High-Light a Twilight Parody
Chapter 2: Let's Focus On Deadward, the Guy Smella Just Met But is Already Obsessed With
*At Smella's House*
Smella: I can't believe the nerve of that amazingly handsome super sexy boy Deadward, but most of all I cannot believe he didn't immediately fall in love with me like everyone else at that miserable run-down school!
Karly: Well Smella I'm back from having sex with W- I mean… Back from fishing!
Smella: I just finished cleaning the whole house Karly because Stephenie has made my only two hobbies cleaning and reading old classical novels!
Stephenie Meyer: What a cooinkidink, those just so happen to be my only two hobbies as well!
Karly: Oh thank you so much for cooking my dinner Smella.
Smella: Leave me alone Karly, I just saw the sexiest guy in the whole world and I want to be left alone to mope about how he glared at me in the school office today.
Pet Cactus:…. Bitch.
Karly: Smella, did your pet cactus just call you a bitch?
Smella: Well if it did then it is now a villain in this book series. Because anyone in this series who doesn't like me is automatically frowned upon or labeled a villain.
Pet Cactus: Oh Smella I luuuuuuuuurves you!
Smella: That's better.
*The Next Day at School*
Jessica: Hey Smella, I saved you a seat at the lunch table!
Smella: Your kindness irritates me foolish mortal.
Mike and Eric: Oh Smella we love you will you please go out with us? You can even cheat on us, we won't care as long as your wonderfulness is in our lives!
Smella: Go away I'm trying to look at Deadward Mullet… Wait, where is he?
Jessica: Well apparently he went hiking with his parents this weekend.
Smella: HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT HIM HERE TO EYE-RAPE!?
Mike: You could always eye-rape me oh glorious one!
*In biology*
Smella: *sob* I can't believe Deadward doesn't like me, I love him even though I just saw him. Why won't he love me even though I'm a Mary-Sue and I whine all the time and I have no hobbies?
Mr. Banner: Today we are going to see our blood types.
Mike: Why are we doing that?
Mr. Banner: Because Stephenie Meyer wants us to see how special her self-insert Smella is by showing us that Smella can smell one drop of blood from across a room. And even though Smella is deathly afraid of blood she still drinks it with no fear in Breaking Dawn.
Eric: But why would she do that Mr. Banner? That doesn't make any sense.
Mr. Banner: Because this is the world of Stephenie Meyer, logic does not exist here.
Stephenie Meyer: Damn straight!
Twilight Fan: I can't believe this fanfiction author just said that! Master Meyer has perfect logic! Jacob imprints on Renesmee even though she can't reproduce because Meyer said that she is a mule-like hybrid. And even though Carlisle is a doctor he still has Bella drink blood out of a cup instead of putting it in her through an IV. It makes perfect sense!
Twilight Fan's Biology Teacher: Well look at this, you failed your test on reproduction Twilight Fan!
Twilight Fan: *sniffle* I don't care what the outside world thinks, I still have Edward Cullen to have wet dreams about!
Edward Cullen: I'm a fictional character!
Twilight Fan: I'm going to go have sex with this book and pretend that it's bruising my body and breaking my headboard like what Edward did to Bella in the fourth book!
*Back in the Biology Lab*
Smella: Oh I can smell that drop of blood from across the room! In my womanly weakness I am going to faint!
Mike: Fear not my love, I shall save you!
Everyone in the Class: Oh no dear Smella are you alright?
Smella: I wish that sexy shampire was here instead of you people even though all he's done is glare at me while you guys have been nice to me and made me feel welcome!
Mr. Banner: You can go to the office you precious special snowflake! I love you tooooooo!
*in the hallway*
Smella: Oh I am feeling so weak and drowsy from seeing that needle and that drop of blood!
Deadward: Never fear Smella I was just at your house sniffing your used tampons when my Smella Senses started tingling and I rushed to the school to save you!
Mike: But I was just taking my love to the office.
Deadward: Get out of the way and let me carry my little turtledove to the office!
Smella: Oh Deadward I am having orgasms just being in your presence!
Twilight Fan: Oh so am I!
Twilight Fan's Mom: I am too! I wish your father was like Deadward Mullet! I want to get a divorce and marry this book now!
Twilight Fan's Dad: Curse you Deadward Muuullllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeetttt!
Deadward: Huzzah! We are now at the office!
Smella: I think it's a bit odd that you have pale skin and extreme beauty and super-strength. And now your eyes are topaz instead of black! Isn't it weird that I am the only one to notice these things while I have only been going to this school for a few days? Shouldn't someone else have noticed these things while living near you for the past few years?
Twilight Fan: It makes perfect sense!
Deadward: Well they are all foolish insignificant people Smella, while you are special and wonderful for no reason!
Office Lady: Oh Deadward I knew you would come back for me!
*CHAPTER 3 COMING SOON*
NOTE: I did not include the Twilight Fan to personally offend any real Twilight fans out there. Some of my friends are Twilighters and they don't act like this. I only included this to poke fun at some of the crazier, more obsessed Twilight fangirls out there and used this interpretation for humor purposes only. Thank you for reading!