Scene Eleven
As part of their process to reshape their lives after the court hearing, Nikki and Helen started going to Trisha's club as a regular feature of their lives. On Saturday night, they got dressed up and took a taxi down to Chix, Helen in a close fitting dress that shaped all the best features of her curvaceous body and Nikki in loose fitting light coloured trousers and a smart top. They moved through the entrance and when they encountered the dim lights and shifting colours, the presence of the other women gave off the friendliest vibrations. At last their skins could breath properly and they looked good to themselves and each other. At present, it was early and the club wasn't that full and Trisha and Sally emerged out of the amorphous crowd scene and greeted them with smiles. In the background, bodies swayed and undulated to the soothing music.
"It's good to see you both. I'm glad you've not forgotten about us."
"After that night, Trisha, that isn't possible. We would have come earlier if we hadn't been so tired."
"Well, it's my club. I ought at least treat everyone to the first round of drinks," Trisha offered hospitably." Gill, can you do me a favour and serve my guests?"
The woman who stepped forward was obviously Trisha's assistant and the shifting light played indistinctly on her. This added to the quality about her, which didn't give off any particular feelings of warmth to Helen who was conscious of such matters. She was of average build and her blond hair was just below shoulder length and was parted to one side. Her eyes appeared shaded and guarded and her smile was automatic.
Helen's snap judgment was unfavourable but conscience bade her consider that she was . being uncharitable. Surely, it took all sorts to make a world and she was encountering one specialized segment. Just how typical was Nikki of anything that walked under the sun for example? She took the order of Nikki's glass of wine, Helen's vodka and lemon and Trisha's gin and tonic and stopped and stared briefly at Sally Anne's awkward response.
"Mineral water if you please," she said bashfully." Alcohol doesn't suit me. It goes straight to my head."
"That's the point of it, Sally Anne," Helen said, gaiety in every line of her broad smile." So long as you have your beloved to help you get home and into bed, then you can safely let your hair down."
"Each one to their favourite drink, Helen," Nikki chipped in, her tone soft yet deliberately pitched over the music." That was my motto in my bar days. Let Sally have what she wants."
Sally shot the dark haired woman a grateful look while Gill stood, wooden faced and slid off into the darkness to pour the drinks. Nikki watched her contemplatively as she went. Old habits of appraising new staff came temporarily to the surface.
"She's OK, Nik. She takes a bit of getting used to. Mind you, she's smart enough. I've been showing her the books and she has a definite leaning that way."
Presently, she arrived back with a trayful of drinks and when the last glass was served, Trisha leaned over and whispered into Gill's ear.
"When the place gets more crowded, I'll join you. Nikki's my best friend and one time lover and Helen, well she's my friend also. This is special."
"No problem, Trisha. I'll look after things till you're ready to come over."
Nikki and Helen were surprised by the flat Northern accent that issued from her well-shaped lips but Helen was quick to remind Nikki that the north end of the country didn't start with Hatfield. She herself had traveled down those many miles from the distant vicarage in Scotland.
"So, Helen, what's it like in the great wide world outside Chix? In my club, I only meet with women and I take it for granted that everyone is at the very least bi curious. I don't suppose it's the same as working in an office."
"You can say that again," responded Helen with deep feeling." It's OK being at work, more or less, but I feel that I'm only half a person at work. You talk to the average person at work and, yes they know you're a lesbian and, no they wouldn't dream of overtly discriminating against me. That's all well and good but I'm still a curiosity. I see them looking at me and typecasting me as 'an average lesbian' and being compared with how the press say I'm supposed to feel and think and dress and behave."
"Well, it's a step up from being called a 'lezzie bitch' as Dockley used to call me. You've started out with a promotion. Me, I had to start from the very bottom of the shit heap, " Nikki observed humourously, the club lights catching her eyes.
"You're kidding?" Trisha asked incredulously. She had not had chance to hear half the tales Nikki had to say beyond restricted excerpts of the first two years of her original sentence.
"That's only what you'd expect from her. Mind you, it didn't stop her from having Denny as her bit on the side. She couldn't even be honest about her sexuality."
"Is it really a good idea to talk about that dump?" Helen exclaimed, her face twisted as if hurting acutely from a sudden twinge of toothache.
"Look who's talking?" laughed Nikki in easy tones that made even Sally Anne relax a bit. While in this circle of friends, she felt safe. Outside it and she knew she would be tongue tied." You were once in charge of the dump."
"Only temporarily Nikki and this leads me back to my original point," she argued with incisive logic." Let's change the subject. Talking about Larkhall Prison is one definite party-pooper."
"OK Helen," conceded Nikki, slightly grinning to herself as memories of a very dominant Helen came back to her." Anyway, coming back to what you said earlier on, you're absolutely right about what it means to be a gay woman in a straight world." Nikki said with her typical kindly adroitness. She had observed that this was part of the journey she and Trisha had travelled years ago and that Helen was coming up against just one more aspect of the reality of her new existence.
"Your friends could talk about it all night long but still you still have to find out for yourself," Trisha joined in sympathetically, memories of her past flooding back. Automatically, their heads leaned towards each other. She took to Helen's eager willingness to orientate herself on the journey ahead and remembered her kindness on the day of Nikki's retrial.
"I don't talk about it at work," Sally Anne said nervously," I'm still finding my feet so I don't want to rush things."
"What's the big deal?" questioned Trisha, her eyebrows raised in displeasure.
"It depends on the place you work for, Trisha," reasoned Nikki patiently with a dash of forcefulness. "You're perhaps forgetting what it's like to work in the straight world."
"I'm trying to say that the longer you leave it, it doesn't get any easier," warned Trisha, to which a flash of annoyance showed on Nikki's face while Helen raised her eyebrows, questioningly. A scared expression swept over Sally Anne's expression, as she was incapable of hiding her emotions.
"Everyone's got their own ways of handling things, Trisha. What's got into you tonight?" Nikki responded with a sharper edge.
"Can we talk somewhere private, Nik?" Trisha asked in a lowered voice. Without hesitation, the dark haired woman nodded agreement, stood up and let Trisha lead the way to a back room.
"Don't worry, Sally," Helen said in her most soothing tones to Sally Anne who looked distinctly uneasy and started fiddling with her fingers. "I don't know what's going on between you and Trisha but I'm absolutely sure that Nikki is batting for you."
Nikki wasted no time in cutting to the chase as soon as the door was shut. She stood upright with folded arms, feet slightly apart and let fly at Trisha who knew what was coming up.
"Why the hell are you giving Sally Anne such a hard time, Trisha? It isn't going to work to push her to come out at work. All you're doing is pushing her into a corner and getting her more scared."
"More scared? You've just put your finger on the problem."
"So what is the problem, Trisha? I thought this was about a woman who's only just faced the fact to herself that she's a lesbian and now you want her to proclaim it to the entire world. Helen is as strong minded a woman as I've ever known and she found it incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that, yes, men don't really do it for her, but I do. The fact that she was locking me up for a living, yes that matters, but it was only half the story. It's obvious that Sally has her burden to bear and is it any wonder? Being raped by Gossard might be a pretty good guess."
Trisha sighed at Nikki's well-meant passionate diatribe. She didn't take any offence at it as it wasn't personal and, yes, Nikki was Nikki. She took her time before answering.
"My advantage, over you, is living with Sally. Yes, she's very sweet and I love her to bits but she's well, so nervy and unpredictable. It's really hard work and I get impatient."
"That doesn't make sense, Trish. How come she was willing to go up on the witness stand on my first appeal and face having her private life being raked over by that bastard barrister? She had a lot of nerve to do that and I'm totally in her debt for that one. Without her, I might not have got my freedom in the first place. Don't forget, she was at the second appeal even if she were in the spectator's gallery."
"I really can't make sense of it either, Nik," Trisha frankly admitted in response to Nikki's quieter, more reasoning tones. "Sometimes she's up, sometimes she's down for no accountable reason."
"So there's something going on her that you haven't spotted or you don't understand. Admit it, Trisha, it happens to all of us. The problem is that neither of us have any direct experience of being raped by a man. You came close to it with Gossard and I saw how Helen reacted after being sexually assaulted by that bastard Fenner but I was never as close to her as I wanted to be. The prison bars kept getting in the way," Nikki continued, pressing her case as if she'd taken a leaf out of Helen's book of logical analysis. She paused for breath as an idea floated into her mind.
"Have you thought doing some research on just what the effects rape has on women? There must be something or someone out there who could clue you onto that one?"
Trisha thought about this one and nodded her head definitely. She had to admit that she had tried to deal with the problem on her own and failed. A conversation floated back into her mind of years ago when she had visited Nikki in prison. She could hear herself saying the very words. '……………Charles knows a fantastic guy in Harley Street who treated me for withdrawal from smoking…….it saves using all those patches…. " It wasn't the answer but a possible first place to start looking.
"I think you've found the answer, Nik. I'm sorry, I should have thought of that rather than taking it out on Sally," Trisha said gently and honestly.
"What are friends for, but to help each other out, Trisha? That's what I'm here for. You would do the same for me if the situation were the other way round. Our friendship is for the long run as far as I'm concerned."
Trisha grinned widely and kissed Nikki lightly on the cheek. She felt the warm glow of friendship. How glad she was that the four of them had made friends. It was one positive outcome of the appeal.
"Sally, I'm really sorry. I've been a complete bitch and I want to make it up to you. I was wondering if you care to dance with me?"
The mixture of graceful apology flowing into her most alluring tone of voice together with Helen's reassuring presence made Sally stand up eagerly and melt into Trisha's arms as the first chords of a romantic ballad graced the air. Helen grinned and reached out for Nikki's outstretched hand, eager to join the throng. The four of them melted into the welcoming crowd, as intimate a place for all of them and providing a welcoming sight for strangers coming through the door. Lights flickered and a hundred loves and dreams floated on the sensuous music that was a collective welcome from the cold outside.