Nathaniel gets out of trouble, then hops right back into it, doesn't he? xD I should have made this longer with more stuff in it, but every time I read it I changed all the action scenes. I'm just throwing it out there, just to get it off my chest.

The man aimed, Nathaniel ducked, and Bartimaeus delivered a nice roundhouse kick to the man's crotch while screaming at him including the words 'boyfriend,' 'mine,' 'stick that gun up your,' and many others that would make Nathaniel blush if he were to repeat them.

Everyone in the kitchen was instantly on their feet, years of paranoia catching up with them. Nathaniel sighed to himself from where he was crouched just inside the doorframe. It seemed everyone that wasn't on a hit list was jumpy, but Nathaniel, who had half the world after him, could really care less. I mean, come on people. Really?

Nathaniel peeked around the doorframe and watched with growing rage as the man stumbled about, ignoring Bartimaeus, who was still ranting about how he was the only one to hurt Nathaniel if he wanted and—

Wait, what?

Nathaniel didn't have time to think about this disturbing bit of information (thankfully) as the man seemed to be recovering (sadly). The man straightened up and aimed his gun at Bartimaeus's forehead, grinding his teeth together angrily. Bart snorted and strolled forward, shoving the man's hand out of his face boredly.

"Oh, please. You think that'll work? I'm a djinni. Shooting me won't do any good you little—"

Bartimaeus was cut off with a squeak of pain as the man did just that, and shot him in the shoulder. Apparently, they were silver bullets. The man smirked cruelly.

"Karma, no?" he asked innocently in a deep, rough voice, the same one that had so playfully called Nathaniel a kid just a few hours ago.

Nathaniel scowled and stood up. He ignored everyone behind him who was busily discussing routes of escape from the kitchen with no other exit but the front door. Nathaniel marched over to a lamp, unplugged it, and walked calmly over behind the man, who was having trouble yanking his arm away from Bartimaeus, who didn't look too hurt, thank the Lord.

"No one hurts my Barty but me," Natty snapped, and cracked the man over the head with the lamp, effectively shattering its base. The man grunted and swayed where he stood. Bartimaeus looked very proud of Nathaniel all of a sudden.

"You're getting better at this fighting stuff," he said, and tried to yank the gun out of the man's hand, making sure it wasn't pointing at him. Nathaniel felt sick. There was a bullet-sized hole in Barty's shoulder, some silvery liquid lazily dribbling out of the wound and down his arm. He tried to talk, but he was frozen in horror at the thought. Bartimaeus didn't seem to notice. "Who are you and why are you here?" he demanded, twisting the man's arm again and taking his gun.

The man grunted and tried to wiggle away to no avail. "I thought you would have already guessed," he huffed, still feeling a bit dizzy. He made a mental note to pimp slap Nathaniel later for that lamp thing. "I am an assassin. Well, not really. I suppose you could call me a mercenary." Nathaniel and Bartimaeus glanced warily at each other, bad memories coming back at the word. "My employer wants the Stone, obviously. For politeness's sake, you may call me Ed."

Bartimaeus blinked. "Why are you actually telling me this? Don't you know the bad guys who proclaim their evil plan to the protagonist always get beaten in the end?"

Ed snorted. "It's not like you didn't already guess that much. Besides, I've never failed any mission once," he said. Nathaniel was happy to see a trickle of blood running down Ed's temple slowly. At least he'd managed to make a mark with the lamp, though this didn't help his uneasiness. If this guy was as bad as the last mercenary, the Authoress would have to make a sequel before they'd be able to kill him off.

All of a sudden, while Barty was busily thinking of new questions and everyone in the kitchen began searching for weapons of their own, Ed twisted around in Bartimaeus's arms, ducked, and helpfully kicked him in the chest, sending him into the far wall with a thump and a groan. Nathaniel made something close to a growl and dived for another lamp, but Ed had been expecting that. He tackled Nathaniel to the ground and got him in a headlock, wishing he still had his gun. He didn't know that, apparently, when Natty-boy got mad, he became a pain machine. Without thinking, Nathaniel sunk his teeth into Ed's arm, vaguely thinking that he tasted like dirt.

With a girlish yelp, Ed yanked his arm away, surprised to see a circle of blood on his arm. He scowled and didn't bother to stop him as Nathaniel rolled over and coughed up a bit of blood, making a nasty face.

"Dog," Ed snapped accusingly.

"Pig," Nathaniel countered, glaring viciously at him.

"Here, piggy piggy pig!" Kitty called in a delighted voice, stalking forward, armed with a chair. She looked quite deranged. Nathaniel wondered what Jakob saw in her. He jumped up and hid behind Kitty, and was soon joined by a very battered-looking Barty.

Ed looked conflicted for a moment, but he glanced off towards the kitchen, watching in horror as the Flamels and Jakob disappeared down a hallway not to far away, probably headed off to a bedroom with low windows so they could climb out and keep the Stone safe. With a growl of frustration, he ducked Kitty's chair, hooked the back of her leg with his foot, and toppled her over. One down, two to go.

Barty aimed a hand at him, warming up for a detonation. Again, Ed dodged, grabbed a silver knife from a pocket, and swung at his legs. Bart jumped back, yanking Nathaniel with him, who nearly fell over. With a mutter that could have either been a spell or a curse word, Bart waved a hand and erected a shield around them, including Kitty, too, who was trying to remember her Resistance training.

Ed raised an eyebrow. "You know I can see all the planes, right?"

"Huh?"

"Oh. Guess you didn't." With a light jump, Ed somersaulted over the trio, using Bartimaeus's shoulder as a boost. He landed on the other side of them and stumbled a bit. Stupid concussion. He would have been able to stick that landing perfectly, if it wasn't for that annoying Nathaniel person. Humph. Oh well. He waved cheerily at the three, two of them looking sick, and the djinni looking slightly impressed. "Tootles!" Ed said brightly, and then darted after Jakob and the Flamels.

Bart blinked. "Tootles? What? I mean, is he really that gay?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, sir."

Nathaniel sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Whatever! Let's just stop him from getting the stone, alright?"

"Um, guys," Kitty said uncertainly, "that won't be necessary."

She pointed out the window towards the street, where two police cars pulled up. Some men got out, armed with guns, and rushed up to the door. Everyone froze as they banged on the door, demanding it to be opened.

Nathaniel glanced at Ed. He had Jakob in a headlock, struggling to yank the Stone away from him. Mr. Flamel had grabbed Ed's hair, yanking it back, trying to free Jakob. Mrs. Flamel had a fireplace poker, stabbing Ed in the side with it. Ed yelped every time she did.

Nathaniel shrugged. There was nothing too incriminating. They could just pass it off as a bad family fight.

He strolled over to the door and yanked it open, fixing his face to look bored as three guns were pointed in his face.