The Great Hall.

Three days into the second week at school. Everyone is all atwitter with Horror and Anxiety due to the fact that You Know Who and His Silly Minions have struck again: this time at a Muggle Playground near the River Thames in Gloucestershire.

I have not really talked about You Know Who before. Not specifically and not by name at least. I don't want to make a point of talking about him a lot, but Suffice To Say that he is Trouble. It makes me madder than Hades to think about what That Bastard did to those five little Muggle kids. And just because he could; which in this case, is a Rotten Reason to do anything. Strung them up by their wrists, he did, and enacted a general Frost Charm around the area to make it colder so they froze to death during the night. Their bodies were found the next morning, as blue as rather large icicles hanging from an eave.

Merlin!

I am basically Peaceful. Basically Calm. But when an act like this occurs, I want to Knock Some Heads Together and Make All Sorts Of Noise.

Why does this have to happen?

Why?

I don't think it Needs to happen.

I believe The Wizarding World got on just fine before any Dark Lords or Ladies came along. True, we have always had a history of them. Let no one say that I am unaware of who Grindewald or Morgana Le Fey is; but Evil is just sometimes not worth it.

We At Hogwarts generally try to all lead the best lives we can by not thinking about heavy stuff too much. We are children. We are allowed to have a childhood. The War is always hanging over our heads making us nervous, so it is impossible to ignore; but of course that doesn't stop us from trying. We would all like to forget. We would all like to go back to a time Before The Fear Came About. But we can't. And so we cope the best we can. I am only sixteen. My parents still pay all my bills. As a pampered youth, I'm ill-equipped to deal with being an adult.

"Are you going to finish your sausage?"

Off course, The Mundane creeps in (like it always will). I have to be Thankful that Mundane Things still exist and are Allowed To Creep Into my life. Without them, I think we would all be quite, quite lost. Which is why I am handing over my sausages to Lucille right now, and which is why I am smiling ruefully. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Camilla's wink. Camilla and I are of the opinion that Lucille could use some fattening up anyway.

"Yes, here you are. Take them. Take them."

"Thank you, dear!"

I stared at Lucille oddly, wondering where this endearment had come from. "Are you feeling alright?" I said. "You usually call me a daft cow. Lupin hasn't done anything disgusting to you, has he? I've heard from Black that his nickname is 'Moony.' That sounds more than a bit insidious. Why do you think he has it? Has he done anything nasty to your arse recently that we should be made aware of?"

"Nothing that you should be made aware of, no," said Lucille, between bites of her Fabulous New Sausage.

On second thought: "Fabulous New Sausage" does not look so good on paper, now that I have re-read at it; Ah, no matter. It's easily erased.

Thirty seconds of Contemplation later. "Pardon?" I asked, noticing that everyone—everyone being M.F.R.G.—was staring at me. "Sorry, but I had to check on something."

"Why do you write in that all the time?" Tamara asked with interest.

Lucille answered for me. "Don't bother," she said negligently. "It's of no use. The book's part of her. She's had one in front of her every day of her life."

"That's not entirely accurate," I responded. "I didn't know how to write when I was two years old."

"But you did when you were three?" Lucille sneered.

I nodded, like Didn't It Have To Be Obvious That Was The Case? "Of course! My parents had me reading the paper when I was still being taught how to go in the toilet. Sometimes I would practice both simultaneously."

"Read? You were able to read when you were being toilet-trained? I don't believe it."

"Well, believe it!" I said. "Because it is true."

"It can't be," said Lucille. "It's impossible!"

"How do you know?"

Lucille leaned forward over The Table. "I know, becau—."

Camilla felt that it was time to intervene. Why she wasn't used to Lucille's and my bickering by now, after five years, I do not know. "Ladies! Ladies!" Lucille and I reluctantly turned away from our Staring Contest. "No yelling over breakfast, please!"

"Does that mean we get to yell over Supper?" I asked curiously.

"We'll see."

Outside The Great Hall.

Just like Last Friday—just like the previous two days actually—, Black met me on my way to class directly after Breakfast. This time it was a Wednesday. I had History of Magic again, and—like always—was running late, because I Woke Up Late and Am Not A Morning Person.

Black had taken to "escorting" me to most of my classes. Sans Potter, Lupin The Pervert, and Pettigrew, Black was free to annoy me without a buffer. Why Black is doing this, I have yet to figure out, but trust that in time I will.

For the most part, I think of Black as a Nuisance. Child needs to be squashed.

I would be more than happy to squash him, if it were not for the fact that, in my mind, I still retain the Possibility that Black's recent change in behavior may be genuine.

Who Knows?

(Edit: I certainly do not!)

Perhaps all Black needed to reform was a constant nagging presence to show him how regular people carried on. Of course, in my Heart Of Hearts, I do not believe this anymore than you do, but oh how I want to (oh, how I want to).

It sounds absurd, but from what Professor McGonagall has been telling me throughout the past week, Black has improved in his studies. Professor Binns administered a test on Monday, covering all the notes Black and I recently finished going over and Black received an Acceptable.

Now generally, if it were I who had received such a grade, I would probably have thrown a tantrum and thought of hanging myself (What's more, proving McGonagall right! I am Unbalanced!), but since Black was the recipient, Monday was a happy day.

Due to Black's Progress, McGonagall, in her Infinite Wisdom, has decided that it is alright now to leave the supervision of Black's tutoring solely to me. As a result, Black and I have so far had One McGonagall-Free Tutoring Session; this was yesterday. In a bid to ingratiate himself further in my esteem—you all know what I say to that!—, Black has been…

How to Describe.

Alright, here: Not A Model Pupil exactly—anything so much as that would set off Red Flags right away—but certainly Calmer and More Sincere in his desire to learn than he has been in the past.

All these recent events combined have caused me to at turns run Hot and Cold.

I want to be At Ease. I want to.

But for the most part, I am finding it is too damn difficult. Years' worth of bullying and sneering indifference on Black's part, and on the parts of others, has taught me to be Extremely Vigilant in the giving out of my trust. I won't do it for just anyone. And I certainly do not want to do it for Sirius Black.

"Raisin. Happy to see you! How are you doing?"

"I am fine, Black. What can I do for you this morning? Are you yet aware that as it's Wednesday, we have Officially been attending classes for a week and a half?"

Black nodded.

"Therefore," I said. "I doubt I need your guidance to get to class on time this morning. On the contrary I am aware of the routes I need to take, and am fully confident I will be able to find my way on time without a minder."

"Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn." This certainly put me on my guard straight away since Black almost never referred to me by my given name. Black sighed, probably sensing this. "Can I not just want your sweet company? Soak up the limelight of your intelligence? Does it always have to be that I Want Something?"

"Yes," I said. "You have your own limelight. It's big, and you don't need mine. Also, I doubt it has anything to do with a desire for intelligence. You place people around you in the order that they are dumbest."

"Raisin! You wound me deeply! And my friends! They are very worthy and smart individuals! Couldn't ask for better, actually."

"I suppose I should rephrase," I said. "I wasn't talking about your friends."

"Who were you talking about?" wondered Black.

"The girls you hang out with. But, if I have to tell you that…" I shook my head. "Sad. Sad, sad, sad!"

"All this time I thought you wanted what was best for your pupil, and here you are making fun of me!" Black said. "Not done, Raisin!"

"I do want what's best for you," I felt compelled by some Inner Truthful Force to say. At Black's grin, I added, "Intellectually."

"Awww."

"Listen, Black, Professor Binns's classroom is just around that corner. Contrary to Popular Belief, he does notice when a student is absent or late from his class—."

"Not always. At least with me he doesn't. But I bet with you, Raisin, it is different! Binns probably pants for you to come in the room every time he knows he has you in his grasp for class."

"He's a ghost, Black. He can't grab onto anything. He's incorpor—."

"Incorporeal!" exclaimed Black with Great Enthusiasm, interrupting me. "See, before you, Raisin, I didn't know what that word meant! Now you've got me looking through Remus's Muggle Dix-Canary. I'm learning all kinds of words!"

"It's Diction-Ary," I corrected—though my lips were in danger of twitching into a smile. That was the jeopardy of being around Black right there. "You've heard of the word, 'diction,' yes?"

Black nodded. "Of course."

"Well, did you just think it was funnier to mess it up?"

"No," Black replied, now sounding a tad grumpy that I wouldn't play along and Become Adoring (I think he should get used to it).

"Well, okay," I said. Silence, and then: "Here we are!" I declared, stopping in front of The History of Magic Classroom. I thanked Merlin that the door was closed and therefore no one inside could see Black and I standing staring at one another. "Or, here I am," I revised. "You need to go."

Black surprised The Stink Out Of Me by bending down to give me a quick hug. I felt the blood rush to my face in a firestorm. "Say 'hi' to Binnsy for me, okay?"

Black released me and Literally Skipped Away.

I blinked through my haze. "What just happened?"

"See you at Lunch!" he called cheerfully.

"What? What? Oh, Merlin."

The Great Hall.

Back again for Lunch. I have Ancient Runes right after I can bring myself to move away from The Food. All of it smells so nice, so I don't if I'll be able to.

The Thing—I cannot think of it as an actual hug, more like a pat—from Black is still wearing on me. I don't know what to make of it so my appetite has decided to take care of the problem for me and growl like a Feral Bobcat In The Presence Of Cod. I am more hungry than I can ever remember being in my life.

One thing about a Tea-Diet that is Not Good is that after the initial Warm Belly Feeling you get when you feel that hot tea sliding down your esophagus and into your stomach, everything afterward feels a little more hollow and sore. It is a shame to start eating now, when I was doing so well, but everything looks too delicious to pass up. Or it would if I was alone in my dorm room, sitting on my bed with my curtains tugged closed for extra privacy, with this feast of food laid out before me. Without the comfort of a Private Binge, however, I am left with just staring at everything longingly, imagining the sunburst of flavor that first lovely bite would cause on my tongue.

My Will To Not Eat is strong enough right now to actually subdue my hunger pangs.

Imagine! Wouldn't mum be proud? I am only allowing myself tea!

Intellectually, I know you cannot survive off of Just Tea.

It is so goddamned hard to apply this reasoning however when you finally like how your body is starting to look.

Key Points:

#1: I actually have a waist!

My boobs are getting smaller, sure, and that may be a bad thing come later, but for now, I like that I am starting to look more like a Girl and less like a Lumpy Roll Of Clay. I am not as Rotund as Mara Dice for instance (and Thank Merlin never will be) but stand me next to a twig like Camilla Jones, and I look like I swallowed earth in comparison.

It has only been two weeks, but Progress shows. I am developing what one would call an hour-glass figure, and It Is Fantastic.

I still have a ways to go but it would be nice to be able to not have clothes tent out on me like a triangle. Part of that is my mother's fault for blessing me with large breasts and shoulders, but the other blame rests with me; in the past I seemed to like food too much to stop eating it.

That is the crux of The Issue now: I do not want to stop eating. Food, like books, is lovely, lovely, lovely, and like books as well, food lets me survive. Only, probably more so, because of nutrients and things.

But Vanity is Edging Its Way into this Competition, and I think I am curious enough to continue on my track and see how Things Play Out.

#2: My General Demeanor Is More Energetic.

At times Happier. At times wanting to Kill Other People Slowly, the caffeine in my green tea is making me more alive and awake than I have felt in a long time. Alive and awake are Good Things when it is taken into consideration that I have to attend and participate in my classes.

Another major point in favor for the tea-dieting revolution is that Black is starting to look at me different. Nothing is official yet; Black hasn't said anything up front—and I don't think he will, because it may just be that I make him constipated—but ever since last Friday, every time I see him, Black's mouth pulls down at the corners, and his forehead furrows, and he stares at me.

I have decided that this staring thing hasn't gotten annoying and it never will, because Black only stares at girls he finds attractive. Ergo, I am thinking, I must be attractive to Sirius Black.

Ergo, I am on the make!

Success!

Now only to not let on that I know things between me and the male population of Hogwarts have changed.

I mean, I am sure they have.

#1: Black is looking at me right now with his mouth hanging open over his sandwich. I am sure he is thinking something naughty about our next unsupervised tutoring session. He must be. Nothing will come of it, of course, but He Must Be. His eyes are glazed and his stupid friend Potter is smacking him over the neck blatantly trying to steal his attention away. Things have got to have changed.

Obviously it was inevitable. Black Couldn't Stay Away.

#2: Truth: Every female in my family is a knock-out, and it was past due for me to start looking good as well. I think, for the moment, that is all I will say on that.

"Evie," Camilla whined, trying to bring my head up, "please stop writing!"

"I'm in the midst of a breakthrough," I declared poetically. "Stop talking."

"Only if you stop writing," Camilla ordered, in a rare burst of spine-showing. "Now."

I kept my eyes and mind focused on Sirius Black. Merlin, was he beautiful! "I will not. In fact, I am writing our conversation down right now. For posterity, you understand."

"No, I do not understand," responded Camilla. "And why are you staring at Sirius? Wait, why is he staring at you? Are you together? Did something happen? Oh!" Camilla started to squeal, and I quelled the intense urge I had to look at her and see all the fuss.

"Stop it!" I said, though I was in fact pleased to learn that Black was staring back lucidly and not just because he was into space and I had coincidentally been in front of the area he was facing. "You are ruining everything…oh my, he's coming over, he is. Oh, yes he is!"

"What?" barked Camilla.

I watched Black swagger out of his seat—pushing Potter back down while shaking a finger at him so he would stay in place, I gathered—and collect his school things nonchalantly. How I knew Black was coming over to The Ravenclaw Table can be summed up in the General Horror I had that Black was coming over to the Ravenclaw Table. I could feel it in my bones and feel it run through my toes.

I didn't know what Black thought he was doing, but I suppose we will all soon find out. "Black is coming over!" I repeated, because Camilla was a stupid girl this afternoon and needed things to be repeated. Luckily, Lucille and Tamara were not here, otherwise I think I would be In Danger Of Being Humiliated. "Bastard's found out he can't live without me. Either that or he just wants to annoy me further. Merlin knows I need it today."

"Well!" said Camilla. "That's a new one!"

"It's been in the works for a while," I told her. "I wanted to keep it quiet, not put a label on it yet."

"What?"

"Shh!' I reprimanded. "He's coming!"

And Black was. In fact, he was standing right in front of me.

"Raisin," he greeted, apparently trying to sounding super-suave and just ending up sounding like he was making his voice go deeper.

"Black." I moved my pack away from his feet so he wouldn't end up stepping on it and crushing My Extra Potions Vials. "You threatened you would come over during Lunch. I didn't believe you. Would you like to kiss?"

"What?" said Sirius.

"Sit," I said. I mean, what? Kiss? "Would you like to sit?" What was wrong with me?

"Sure." Black sat down. He still had his book bag slung over one shoulder. I took that to mean he didn't want to get comfortable with sitting down next to Camilla and me. He shifted to look at the both us. "How's it going?" Instead of waiting for me to answer like any normal person would, Black arrogantly plowed on, "I heard something. A couple minutes ago, actually."

Camilla and I both moved closer. "What?" we asked.

"Your friend…Dawzy?"

"Sawyers," we chorused.

"Right. Sawyers. Well, I heard that she and Remus…" Black trailed off, obviously expecting us to question him further.

"Go on," I said. Camilla nodded. "She and Remus?"

"That she and Remus…are going out!" he finished. "The lucky girl finally caught him!"

Camilla and I exchanged bewildered glances. Black had come over here to impart non-confidential and completely uninteresting information? He had lost the plot.

"Is your head alright?" I asked Black in some concern. "Did someone hit you?"

"No!" Black said. "Why would someone hit me?"

"Why wouldn't someone hit you is the better question. I don't know. Why would someone decide to hit Black, Cam?"

"Maybe he couldn't remember how to pronounce his best friend's girlfriend's name," suggested Camilla. "Something like a lack of common courtesy could really offend some people."

I nodded, turning back to Black. "Yes, maybe that's it."

"Oh, stop it!" said Black. "Names are hard!"

I sighed. "Don't I know it!"

Black stared at me oddly, but evidently decided that what he had come over to say to us was more important than figuring out my sarcasm. "Now, as a concerned friend," Black went on. I snorted. "I am here to make sure that Dawson gets the message that if she ever plays Remus for the fool—."

Stung, Camilla spoke up, "It's Sawyers, you idiot, idiot boy, and why don't you go tell her yourself, then? If you're so concerned that Lucille get this message?"

"Because I know you're her best friends," answered Black, like it was Obvious. "And, sitting with Raisin here…" Black put his arm around my shoulder, and, due to a Breach In Bodily Security That Absolutely Came Out Of Nowhere, I am ashamed to say my heart rate sped up. "Of course gives me the excuse to sit with Raisin here!" Black smiled, and I finally found it in me to recoil. "When will we drop the pretense, lovey? All those missed opportunities! All those locked empty classrooms save for the two of us…"

"Oh, my God!" I said, for the second time today. "Merlin's Big Toes. What is wrong with you?"

"What?" Black asked.

I set down my tea. How dare he come and mock me? How dare he come over and insult Lucille? "And what makes you think I would have taken advantage in the first place, Black? Was it my take-me eyes? Was it my breathless voice and uncontrollable blush?"

"Yes," responded Black.

"You have a bit of something on your chin," Camilla said, getting up quickly and dragging me along with her. "Sperm. You should take care of it."

I giggled.

This was the moment, I think, when Black started glaring me. "Late night cramming Potter, hmm, Black?" I asked. "Oops! I meant cramming with him. Cramming with him. Semantics, I will never understand them. Interesting…I had no idea you could blush like that, Black. It's sexy, you shouldn't hide it!"

"Sexy," agreed Camilla.

We both walked away, cackling horribly. "See you tonight!" I called.

Maybe I am asking for something, but I actually could not wait.