Lisa waited a little while, hearing the soft close of the door before she wandered out into the living room. She locked the door and, against her better judgment, peered out the window. A shiny red corvette was parked in the street, and in the darkness she could still make out Greg's profile in the driver's seat. With a soft sigh she forced herself to take a step back and, with pursed lips, turned from the door and closed all the blinds to her house.
She tidied up a bit and played a few soft lullabies on the piano before getting ready for bed. Every time she passed by the pale yellow nursery room she couldn't stop herself from peeking in and watching the small body rise and fall with each breath. She did one last check before settling into her king-sized bed, noting that the feeling of loneliness that usually set in was dimmed.
She tried to sleep, she really did. But thoughts of Greg, her future, Greg, her baby, and Greg kept interfering. Finally, she got out of bed and crept into Faith's room, wrapping her comforter around her like a cocoon before taking up residence in the rocker by the crib. She watched the little girl sleep, tiny fingers tucked into tiny fists.
"You like Greg, huh?" she whispered, needing to talk her problems out and hoping that her daughter wouldn't mind being a soundboard.
"I'm sure how he feels about me most of the time, but I think he likes you too," she said. "And I want that. I've never known two people more deserving of love. I just…I want to love him too, and while he has no problem with you, he's fighting me at every chance he gets. There's only so much I can take," she said softly. "I can't be broken by him, and I don't want to break him. If he leaves completely, it won't be just us affected."
Almost as if in protest, Faith fussed in her sleep, a soft musical cry interrupting Lisa's monologue. In an instant the baby was out of the crib and tucked safely into her mother's embrace, listening to words meant to sooth them both.
"There there, sweetheart, don't cry. I know you don't want him to leave, neither do I, but it's best if he stays at arm's length for just a little while, until I can be around him without preparing for him to walk out of our lives."
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The next three days passed like a dream. Lisa was pleased to know she could run her errands as normal with Faith and that, maybe, this motherhood thing was a part of her genetic makeup after all. Faith only cried when it was time for a nap, meal, or changing, and the mild temper of the baby was a welcome change from Greg's childish antics.
She took pictures, lots of them. She had the good fortune to have the camera resting beside her as she played the piano, and as she was finishing a song she turned to see the baby smiling. That would later become a page of it's own in Faith's photo album.
In the midst of everything, it was hard to notice that Greg didn't stop by. Perhaps she had overestimated his dedication, his determination, and his desire for her. It wouldn't be the first time. She was lucky, then, to know that Faith would never remember these weeks of her life, the time she had spent with a curmudgeonly doctor with a cane and scruffy beard, the man who had seemed capable of loving her for the precious little girl she was.
Of course, that didn't stop her own heartache. Heartless hope, her mother would call it. To hope and want for something with all her heart and be left with nothing else there. Throughout her life, her mother had used the phrase to explain away less-then-perfect grades, high goals, and changing relationships. It was fitting, then, that the phrase would pop up now. She finally had what she thought she wanted, a beautiful little girl, but now it just magnified the fact that there was an important figure missing from her idyllic little family.
However, she still wasn't sure that Greg was the one to fill in that spot. If she managed to overlook the fact that her heart had decided that he was the only man suitable for them, then the reality was she wasn't sure whether he wanted them or if he could handle the role she intended to put him in. She would never force him to stay, even if she wasn't sure she could handle him leaving.
She was stuck, then, caught in a catch-22 where a fairytale ending and the complete abandonment were both distant possibilities. Floating in limbo, like she was now, would only last for so long. It was Greg's move in the game.
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Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews!! I'm sorry about the late update but I was at the USA inauguration and then I had surgery. You know the drill, not mine, read and review, etc. etc. Who else is loving the Huddyness in recent episodes?