That Wednesday evening had started out as such an ordinary event for Nikki and Helen. They'd been out at Claire and Peter's last night and had looked forward to an evening in. What heralded the change in their plans was the very polite tap on the front door.
"I'll get it, Helen. Who's coming round tonight," she added talking to herself," I can't think who it might be?"
Nikki saw a vague shape through the widows of the front door, which made no kind of sense to her. Then suddenly through the wide crack in the space was a sight that jumbled her feelings all over the place. Standing in front of her was a middle-aged man, with tousled grey hair and untidily dressed. Surely this can't be the resplendent figure draped with the red robes of office and wig, whose place in the world was in his throne in court or alternatively making his defiant stand on the picket line? On either occasion, he was glowing with language and strength of purpose. This man had disaster written on his face and was the picture of emotional defeat despite his vague attempt to keep up appearances.
"Hi judge, I didn't expect you to pop round here, but no matter," she added hastily, seeing the fear in his eyes." I don't exactly run an appointment service," she grinned, self deprecatingly.
"You can call me John if you want. You have the perfect right after that very interesting discussion we had after your reappeal."
Nikki hid her confusion as best as she could as to why on earth this man had decided to call round that night and what had brought the man to this state of distress.
"You did say that I could call in if I ever wanted to," John said in the meekest tones, his eyes looking at the carpet.
"Of course, John," Nikki answered in more confident tones. A promise was a promise, her code of values told her. This was such an embedded part of her character that making a decision really missed the point. Over the years, she had always welcomed her female friends and offered a shoulder to cry on. She would like to think that this guy was a friend so end of problem. "Come in and join us. Helen's here and I'm sure she'll be as keen to see you as I am."
Nikki noted that John didn't walk through to the living room with his usual spring in his step. For his part, John felt the healing homeliness of this flat start to fractionally lift his spirits and he fixed his eyes on the warm reddish orange large padded three-piece suite as a guiding light. When he came through the door, the large collection of books and Helen's reassuring smile told him that he had made one of life's right choices no matter how many bad personal decisions he'd made in the past. There was still hope for him.
Helen's smile and outstretched hand concealed the same mixed emotions as Nikki felt. She couldn't mistake the melodious tones she overheard for any other man in the world.
"Hey John, we didn't expect you round but you're all the more welcome for it. Take the weight off your feet."
"That would be most welcome as well as taking the weight off my life," John said in cryptic tones. Both women exchanged knowing glances. They tuned themselves into their best listening and questioning mode of thinking in the most sensitive possible fashion.
"Do you want tea, coffee or something stronger?" Helen offered.
"Definitely tea," John said in firmer tones than he'd said to date.
"John reminded us that I'd promised that he could pop round any time he liked so here he is."
"This isn't just a casual call, John but feel free to tell us what's on your mind. In the meantime, I'll get the tea and biscuits," Helen offered lightly in her best drawing room manner to cap Nikki's simple explanation.
"It may sound trivial to you after all the troubles you've been through," John said in deliberately minimized, slightly embarrassed tones.
"Believe me, everything can be important depending on its context and how you live your life. I've learnt that much."
Nikki's soothing tones and those extraordinary expressive brown eyes steadied John and stopped him from running away from exposing his emotions, as only he knew best.
"I remember talking to you in your chambers and I was so moved by the way you and the others had done so much to take away the burden of my prison sentence. I never ever forget such kindness that you showed me from your judge's throne. You knew how I was feeling. That was your moment of triumph yet you come over as personally disconnected from it, that you didn't get the satisfaction from your personal life that you deserved."
Nikki's words were softly and slowly phrased and sought to heal his wounds yet John's curious sense of pride wouldn't let him give himself the succour he deserved. It brought up decades of barriers that were first erected by the old School Tie. Jesus, it's hard to deal with a guy like this, Nikki felt sharply. His intelligence is positively dangerous. I'll have to take this very slowly.
"There's something in what you say, Nikki. I have my male friends like Monty but one can't discuss emotional matters with them. It's somehow indecent in my circle."
"So have you female friends?" Nikki pursued as Helen brought in the tray, having heard and digested everything.
"I'm divorced from George Channing, the barrister who's representing Sally-Anne Howe."
"So why did you split up?" Helen gently asked." I might understand as I used to be a straight woman, plenty of boyfriends but I would never commit myself, just the archetypal single woman ….before I met Nikki."
John's blue eyes visually blessed
Helen at that point. Her past was something he could relate to. He
had desperately wanted comfort but dreaded the process of unburdening
his soul under cross-examination.
"I don't know. We had
different views on pretty well everything. I thought she was a money
mad woman who would shamelessly sell her skills to the establishment
on the open market. I suppose we had our own careers and were both
selfish……I suppose being a womanizer didn't help."
"John, it is so obvious to me how successfully you charm the women. I know the type and it doesn't do marriages any good," Helen smiled kindly on this surprisingly diffident man's admission.
"George isn't that way any more," observed Nikki softly." She's a bit like you. You have this front of being this debonair self-assured guy and she has very unsuccessfully tried to pretend that she's hard and ruthless. She's taking on Sally's case with as much integrity as I've ever seen in anyone. She really cares."
John sat upright in his armchair. He highly valued Nikki's judgment of integrity.
'That's the problem," he mumbled." Keep this under your hat but I have to advise you that attempts have been made to blackmail George from carrying on with Sally Anne's case. She's faced them out and refused to compromise….."
John stopped short as emotions welled up inside him of a mixture of pride, long buried feelings of love, and fears of losing her. He couldn't speak as his feelings were too intense for words.
"……she'll carry on with the case to the bitter end, don't worry, but she's talked of moving part of the year to work in America. She's got to know the Chief Medical Examiner of Virginia State, Kay Scarpetta. I can understand that George's talents in civil cases can cross boundaries of nation fairly easily. There are bigger differences in criminal law which may be harder for her to become established."
Just then, Helen judged it prudent to pour out three cups of tea, to offer the sugar basin and rich tea biscuits. They all enjoyed a companionable silence in such a traditional fashion. John had strong views that a proper home held the contents of a man's intellectual pursuits towards the truth. John marvelled in how civilized everything felt around him, the softly glowing colours and above all, two intelligent and caring women.
Both women knew for certain that John's more confident exposition of George's legal qualifications, though interesting, was drifting away from the point. Nikki put her cup and saucer on the side and resumed the questioning.
"Jo Mills once mentioned Kay Scarpetta in favourable terms. Just what is she like ?"
"She is the Chief Medical Examiner of the State of Virginia. I have heard of her reputation as highly talented, very principled woman who will stick at nothing to get to the truth."
"So in other words, George is unlikely to hook up with another crook politician. Trisha told us that George described her ex, Neil Haughton as 'fearful' and sounded as if she has a personal aversion to him and all his kind."
For the first time, John grinned slightly. He could hear so very easily the arched inflection George would put on the word. It brought back so many memories of her going back a long way. Then, his fear of losing her hit him like a hammer blow and he was forced to speak in an unsteady tone of voice.
"No that's true. It's just that I don't want her to go too far from me. I don't think I could deal with that. I'm already separated from Jo Mills my one time girlfriend."
The naked emotion that suddenly flared from John that was all the more shocking to both women in view of their perception of his normal manner. It was Helen who finally found her voice.
"You have a real fear of losing those who are close. I was very young when my mother died of cancer," Helen said slowly, trying to search for a suitable comparison.
"As least you had time to prepare for the event, if you can ever prepare for it. My mother was depressed and committed suicide and my father shut myself off from me. I suppose that going to boarding school took the edge of the pain, gave me somewhere to belong to, to cling to."
Both women's mouths dropped a mile in total shock at that bombshell, not least because it came from nowhere. They didn't know what to say at the almost detached voice in which John spoke, knowing full well how much he was hurting inside. At that moment the phone rang. Helen cursed at the untimely interruption while Nikki dutifully picked up the phone.
"This is Rita Cooper speaking better known as Coope, Judge John Deed's personal assistant. This may sound an unusual request but have you seen anything of the judge?"
"He's right here. We're talking to him right now."
"Would you be Nikki Wade?"
"That's me,"
"Oh I am glad you're there to look after him. That means he's safe. He disappeared and I was very worried what had happened to him."
"How on earth did you figure out where he was? I mean Helen and I are a long shot."
"You of all people should know. It's called women's intuition," came that imperturbably masterful voice which made Nikki grin at her knowingness, if only to reach for something reassuring." I'll leave him your capable hands."
"I take it that was Coope," John murmured after Nikki put down the phone.
"How on earth did she know that you were in trouble and how did she know to phone us?" Nikki asked, a slight wondering smile curling round her lips.
"I may have talked about you both. She has her own system," ventured John at which, both women smiled more easily, being easily able to fill in the gaps.
The slightly comic moment lightened the mood. They chatted awhile of family matters and this gave John the opening to become expansive about his daughter, Charlie whom Nikki had met briefly. A real smile spread across his face and both women generously gave him the chance to bask in something positive in his life. For all that, they saw that John was becoming more restless and agitated, as if time was running out for him. As the answer popped into her mind, she realized how obvious the answer was.
"You don't want to go back home tonight," said Nikki flatly. It was a statement rather than a question.
"I admit I don't, but……" John said, an appealing look in his eye.
"This flat isn't the ideal crash pad but if you can sleep on the sofa for the night."
"You're sure about it?"
"We wouldn't offer it if we didn't mean it," Helen chimed in with her decisive tone of voice which John was happy enough to submit to.
"We're not used to guys kipping down for the night but, hey, you're our friend and, strangely enough, two lesbians trust a middle aged womanizing judge to behave accordingly."
John made no answer to this astute judgment, which took in the silent case for the opposition. His blue eyes shone up at both women with total thankful blessing for their kindness and generosity.
A little while later, Helen crept out into the living room for no particular reason. She gazed down affectionately at John lying in a fetal position, a quilt wrapped round him to his neck. He looked peaceful and asleep but Helen knew that one strain of consciousness made him feel that he was tucked up like a little boy while the grownups went to bed and were there to protect him. She smiled and knew that John would recover his strength come the morning and that they would maintain this special friendship.