Scene Thirty-Eight
"We're home at last, sweetheart," sang out a very tired Helen to Nikki as their aching bones dragged their way up the steps to the flat's front door. Helen turned her key in the lock while Nikki's arm hung loosely draped round her shoulders. Somehow, watching their two friends go through the ordeal that they had gone through had emotionally been their fight as well. This had led to an emotional kickback to which was added the physical tiredness of dancing all night at Chix. Neither of them could forget that Sally Anne's sheer courage in speaking up in court had helped Nikki so much in getting free in the first place. Both women knew that Trisha had deftly steered Nikki in Helen's direction in the club after Nikki had got her freedom. Helen clicked on a low light and they both collapsed on the bed in utter exhaustion. They lay there silently and stared awhile at the ceiling.
"Another battle fought and won and a fantastic party afterwards. I'm really happy for Sally Anne and Trisha. It's a thirty six hour day or feels like that," spoke Helen at last, wondering if she was making any sense.
"It feels great at the time but I wouldn't care to live like that every day," Nikki's weary voice responded." I bet you the Knights of the Round Table had to go someplace to chill out after slaying the dragon or rescuing some damsel in distress."
Helen grinned at Nikki's quirky sense of humour and turned her face sideways to look at her profile.
"I can't help thinking how times change," Nikki said at last.
"How do you mean?"
"Look at it like this, darling. Years ago when I was sent down, all I knew were the women from Chix. That was my world. Authority in general was stacked against me. That was all I knew. I now have a one time prison governor as my lover…."
"Acting governing governor," put in Helen, the precisionist to Nikki's accompanying smile at Helen's endearing little ways.
"…..two barristers, a high court judge and his friends who'll look kindly on us. Monty Everard despite appearances otherwise has done wonders for Sally-Anne who knew that she has a female lover but that didn't bother him. My parents have come around to being the proper family and now the old boys network in the Metropolitan Police have been made to look like total idiots. That's progress if you like- and comeuppance for Gossard. I wonder how Fenner's taken the news."
Helen laughed out loud at Nikki's sharp and witty observations, appreciating their serious nature as well. It made her thoughts meander all over the place till a thought popped up from nowhere.
"I was just wondering, Nikki, why on earth that two women aren't allowed to get married," Helen said flatly, as they lay on their bed in the half-light of the room.
"Why indeed?" smiled Nikki. This was an old question to her that had been buried by the way life had been, by the utter lack of prospects of the laws ever being changed. She'd lived with Trisha for nine years and had once been the only woman with whom that possibility had ever existed.
"You should know by now the way that laws are written to support straight marriages even in these days of marriage breakdowns, left, right and centre."
"We should get John Deed on the case," laughed Helen.
"I really am not sure just how gay friendly he is on principle but I wouldn't underrate him in any way. We relate well enough to him and he relates to us because we're all fighting the same battles. Us being lesbians seems no problem to his point of view."
"Tell you what, babes, if he thought that it would put a spoke in the establishment's wheel, he'd get on the case all right," laughed Helen in response to Nikki's musing out loud.
"In any case, if my imperfect legal knowledge serves me right, he can make case law but I don't suppose he is best buddies with those who make the legislation. God knows, he's pissed off enough of them. He spells danger."
"In any case, I feel we're married, right enough," murmured Helen softly.
"I've felt the same way from the word go. Some women feel why spoil a good thing but I'm not one of those," Nikki said with great satisfaction as her hand reached out to Helen's lips to be kissed.
Nikki became conscious of the slightly crumpled feel of her and reluctantly faced up to pressing responsibilities.
"We really ought to take our clothes off and get into bed," sighed Nikki as she stared round the room. Duty called one of them to say something in that direction. Both women dragged themselves to their feet, kicked off their shoes and slung trousers, shirts and underwear on top of the chest of drawers. They slipped into bed and Helen cradled Nikki's head in the crook of her arm, lying against each other and stroking each other's hair gently. That felt much more comfortable. Both of them were in a dreamy reflective state of mind, tired but happy. In such moments of intimacy, their thoughts floated easily to the surface and shaped themselves into words.
"I was thinking to myself…..can you remember that time we kissed and held hands in the arts room at Larkhall?" Helen asked in tentative tones as her head lay on the pillow and her hand lay on Nikki's breasts.
"Do I not," exclaimed Nikki with a broad smile on her face. "I remember every word of that conversation. Picturing you in that black top and remembering the way we kissed kept me warm inside on far too many cold lonely nights in that cell of mine."
"Can you remember me saying that I wanted kids some day," murmured Helen.
"Yeah," Nikki said in a distracted fashion as if to say that it had not been foremost in her attention." I do remember but I'd always thought that both of us had troubles dealing with the idea of Happy Families. To be honest, I hadn't thought any further about it since then."
"You mean neither of us have had the best experience of the man and wife and two point four children situation," mused Helen reflectively, a faraway look in her eyes," though it beats me how you can have point four of a child."
Nikki laughed loudly at Helen's irreverent humour and fondly stroked the lock of brown hair that flicked over her lover's eye.
"I'd never really thought beyond getting settled as a couple with nothing to disturb our peace and float around letting us see where life takes us," Nikki's musical voice slowly articulated her thoughts as ideas came off the top of her head." From my experience of women I've known as just friends and lovers, relationships do break up from time to time and there's never that sense for the long term. The idea of us seriously having a child together seems all very new to me - and unknown territory for both of us," Nikki added, divining what the next thought was taking shape in Helen's mind. An appealing look of half fear, half attraction was written all over Nikki's sensitive features. Helen read that expression as clear as if it were written on a page.
"It's just an idea, Nikki, that crossed my mind tonight. I really don't know any more of babies and pregnancy than you do. My one and only experience of ever holding a baby is on the rooftop of the medical wing. You remember the time that Zandra Plackett went up onto the roof as she thought that I'd get her baby taken away from her? I really can't remember any mystical feeling, not at that height with a sheer drop down to the courtyard."
"I remember seeing you up there as if it were the other day. I remember thinking 'That's my woman up there,'" murmured Nikki as she kissed Helen's neck softly and felt the smaller woman enfold her all the tighter. The memory of the past clasped hands with the romantic haze of the here and now. In the heavenly silence, Nikki ran her fingers lovingly down Helen's smooth curving flanks. She knew every inch of her shapely curves just as Helen's fingers could trace the same for her. Equally important for them, their shared intimacy of thought made them psychically inextricable
"There's one problem though," Nikki continued thoughtfully with a straight face out of nowhere.
"And what's that?" Helen asked with a sharp look on her face.
"I don't think I can make you pregnant or is there something I've overlooked?" Nikki grinned cheekily.
Helen exploded in laughter and looked in vain for a spare pillow to swat Nikki in the face for mischievously winding her up.
"We'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it. There's no hurry. I don't feel like hurrying anything tonight."
"The thing to remember is that we have choices, darling, and whatever comes up in life we can deal with it. There's so much shit we had to deal with before we became lovers, full time."
The two women lay there in the peace and quiet, satisfied by their conclusion of the lazy ebb and flow of conversation. There wasn't much traffic that passed by their house so the regular murmuring sound and the dim lights made them feel sleepy as they fell silent for a bit.
"Coming back to that first romantic meeting, I mean not the first time we kissed….." Helen said in sleepy tones.
"Guess we've always been lovers even when neither of us knew it," murmured Nikki softly.
"No matter how hard things got, you were never not in my mind nor I not in yours," Helen lazily confessed, sliding neatly over the painful memories of their break up. That had been healed by their months of living together.
" ….I mean, I remember telling you that I didn't know what to expect from a relationship with you. I mean, I definitely thought in those terms. There were no signposts, which for some strange reason I felt I needed. It's funny," laughed Helen dreamily, the soft light of nostalgia in her eyes, "it all seems a long time ago. It seems so natural living with you and all my exes, totally unnatural."
"Some things take time, darling," Nikki pronounced, her mellow tones curving delightfully round Helen's senses. "You forget, that when I was younger, I could work out all my mistakes in my relationships. Once I left home, the last thing I had to worry about is whether or how I should come and go as I pleased, was anyone watching me, and all that shit from Larkhall."
"It was Friday November 24th last year when you got out and we started living together, sweetheart, and it is Wednesday August 3rd today so we're headed for our first anniversary. We should celebrate it, somehow."
"…….and we knew so much about each other before we got our freedom. yeah, why not have a party at Chix."
"I remember in Paris you looking the wrong way when you went to cross the road," Helen said softly as she tenderly curled a lock of Nikki's black hair behind her ear as they shuffled back and forth through time.
"You said that you didn't want a widow on your hands."
"I was never so frightened right at the moment when we were having the time of our lives. I would feel so incomplete, as if I'd lost half of myself."
"Darling, I promise to watch my step. I'll never forget the look on your face. It has made me careful, believe me…………."
"It's strange seeing Sally-Anne and Trisha and George and Alice starting out, perhaps going through their changes together. I wish with all my heart that they find the same happiness and contentment that we've got."
Helen looked at Nikki's face and marvelled at her beauty. Her slightly boyish, sideways parting and the way her hair curled over her ears complemented her beautiful soulful brown eyes, her perfectly formed lips and heart shaped face. She could study her for ages.
"It's nice lying here together, darling. Somehow, I don't feel like going to sleep just yet," murmured Nikki, the suspicions of a smile lurking at the corners of her lips.
While Helen hung in the soft padded luxury of their bed, it seemed to heal their tiredness. She lazily ran her fingers down Nikki's neck and skirted her breasts. It made her start to feel good and perhaps some of her energy was starting to return after all. Nikki's fingertips stroked the line of her cheekbone and she reached sideways to plant a gentle kiss on Helen's full lips and then another. That sensation and the sight of her large eyes and straight nose reminded Nikki of Helen's beauty.
"Neither do I. You did fix up to have the morning off as today was bound to be a pretty intense one and you know how post trial celebrations go. You have to be prepared, you know," Helen's voice spoke against Nikki's ear, her lips brushing against it.
"I've learnt to be organized, darling. I mean it was our celebration as well. You can bet your bottom dollar that Trisha and Sally Anne aren't saying to each other 'Not tonight Josephine' not to mention George and Alice," Nikki's mellow voice replied with that alluring edge to her voice as she realized that she was starting to feel lazily and sexily aroused.
A smile of pleasure spread across Helen's face as she considered Nikki's delightful insinuation. She leaned over her lover and she kissed Nikki's cheek. Helen sought out her mouth, which opened wide for her tongue to reach deep inside her. She moved over the body of her dark haired lover and her hands slid down the length of that perfect body while Nikki's hands lovingly caressed Helen with total familiarity of her contours.
Their bodily rhythms moved together in ways that felt both totally familiar and special.
With ever increasing certainty, Helen's fingers bore down on the taller woman whose sounds of growing sexual pleasure and the movements of her body told Helen that she was right on the mark in both senses.
"You are the best lover in the world, babes," Nikki said hoarsely as her lungs were heaving to gulp in much needed oxygen after Helen had coaxed her to a long satisfying orgasm. "It's my turn to pleasure you. Never mind the time of night as I'm definitely in the mood."
She looked up at the strong jaw line, the full lips, the straight determined nose of her lover, and her incredible jewel like grey green eyes all framed by her somehow perfect bob of mid brown hair. The roundness of her body as it hung protectively over her was like bliss. She loved the feel of her lover's body resting against hers and waited eagerly for her lover to move so that she could taste of her sweetness. Whatever pleasures she wanted with Helen would assuredly come and, yes, some random thought idly considered that any offspring of their love might be pretty amazing considering their intense commitment to each other against all the odds against them in the first place. Their future looked so good and it was theirs to decide along with all their wide assortment of dear friends who would say yes to whatever they decided.
Both womenlooked overawed as they luxuriated in the past, present and future and that their friendsfanned out all around them like some protective halo. What could be more perfect?