Chapter 2
The ride to the hospitable seemed to take forever. His mind wondering as he stared into the flashing lights of the ambulance in front of him. He took a long and slow breath and tried to calm the anxiety that kept moving its way from the lump in his throat to the butterflies in his stomach.
Questions that she would only be able to answer, and memories raced through his head. At first he had thought she was just trying to push him away, but as time went on and she was nowhere to be found the worry started to grow.
After 4 days he thought to himself 'I know we crossed a line, but she wouldn't just leave without saying anything.' He spent hours trying to call her cell phone with no answer.
After 10 days he started to panic, he posted her to the missing person's file. He began sleeping less and less every night, soon he wasn't sleeping at all. He began obsessing over the case files they had been working on hoping that he would find a clue of where she had gone or if she got too close to something. But all he ended up with was dead ends.
After 20 days he began spending every night near Brennan's apartment, sometimes he would go in and search through her belongings to find something, anything.. He knew it was an invasion of her privacy to be going through stuff, but at this point nothing else mattered. Other times he would just sit there and pray. He knew that he loved her, ever since her close call with the Gravedigger he got a small taste of his life without her and he came to term with the feelings he knew he would have to control. He felt like his life was falling apart.
By day 39 he stopped going to the Jeffersonian, he was either in his office doing research or he was at her apartment sitting across from her door staring straight ahead fighting sleeping. Praying in the back of his head she would come in and everything would be okay. When he would finally fall asleep he was plagued by nightmares.
It had been almost three months and he went through the same routine everyday but he could feel his resolve fading fast. On this night he knew something was stirring within him, when darkness finally enveloped him fully he was sleeping so hard he didn't hear Angela and Hodgins come in. They looked at him stir and mumble something incoherently. Angela leaned down and placed her hand on his arm softly. His eyes shot open and he sat up quickly rubbing his face, looking through hazy eyes he squinted.
"Temperance?" He softly said, Angela's face dropped with sadness.
"No Booth is me Angela. Are you okay?" She asked with worry deep in her voice.
Shaking his head out of the fog of sleep and rubbing his hand through his already messy hair he answered her slowly. "Yeah I'm okay, I was just here doing some.." He drifted off into thought, but only for a moment. "research." He finished quickly.
"Well lets get you off this floor, okay?" She spoke softly as if to a child.
Booth stood up with the help of the wall and Angela. Bracing himself against the wall he stammered towards the couch gazing around the dark apartment. He felt like his body was weighted down, his legs felt weak and restless at the same time. Sitting on the couch was difficult because as soon as he lowered himself halfway his legs gave out and he plunged onto the cushion. Letting out a deep breath he leaned back and looked at Hodgins and Angela staring at him with concern.
Knelling down next to Booth and placing a hand on Booths knee she looked into his eyes with deep concern. She opened her mouth to say something but the lump in her throat stopped her, he could see what was in her eyes. But finally she was able to keep her voice from catching.
"We all miss her Booth. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. I understand that you want to find her more than anything in this world but she isn't the only person you have in you life that cares for you Booth." Her voice starting to become louder as she continued as if she was angered. At that point his eyes began to fill slightly with tears, leaning his head back he tried to hold the threat of feelings he knew would break him.
"Booth, I don't know what happened but I do know that if she is alive and well she will contact us soon. And if not…" Her voice trailing off and shaking slightly. Booth looked at her with disbelief but her eyes were down on the floor. He could see the shimmer of tears that streaked her cheeks, finally she brought her eyes back to him and swallowing hard she tried to finish her sentence. "If not then you need to try to let go. You cannot just drown your self with the thought of what could have been. I know you love her sweetie." She smiled slightly through her tears and moving her hand to his. By this point Booth knew that he had tears streaming down his face. It was nearly impossible to swallow the lump in his throat was so large.
"But let us help you. Please.. Please Booth, let us in." Her voice shaking slightly harder than before.
Clearing his throat in hopes that he would be able to talk, he opened his mouth but only a croak came out. Trying again he looked deep in to Angela's eyes and he felt his heart explode in his chest. With everything he had been trying to hold in, be began to release and break down.
"I just don't know how to let go Angela, I need to know if I chased her away. If so that's fine, at least I will know she's okay. But to not know whether she is okay or… or dead… It kills me everyday Angela, I crossed a line with her I know that much. But it's not like her to run away from her problems. The night before she was gone I told her I loved her." By this time his tears were flowing free from his eyes and his breathing was catching in his throat. He placed his head down in his hands and felt Angela sit next to him and place an arm around him. He began to sob uncontrollably, something he had held back from since he place her on his missing persons report. Feeling Hodgin's sit down next to him he looked up at him and could see that even he was tearing up. Sniffling he rubbed his eyes hard and tried to regain control. This wasn't what he wanted, he didn't want to break his resolve. He had to stay strong, but he knew that he was unable to control the flood gate of emotions that were rushing through him. Leaning back into Angela's embrace he finally let it all go. He began to pray softly finally letting go of her.
Two Weeks Later
He stood quietly over the white casket. The tears has finally stopped coming, he felt that a lot of people were doing this more for him than for the memory of Temperance. The casket was empty so everyone put something in that reminded them of her. Pictures, music, her lab coat. He felt that he had finally cried himself dry before this day had come. Angela and Hodgin's had put everything together and it was beautiful. Looking solemnly at her head stone it read;
'Temperance Brennen beloved daughter, sister and friend. You were taken from us to soon. But we will never forget your memory.' Leaning over he placed a red rose inside of the casket, staring down at the photographs of him and her made his throat burn and eyes water. After he was done he turned and took his seat next to Angela she took his hand in hers. The next 30 minutes seemed like hours. He didn't hear what anyone was saying of their memories of her, he just stared blankly upon the empty casket. His nightmare had finally come true, and he had been dreading this day since he realized that he loved her. But he knew that he needed to move on, his son needed him and his friends. This was the day that he would finally let go…..'closure' he thought to himself..
The moment he felt his heart release her it began to rain. Everyone began to take cover from the onslaught of the cold hard rain. But he just sat there and let it come over him like a shower cleansing him of the nightmares, the hope, the fear. He knew that he had lost her…………….
He began to pray silently to himself, 'Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May the soul of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.'
He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up, Angela looked down at him with sadness in her eyes but she tried to hold it back for him. He could see it, feel it… Standing slowly he walked over with Angela to the rest of the group. Angela, Hodgins, and Zack filed into the limo he took one final longing glance at the head stone as the keepers placed the casket into the ground. "Goodbye" He whispered softly, allowing one soft tear glide down his cheek.