The All-American Reject

Chapter 3: Trucker Hat

As Jess descended the stairs from the apartment he and Luke shared, the conversations in the diner drifted up to his ears. One particular strain caught his attention.

"What could he be? Oh, I know!" exclaimed a familiar voice. "A tomato!"

"Who's a tomato?" Jess asked as he passed through the doorway. He saw Rory and her mother sitting at the counter, a muffin in front of each of them. He leaned over the counter to give his girlfriend a kiss and then waited for Lorelai's answer.

Luke, who was glaring at the elder Gilmore, quickly growled, "No one."

Lorelai ignored his weak attempt to prevent her from responding. Instead she smiled brightly and said, "Why, Luke, of course."

With a quirk of his eyebrow, Jess asked slowly, "And why is Luke a tomato?"

"Since you asked so politely, Jess, your uncle is a tomato because he turns a lovely shade of red when angry and, when something is bothering him, he lashes out, sort of like he's throwing a tomato. Example: he pushed you in the lake," Lorelai explained.

Jess nodded seriously. "Logical."

She gave a little half-shrug. "I thought so."

Snapping his head to the side to face his nephew, Luke demanded, "Why are you encouraging her? You know almost everything she says is complete nonsense." He took a deep breath before turning to Rory. "You're supposed to be the sane one. You can stop her."

Rory was silent a moment before swiveling in her seat to face her mother. Opening her mouth, she said, "Mom, Luke's right. I don't think we should call him a tomato anymore." ("Thank you!" muttered Luke.) She continued, "We've already decided Taylor's a tomato, remember? Luke needs to be some other kind of food."

Luke groaned and left to take Kirk's order. Jess leaned his elbows on the counter, leaving smudge marks.

Lorelai grinned at her daughter, "You had me worried there for a moment, fruit of my loins. Oh! I know what Luke can be – a potato!" She clapped her hands excitedly.

Rory looked at her oddly. "Firstly, please stop calling me that. Secondly, why a potato?"

"Firstly, no. Secondly, because potato rhymes with tomato," Lorelai explained as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"So what?"

"Well they sound similar, so they must have some kind of relationship." Lorelai searched her memory. "Don't you remember that show, Ken and Ken or Pat and Pat? Those guys had similar names and they were close."

Rory shook her head. "One, that makes no sense. Two, I have no idea what you're talking about. And three, those guys seem to have the same name."

"I told you the, the show. The one with the guys and the house…" Lorelai trailed off, clearly at a loss for a more detailed description.

"I think she's talking about Pete and Pete, two brothers with the same first name. Or maybe she's thinking of Keenan and Kel, but they were best friends. Both shows were on Nickelodeon," Jess said.

Both women merely looked at him. "What? I was nine once." He continued conversationally, "So why are you guys declaring people to be vegetable in the first place?"

"We were in Dosey's," Rory began, "when we saw a box of Gushers. Do you remember those commercials for them where people would eat one and then their head would turn into a watermelon or something?"

At Jess's nod, Lorelai continued the story, "So we got to thinking, what if everybody ate a Gusher of themselves? What food would they turn into? We decided Miss Patty would be a strawberry and Morrie a cool cucumber. Then Rory thought a tomato should be anger. But we saw Taylor at the cash register, and, well, he just looks like a tomato."

Jess smirked. "True. So what did you decide for me?"

Rory gave him a sweet smile. "You're an eggplant."

Jess blinked. "What?"

His girlfriend nodded. "Yep, an eggplant. It was my idea," she said when Jess shot Lorelai a suspicious look. "I have two reasons. One is that almost everybody hates eggplants. Some people even curse eggplants, or try to stay as far away as possible. Wait for it," she said sternly at the disbelieving look on Jess's face.

"However, eggplant does have its fans. I personally think it's great. Luke cares for it, though he would never admit it. Even Mom likes it."

Lorelai interrupted, "Actually, I'm just getting used to it. And I think Patty would be a big, pinching fan of eggplant if eggplant hadn't raided her strawberry patch the first month it was here."

"Lucky vegetable," Jess said in a monotone. "And your second reason?"

Rory shrugged. "There's always something dark on you. It's the darkest fruit/vegetable I could think of other than avocado. And, trust me, you are not an avocado, my friend."

Jess looked down at his outfit. "I'm wearing a khaki shirt and blue jeans!" he said incredulously.

"Yes, but you have black hair," Rory explained, pointing.

"So I should go blond?"

Rory tilted her head to the side. "In the words of Elle Woods, I don't think you could handle it. Besides, I already told you bout my feelings about eggplant. Well, in the particular theoretical situation. I actually hate eggplant; it's disgusting."

Jess chuckled softly. He began to talk quietly to Rory. Lorelai, bored from being relatively silent for so long, turned in her stool to observe the diner. She spotted Luke arguing fervently with Taylor, although in hushed tones.

Suddenly, Luke roared, "Taylor, no! Get out!" And with a great deal more energy than was strictly necessary, Luke, still yelling, pushed Taylor, still arguing, out of the diner. As soon as the town selectman was out the door, Luke slammed it shut, its belling dinging helplessly.

Lorelai turned to the two young people near her. Grinning, she suggested, "Taylor may have dibs on being a tomato, but I think Luke has the soul of a toh-mah-toe."

Jess left his history classroom, crumpling up the note his academic advisor had sent him, requesting a short meeting after school to discuss his academic standing.

Jess tossed the small ball of paper into a trash can as he passed it. There was no chance of his showing up. It had been a long, boring day, filled with long, boring lectures that he ignored as he improved his artistic ability. Rory had told him often enough that if he would only focus, he'd be able to put his creativity to good use. He thought art might be the answer; that outline of a body he had made outside the market had been pretty talented, even if he did say so himself.

Anyway, it was Friday and school was over. He had no clubs or anything to deal with, only plans to meet up with Rory outside the school in ten minutes. Besides, he'd actually gone to class all week. Well, Tuesday he had cut out after third period, but what did that matter? He already knew everything they were trying to teach him.

And he didn't care about his academic standing. So what if he cut half his classes? He always aced the tests. Teaches were always entreating him to "apply" himself, but he had better thing to do. If he actually cared, he could probably have been valedictorian. He learned the concepts in a fraction of the time it took for the other students. Well, that wasn't hard to believe. The school was filled with baboons like Dean.

Stepping down the steps of Stars Hollow High School, Jess paused. Speak of the idiot, he thought.

Jess glowered as he saw Dean talking to Rory. She was sitting on a bench, a book shut on her lap. She was also smiling at whatever Dean was saying. When she saw Jess on the steps, she got up, waved a farewell to Dean, and walked quickly towards him.

By the time he had finished his descent, Rory was at his side. "Hey," she greeted cheerfully.

He did not say anything but instead pulled her into a deep kiss. She eagerly responded.

When they broke apart, Rory, slightly out of breath, asked, "What was that for?"

Jess shrugged and swung his arm easily over her shoulders and began to lead her to the diner. She comfortably leaned into him. Out of the corned of his eyes, Jess saw Dean glaring from near the bench.

Jess smirked but said nothing. Rory did not notice. He asked, "What were you reading?"

"They Cage the Animals at Night," she answered, holding up her book. "For the twelfth time. It always makes me happy, sad, and relieved that I've never been in an orphanage or foster care."

As Jess hadn't read the book, he said nothing. Instead he steered her across the street. When they were at the steps that led to the diner, Kirk opened the door to leave Luke's.

"Hi, Kirk," greeted Rory.

"Rory," he nodded. He then turned to Jess. "Jess, you slightly terrify me and I may break out is hives soon for doing this, but I wanted to let you know that you put your hair to good use. It's not floppy. You style it so you don't appear as short as you actually are. You even look taller than Rory. I myself have tried a similar look, but Mother said that because of my delicate bone structure it made me look peaked."

Rory fought the giggles that were ready to escape her. She dared not look at Jess, knowing that his expression would ruin all her efforts. She managed to reply to Kirk, "I believe it's pronounced pea-ked."

He nodded his thanks and turned back to Jess. "If you want to stop by the hair shop during one of my shifts, I can recommend a gel with the most bounce potential."

As he walked away, Jess recovered a bit and yelled at his retreating back, "I'm not short!"

When Kirk was out of hearing distance, Rory surrendered to her laughter. When she calmed down a bit (although she didn't stop smiling), she grabbed the still glaring Jess by the hand and dragged him into the diner. "Come on, shorty," she chuckled.

"I am not short," he protested. "Five-nine is not short. Five-eight and three-quarters is not short either. It's average. It's not tall, not short. Average."

Rory didn't say anything at the moment. She slipped off her jacket and allowed him to stew for a minute before asking, "What are you doing tonight?"

He broke away from his thoughts and sighed. "I'm working 'til ten."

"Oh," she pouted. "I wanted you to come with me to Hartford to watch Lane's band."

"Sorry," he said. "Where does Mrs. Kim think Lane is going to be?"

"In Hartford." He raised his eyebrows and she continued, "With me, watching a play about the Last Supper by the Hartford Community Theater. Apparently my soul needs saving so Mrs. Kim gave her hearty consent."

Jess chuckled. Although he had yet to admit it, he actually liked Lane. He would never expect such a small girl to have so much pluck or deceit in her. He also hadn't thought that after being raised in such a conservative household, she'd have such good taste in music.

"Clearly you do. You're dating the devil according to the good inhabitants of Stars Hollow," he stated.

"You're not the devil, just his second cousin once removed," she consoled him.

They both lapsed into silence as Luke placed a plate of fries in front of them.

After a few moments, Jess broke the quiet, saying "You know, not everybody can be a giant like that beanpole ex of yours."

Rory frowned. "You're still upset about that? You're not short, you're average. I thought we already established that. Babette is short, you're not. And don't call Dean that," she scolded.

Jess mulishly asked, "Why was he talking to you earlier?"

"After school? He was apologizing for the seventeen hundredth time for his behavior at that dance three months ago. And he asked if we could be friends."

"Let me guess, you said yes," he sneered.

"Jess, stop it. Yes, I said yes. Just to being friends. I miss talking to him, but I don't miss dating him. I chose you," she said firmly. She stood up and put her coat on. "I've got to go get ready for the salvation of my soul. See you."

She leaned in to give him a kiss then left the diner. Jess picked at the remaining fries moodily before pushing the plate away from him and stalking up the stairs to the apartment. He really needed some loud music right now.

Later that night, Jess dragged a large bag filled with trash and threw it into the dumpster behind the diner. When he turned to go back in, he ran into Dean. He narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything and headed towards the door.

However, he stopped when he heard Dean call, "She's too good for you. You don't deserve her."

He didn't bother to pretend he didn't know who 'she' was. "Maybe she is, but I deserve her a hell of a lot more than you do."

Dean scoffed. "Oh, yeah? How do you figure?"

Jess turned around, looked him in they eye and said simply, "You let her go, you idiot."

Jess took advantage of Dean's dumbfounded state to walk to the diner. However, before he had walked two steps, the taller boy grabbed hold of the sleeve of his jacket, pulled him back, and slammed him against the wall. He then straightened himself to his full height and scowled down at Jess.

Jess sighed, "You know, Beano, that whole glaring and towering over me will only get you so far."

Dean ignored him. "So I made a mistake. I'll get her back. We're friends now, did you know? I'll take her away from you, just like you took her away from me."

Jess smirked. "Resorting to my ways, huh? You must be desperate. Anyway, I'm not worried if you're 'friends.' You're forgetting one thing. She's already been with you. She knows what she's missing – nothing."

At that, Dean raised his fist, ready to punch. Jess's eyebrows rose and he asked, "Is the first thing you want to do after Rory agreed to being friends with you less than twelve hours ago is hit her boyfriend?"

Dean paused for a moment and gave Jess a chance to slip away. He glanced back and saw Dean staring intently at the brick wall. In a flash, he had grunted and kicked it forcefully before walking away. Jess smirked again before he returned to the diner.

Soundtrack: Trucker Hat by Bowling for Soup; Hey Leonardo by Blessid Union of Souls; I'm Gonna Be by The Proclaimers; Just the Girl by The Click Five; Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield

References: Pete and Pete; Keenan and Kel; Nickelodeon; Gushers; Legally Blonde; They Cage the Animals at Night (awesome book, I highly recommend it); The Office (the only one not explicitly stated; who picked up on it?); and Beano.

A note on references: The story takes place at the time when the show was on TV, but I can't be bothered to work out when things took place. So if something is chronologically amiss (such as my The Office allusion), please just go with it.

Author's Note:

Hey everybody, thanks for the reviews! I hope you all had a great summer. I actually finished this chapter back in July but haven't had the chance to type it up. Sorry about that. There are a few things I wanted to ask you about.

First, this is the first chapter that I wrote specifically for Gilmore Girls. Do the characters seem somewhat in-character.

Two (related to the first): the first scene was a bit random. I though of it because in one of other stories I wanted to describe a character's face and I wanted to use the word "carrot," but I didn't because I felt it would not fit in with that story. But I thought with GG I might be able to get away with some strange things. Did it work, or was it too weird?

Three: Do you guys have any song suggestions? I have several chapter titles picked already but I need more for my soundtrack, haha. Keep in mind that I will be using scenes from the show soon and will be using every episode with Jess in it from at least "Keg! Max!" The basic story line will be the same but with changes where I want them.

Thanks for all your help and please review!