Chapter Two: I Realized You Make Me Live

"Suzaku."

The seventeen year old's hand was having a death grip with a pencil in his sleep, his head of brown curls resting on his arm on the table. His head was turned towards the window, rays of light dropping on his gentle face and crowning it in a basking glow. The only imperfection on the face was a teardrop streak down his cheek. He was wearing the school uniform of Ashford Academy, the black blazer with the golden trim and the black pants and shoes.

He was awoken by a whack in the head from a newspaper and he yelled out in shock more then pain, gripping his head as he flung himself up from the desk and looked up through one eye.

Above him was a blonde woman brandishing the newspaper in the girl's uniform of the Academy. A Britannian named Milly Ashford... a meterology student if he remembered right. He didn't pay much attention to that sort of thing anymore. All he knew was that his brain had been assaulted by a rolled up stack of papers.

"Damn it Milly, what was that for!" He snapped angrily. He had been so angry, so angry lately. He was an unbearable person to be around, and he knew that, but he didn't care. He couldn't find anything to take the pain away.

"You know what that was for Kururugi!" The council president snapped back as she leaned down to his level and brandished her paper. "I've already got Lelouch being an ass and not turning up to meetings, I don't need you uninvolved either! Wake up and pay attention! Rivalz is becoming a better man then you!"

"Really?" Commented a blue-haired boy from the side of the room as he glanced up happily over a stack of papers, a grin on his face.

"That's not saying much Rivalz."

The face disappeared behind the papers again.

"I don't care... I'm only here because it's required by the school." Suzaku said quietly to her in a dark tone. He really wasn't in the mood for this. This was bullshit. He had only been trying to sleep. He put his face back down on the desk to somehow get the headache out of his head that had come from the sunlight when he had opened his eyes.

He heard a scream of rage from the council president but he couldn't bring himself to care.

It had been four months since he had been kicked out of that hospital room. He had been sitting in the lab in the research department. It was heartstopping for him. Lloyd had been watching the moniters carefully, watching the news, when he heard the words that had shattered his whole entire being.

"Princess Euphemia li Britannia died this afternoon-"

He didn't remember anything after that. Cecile had mentioned how he had started screaming in fury and pain and had collapsed to the ground sobbing. And then, she and Lloyd had to restrain him after he violently threatened to go out and kill Zero himself in the Lancelot. They said that it would've been a suicide mission.

He wished they would've let him.

He had pondered taking his own life several times. That was how bad it was. He vaugely remembered Cecile restraining him several times, hugging him, crying with him... Cecile was too cruel to him. Why wouldn't she just let him die?

"Suzaku..."

He heard Shirley's voice call him back and he raised his head again, his face in an obvious frown. "What Shirley." He said. It wasn't a question. It was a demand.

The red-head winced visibly and she shook her head. "Suzaku... please pay attention? We might need your help with some of this..." She asked.

He sighed and sat up quietly, but he didn't say anything at all. He just folded his arms and quietly looked from Shirley to Milly with a frown.

He saw Milly throw up her hands. "Finally! You're not in the military anymore, you don't have an excuse to avoid work here!" She snapped. She seemed furious.

It was true though. He was out of the military now. He had resigned. He couldn't stand his position. He couldn't stand anything about it anymore. His dream of rebuilding Britannia from the inside; he didn't care about it anymore. He just wanted some form of release from the pain of everything.

He quietly closed his eyes and his look on his face looked like he was restraining himself desperately from yelling at Milly. It wasn't Milly's fault... he had to stop blaming people, but he couldn't help himself. He was pinning the blame on others from himself.

Her death was all his fault.

He should never have let her go with Zero.

"Yeah... sure Milly." He said quietly, motioning her to continue.

Instead it was Shirley that continued on. "So, we have a couple of new students in the school in need of clubs... Edward Erikson from the mainland... apparently he has an interest in the cooking club. I think they're missing a few slots, so I think we should accept his application."

"Good job Shirley." Milly said proudly. Milly seemed to have the impression that she had trained Shirley to be the way she was from the ground up. It sickened Suzaku a bit.

"We also have Anette Debois... from a line of newspaper printers... she wants into the Yearbook, not surprising. I'll put her into there right away... I'm just glad there's someone to run it this year."

"Alright."

"And then we have the third student... Elizabeth Beaudegarde." Shirley looked mildly frustrated. "We have no application from her, at all! For any club!"

"I haven't heard of any of these people." Suzaku commented quietly.

Shirley looked up at him curiously. "Haven't you? Beaudegarde was introduced today in class, weren't you paying attention?"

"No-"

"He was sleeping again." Milly cut in acidly, glaring at Suzaku. Suzaku sighed and leaned back in his chair with an unamused look on his face. Why did he stay here again?

Other then Euphie telling him that he had to complete his education-

His heart started to hurt again and he shook his head. No. No. He didn't want to have to stay with Lelouch and Nunally. Nunally had been taking to looking after him when he was depressed... he was a little grateful for that, but he didn't want to have to watch Nunally lock away the pill bottles and the razors again. She already had enough trouble doing that because she was blind...

He couldn't think of Euphie today.

He came back to the conversation to realize that it was still on that Beaudegarde girl. Shirley was talking now.

"She's so mysterious. Did you see the way that she just walked straight to her car after class today? She didn't even stop to say hello to anyone."

"Maybe she's shy?" Rivalz commented from the corner.

"Why are we even talking about her anyway?" Suzaku inputted. "How does this have to do with anything?" He was answered by another smack across the head with the paper.

"Well... we can offer her a position on the council." Milly said out of the blue.

"Great. Another one to rope in to abuse." Suzaku commented sarcastically, his tone dark.

"Shut up Suzaku!" Milly snapped. She brandished her paper again. "Yes... yes that's a great idea... I was thinking of promoting you to vice-president anyway Shirley. Someone will need to take your place."

"What about Lelou?"

"Screw Lelouch! He's the one that ducks out all the time!" Milly raged.

"Yeah but he's still a part of the council-"

"Shirley, he's a part-time member, at best."

Suzaku sighed and rubbed his forehead. At the end of this, he knew Milly would win. This Elizabeth Beaudegarde would be on the council. It didn't really matter after this.

So, he put his head down and went to sleep again.

***

"Wake up." A voice said to him by his ear.

At first, he could've sworn that it was Euphemia's voice again. He was going completely insane. Now he was hearing her. That was just lovely.

Well... actually it was lovely, hearing her voice again. He hadn't realized just how much he had needed it. A faint smile went over his sleeping face and a tear streaked down his face.

"Euphie..."

"Suzaku, wake up."

He opened his eyes and saw that he was still in the council room. He had been sleeping on the table again. But touching his hand was a small, frail hand, one that hadn't been there before.

He raised his head completely and looked to the side to see a blind, wheel-chair ridden woman beside him. Her eyes were shut and her hands were feeling to be able to see. A faint smile crossed his face. Nunally was one of the few that could make him smile anymore.

He took the frail hand and put it near his face, to his cheek so that she would be able to 'see' his facial expressions.

"How did you know it was me, Nana?"

"Call it a lucky guess." The innocent girl's face brightened a bit. "You're smiling."

"Yeah... little bit."

"That's good."

"What happened?"

"Shirley, Milly and Rivalz all left. They told me you were in here and Shirley asked me to check on you if you hadn't awoken in a while. She's concerned about you."

Suzaku's face frowned a bit. He wanted to avoid the question. "Where's Lelouch?"

"I'm not sure... I hope he's not gambling again."

Gambling... of course Lelouch was doing that. When the hell did he stop? It pissed him off.

"I'm sure he isn't Nana." He commented as he put a hand on her shoulder. "Do you want help back to the sitting room before I leave?"

"Sure... will you be staying with us tonight Suzaku?"

Good Nunally... She didn't even mention the reason why he stayed with them all the time. She just asked it like it was the most casual thing in the world. Suzaku smiled quietly. She seemed to understand exactly what he needed in this time.

"No... not tonight Nana. I might be over tomorrow."

I might be over tomorrow... it was their phrase, their unspoken word. It was saying that there might still be a possibility that he would be over and needing help. It said that he hadn't recovered yet. It was said so casually, and that helped him with the pain a bit, and she knew that.

"Alright Suzaku." She commented as she took her hand from his face and went to her wheelchair control. He stood up and went to the back of her chair, keeping his hand on her arm so that she knew where he was almost unconsciously, and then he wound around to the back and tapped her on the shoulders so that she knew he was behind her. She turned her chair a bit so that he could start wheeling it, and he wheeled it out of the room towards the sitting room.

***

"See her?"

Rivalz was poking Suzaku in the shoulder for perhaps the fifth time that week, trying to get him to pay attention to something. And of course, it was while they were in class, when he usually looked out the window. Suzaku sighed. He realized that the council was only trying to get him to pay attention for his own good, but that didn't make it any less irritating. He looked over at the blue haired boy quietly.

"What her? You?"

"Not me you idiot, don't look at me."

Suzaku blinked slowly, clearly showing his boredom.

Rivalz groaned and took Suzaku's head from the sides and turned it roughly towards the front of the room where the subject of his interest was located and Suzaku's green eyes were forced to look up at the front at the girl that had just walked in. And even the depressed Suzaku couldn't resist blinking in interest.

The girl had short black hair that framed her face, showing the cherubicness of the face. Her eyes were a bright green, a green that almost seemed enhanced by contacts. Her facial structure was so well-proportioned, her nose was a button-cute nose and her chin was well shaped and defined. She was wearing the Ashford girl's uniform which shaped her body really well, surprisingly enough. But that wasn't the true thing that seemed to make Suzaku's awareness go into overdrive.

He could've sworn he saw...

"Euphie...?"

"Miss Beaudegarde, please take your seat." The professor called out to the girl. The girl was completely silent as she went and took her seat near the front of the class, and Suzaku violently shook his head.

"THAT'S Elizabeth Beaudegarde." Rivalz whispered in his ear, sounding like he was truly admiring the scenery in the general direction of the black-haired girl. Suzaku was just stunned for a moment like he had been hit in the head with a frying pan and then his gloom came back in.

"Great. I miss her so much I'm seeing her in other girls."

Throughout the class, Suzaku kept his head up and looked at the board, but he couldn't help but catch glances at the new girl every so often. He was trying to figure out why he saw Euphie in her, but he couldn't imagine it. He couldn't see how or why he would see her. Euphie was dead. There was no way around that. He was so absorbed in the girl, he didn't even notice Rivalz winking at Shirley and motioning to Suzaku, or Shirley giggling into Milly's ear every so often while staring directly at him.

He had to get this out of his head!

After the bell rang, Suzaku did something that he didn't expect to do. He immediately got off his chair and walked over to Milly and Shirley's desk, then tapped Milly on the shoulder.

"Milly, ask that girl to the council."

He was actually showing an interest in something and he could see the shock on Milly's face but he didn't pay any note to it. He had to get clearance about this. He hadn't been able to get a good look at the girl all class, and now the girl was leaving! Come on Milly!

Shirley came to the rescue with a faint giggle and she ran up to the girl. "Elizabeth! Elizabeth!"

The girl turned around to look at Shirley and he got a better look at her face. It was blank now, but it had a faint ring of curiousity around it. His heart wrenched. She even had the same expressions as Euphie, even if she seemed to be showing her curiousity. But he couldn't help but keep watching her as Shirley talked.

"My name is Shirley Fenette... Well, I suppose I know your name, so I'll just cut to the chase."

He watched the girl's face for any form of facial change and was delighted when she faintly smiled. There was Euphie's smile too! He almost forgot about the whole thing of her being dead for a moment and he almost laughed... until he reminded himself that Euphie was dead, and no amount of looking at a girl was going to bring her back. He tilted his head down, but didn't even notice that his eyes were still glued to the girl, despite all of that.

"I noticed that you aren't applying for any clubs?" A shake of the girl's head and his heart skipped a beat. That was the same motion that Euphie used all of the time too. Was he hallucinating?

No... he must've finally cracked. He was hallucinating. He would've chuckled at his idiocy if he could muster up the strength. His depression had finally made him lose it...

"Would you like to join the student council, in that case? It's not a horrible commitment, in case you have to go home a lot to do chores or something." Shirley told her innocently. "Just twice a week, Monday and Friday."

He watched the girl's green eyes light up and his own lit up as well in unison. The girl started nodding and he almost grinned himself. There was another trait of Euphie, right there. That excited nod... Now the only thing that was missing was her voice, for the girl hadn't talked yet.

"Well, I'll introduce you to the family then!" Shirley commented chirpily as she lead the girl over to the group around the table.

"Well, there's one not here, Lelouch Lamperouge, but you'll probably meet him later. Then that boy there is Rivalz Cardemonde, and our president is Milly Ashford."

Rivalz grinned with a "HIYA!" and Milly nodded and smiled at her welcomingly.

"You'll also meet Nunally Lamperouge, who's basically our junior member, and this over here is Suzaku Kururugi."

Suzaku watched her face as the girl looked over at her and then suddenly her face went into sheer, stark white terror. Suzaku was stunned as the girl stumbled back.

"N-No... not you..."

Her voice was the same tone as Euphemia's was, but now Suzaku wasn't noting it. Why was this girl looking at him with such terror in her eyes?

He watched the girl clench her fist and squeeze her eyes shut, as if she were trying to get over a bad thought or inclination and then she shook her head violently.

"I'm sorry, I have to go!" She exclaimed, and then the girl ran out of the room hurriedly. Suzaku unfroze and went to go after her, to speak to her, to reassure her.

"Wait! Hold on! I'm not going to..."

The girl slammed the door.

"... hurt you."

Suzaku groaned and sat down at a desk, his face in his hands.

"Oh man..." He heard Rivalz comment from the side. "Tough luck... must be a xenophobe."

"Either that or she believes that stupid story the press gave out about Suzaku killing Clovis..." Shirley put in.

"Or maybe the story about Euphem-"

This line from Milly was cut off by a death glare from Suzaku as his head shot up from his hands with a maniacal look in his eye. Milly for once stayed quiet. There was an awkward pause and then Suzaku's fury started to bubble over. He stood up, his fist clenched.

"I'm going home." He said in a deathly quiet whisper.

He then proceeded to exit the room and he slammed the door as hard as he could.

***

He stalked down the hall of the school, anger in his eyes clearly showing. He had even forgotten his bag in the other room, he was so angry with everything. He didn't even know where to direct the anger. The girl, Elizabeth? The fact that Euphemia was dead? Milly bringing up Euphemia at all?

He just wanted to get home so that he could beat out all of his anger on something. Preferably something hard.

He walked along with his fists clenched and in his pockets. It was times like this that his world tended to come tumbling down and he would have to visit Nunally. It wasn't that he would necessarily die...

He nearly went into a blind fury at the thought of that. He had a command from Zero, some thing that seemed to keep him from dying. He would want to die, but then a voice would stop him. He wouldn't even remember the incident. It was then that he decided to go to Nunally to let her help with him when he got into one of those moods. Good Nunally...

He suddenly stopped, feeling eyes on him and he turned around, his eyes narrowing a bit. He felt like there were hairs sticking up on his neck or something... it was such a weird feeling... like someone was watching him.

And then that was when it happened.

A shadow popped out of the shadows and his eyes, his instinct, that thing that had been implanted in him by Zero, activated. He dodged out of the way instictively...

To see a knife right where he had been.

He paled. What the hell? Who would be trying to kill him?

He looked towards the shadows to see the girl with black hair, the short black hair of Elizabeth Beaudegarde, walk out in front of him... except her eyes, those green eyes... they were...

A soft blue?

"Kill all the Japanese..."

Suzaku inched back. He had heard that before...

"Kill them all... that's what he said..."

Euphie... Euphie had said that... right before she died...

The girl rushed at him and he got to his feet and scrambled backwards, the instinct kicking in again as the girl grabbed another knife from underneath her coat and went to take a stab. He tapped the blade out of the way with his hand and dodged.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

The girl took another swipe and barely missed Suzaku. He ducked down and then he went to trip the girl, not wanting to hurt any woman...

The girl's black hair flew off, and that was when he realized it was a wig. But what was underneath shocked him the most of all.

A long, thick, pink braid that flew out like a chain.

His eyes widened and he stumbled back, complete shock numbing his limbs.

"Eu... Eu..."

"He's telling me to do it..."

The woman got up and that mad look, the one he had seen four months ago was in her eyes. That maniacal look, the look of the want to kill...

"Euphie..."

Euphemia li Britannia stood before him in the Ashford uniform, a pink braid hanging down her shoulders and a knife in her hand. She dug the other one out of the floor and her body jerkily turned back to his frozen one.

"I'm sorry... But you're one of them... one of the Japanese..."

She weilded the blade like a pro.

"Forgive me..."

She charged.

"SUZAKU!!!"