Chapter 10:

Chuck could easily see himself falling for a girl like Sarah. Aside from the obvious physical attraction, she was the first person he felt comfortable with, the only one who had been forthcoming with answers to his questions. True there were things about her that made Chuck wary, but what mattered was that he wanted to believe her.

An entire afternoon passed at the beach. They talked—or rather Chuck did to fill the gap. Something about the place made Sarah more melancholy than ever and eventually she lapsed into complete silence. Even so, he knew she was listening when she tilted her head in his direction, the sad smile never far from her face.

Eventually Chuck obliged her and sat in quiet reflection. Sarah looked like she had a lot on her mind and he knew he had a lot to think over too. Still, despite being almost strangers, the silence was amiable. It felt good to have her there. She was the calm center in his world of chaos.

Chuck would have gladly spent the rest of his day with Sarah, even if they just sat staring at the ocean, but a certain someone was returning home at five.

He didn't have to say anything. When the time came, Sarah seemed to know. She just turned to him, smiled sadly, and said, "I guess it's time."

.

Sarah dropped him off at his apartment. Chuck wasn't sure what to say to her, and in the end he got out of the car with only a goodbye. No promise of catching up again or calling her anytime soon. Just goodbye.

She smiled half-heartedly and drove away. Chuck stood with his hands in his pockets, watching and wondering if it would be the last time they saw each other. She may have gotten the closure she needed, but it wasn't enough for Chuck. His chest tightened at the thought of losing her a third time; the first he wasn't sure, the second was all her, but this time he could only blame himself.

Chuck wanted to linger, even to call her back, but the fear of Carmen discovering where he'd been all day took precedence. Once Sarah was out of sight, he ran for the elevator.

_

Carmen was waiting for him when Chuck walked through the door. He snuck a glance at the clock; only a minute past five. Either she had come home early or she was a stickler about being punctual.

"Where have you been?" Chuck knew he was in trouble when he saw her stance. She had her arms crossed over her chest and the look of utmost disapproval on her face. Suddenly he felt like he was five years old again.

"Just out," he said. When he saw that her posture was still as rigid as five seconds ago, he swallowed nervously. "I needed some fresh air. And I just took a walk. Around the block, just down the road…" He wasn't sure if she believed him so he just kept talking. "The air was really good. It was really fresh. I really enjoyed it."

He flashed her a goofy grin, hoping it would be enough to appease her.

"I told you not to leave the apartment. You said you wouldn't!"

Chuck flinched at the accusation. "I'm sorry." He was getting so sick of having to say that. "But I'm home now."

"Don't leave again." Carmen stepped up to him, grabbing him by the shoulders. For a girl as thin as she was, she had a surprisingly strong grip. "Don't go anywhere without telling me. You got that?"

Chuck balked. "I won't get lost, Carmen," he said, laughing nervously. "I know I don't remember a lot but I know how to get home."

The woman's gaze softened. "You know I care about you, Chuck. And I know I've been a little hard on you lately."

Chuck tried to look friendly as he pried her hands off of him, hoping she wouldn't feel inclined to squeeze his shoulders any harder than she already was.

"I'm not good at this, you know."

"The overprotective girlfriend thing?" he asked, hoping she would take it as a joke. "No, you've got it covered."

Carmen frowned, missing his sarcasm. "No, I mean this whole relationship thing. I'm not good at relationships. I don't really share with other people."

Chuck stared at her, wondering how much he could believe. "Tell me how we met again." The question took her off guard. For a moment Chuck saw things in her eyes he never thought he would; vulnerability, fear—and then nothing. Carmen's defenses had recouped.

Her recovery impressed him; Chuck had seen it before in only one other person.

Carmen sighed, crossing her arms again. "I already went over this."

Chuck gazed at her trying to imagine their first meeting. He wondered how many jaws had dropped when Carmen, a woman who could have had any man in the room, had chosen him. For some reason he felt unaffected by the thought.

"I just want to remember," he said. "Can't you help me?"

Chuck imagined himself sitting hopelessly at the nerd herd desk, bored out of his mind. He could easily see himself engrossed in a carefully concealed comic book, the top half of which would be covered by the store directory manual. Then the service bell at the counter would ring. He would raise his head slowly, self-consciously readjust his tie as he faced her—and she would take his breath away.

Startled by who had come to mind, Chuck flushed with guilt.

Carmen didn't seem to notice. Her thin lips pressed tightly together before she said, "I really didn't expect myself to care about you as much as I do."

Chuck frowned. "That's it? That's all you can say?"

She tilted her chin as she looked up at him. Even though she came only to his nose, Chuck felt like he was the one being looked down on. "Let's not fight, Chuck."

Chuck wanted to laugh; he didn't stand a chance. She could accuse him of anything she wanted and he had nothing to go on.

Reluctantly he nodded. If there had been a fight, he would have lost hands down.

"Good." She stroked his cheek just as Sarah had once done, but the mimicry was incomplete. Chuck couldn't even put it into words but the thought alone caused another wave of guilt to wash over him.

"Now kiss me."

Chuck blinked. "What?"

"Kiss me," she repeated, the demanding tone no different the second time. "I'm your girlfriend and I've had a long day. That's what boyfriends do."

Chuck wanted to protest but he decided he really shouldn't argue. He obliged, kissing her swiftly on the cheek and then looked guiltily away.

Carmen raised a brow. "That's it?"

"I'm sorry. That's all I can give right now." The look that crossed Carmen's face made Chuck feel even worse but he didn't feel like she gave him much of a choice.

"Fine." She brushed off her disappointment and turned away. "Help me with dinner?"

Chuck nodded. At least that was something he could do.

_

Chuck tried to put the last few days behind them and did his best not to create anymore friction, which meant no questions about the past, and no contradicting Carmen. He tried to brighten her mood, even daring to crack a few jokes about accountants, and conversed with her as he would any stranger, sticking to neutral topics and never making it personal. His tactic worked.

Carmen's defenses crumbled little by little so that by the time they finished washing the dishes, she was even able to smile up at him and laugh without restraint. And for all of two hours, Chuck believed they were a normal couple.

Then the time came for them to part ways and the awkwardness he'd been trying to avoid set back in. There was little else to distract them in the apartment and Chuck never thought Carmen to be the talking type.

"I have some reports I should probably fill out," she said, giving him a way out. "I guess I should do that. Unless..."

Carmen waited, leaving the option out there.

Chuck gulped, clearing his throat even though there was no need to. "Yeah. I'm pretty tired," he said, taking the easy way out. He wondered if the lie was as obvious to her as it was to him.

"Okay." Carmen shrugged, trying not to look like it mattered. "Good night then." She looked up at him; waiting.

Chuck cleared his throat again. "Yeah. Good night." He leaned down towards her and pressed his lips to hers. A touch and then it was over.

_

Chuck lay down on his bed and tried to process everything that he knew. Five years in the future, Chuck had finally quit his job at the Buy-More and moved out. He was designing a game on the side with Morgan. He had an ex-girlfriend who strained his relationship with Ellie and a girlfriend who turned her affections on and off like a light switch.

Chuck didn't feel like he knew himself anymore. Sarah had hinted that their relationship may not have been over, but no matter how bad things were between him and Carmen, he didn't want to believe that he was the kind of person who cheated.

Chuck sighed. There were definitely some changes that would take a long time getting used to.

He took out the pictures of him and Sarah again from their hiding place. Having long committed the images to memory, Chuck stared at each of them anyway, trying to find something he'd missed. It was hard to believe that a handful of photographs were the only clues he had to the life he once led.

He imagined her laughing as he told her one of his jokes, or blushing at a well-meaning but awkwardly attempted compliment. He noticed the little things, her hand placed protectively over his chest in one, his hand covering hers in another, but always in every photo they were touching.

It all felt so right.

Chuck traced the outline of her face, trying to match it to the Sarah he knew. It was so hard without her smile, and he felt ill knowing he was probably the cause.

He fished his pockets for the cell that Sarah returned to him. It took some getting used to but after a few minutes he had the main screen open.

Chuck wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised when the background turned out to be a boring generic standard. Asking for a photo of him and Carmen together was probably too much.

He toggled under contacts and searched under 'M', relieved when the first name that came up was that of his best friend. He pressed call and waited on bated breath.

The phone picked up after only the first ring. "Chuck!" came the excited voice on the other end. "Where have you been, man? I've called you at least a hundred times!"

Chuck gave a sigh of relief. It was good to know that some things didn't ever change.