5. Fear
Rating: PG I guess.
Characters: A/P, Palpatine, Bail.
Timeframe: Still ROTS.
Summary: Fear is something Padmé rarely feels but she can't escape it when everything crumbles down around her.
Padmé jerked awake, heart pounding, hands reaching out.
Only the soothing sound of the traffic answered her. She turned her head to look at his empty side of the bed and frowned. Anakin had never failed to sneak away from the Temple before.
Was it because of what happened in Palpatine's office?
She chased the thought away roughly. No. There was something else.
The sick feeling deep inside of her made her heart squeeze within her ribcage.
There was something wrong. Wrong.
Something had happened to Anakin.
She could feel it. She could almost taste the darkness gathering around her. Her hands trembled as she put them on her face, breathing shakily.
Why wasn't he here? It was so late… Why?
Something had happened. Something…
"Miss Padmé!"
She jerked, her back hurting as she rushed out of her bed to open the door, trembling in the darkness.
She had left C3PO activated just in case Anakin would call and she would be sleeping. The droid looked distraught as the door to her bedroom hissed open. His eyes shone in the darkness as he obviously searched for words.
Searched for words? 3PO?
Fear coiled around her heart. She couldn't breathe.
"Oh, Miss Padmé, you should come to see! The Temple! Oh my!"
Her throat was too contracted. She couldn't speak. She rushed to the grand window, the same one she had stared through as she felt Anakin reach out to her earlier.
She gasped, covering her mouth with one trembling hand. Smoke billowed over the majestic building, the sick color of fire merging with the walls. Her chin trembled and she barely remembered the words she said to 3PO. Only knew the meaning. He had to see if Anakin was still with Palpatine.
Who had attacked the Temple? The Separatists? And Anakin… was he there? Was he making his way through the fire to help his fellow Jedi?
The faithful protocol droid was soon enough back at her side, telling her Anakin had left the Chancellor's office earlier to join the Temple.
Her eyes lost themselves on the building so far away. She could not feel him as she felt him then. The fear was contracting every muscle in her abdomen and she struggled to breathe. The very thought he would die there… Where she thought he would be safe…
Sobs escaped her chest and she looked down, unable to stare at the Temple, the shivers down her spine preventing her from thinking.
She sat on the sofa, eyes lost in the horizon, praying the Force for Anakin's safety for minutes, hours, she didn't know.
3PO was soon there, claiming Anakin's starfighter was coming their way and she didn't hear the rest of his words. In a blur, she was outside, on her veranda.
He was standing there in front of her and he was all right.
She fell into his arms and felt some of her tears fall into the crook of his neck as she held him tightly. The words escaping her mouth were blurry, panicked as she caressed his hair frantically.
Her heart had slowed down. She could breathe again.
But there was still this shiver down her spine. And it only grew more intense when he began to explain to her that Master Windu had tried to assassinate the Chancellor.
She gasped, unable to believe it. But what had happened to the Republic? To the Jedi? Anakin started to talk then, of loyalty and…
Her heart squeezed again. He had not talked of survivors or how he had tried to help some of the Jedi or why the Chancellor had given the order to kill them all. No. Anakin was only talking about loyalty.
What loyalty? His fellow comrades were there, dying…
"What about Obi-Wan?" she asked worriedly, knowing Anakin would be scared for his Master at least.
He didn't respond. Only claimed a lot of Jedi had been killed already.
She fought against the sick feeling in her stomach.
Anakin was… changed. She knew it, could feel it. His eyes were shadowed. Why had he come back to the Temple if… She swallowed. No. Impossible.
Jedi were dying now. Even Jedi were not immune to Palpatine's wrath.
All her world was crumbling down and she could only watch helplessly.
"Anakin, I'm afraid."
The words, torn from her throat seemed to make him react. He caressed her cheek soothingly.
Anakin was talking again, of a planet named Mustafar and a mission about Separatists. She was lost, confused. He asked her to wait for him.
Of course, she would. Always. Why was he even asking?
Her thoughts stopped when he kissed her and she strained to get closer, her hands pressing on his arms as his hand caressed her skin.
Anakin…
Before she knew it, he was gone again, his eyes resting on hers until the starfighter disappeared into the traffic.
The sick feeling in her stomach was only amplifying.
Extraordinary session.
That had been all Mas Amedda had told her. Padmé had prepared dutifully, tugging on her robe as her handmaidens put silver bands in her hair. But she could not stop the worry from invading her with every second. She couldn't stop feeling sick.
The baby kicked.
She inhaled roughly, straining to calm the little one in her belly. Her hands traced her hidden abdomen soothingly, sending waves of comfort. She would not be able to do that in the Senate.
She felt something important about to happen when she entered the majestic building. She had seen the smoke still rising out of the Temple as they flew towards the Senate. It made her sick. Now, the atmosphere was edgy, Senators exchanging looks of unease. No doubt everyone was scared to see the Jedi attacked.
She settled in her pod, ignoring the conversations in the other ones. Her hands traced the metallic surface around her and she sighed. The ill feeling was only growing inside of her.
She inhaled deeply. She had to be strong. Palpatine would attempt to seize even more power after this botched attack.
If Anakin told her the truth…
She blinked. There was no one she trusted more than Anakin. Maybe, Mace Windu had really attempted to kill the Chancellor. Maybe something she didn't know had propelled him to do this…
Her head was aching suddenly.
Palpatine entered the Senate. Triumphantly.
She gasped and heard confused murmurs around her. He was unrecognizable. Even with this hood on his face, he was now… hideous. Even from where she sat, she could almost sense these sickening yellow eyes settling on her.
She swallowed and listened to his speech reluctantly.
So there had been an assassination attempt.
Bail Organa approached from behind and she barely acknowledged him as Palpatine went on with his explanations.
"The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and defeated."
The shiver went down her spine, the cold sensation around her neck amplifying with the Chancellor's words.
It was only then that she understood. She looked around, saw the applause at every word uttered and fought the uneasy feeling within her. He would seize more power and no one would stop him.
Oh, please, no…
"The Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire!"
She froze, one trembling hand reaching out to her lips unconsciously.
No! Oh Force, no…
All this was a nightmare. The Temple attacked. Palpatine declaring the Empire… No. This was a nightmare. She straightened, ready to get up, ready to counter this ridiculous assertion. This was a Republic. They were in a democracy. This was impossible…
But the applause only got louder. She stared at her fellow Senators, frozen, felt her heart sink. Palpatine's name was chanted as a mantra around her.
Only one thought coursed through her as she looked at the Senate in disbelief.
So this how it is… to lose democracy. To live in a dictatorship…
Bitterly, she remembered Bail was behind her. He would understand how she felt. Betrayed, sad, disgusted.
"So this is how liberty dies," she said, fighting against her trembling. "With thunderous applause!"
She had heard about worlds losing democracy and freedom, far away worlds, some not even part of the Republic… She had wondered then, why no one protested, why people accepted this and said nothing.
She knew now.
It was horrible.
She wanted to cry but couldn't even shed a single tear. The applause got even louder. All her work, all her life thrown away… In a single instant.
By Palpatine.
She shook herself inwardly.
There was still hope.
There was always hope. As long as she lived, she would not give up.
And she had to remember Anakin was safe from Palpatine for the time being.
There's still hope…
Bail was moving behind her, a frown installed on his face.
"We've got to stop him," he said angrily. He made a move for the console in her pod, ready to ask for speech allowance.
Her hand reached out to settle on his arm abruptly.
His brown eyes settled on hers in disbelief.
She shook her head. "No, Bail. The majority of the Senators support him. If you do that, Palpatine will be wary of you. You know what happened to the Jedi."
He frowned further and his eyes only darkened at the Jedi's mention. He bent closer to hers, eyeing the pods around him warily.
"I know. I saw clonetroopers shooting at children."
She shivered and closed her eyes briefly, fighting against the lump in her throat.
"If we want to stop him, we have to act like we support him. And keep the secret. Now tell me about the organization you talked about."
Bail looked grateful and nodded discreetly. She looked around them, feeling like there was no one she could trust.
"I'll see you tomorrow to talk about this…" he told her before helping her to her feet as they left the arena.
Padmé cancelled all her appointments as soon as she entered her apartment. She didn't want to see anyone. All her work felt so useless now. She changed into a more comfortable clothing and hairdo, twirling her fingers in the mass of curls, looking at herself in the mirror.
There's still hope.
Here, sitting alone in the darkness, it was hard to believe this.
But maybe… She could be useful. Maybe Bail, she and Mon Mothma and all these Senators who still believed in democracy would help get rid of this monster. She would have to manoeuvre carefully to explain this to Anakin. She would make him see the danger Palpatine now represented. As soon as the war would be over, there would be no reason to support this dictator.
She didn't want to hide anything from her husband now. They would fight together.
But she could only remember the look on his face as he mentioned the Jedi.
Remorseful?
She shook her head roughly.
Why was she even considering such a thing?
He would come back. They would talk. She would bury her face in the crook of his neck and hold him close to protect them both from this crumbling world.
As long as Anakin was with her, she would be fine.
But her hands were still trembling.
Fear was a permanent companion, no matter where she went.