Chapter 3

Daniel sighed. I should have seen this coming.

The fact that Sarah was still out there somewhere, still being used like fashionable clothing by that damn parasite, Osiris, somehow wasn't a surprise. He hadn't been able to save Sha're, so why should rescuing Sarah be any easier? The fact that they'd tried to keep the memory of her from him though . . .

It was that strange protective loyalty. He'd noticed it on Vis Uban. It was one of the things that made Daniel think that going with these people – people he didn't know but who seemed to know and care a hell of a lot about him – was the right thing to do. No doubt it had been there for years before he left them, and now he was back. Now he didn't know whether to be happy or mad.

Part of him was glad and wanted to give Sam a reassuring smile. She sat there petrified, watching him but never looking up high enough to see his face. She, Jack and Teal'c had done it protect him. Their concern warmed his heart, telling him yet again that he had made the right choice in coming home.

But another part of him, the part that felt anger at being kept in the dark "for his own protection", pushed aside the comfort. They didn't have the right to do that. They should have known better. He wasn't a child. He could take it.

Or could he?

As he had read from his own reports, he could feel the pressure, the guilt that lay buried between the lines even when none of it had been his fault. There always seemed to be some hidden what-if that he seemed to have thought would have made all the difference. If he'd been that hard on himself then, and those were the least dangerous of the reports . . . . Well, no wonder they'd tried to protect him, and as much as he felt like he could, he didn't have the right to be mad at them for it.

Sam looked like she expected it, though. She still hadn't moved or made a sound, and seemed to be bracing herself against an impending blow. It spoke a dozen more volumes on how much she, Jack and Teal'c cared. They knew perfectly well how mad he would be, but they did it anyway.

Unable to bear seeing Sam perched on the stool like that any longer, Daniel finally spoke the only words that he could find to fit the gaping silence.

"Thank you, Sam."

First Sam jolted fractionally at the sound of his voice, as if she felt the blow she'd been waiting for but then realized she actually didn't. Then, like an armadillo peeking from its shell to check if the coast is clear before coming out, she released enough to look at him properly.

Wanting to reassure her further, Daniel said softly, "I understand what you tried to do, and I'm grateful."

Sam uncurled further, letting her back and shoulders relax as she seemed to find just enough voice to say, "We just . . . we just didn't want you to try to go it alone."

Daniel nodded, his appreciation for the friends he'd forgotten he'd had growing tenfold.

I remember now. We're all in this together, even when we don't want to be. This is what it means to be a part of this team, this . . . family.

His last few doubts and reservations melted away. No matter what, he wasn't alone.

Absentmindedly, took a swig of his coffee and almost gagged. "Ugh, I hate cold coffee!"

The tension finally broken, Sam smiled cautiously at him, and he did his best to grin back. All was forgiven.

After a few moments of mutual fidgeting during which Sam finally moved her feet down the stool's rungs and leaned forward onto the counter, she said in a conversational tone, "So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"Thanksgiving?"

Sam gave him a genuine smile this time, her eyes regaining the sparkle they had lost since she'd noticed his old mug. "Yeah, you know! Turkey, mashed potatoes with gravy – ."

"Oh yeah, that," Daniel said wryly, both ashamed and amused. It was so strange how sometimes he could draw a complete blank on things, but as soon as he got enough information the memories would flood back as if they'd never been missing. This time he remembered enough to know that the team had gathered more than once to carve a turkey, and though it had been fine, the idea of doing it this year just didn't really appeal to him. Something about being around other people still threw him off. "I think I might take a little trip."

Sam's disappointment came and was buried so fast he wasn't even sure he saw it, and he really appreciated that. Something . . . perhaps one of those shrouded memories . . . said Sam could be very persuasive when she wanted to be. The fact that she was choosing to at least hear him out first before launching her campaign said a lot to him about the nature of their friendship. Still hiding her disappointment behind a teasing tone and clearly hoping his reluctance was not her fault, she said, "Oh? A vacation? Where to?"

Daniel shrugged, "I was thinking about Peñasco Blanco, a known home of the Anasazi."

"In New Mexico?" Sam asked, incredulous. Apparently, stepping through the 'gate would have been more acceptable then playing in their own backyard.

Daniel hesitated, his gaze wandering as he searched for the words to explain what he felt. Words that wouldn't hurt. "I can read about my past here in detail – in my own words even. I can revisit many of those places and meet those people all over again. But what I can't do while I'm here is rediscover who I was before those people knew me – before I knew about the Stargate and met you and Jack and Teal'c. I . . . I think need to experience that part of my life again."

His gaze came back to rest on Sam, and to his relief she smiled gently and nodded. "I think I understand, Daniel," she said quietly. Her smile widened. "I just hope the Colonel does too. I think I heard him say something about fishing . . ."

The odd apprehensive feeling that Daniel felt following that statement provided all the help he needed with that one. Fishing with Jack is best avoided. "I better make my plans then so I have a good excuse . . . A trip to New Mexico isn't going to cut it with him, is it?"

Sam grinned. "Nope."

"Great. I'll have to come up with something better . . ."

Sam glanced at her watch, and, apparently pleasantly surprised by how time had flown, said, "How about I help you out with that over lunch?"

Daniel checked his own watch and sure enough it was well past noon. Thanksgiving with three people didn't sound so good, but lunch with Sam? "Sure, why not."

Shoulder to shoulder Daniel and Sam walked out into the hall, abandoning the comfort zone of his office and his mug of stale coffee. Osiris sat on his throne, staring blankly into the empty room, forgotten.

It's good to be home.