'away', and two, to ask you to go on doing just that, I would go down to Georgia this minute and tell old Pete, that is, General Longstreet that you're purely overdue a promotion to Major or Colonel yourself, Ori, for service far, far beyond the call of duty, just for managing not to throttle us old guys...And ... I have and in with old Pete, you see... he's friends with the Man I used ..To work for.
Since I can't purely make that trip now, I'll just say thanks again
Au revoir, Antoinette, ma plus cher reine Anne, tu et tres, tres belle et tres gentil et une vrai puissant reine de coeurs. You made happen the strangest and best and least expected changes in my entire life, just by not knowing how to swim…for urging Miguel to help me, when he had no reason, no reason at all to do it. I pray, Ani, and I hope you and your enfants terrible are always happy and well. J't' adore, Antoinette. I don't understand much these days, but I know you took in a scared, sick, lonely and badly busted up little ... and the rest of my brothers and me, into your warm, wide heart...
And I don't, I purely don't think it was just returning a favor, or repaying any kind of debt... And I wonder ... if I'll ever understand how you and your worse half decided to help a ramrod up his back idiot like yours truly... I know that Torry little and his small brothers, my small brothers fell madly in love with you on first sight... I know that David and his M's think you're the neatest, finest thing since chilled butter in the summer, since warm socks in the winter... since...just about anything... And I know that Miguel, or good King Louis is right to be jealous of Buckingham, Athos, D'artagnan, Porthos and Aramis, who all fell madly in love with you... and that's not likely to change anytime soon. Since I won't get to meet him or her, please tell your new baby he or she has purely got the plus brave, plus belle et plus, plus cher maman anyone ever had ... excepting mebbee mees.
.. And Miguel, I have a favor to ask, despite the fact that I owe you about a thousand by now. No, make that a hundred thousand. I hope you live to be a hundred, and make sure that you snag all of Ani's nut breads and ginger breads before Micah or the new baby, or Artie can eat them up. Still I have to ask this: For the love of G-d, don't name that new baby Torry, he won't thank you. . But I will thank you, for always, for trying so hard to help someone who had never thought of helping you, until that day at the Sacramento River... And that was purely the way I was raised, you see, not to sit by and let a lady drown...
Miguel... you crippled your hands and your legs even more stayin' in that asylum to help me... to help us, and you had no real obligation, and we all know that, So I wonder, I wonder more and more what made you think a regs quoting, cold, indifferent, diffident, aloof, scared, angry, bitter, scared, scarred sob like Jim West was worth your time and trouble? You could have purely died with fever at least twice in Baltimore, you could have been beaten and hurt the way all the ones there who were sick and scared ... but you were purely never once scared .how weren't you? Ani's worth a brigade of Jim West's I agree, completely, completely, and Micah's gonna be so much like her... and I still don't understand... mebbee there'll come a time when I do... with your help.
Uncle, I hardly know how to tell you that I have been so wrong, so awfully wrong for so many years now, thinking …before anyone ever suggested or tried to persuade or to brainwash me to think, that you blamed me when momma died. I know better, I do, now. And it's almost as if I could hear momma whispering in my ear, the way she did when I'd fall asleep in that corner of her room, in the mornings . It's almost as if I could hear momma telling me how much you love me…and that I purely should have seen that…myself long before now. I wish I could have , I will always wish I could have understood and returned that love, long before now…when it's just too late, I will always wish I could have been the nephew you wanted... the nephew you needed.
Lastly, please, please know that none of you failed me this time, or ever, I failed you, all of you, and a lot more. You deserved better from me. Much better than I ever gave or ever could conceive of being able to give in return for your loyalty, your love, your trust, you're patience, and your friendship. I do...I do love you all, and for always, and I'm leaving this, by way of a totally inadequate apology.
James Torrance Kieran West, Saturday, January 18th, 1873, Richmond, Virginia'
'that's all down now, Oldest.' Schoolboy said. 'But don't you think.."
"I think all we need do now is wait for whoever comes upstairs with a supper tray and we're home free, boys." Jim answered.
"I think we're all of us almost home free at last."
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
'mon enfant," Antoinette offered, no more than half an hour later, tapping on Jim's door. "I have some coffee here, and some tarte.."
'damnI" Jim whispered. "I never thought it would be Ani! Ani, I'm not, not really hungry. Give the tarte to Micah, or to Artie, maybe. He can't get enough." Jim called back, hoping he'd discourage his friend and hostess.
"Artie's still enjoying one of Mac's stories and one of Miguel's cigars from Havana downstairs, Jim." Ori Hoynes answered from the hallway. 'so I came up with Ani to hear that story you promised about the time we nearly met up in the Shenandoah."
"Ori that wasn't me. That must have been one of … one of Frank's tall tales or Jeremy's. And I'm … I'm bushed, really. I'll… catch up with you two, later. I need to … I need to … rest, now." Jim said and swore under his breath as the door swung open on its hinges. Damn all! I forgot to lock it!
"Well, I was pretty sure you were the one who said he nearly fell into a picket line ol' Jeb Stuart's boys set up for just the purpose of snagging some of Phil Sheridan's boy's boots and pistols." Ori insisted, following Ani into the room and setting down the tray.
"Et aussi, mon cher, you truly musn't go without eating. It does you no good, no good at all."Ani scolded, pecking Jim on the cheek.
"Well, maybe I did go through the Shenandoah, once or twice, Ori." Jim shrugged. 'did you get any of those pistols, or those boots? I think now I do remember waking up at a cook fire of my own one morning, only to find my boots and tack and saddle all pilfered in the night!"
'that would likely have been my wife's cousin, Andy Brightwell. He was always scrapping and pulling tricks, on us, much less Yankee outriders like you must have been then."
"I was a courier" Jim started to retort and then felt like choking on the words. "I was sometimes a … Courier as it were" he finished and laughed,sharply. "But you didn't answer my question, Ori, did you come away with any of those fancy cavalry pistols we had for awhile?"
"Well, I don't rightly recall oh, Yeah, I have one I mounted and gave to my father in law, Judge McConnell down in San Antonio. Prettiest little firebox you ever did see that was. Its all over engravings and gilt and a totally useless thing as far
as shooting anything, I'd guess." Ori laughed.
'that would have depended on how far apart the shooter and the shootee, as it were, were." Jim grinned."A few yards, Yeah, they couldn't hit the broadside of a stables, a few steps, and they could hit the eyelashes on a flea. But if something went wrong; if the powder magazine clogged or the trigger jammed. Bam! You could get the nastiest little explosion.. But you know, Ori, I've hardly ever known a Texan who didn't go armed, what've you got on you?" Jim asked.
"In your father's house?" Ori asked, "Nothin', Jim. Why would I?"
'to go hunting some rabbits for dinner tomorrow? We used to all the time when I was ... when ...I remember bein' a kid...we'd chase rabbits , and wild turkeys and bright, copper red foxes.. And my GrandDad would say when he was a boy; there were still bears in the backwoods. Listen, you two, I'm wearin' down. Give me a hand up, will you, Ori and I'll go up to bed, now." Jim said, holding out his left arm.
'sure, Jim. Surely." Ori crossed to the older man and helped him stand. But instead of leaving his hand on Ori's strong left arm, Jim reached for the taller man's waist and grabbed the pistol he'd noticed when the Texan moved past him in the garden. Within seconds he was twisting away from Ori, as Antoinette cried out
"Non, James, Non,cheri! Miguel! Jacques! Artemus! Thomas!"
"Get her out of here, Ori!" Jim demanded, still gripping the gun although Ori was fighting him for it now. "Get Ani out and stay the hell out yourself. Lock that damned door behind you! I said get! NOW GET OUT!"
"No, sir. No, I will not! Antoinette, go on, and bring all of them, I think he's gone plumb crazy!"
''I did that years ago, Captain Hoynes. That's old history, now, haven't you heard? I want you both out of this room, and I mean it." the older man growled. " There's nothing interesting, or pretty, or amusing to see when a man points a gun at his own throat and pulls the damn trigger, So get on out! I'm only interested in taking one of us out, Sean Oriel, and it isn't you, and it sure as hell isn't Antoinette!"
"James!" Artemus cried, running in just ahead of the others.
"Artemus, will you take Ani, and this Texan out of here, and yourself as well. I don't need an audience for this! And I don't need any damned more doctors! I'm only finishing the job that got interrupted a few years ago by an explosion in Baltimore. I don't need anyone in here for that, and it won't be much fun to watch! This is only. Only what purely should have happened when that damned… when I left the President to die on the carpet of his hotel room, and we all know it! Take your new partner out of here, now, Artemus. I have an assignment to complete!" Jim demanded. Struggling and surprising Ori with his strength, Jim kept control of the pistol still and was moving its barrel towards his throat, as promised.
"Youngster!" Mac shouted. 'do you understand that you may be acting on a post hypnotic compulsion to do just this? Do you understand that you may be throwing away our best chance to put paid to all this, to take the bastards who put this damned idea in your head...'
'thomas, I honestly don't know and I purely don't care where the suggestion that I should have died when I killed the President came from. And honestly, right at the moment, i don't even much care what started this whole nightmare…nightmare circus. I just…want…out. And even though I can get my brains to understand that all y'all think the
best way, mebbee the only way to do that is to talk it out, work it out…figure it out…I can't. I can't do that. Any time I even…think about trying to…"Jim complained.
"What, Jimny? What happens in that whirling-dervish brain of yours when you think about trying to work this through, talk it out, figure it out?'mac demanded in his turn.
'this, Mac! This, what's happening now, what's happened over and over again in the past six months or more, only I was too sick or too scared to go there, much less talk about it! My mind and my gut and my hands and everything else I can get to work at all, go into lock step. I can't…I'm not exaggerating here, folks. I mean exactly what I say …I can't think of anything else…I can't think of anything but jumping off roofs or diving into an arroyo, or drinking or swallowing something bitter or sweet or sharp as long as it's lethal…or just swallowing this revolver …
Because it's not …It's not going to go away…It's not…It never has…I just…I just didn't…know it, remember it…I didn't remember that I was purely …set up to kill…set up to murder…Mac, do you think a man could be set up like that to murder only one other person? Does that make even the least amount of sense you can think of? It doesn't. It doesn't. Not at all. So I know…I purely get this now…." Jim tried to explain.
"You get what, Youngster?" Macquillan asked.
"I get what all y'all still refuse to …get…That this…all of this…all this nightmare …It's never going to stop…never…and if it…. doesn't…I could kill …any of you…all of …you…. I could…because if I could kill that man…that …fine, good, quiet, shy…brave, wonderful, … incredible man…I could kill anyone…. I get that, now. That there, there is only one way it can…stop …and this is purely it…Because I should've died that day…I should've blown my own fool head off, or "fallen on my sword'…I …think I actually hed my dress sword on me…and that would have …worked…But I ran!
I murdered the best man any of us will ever…ever possibly know…and I ran… I ran and hid inside a four and a half year old little! No, no, even better, I hid in a schoolroom full of little boys! And it wasn't even the first damned time, it turns out! No, no, turns out ol' Jim here has been hidin' in one or another ... piece of himself all his damned life! Hidin', always, always hidin'... always. lyin'... And all y'all have heard me say a thousand times how much I hate liars!
Well, turns out I'm one of the worst of the breed, and a lunatic to boot! Turns out I'm so damned good at lyin' I can even lie to myself! ...And I did, and I have and now the lies stop, they stop here and now, tonight! You see, I get that the Torrys were protectin' me from just that. They're damn brave kids, you know… well, Yeah, you do know that… you knew before I did… And they deserve a better… much, much better big brother than yours truly. Because right now, the *only* redeeming feature I can find in ol' Jim North is that I purely don't want anyone else hurt so will you please get the hell." Jim sighed bitterly.
"Jimmy, listen to me, now." Mac interrupted again. 'this is not the way to get past what happened. In fact, doing this makes sure you never will. And we all went through the War, We've all worked some bad cases, rough ones, and we all have enough lousy memories to make us want to go hide... and we all find different ways to do it...And you know, Jim, you and Jacques, Artemus and Frank Harper all know the way I found, for a damnably long time... down inside a bottle of gin, or bourbon or ... really it didn't matter what after awhile, as long as it blocked out what I wanted blocked... what I needed blocked. I still have some rough patches now and then with the whole thing, But this isn't the way to handle, them. I know, because I've considered it too."
'mac." Jim sighed, straining now to hold the gun out of Ori's long reach. "I know I wouldn't EVER have made it this far along without your help. And I'm sorry, I am. But you've always had ten times the courage of any man I know, myself included. I can't ..I can't live with this. And please, please, Thomas, don't tell me that you think I could purely live with killing you or …Artemus, Miguel or Ari, Ori or Jacques…Jeanny, April or Dani or Steph, their kids... my Uncle, Robby, Pauly, i…no, no,
Please …please don't…go there…Mac, I…. there's just no way."
'mon enfant.." Jacques began in turn, knowing Jim was in no frame of mind to listen. "You are about to take your own life because of a damnable lie. Does that seem the least bit reasonable to you, Jim? Does that seem anything the President would wish you to do?"
'mon docteur d'ami, j'mescuse But I knew.. him better than you and he was, well aware of the necessity of an officer's adherence to Code. More than that, he was a West Point graduate, just as I am, and the Code there is, if anything, even more rigorous. I've breached them both in about a hundred ways and there's no getting around that. I've shattered prett much every promise, every vow, every oath I've made in …thirty years and more. I've disgraced all of you, the Army, the Service, the President…my Uncle…my grandparents…my name…
I fought for something like half my life to make something of myself, to make something worth…something of my life and my name…What's that line you're always saying everyone gets wrong from Hamlet, Artemus…' that, this too, too sullied flesh would melt?' And they keep saying too, too solid…Well, I understand both those ideas…now. And getting it to melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew…that seems purely the only thing I can do to this sullied flesh here." Jim said, more quietly, now.
" Because I lost myself …not four years ago, folks, a long, long time before that. I lost any and all sense of who Jim West is or was And I tried over and over to fill in the blanks but they're still there and just as blank as ever. And I don't even know what was there before. I don't even know what could have been there. I know what my 'brothers' have told me, I know what you've all said... since I woke up, that it can only get better, now cos it's already been the worst it could be... But I'm not so very sure of that, not any more. And you all like to tell me that small Torry and the other Littles know these things. And you all like to say that they can get me back there.
But you don't know what I've finally figured out. So listen up. Please. There's no going back for me. There never was going to be. I was supposed to die that day in Baltimore, one way or another, I was supposed to be dead and buried four years ago. Because after I studied and worked, and fought and worked and studied and fought all I accomplished was the death of the best …the absolutely best man any of us is ever likely to know. Because after I planned and dreamed and believed I'd finally, finally put the lie to everyone who ever doubted me…my ability, my courage, my honor and my loyalties…I did what somebody told me I'd been destined, I was fated to do all my life.
I don't know who said it, folks, so don't ask, all right. It doesn't matter who said it. It only matters that they were right. It only matters that I proved them right and me wrong. I single-handedly destroyed the life and Th' Place and the world I wanted more than anything, or anyone! I did that. Me! After fighting my way through every school I went to, including the Point, Mac, you'll remember how often I'd get into a fight there. And walked the parade ground for hours for it, and got up the next day and fought again, to show them just how much I belonged there.
When the plain truth is, I belonged nowhere at all! I wasn't a Southerner, not to the Southerners I knew. But then, I wasn't a Northerner, not to the Northerners I knew. I wasn't at the top, or the bottom of the class, no, Patrick O'Rourke and George Custer got those slots. I wasn't valedictorian or salutarian or any of those torians or tarians I wasn't the best horseman, or the best at rifle drill. I wasn't the fanciest dresser, when we were off the post, and I wasn't the tightest penny pincher, the tee-totler or the class drunk.
I wasn't even supposed to be at the Point for another year. I was seventeen. I was seventeen years old and I pushed and I whined and I begged Jimmy, to push and pull and get me into West Point. And Jimmy, in those days, he had a lot of pull. And I had a lot of drive. And he'd wanted to go there himself, or to VMI, and didn't. So I was going to live his dream, and mine. Kinda funny how that turned out, isn't it? Because I purely made come true the one thing I was more afraid of all my life than anything else, or anyone else in the world. I cut myself off ... from the law, from the Code, from the Service, from the Army, from the government, from all of you…I cut myself off from my family and my home, their home, Th' Place that's been their home for more than a century, now…and from all of them, too.
Because I have no family now, no home, no cousins, no father, no Grandparents, aunts or uncles, I have no neighbors and
no …place I belong, not now, not ever. I gave that all up. I gave all of them up. I gave that all up for Glory, for Heroism, for Fame, Prestige, for Place and Pride and Power…I gave that all up for Ambition and Cachet and Stature and Rank. For Duty, Honor, Code and Country.' Jim acknowledged and fell quiet once again, still holding the gun.
'Torry,' Jimmy Randolph said, walking in and standing as close as the others would allow him, to his son. 'Torry, you haven't lost your family, son, you purely haven't. We know how much family means to you. We know that without a word being said. Because we know what it cost you to leave. And we know now, why you truly felt you had to go and stay away... as much as you hated prep school, we know...'
'Uncle,' Jim whispered, amazed to hear his uncle's voice, and took a half step in the direction of that rich, clear Tidewater accented voice. But then he frowned and shook his head and stepped back.
"Artemus, that's about the dirtiest pool you've played since you tried to make those trainees at the Academy think you were the Ghost of Prince Albert from England! Don't do that, Artemus. Don't ever pull that on me, again. D'you hear me? I may be stone blind but I'm not the village idiot around here!"
"It's not me, Jim. I'm not that good at Tidewater these days. And I'm over here to your right." Artie answered, surprising Jim again.
"Okay then, Jeremy, I don't know when you got down here to Richmond but the same thing holds…" Jim insisted.
"I'm over by the door still, Partner. And I only got here tonight in time for Ani's flan." Jeremy Pike said, from the center of the doorway.
"It's me, Torry. It truly is. I hated the way we left things, nephew. So I came on back, entirely against Jo's wishes." Jimmy Randolph told Jim. "And now I see I was right to come on up. Torry, this is wrong, boy. This is terribly wrong and you know it. It's wrong because we Randolph's we just don't give up on a fight, not even when the rest of the county, the rest of Virginia, or the rest of the world says we should And it's wrong because some devil on two legs is the one who pushed this awful situation on you, now."
"Jimmy, for one thing, I hated how we left things, too. I was wrong to … treat you that way. I love you, a lot. You were a second father to me. You … still are." Jim answered, not for an instant letting go of the revolver in his hand. "But for the rest, you were one of the people who taught me that a man, no matter what his last name is, or where his family came from stands up and takes responsibility for the choices he makes, for the … things that he does, the good things and the terrible things that he does. A man stands up under whatever he's done and takes the consequences of what he chooses to do."
" Yes, yes we taught you that. And the thing is, Torry, I know as well as you that you never once chose to...' Jimmy protested.
'Due respect, sir, that's not the way I remember it. It's purely not. I chose to leave Th' Place, I chose to stay in the Army ...
I chose to fight ... how did someone put it... to fight all of y'all...my home, my family, my ... name...my cousins, my friends, my neighbors... Why? Why didn't I come home along with Jack Pelham and James Longstreet, Pierre Beauregard and Joe Johnston, Thomas Jackson, a mortal lot of our cousins and neighbors and of course, Robert E Lee? Why didn't I wait another year and go on to VMI? Can I really blame all that on what one man did ... years and years ago? No, that's not what I was taught to do, either...And I ...I've done things that ... can't be set aside... They purely can't...not now I recall them..' Jim admitted.
"And can nothing I say now convince you, Torry that you might have recalled those things ...not exactly as they were?" Randolph asked.
'No, sir, no... Because I know you'd all tell me the harvest moon was made of cheddar, the way Grampa Davy used to say...
if you thought now you could change my mind... And that's good, that's loving and I can't even ... try to tell you what that means... But what it does mean now, only tells me how I've ... ruined it all, beyond... so far beyond repair, beyond hope....Because after I chose to leave all y'all behind here... for all those high ideals and brave adventures and honor and glory I wanted so much...' then I gave all of that up, too. Didn't I? I sold my soul for all of those empty, shallow, worthless things. And then I gave them all up too, which leaves prett much nothing. Nothing.
That's what treason means, you know. That's what cold blooded murder means, too. Not in a dictionary, in a man's life. It means he cuts himself off from the rest of the world. He turns his back and makes the choices that lead him to a prison cell,
a trial, a gibbet, and an unmarked hole in the ground somewhere. And even while he's making those choices, he knows. He knows there's no turning back from it. Ever. There's only madness and treachery, a little remorse here and there, and the piper to pay when you're done. Only that last job is left to be done, which is to pay that piper, in the only coinage he'll take. That's a life for a life, isn't it? Well, ISN'T IT?" Jim demanded.
"Oui, mon enfant. Mais…" Jacques started to say.
"Mais, Non, mais rien, mon docteur d'ami. I was there, that day, Jacques, and you weren't, till it was too late. And I think I'm glad. in a way, except that maybe you could have knocked me out before I.." Jim cut him off. "And you weren't there before that, not until it was too late … in the fall of '64, at that … privately owned patch of Perdition… And that time, by the time you and Artie and Mac were there…sixteen children … boys no more than fourteen years old, and the youngest about eight and a half, were all lying dead… lying dead at my feet, because their deaths were the test for the post of Courier that I had to pass! Those boys were my final exam!"
"Youngster, you're getting a lot of things all mixed up in your head, now. And your uncle's right. you're not remembering these two cases the way they happened at all. So, even though you won't necessarily listen right now, I'm gonna tell you those boys, all sixteen of them who Boudin and Aynsley held as hostages, were all alive and well when we got there. And what they said to us was that Captain James West saved all of their lives!" Thomas Macquillan challenged Jim. " So, you're remembering things the way Boudin and Aynsley, and probably this Rowena Fairholm would be very glad to hear. They'd be glad because you're exonerating them of the horrors they created starting at that so-called prison, during the War. And of course Mister Boudin would like nothing better, as he's a former trial attorney, than to hear a man he coerced and abducted and tortured take all the blame in this, on himself!"
"Prof, I'm not gonna argue the fine points with you any more." Jim grated, obviously still shaken by Jimmy Randolph's arrival. "I never read the Law. I s'pose I could've but it didn't … I only ever wanted to be a career Army officer back then. And y'all can see how well that plan worked out, can't you now?"
"Torry," Miguel said sadly. "You are worn to a nub, You simply are not capable right now of thinking this out clearly, or, apparently, understanding what we've tried over and over to tell you. That being the case, there can be no justice of any kind in what you're attempting now. There is not even the lowest common denominator, retribution. involved when the person making the accusation is the person whose life is in jeopardy under this precious Code of yours. Are you taking revenge on yourself? Is that the reason for this grandstand play? Or are you just trying to escape a nightmare that will clearly take a deal more time to get free of, in the way we have worked so far? Because if you pull that trigger now, Torry, there will simply be no more time at all for you to win this battle. And if that happens, then Aynsley, Boudin, Mrs. Fairholm, here in Richmond, and their entire bloody handed cohort will win. Is that what you truly want?"
"Excuse me, Doctor, excuse me, my friends." Jimmy interrupted. "I need to ask Thomas a question here. And yes, it's important enough, I believe to ask all of you, and my nephew to allow for it, now."
"What is it, Mr. Randolph?" Mac asked, sounding to Jim as surprised as the younger man felt.
"It's simply this, sir: First you and now the Doctor have mentioned a Mrs Fairholm, and you specifically said her given name is Rowena. Also, the Doctor indicated she's residing here in Richmond. Did I understand all of that correctly, gentlemen?" Jim's uncle asked.
"Yes, yes you did. She recently coerced a young Freedwoman to do some very tricky business for her." Macquillan agreed.
"Well then, I'm hopin' this will help all y'all and Torry, and your case in general. Rowena Victoria Rebecca Edmonson Fairholm has been a friend and an associate of Remy Boudin's for nearly as long as I was, myself. And that would be forty three years now this past autumn, all told. As a matter of fact, Remy introduced 'Rowe' as we called her back then, to me,
in the winter of eighteen forty six, in his grandfather's home outside Atlanta. And yes, gentlemen, I do have correspondence from both parties documenting what I've just said." Jimmy explained.
"Got him!" Artemus whispered, only to find Miguel looking his way briefly and showing the same quiet satisfaction.
"Jimmy, what does it matter who else that old bastard knows, now? The point in question here is that I know him, and that
I chose to do terrible, unforgivable things, that he wanted done." Jim tiredly complained, ignoring Artie. "And Miguel, I appreciate what you're saying. I appreciate all of you, more than I know how to say. So this is what I'm asking you to do for the sake of your family and our friends and my uncle, right now: Turn around now and walk on out of here. And if she hasn't left yet, will you please take your pregnant wife with you? You two have a small son, and another child on the way, to worry about now. So, take her out of here, please!
Ori, you need to let me go and take my uncle and Mac out of this room with you now, and I mean on the double-quick, Captain Hoynes. Jacques, you and Jere have to leave too. I've had all the doctors the past three or four years I can reasonably stand. Makes me downright glad Jemmy isn't here now to add to the fuss! And Artemus, you get moving on out of here, too. There isn't ANYTHING you or anyone else here can say that will possibly, possibly change my mind now. Not anything. You've done all that you could and a whole lot more."
Now, Artemus waved the others to silence, feeling sure he would either stop Jim's attempt in the next few moments, or
lose his best friend for good. "He's right, friends. Please excuse me for interrupting you, Mr. Randolph but I think Jim's right. Ori, Thomas, Jere, Jacques, Antoinette, Miguel, Leave me with our friend for a moment. Go on. James and I have to have a little talk."
"Artemus!" Ori protested. "What the hell?"
"Don't contradict me, Captain." Artemus insisted, his gaze on Jim, gesturing for Ori to move away from Jim, but not towards the door. "Just move, and move, now."
"See, Artemus?" Jim laughed, harshly. "I knew you'd purely find out someday how much fun giving the orders can be. And I have one more order to give you. Evacuate the area, Mr. Gordon, and do it now! I want to hear all of you, leaving. I mean that. Do as I say right now, damn you! Get the hell out of here! I have an execution to carry out! Mine!" Shaking and laughing tensely, Jim kept hold of the pistol, as Ori released him and moved away.
"They're leaving, Jim, and so am I. I just want the answer to one question. Just one, before I go." Artie lied.
"You…you mean before I go, don't you? And I know what the damned question is, Artemus. The same as always. "Why, Jim?' " Jim laughed, having done a brief, pitch perfect impersonation of his partner's voice.
"Yes, that's the question. Why, Jim?" the older man agreed.
"Because I know no one else will?" Jim laughed, just as harshly, with a clear edge of hysteria. "Because instead allowing my superiors to execute me as the law and the Code of Military Justice provides, None of you will stand for that. I can see the hearing now, honestly, Artemus, I can! You'll call in one of Mac's chums from Harvard Law School, or one of Jacques' friends who are experts on the Napoleonic Code, or g-d knows who to stand up in front of a courts martial board and say: No, of course, don't execute poor ol' crazy blind amnesiac, lost lied to, missing in action, misplaced, mistaken, misquoted,misguided, misapprehended, used tricked trapped, baffled, incredibly bemused bewildered, befuddled rode hard and put up wet, hurt, beaten starved confused hopelessly depressed and sick to death of all those excuses Jim! He purely didn't mean to do it!
He never meant to walk in the gates of that compound down between here and Fredericksburg that August, back in '64. He never volunteered to go in there and fall flat on his face with malaria, not to mention falling down and busting his leg, so that he'd be the next best thing to useless in there! He never once meant to go in there and become a part of that death factory, No! Not our ol' Torry. He never onct intended doing all that!
And then, you can extend that on to the next thing he never meant to do in his life, can't all y'all gentlemen of the Jury, officers of the courts martial board? Ol Jim, he didn't mean to walk into that hotel suite in Baltimore, and pull a gun on the best man he ever knew. He didn't mean to shoot the finest general we've ever had! And he surely, surely didn't mean to leave him lying there to die, and run like the absolute coward that he is! Jim purely never meant to run and leave the President in his own blood on the carpet, to run and run and keep running for nearly four years! You see ol' Jim, he couldn't help himself that day. He wasn't even in control of his own thoughts that day. He wasn't even in control of his own actions that day. He wasn't … No, not at all ! No, some folk who wanted him to be their assassin, who wanted him to do their killing for them, were in control of his thoughts, his actions, and his words.
And Jim, ol' Jim here? .He doesn't even know who some of 'em were. But they knew him, didn't they? They purely knew ol' Jim inside out! He can't even get close to remembering them without wanting to jump off a roof somewhere or drink poison or blow his damned useless head off! And maybe, like someone said, Mac, that was you, wasn't it? Yeah, like Mac said, those folks wanted ol' Jim to get purely suicidal at the idea, the idea of recalling them. Cos…then they're safe from those memories, then he can't betray them the same way he's been betraying everyone else …prett much all his damn farcical life! Now, all y'all might maybe not have known that about ol' Jim. But there are more than enough folks that know it. Yeah. He got started on that road when he was a week past his fifth birthday, and he just kept goin'…just kept runnin'. And hol' Jim here, y'all know he's damned good at runnin'.
He used to brag in fact that he never lost a footrace in his life And it might mebbee be that ol Jim, purely doesn't know how ta do anything else. You see, ol' Jim here, isn't just your run of the mill, garden variety Presidential assassin, oh no. Ol' Jim worked his way onto the staff and into the confidence of a man who's known throughout the world for his loyalty and his native …compassion…for others, even those he'd fought. He became that man's security chief. And when he got there, Jim bided his time.
Ol' Jim he just bided his time and wouldn't you know it, some folks came along and found out ol' Jim was the best and easiest way they could take the life of a man who was…bone deep so compassionate a person that when he was trying to make a living as a farmer, couldn't bring himself to discipline, much less whip the slaves his father in law sent to work the land his father in law gave him! And he was …oh what the hell does it matter, now? It doesn't, does it? You see, ol Jim, he'd spent four or six or more years, tryin to stop crazy types from takin down the best man in any generation, ever. He worked on it naht an day, he did. Honestly. And when they figured that out, this last batch of bad guys knew they could just waltz into ol Jim's weary old brain and waltz back out with a traitor and, and an assassin! An that, Gennelman of the Jury, is purely what they did.
Jim, you see, ol Jim over here, He wasn't even a little bit sane, that day, and don't you see? After all, what sane man would walk into a hotel room surrounded by the President's own guards, plus the security detail that not so sane man picked himself, and shoot the President of these United States? So, please, oh for G-d's sake, don't shoot ol' Jim, Don't hang good ol' Jim! Just lock him up. Just lock him up! Lock him up again! And this time, be sure you throw the damned key in the James River, the Elizabeth, the Charles or the Rappahannock, the Rapidan maybe or the Big Black, the Tennessee, the Ohio, the Appomattox, the Colorado, the Mississippi, the Platte, the Rio Grande, the Potomac, Yeah, make it the Potomac, will you please"
Ori watched as Jim lifted the pistol back towards his own throat. Now the Texan looked to Artemus, trusting the older man's longer knowledge of West, and trusting Artemus implicitly in everything.
"The Potomac it is, then, Jim." Artemus agreed, nodding to Ori to get ready on his next signal to move. " And when you die of utter and complete claustrophobia in that new asylum, Jim, we'll scatter your ashes there, Or do you want a hilltop plot in Arlington?"
"For a confessed traitor, Artemus, a confessed Presidential assassin, Artemus? I hardly think so." Jim laughed bitterly at the idea. " They didn't exactly bury John Wilkes Booth in Arlington, did they? No, they shot, him running out of that damned burning barn in Virginia, and they just shot the man down. After all, he was just another Southron traitor, right? Just another failed Copperhead traitor. Well, he didn't fail to kill the Man, did he? So, since I didn't' fail to kill the Man when my turn came, Artemus, maybe we should go find a barn that's on fire somewhere in Maryland or Virginia or the Carolinas, and …start firing…make sure there's a sharpshooter or two in with the s who come after me, right? The rest will be easy…I mean they didn't waste any ceremony on Booth…did they? They just shipped his corpse up the Chesapeake, to …I have no idea where… Then they buried him G-d alone knows where, in a ditch in Washington's my guess, or maybe a sewer in Baltimore somewhere, where I think he grew up?"
"He's buried in an unmarked grave in Baltimore, in his family's plot next to an old …Episcopal church, I think, Jim." Artemus answered. "But you …you maybe would rather have your ashes scattered off the breakers outside Norfolk's harbor?"
"No, no, not there. Not there." Jim muttered, clearly wearing down now. 'that would be a real pollution of the Chesapeake, if you ask me. No, you just need to find. I dunno, maybe the potter's field outside Silver Spring, so I can go back where I started…that's purely where I started from …you know? But what I don't' know…what I purely don't know… And it makes me wonder, Artemus, is why didn't they " Jim drew a deep, shuddering breath now, his eyes brightened with tears and went on. "Why didn't they shoot me, when I'd done exactly what Booth did? Where WAS The Man's damn all detail, anyway? I picked them, you know. I trained them to shoot to kill anyone, anyone, well surely any crazy bastard like yours truly who so much as singed a hair on the Man's head! So why didn't they kill me, Artemus? Why?"
"The hallway was too crowded, Jim. There were far too many civilians around." Artemus answered, fighting to keep his tone calmly conversational. "I was on my way down the hall just then, and you couldn't move an inch. I was on my way to find you. I was worried, Jim. You'd left our hotel rooms almost in the middle of the night before. And you were… you hadn't been yourself at all that whole week… before the President arrived. And I should have caught on sooner, partner… I should have… been there sooner.. I'll never stop being sorry I didn't get there in time to help you, James. " Artemus answered, and nodded to Ori.
The Texan, who moved more quietly than most men his size could, then came around to Jim's right and without warning, knocked the blind man off his feet. Ori held the pistol again in seconds and Jim under one arm, despite Jim's flailing and fighting. In the next moment, Miguel held a hypodermic against Jim's arm and sedated his friend and patient. The smaller man's wide blue eyes were as sad as Jim's had been a moment before.
"I'm sorry, Torry." he murmured. "I'm sorry. We brought you back to this. I didn't want this for you. I'm terribly sorry."
'don't be Miguel. You never… You never brought me to this I did And I was … I trained to" Jim whispered, almost grateful as the drug began to effect him. " take responsibility you… know So ..I " Jim trailed off, letting the drug take him down into a different, softer kind of darkness.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
While his uncle and all his friends took turns keeping watch, Jim slept off the dosing Miguel gave him and showed no sign of needing another. He was barely responsive as he woke up, and generally in a much quieter, but still deeply remorseful state of mind. And nothing they said or did would move Jim from the entrenched belief that he'd murdered not once but multiple times, not only one profoundly revered man, but a smaller 'schoolhouse full of boys'.
"Mac, Mac, did you… did… were you at his… were you at his …services?" Jim asked his mentor a few days later. He was flat on his back again, struggling with another late winter lung infection and the fever that came with it. "Did you go? Were … were there … a lot of people? I…I think I dreamt …dreamt about it, again. Did they… did they give the flag… to Julia or… or to the Colonel? Was Julia able to be there that day? Did she look,. Did you talk to her?"
"Jimmy, I ..I haven't talked to Julia lately, no." Mac answered, finding as much truth as he could offer his tormented friend.
Jim turned then and grasped Artemus's arm, as the San Francisco born actor/agent sat down next to his friend.
"Artemus, Artemus, have you …have you written to, or have you heard from …Mrs. Grant…Have you?"
"Not in the past week or so, no, Jim, why?" Artie asked, wishing he could shake this nightmare off his friend's mind and spirit.
"I just wondered if you thought… If I …If she would accept. .If you would write to her… or if you thought that… if you thought, that … after so much … so much time she … I don't think she'd even so much as …look at something I… No, no, I don't think she would… but maybe… the Colonel… No, no, that wouldn't be … be right." the younger man rambled on.
"Jim, listen to me for a moment, will you? Julia's always been fond of you. I know that, and so do you. So, sure, she'd be glad to hear from you." Artie insisted, wondering how far he could go with the truth of the matter now. Jim didn't even seem to take note of the difference between what he was asking and what his friends replied.
"Yeah, at one time. Yeah. But, Artie, I was just wondering… I guess I was dreaming about … the services again… And she looked… like she would be … fine in some ways. But… really, she was … she was lost, almost… almost like Mary Lincoln, almost. So… I don't think… I don't believe … I don't know how she could … how she would ever… find it in herself … " Jim shook his head and pressed one shaking hand against his mouth.
"If I thought she would ever, ever think of … forg… No! No! How could she? How could I even think it! I mean, talking about Mary Todd Lincoln, would anyone… anyone ever dream of asking… asking Mary Lincoln such a thing? No, of course they wouldn't! It's crazy. It's crazy. Some things… some things can't be… can't ever be… Some things oughtn't ever be forgiven.
And when you leave a man … leave a man to … When you leave a man like him …to die…"
"Youngster, stop. You're just hounding yourself with this now, and for no good reason that I can tell." Mac told Jim, with no small frustration in his voice.
" I just don't understand it myself, I don't. I can't.. How, How could I leave him dying How could I run from him, dying ..How could I be the one who How, I don't .." Jim asked his mentor. And Mac sighed, having no answer his friend would accept.
"Torry, you must stop this, and stop it now." Miguel insisted, joining them as Jim shook his head, unable to grasp what they kept trying to tell him. "You did no murder. You did not assassinate anyone, let alone Mr. Grant."
"No, no, Miguel. You want to … keep this off me… I get that. But, I have to … I have to try to … try to understand. Maybe I can't. But I have to try. He treated me, he treated all his staff officers … like his own sons. And all of us, all of us who ever worked with him, served…served with him, would have walked through fire… through fire, for that Man. We would, because he'd do the same… the same for us.
None … none of us, not one thought twice about following… his orders… and sure, he was in Command but that's not … that's not it. We all know there are leaders who you'd follow in a heartbeat and leaders you follow because nobody else is …even standing up. So there… it wasn't anything, not anything at all to do with rank. It surely wasn't anything to do with the grandstanding Little Mac and … some other generals liked so much.
He…the President, the General, he never felt the need for cockaded hats or gold braided uniform coats. He walked into the McLean House in Appomattox Courthouse dusty and in a corporal's uniform blouse with only his stars to mark his rank, his rank as Lieutenant General, the first Lieutenant General in the whole blamed country since Washington! And …the story went around the camps for weeks afterwards that one of the Rebel officers took him, the Commanding General, US Armies for a clerk! He didn't parade; he didn't ride up and down the lines.
He didn't make promises he couldn't keep, either. And he gave terms for peace, or peace after four nightmare years that no one, south or north ever expected. And he made them stick. He made his plans and then sat, as calmly as if he were at home or at a staff meeting in Cairo or Memphis or Petersburg or …Chattanooga or City Point, writing out his dispatches, with one
of those cigars clamped between his teeth. He never had to show us who he was or what he made of. He never had to say anything to the boys, or the junior staffers like me. We knew he wasn't going to and he didn't share his plans through the ranks, He didn't have to, we all trusted him because he… He completely trusted us. HE ABSOLUTELY TRUSTED ME. And I can't get it into my head how I could have killed him."
"And whether you will listen or not, and whether you will accept it as truth or not, James, there's a reason, a perfectly godo reason why you can't get that into your head, now." Artemus took his turn insisting.
"You can't get it into your head beause you couldn't and you didn't kill President Grant. No one's killed the President. It never happened. He's still very much alive. And you're the one who keeps insisting differently, or until lately, the one who kept insisting we couldn't let the Man ever meet with you again. And you are killing yourself, but slowly this time over a brutally calculated lie."
"Do you think I want to believe this?" Jim demanded. "Do you think I want to remember this? I'd rather walk into a cannon barrage! I'd rather stand in front of a Gatling gun going full throttle or a line of siege guns on a ridge, I'd rather be back at Antietam, the Wilderness or Chancellorsville, at Cold Harbor, or G-d help me, Fredericksburg!"
"Stop, mon enfant." Jacques begged his friend. "You are not. I am only telling you the truth, as we all are. And you are clearly not well enough to comprend that, just now. We pushed you on this far too quickly and I regret it terribly, Mon enfant. But the truth is, James, we do need your help now, to end this nightmare for you as much as you need ours. You were there, that day, as you said, as most of us were not, not until some days afterwards, in my own case. You do know what truly happened. But this ..Maze of lies and illusions, fears and twisted truths is preventing you from reaching back to that genuine memory. Please, Jim, try to understand me."
"Why, Jacques, if you won't try to understand me?" Jim asked. " can't help myself out of a nightmare that really happened. And everytime you insist it didn't I'm more convinced it did. Because you always want a way out you always look for the back door, Mon docteur d'ami, And this time, there just isn't any. How can you reconcile what you say is true about that day, in Baltimore, with what I remember now? And if it is true then prove it, damn it! I saw the man lying on his face on the carpet, bleeding out! I saw that and it was the last thing I ever saw. Why on earth would I believe something that horrible, that insane if it wasn't true?"
"Because you hate even more the notion that you were used to try to make that lie come true. Someone, three someones namely Stephan Aynsley, his niece and Gideon Boudin tried to make you their assassin, Jim. And they failed. And that sad, maddened young woman, Aynsley's niece was just conscious and just madly cruel enough to leave you with this viscious, damnable lie. She said that you killed the President, James, when she could clearly see him standing behind you at that moment. And this I was told by President Grant, Mon enfant." Jacques told his friend.
"Jacques, if you could convince me of that, I would be damned grateful. But since you purely can't." Jim turned his face away as if he was trying avoid the doctor's wide hazel eyes.
"And if I could, Jim?" Jacques asked, his tone eager. "What would you do if I could convince you this belief of yours is a lie, a vicious lie instilled in you by a mad, dying woman child?"
"Give you all my worldly wealth?" Jim quipped, without much humor. "No, wait. You won all of that the last time we played poker. Sorry, I don't have much to offer, Jacques, I have a funny feeling I've lost my Army pension. But I'll tell you what, mon docteur d'ami; I'll work a deal with you, Jacques, if you find some way to make me believe ..If you can convince me I didn't assassinate the President. . So help me, G-d, I'll deed you my first-born child! Sound fair? Otherwise, Jacques, if you will just help me understand how I did what I'm sure I did, and how I'm supposed to live with that, now that I remember it again, that would probably be a big help to ... somebody. And I'd probably remember to thank you. Help me understand all this, Jacques, please. That's all I want, now."
"I will, Jim, I promise. We all will, as we have until now. But you are one of us, you are getting well or you would not be so restless, Non? So you must take part in your own healing, Mon enfant. I want you to take your part today by resting, and resting now." The Montrealer smiled.
"I'm not tired and I don't want any more drugs." Jim frowned.
"I didn't say sleep, Mon enfant, I said rest. Can you not manage that?" Jacques chuckled.
"I don't know. I don't know if I ever can. How can I? I've done something I never, never should have able to even conceive of doing, Jacques. If I can't rest, its because I can't stop thinking about that." Jim shook his head again.
" Still, if we are to find an understanding of this, as you say, we need your help, Jim as much as you need ours. Because as you say, you were there, that day, Mon enfant, as we were not. Est ce que t' n' comprends pas ceci?"
"Vraiment. Give me some of that… what was that in my tea last night. or do I want to know what you've been dosing me with?" Jim frowned.
"Non," Jacques handed Jim a small cup, holding some juice he'd used to disguise, if necessary the decoction Antoinette made that helped Torry/Jim sleep during his last spell of fever.
"Oh, good." Jim answered, drank the liquid down and made a sour face. But the Canadien in fact dosed him well and he was beginning to fall asleep in moments. Not before he surprised Miguel by asking for a song the older man was in the habit of humming or singing to help Torry sleep when they no recourse to medicines.
"Horsy's song, Mee-gel." one of the Littles, whose name was No botherin' or NB, murmured emerging for the first time in weeks. "Horsy's song, please, Mee-Mee-gel."
"Hush a bye, don't you cry," Miguel complied, beginning to sing softly "Go to sleepy little laddy, When you wake, you will find, all the pretty little horses,''
Then, surprising all of them, except the Ls, who knew the song from long ago, when their unc' Jimmy would sing to them sometimes at bed time, Jimmy Randolph joined in. ''Dapples and grays, pintos and bays, all the pretty little horses. In the mornin' when you wake, down by the river, you will find, all the pretty little horses… Dapples and grays, pintos and bays, all the pretty little horses'
" Mee- Mee-gel, Unc… Unc' Jimmee," NB quietly called to them both.
"I'm here, Torry, right here and so is your uncle." Miguel answered.
"What, what is it, Torry?" Randolph asked.
"Unc' Jimmee, Mee-Mee-gel, us'ns Ol' es Torry… Hims did be tryin' p'tect all us'ns Com'nees hims own self. An' wees did be hav some funs startin' out, but dat no be how us'ns Com'nees 'posed t' be! So wees no be doin' dat no mores. Us'ns guddest, mos' awfully braves' Ol'es does be tryin' mos' times doin' too many much an' much hims own self." The small brother sighed and shook his head.
"Yes, Torry, yes, we all know how Oldest likes to take too much on himself." Miguel agreed, glancing at Jim's uncle.
"He always has, the trait runs strongly on his dear Daddy's side of the family." Jimmy chuckled. 'don't worry, nobotherin' Torry Little. We're not letting any of you take on the world alone, not any more."
"Umm… I'm sorry, I had no idea you were cognizant of the Companies to this extent, Mr. Randolph." Miguel admitted.
"Well, I've known the child almost all his life, Doctor." Jimmy smiled. "And all the Randolphs are quite mercurial, even volatile by nature. But that only goes so far. Torry-Little, please listen to your old uncle a minute, will you? You're right about how very brave my namesake is. But that only goes so far, as well. So what I know is that all of you are twice as valiant as any heroes in the story books you love so well. And between you and all of us who cherish my sister's son, I think we can make this come out right, after all."
"Umm… otays, Unc Jimmee, wees veryiest gladder yous camed up fer seein' us' an' Ol'es. Wees does be lovin' yous very many much an' much!" NB declared, reaching for a hug and getting one heartily. "Un's guddes' Ol'est hims veryiest many saddy nows an' skeered … no skeered for hims hurts, skeered for hims make dem baddes' hurts on lots peepls, pecially yous an' all us'sn guddes' auns Jos an' cozzins an' all us'ns guddes' frens. Yous be hep us'ns makt dat go ways?"
"I surely will. All of us will. And you know the Randolphs can't be licked, not a bit, don't you, Little?" Jimmy grinned again, ruffling the child's hair.
"Wees be knowd dat!" the child happily called out. " Us'ns Ran'offs, wees bein' too many tubborns, an' too many braves, an' too many tempers, an' too many of us'ns fer t' be fighted, ever! Wees be too many cited fer sleepy nows, Mee-gel, plees be sing Horsy's song 'gen?"
"Certainly, NB." Miguel agreed and launched into the old Blue Ridge lullaby again.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW