The Making of a Woman
(loss of innocence)
Staring at the reflection in the mirror, Salene ran a finger through her dark brunette hair and sighed. The eyes stared back from the face in the mirror, lifeless and un eager for the day ahead, the mouth permanently dipping at the edges, shoulders sagging. She leaned forward, her elbow on the dresser top, her chin in her upturned hand.
Her mother's voice called from below, anxious to see her off for her first day of school. Sighing, she stood, picking up the regulation school cardigan and pulled it over her shoulders, grabbing her school bag from the hook on her bedroom door before she appeared in the hall.
"Salene," called her mother from the base of the stairs before she muttered loudly. "Oh where is that girl? Salene"
"I'm here mom, I'm coming," she said, pulling her cardigan on properly.
Her mother rolled her eyes as she came slowly down the stairs, un-enthusiastic of the day ahead.
"Salene, today is you're first day of school, do you want to be late?" asked her mother, pushing her towards the front door. "That wouldn't be the best impression to give, you're sister was never late, especially in high school. These are the important years of your education, you need to keep you're head in the books and out of the clouds."
"Yes mom," Salene rolled her eyes as she was propelled out of the front door.
"Now have a good day, make a good first impression, and remember to come straight home afterwards. No hanging about, the Patterson's are expecting you over."
Salene was already heading out of the front gate when the front door closed swiftly. She started her walk along to the end of the road where the school bus would be collecting her.
"Hi Salene," said a voice beside her.
"Hi Patsy, looking forward to your first day?"
"Yeah I guess, it's a little scary going to the same school as the big kids now, but its only junior high. You must be really excited, you're in high school now."
"Yeah Patsy, I'm real excited," replied Salene, trying to sound cheerful. Truthfully, she hated school although she did well in her classes. But she was plain beside the other girls and however hard she tried, she brought in average grades according to her mother and could never live up to the standards her sister had set before her. Her sister was the pretty one, the brainy one, the popular one. Salene was average and plain in comparison. School only helped to accentuate that fact.
Patsy Patterson and her younger brother Paul had lived by the Lincoln's ever since she could remember. Salene, the younger of the two Lincoln sisters had been their babysitter for years and she'd been a good friend. Patsy was nervous for her first day of junior high and was glad Salene was at hand to at least accompany her to school. She knew a few people from her neighbourhood who were going, but it didn't make the first day any easier. It was ok for Paul; he went to a school for the Deaf and didn't have to make new friends this year. For him it was business as usual. He'd already left for school with their mother five minutes earlier.
The few weeks previous, in the lead up from long summer days where you could relax and not worry about school and homework, Patsy had inundated Salene with questions about what junior high would bring. Salene had assured her the nightmarish school yarns of 'beatings' from the older kids to the youngest weren't true and that most of the time she'd find the older kids ignored the younger kids.
Usually Patsy felt confident and self assured, but when she'd awoke this morning, her stomach was filled with butterflies and they'd not calmed down at all throughout the short morning of breakfast and dressing in uniform. That was another thing Paul got out of, he didn't have to wear a uniform and was free to wear what he wanted. He'd been making fun of Patsy all morning because of her uniform and hadn't done anything to calm her nerves. She knew he was never malicious or nasty when he made fun, but on her first day, she could have done without it.
As they reached the corner where the school bus would collect them, joining the small crowd of neighbourhood kids who had gathered, Patsy passed a glanced around for any familiar faces as the school bus drew up to the curb.
Salene dropped her school bag gratefully to the floor and breathed a sigh of relief. First year of high school over, only a few more to go and she'd be free from all of it. Summer was a welcome relief, three months of nothing to do. No early mornings, no hours of homework, no relentless endless nights of cramming for exams.
"Oh so you decided to come home eventually I see," said her mother, looking down the hallway from the kitchen.
Sighing Salene picked her bag up and started heading upstairs to her room, she'd told her mother that she wouldn't be returning home straight from school but as always, her mother found a reason to berate her about anything and everything.
"I told the Patterson's you'd be around by six," her mother called up to her.
"I'm not going to the Patterson's tonight remember, I'm going to Claire's for a the party," replied Salene, it was another thing she'd told her mother about, weeks ago, and repeatedly reminded her over the weeks.
"Well Claire's party will have to wait will just have to be missed, I promised them you'd go," said her mother in a stern voice.
"Fine I'll call them and let them know I already have plans," replied Salene, it had been ages since she or her friends had had a good party and chill out. The party was a celebration of getting through another years of school.
"You will do no such thing."
Her mother had moved to the base of the stairs and looked up at her with a 'don't cross me' stare.
"But I've planned to go-."
"I don't care, there's a reason Bette wants you there tonight. The children are unaware as yet, but their father was taken into hospital this afternoon. The doctors are unsure what is wrong, but Bette wants to be at the hospital when test results come in, and seeing as I'm working tonight, you're the one it falls to."
Salene would have retorted and fought this argument out, but on hearing Mr Patterson was unwell she relented a little. Perhaps everything would turn out all right, Mrs Patterson would return home early, and she'd make it for a few hours to the party.
"But Salene's supposed to be going to a party tonight, she was talking to her friends all the way home on the school bus about it." said Patsy as her mother told her that Salene would be looking after herself and Paul that evening.
"Well her mother assured me Salene could come and watch you for a little while."
"But she was looking forward to it," said Patsy, feeling a little dejected for her friend at having to give up her evening. "Anyways, you don't work tonight and neither does dad, so why do we need a sitter?"
"You're father got caught up with work this afternoon and has had quite a stressful long day so I suggested we went out for a meal and let him relax away from home for a few hours."
Patsy gave her mother a cynical look and exchanged a glance with her brother. Neither of them believed the story, but also couldn't figure out where else their mother could be going. She certainly wasn't dressed for an evening meal out with their father. The doorbell rang before it opened and Salene let herself in.
"Hello?" she called out softly.
"Ah Salene, thank you so much for coming over," smiled Bette Patterson walking into the hall and leaving Paul and Patsy to sigh and shrug their shoulders. Grown ups always found something to hide from younger ones, even their own children. Picking up her handbag, Bette stood by the front door as Salene hung up her jacket.
"I'm sorry Salene for dropping you in it like this, Patsy just told me you'd planned on going out for the evening," she said, feeling guilty at having spilt her plans.
"Don't worry about it Mrs Patterson, under the circumstances I can't complain can I?" said Salene in a soft voice. "I just hope everything turns out ok."
"Oh it will I'm sure, but I just, well, I-."
"Don't worry about it. We'll be fine, stay as long as you have to," Salene assured her as she helped her into her coat and Bette stepped out into the front porch.
"Well the children don't know anything, but if I have to stay longer I suppose we may have no choice but to break the news. We'll see how it goes, I'll call from the hospital," whispered Bette before going down the porch steps to the drive. "Bye Salene, and thanks again."
Mr Patterson didn't return from the hospital. Within a few months the virus had spread beyond anyone's expectations, and most of the adults had feel prey to it. Evacuations we're being made in the area for all the children. Most were being sent to the country where the effects of the virus weren't as bad, yet.
"I don't want to go," cried Patsy, holding onto Salene's hand tightly, as they sat in her back garden. Salene didn't want her to leave either, but Mrs Patterson was getting weaker everyday and like most adults, was confined to her bed. There was little anyone could do, even doctors and nurses were scarce and so it was left to the older teenagers to stay and look after their parents as younger children were sent away. "I want to stay here with you."
"Ok Patsy, its ok," said Salene, she was tired. She was looking after her mother and Bette together, flitting from one house to another. Patsy and Paul in tow. Bette wanted to sign the papers to evacuate Paul and Patsy to the country, but Patsy had cried, screamed, begged to stay and Paul wouldn't and couldn't leave without her. "I'll talk to you're mom, I'll tell her you can stay with me, both you and Paul, we will get through this ok."
The little girl clung to her, sobbing tears into her shoulder.
"You promise, we can stay here with you?" mumbled Patsy between sobs.
"Yes, I'll talk to Bette. You have to promise me, you'll help out a little. We can all make this work, you to Paul."
Paul, who'd been watching the whole conversation solemnly from another sun seat nodded his head in agreement.
Salene had spoken to Bette later that day and Bette had reluctantly agreed. She didn't want her children to see her in the state she was in, but sending them away as she slowly ebbed away was also a heart rending thought. She wanted her last days to be full of memories of her children. As the weeks progressed and both women grew sicker, Bette was moved into Salene's house, along with the two children. A nurse or doctor, whichever could be spared, paid visits twice a week to the house, but like the rest of the neighbourhoods and sectors, not much could be done but keep people comfortable. The hospitals were full and not a day passed by Salene didn't see hearses drive along one street or another carrying coffins.
She tried to make life as easy and normal as possible under the circumstances for herself, Patsy and Paul. It wasn't easy but they all tried hard and fell into routine. Salene had given up on school, nursing her mother and Bette became a full time role.
"But Salene, why do I have to go to school? You're not going, Paul isn't going, why do I have to go?"
"Because Patsy, the school is still open, it lets you get out of the house for a while too, we all need a little reprieve now and then. Paul can't go to school, you know that his school closed down last week due to insufficient staff, it isn't fair he has to mope around here anymore than it is for you to go, but that's all part of life."
"But Sal," whined Patsy.
"Please Patsy, for me, please," asked Salene softly, honestly the less Patsy or Paul could be around the house lately the better. The two women upstairs were getting worse and it wasn't good for the kids to be around that. Salene hadn't seen any solution for Paul at the moment but she'd think of something. She'd been tempted to phone to the school and ask if he could merely attend with Patsy and sit in classes, work through some books. But the school had a host of problems, without adding to them; so she'd kept quiet about the idea and instead kept Paul occupied with chores or set him some work herself.
"Ok, I'll go, but Sal, there's less and less to do there. There aren't enough teachers anymoreand most of the kids are being evacuated, there are less and less people there everyday."
"Alright Patsy, just for a few more days sweetie. I doubt school will be in session much longer anyway. But like I said, it's for your own benefit, you need a break. You and Paul are such good help around the house, but you really do need time away. Listen, the nurse should be here this evening, so we'll go to the park afterwards, you, Paul and me. We'll take a picnic and have some fun, ok"
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Ok."
"Great, now go help Paul prepare some breakfast for yourselves, while I check on mom and Bette."
Salene started up the stairs tiredly. She'd been up most of the night watching the two bedsides and was feeling tired, her body ached. As she reached the top landing, the phone rang shrilly and she hurried into her room to pick up her receiver.
"Hello?" she asked quietly.
"Hello, is that the Lincoln residence?" said a male voice.
"Yes that's correct," replied Salene.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news, Mrs Lincoln."
"This isn't Mrs Lincoln, this is her daughter."
"Could I speak to Mrs Lincoln?"
"My mother is very sick," replied Salene, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Please, what is it? Who is this?"
"Can I ask you you're name?" asked the voice.
"Salene," she replied.
"Hello Salene, this is Dr Jessop's, I work in Meadowfield hospital."
Salene didn't need to hear the rest; she knew why he was calling. She should have known on his announcement of bearing bad news. There was only one reason why he'd be calling. There was only one person missing from this family unit and only one person she knew who worked at Meadowfield hospital. Deep down she'd wondered if her sister would be susceptible to the virus, but obviously even those in their mid twenties weren't going to escape the infection.
"Salene, hello, did you hear me?"
"Yes Dr Jessop's, thank you for calling and letting us know. I'll inform my mother, I appreciate the call, thank you."
Salene replaced the receiver with a heavy hand and suddenly felt very weak. She felt immobile, she wanted to shut the bedroom door, climb under the covers, go to sleep and hope to wake when this nightmare was over. Everything was falling down around them, everything they'd appreciated, and everything they'd taken for granted. She'd not seen her sister in years, when the virus started to spread people were restricted from travelling and Karen was a nurse, so her duty was to her patients. They'd spoken briefly, kept little contact throughout their mother's demise, they'd never been close. But Salene missed her now and wanted her. A small piece of guilt lay on her heart that her sister hadn't had family around her as she lay dying, probably in a ward full of others dying, alone and afraid.
Salene hadn't even known she was ill.
"Salene?" said Patsy quietly, walking in through the backdoor.
Salene and Paul were sitting at the breakfast bar snacking on some crisps and reading some old comics.
"Hi Patsy, how was school today?" smiled Salene, swivelling round on her chair. Patsy stood with a small child beside her, clutching a teddy bear to her chest and looking wide eyed and scared.
"This is Cloe, she's a friend from school," said Patsy a little nervously.
"Hi Cloe, come on in," said Salene invitingly. Cloe moved forward a few steps before pausing once more. "You kids want something to eat?"
Cloe eyed the crisps lying on the counter top hungrily but said nothing.
"Here, why don't you hop on up next to Paul and I'll sort us something proper to eat."
Patsy propelled Cloe further towards the counter and watched as she climbed up onto one of the high stool chairs next to Paul who gave a grin and said 'Hi'. Salene disappeared to the pantry to see what she could create from its contents. Patsy followed her in.
"Can Cloe stay?" she asked.
"What for supper?Of course," replied Salene.
"No, not just for supper, forever," replied Patsy.
Salene paused what she was doing and looked round at Patsy who was looking very serious and hopeful up at her.
"Please Salene, can she stay, she's got nowhere to go unless they evacuate her to the country and what's the point in doing that when all the adults out there are getting infected as well."
"What about her family Patsy?" asked Salene.
"She doesn't have any," said Patsy quietly, her eyes filled with tears at the thought "Her mom and dad got sick at the same time, and, and-."
"It's ok Pat's, its ok," said Salene as the girl started to cry.
Salene wrapped her arms around the younger girl as she took in a few gulps of air.
"They died at home and Cloe was there and found them and she doesn't have anyone to look after her and she came to school today and she's got nowhere else to go and I said she could come home with me."
"Alright Patsy alright, of course she can stay here with us," said Salene her head reeling at the thought of the poor girl having found her parents both dead. And now there she was sitting in her kitchen, all alone in the world. This really was a nightmarish hell they were being put through. No wonder the poor child was so quiet and looked so terrified, she was in shock most likely.
Patsy and Cloe never returned to the school. They stayed at home with Paul and spent most of their time in the garden making up games for themselves. Cloe spoke little and on occasion wandered off, so Salene made a game up with Patsy and Paul to keep an eye on her most times.
Bette was the first of the mothers to die. Salene was by her bedside throughout the night and as she grew worse, Salene grew more and more concerned. Although at the back of her mind she knew nothing could be done, first thing in the morning, as she heard the three kids get up and trundle downstairs for breakfast she grabbed a coat and followed them down.
"Patsy, I've got to go out."
"Where?"
"To see if there are any doctors in the neighbourhood, we're running out of medicine and the nurse didn't come remember. I need to se if I can get some. You're in charge until I get back. Cloe, no wandering off, just make yourselves breakfast and play quietly ok. I won't be gone long, I'm not going far."
With that Salene left the house, in hopes of finding some doctor or nurse, or some help. Right now, after the months of playing nurse, she was terrified of what was coming. She knew that the women were dying, but she refused to let it happen, she didn't want to see it happen. She had to know that she'd done everything possible before it happened.
"Where's Salene?" signed Paul to Patsy after half an hour had passed. Cloe sat in the corner reading.
"I don't know," replied Patsy.
The house seemed strangely quiet without Salene to organise something for them to do. It was unusual for Salene to just go off like that. Patsy knew she'd been up all night, she'd heard her wandering about, upstairs, downstairs, getting clean linens, towels. She was about to suggest they clean the breakfast dishes and sort something out for Salene when she heard the faint sound of a bell ringing from upstairs. They'd came up with the idea mainly so Salene wouldn't have to sit by the beds twenty four seven. The bells were on an easy pull so the two women wouldn't have to exert themselves.
Standing up, Patsy looked upwards warily as the bell ran softly once more.
"Salene didn't want us going up there," said Cloe quietly from her corner, eyeing Patsy as Patsy moved towards the door slowly.
"Salene isn't here though is she," replied Patsy. "We can't just let them wait, who knows how much longer she'll be."
"Patsy," started Cloe once more.
"Cloe, it will be ok," replied Patsy, walking slowly towards the stairs. In the last week or so, Salene had kept them out of the bedrooms where the two women stayed, because their conditions had worsened considerably.
Patsy felt nervous walking up the stairs; she didn't like seeing either her mother or Salene's in the state they were in now. But she also didn't want to leave them neglected and alone when Salene had went out for help. She knew something was wrong with one of them else Salene wouldn't have left in such a hurry that morning. Reaching the top landing she walked slowly towards the door of her mother's room when the bell rang languidly once more from Salene's mother's room. Patsy walked cautiously to it trying to steel herself for what sight she would see when she opened the door.
The door creaked softly as she opened it, the room was dim inside. The curtains drawn tightly shut to keep out the light.
"Mrs Lincoln," said Pasty quietly, approaching the bed slowly. "Are you ok?"
"Patsy," croaked Catherine Lincoln softly. "Where is Salene?"
"She's went to find a doctor, she said she needs more medicine for you and my mom. Do you need something?" asked Patsy, trying not to stare at the broken cracked sore skin of the woman lying in the bed.
"Water," sighed Catherine before taking in a deep breath.
Patsy picked up the glass of water with slightly shaking hands and held the straw between her fingers, moving it closer to the woman's lips. They opened only slightly and took a sip from the straw before pulling away. Placing the glass back on the bedside table, Patsy watched as she closed her eyes and sighed again.
"Can I get anything else for you Mrs Lincoln?" she whispered.
She didn't get a reply and stood a few more minutes before she edged towards the door. She had the sudden urge to get out of the dark room with the figure lying in discomfort on the bed. Back in the safety of the hall, Patsy pulled the door closed and breathed a sigh.
She eyed the door of her mother's room and took a breath. She would feel guilty if she had paid a visit to Salene's mother and not her own mothers. Taking a deep breath she turned the door handle and pushed the door open. Like the last room, it was dark and stuffy inside. Patsy approached the bed, where her mother lay, quiet and still.
A voice inside her told her turn and run, to get out of the room, like it had been telling her in the last one. She didn't want to see the harsh cracked out breaks on her mother's skin, where blood congealed and had dried. She didn't want to see the chapped dried lips, but there she was looking down at the frail figure of the person she'd grown up calling mother. It was the eyes, which caused Patsy to feel rooted to the spot. In years to come she would remember feeling rooted to the spot, unable to move, as if she was paralysed, numb, frozen. The eyes, which everyone had told her she'd inherited, stared lifelessly up at her. They stared into nothingness, into a black invisible void. In that moment Patsy felt part of her childhood wiped out forever, in a way a small part of her grew up and she knew the reality the virus had brought upon the world.
Salene had to help carry both bodies out of the house. With more and more adults dying out, it was left to the older kids to take on responsibility. They buried Patsy and Paul's mother on a glorious summer day in the back garden of the Henderson house. Five days later, they buried Salene's mother alongside her.
Within the next few months the struggle to survive in a strange new world started. The adults all died out and there were new rules to live by. Kids ran the streets and old world and new world collided, Tribes formed and people fought.
They had to abandon their home, there was nothing to remain there for and the neighbourhood grew more and more dangerous. The four decided to go into the city and see if a new life could be found there, they needed to find food and water. As they travelled through the sectors, learning the new rules of the streets, living on what they could find, a stray dog started following them one day. Eventually they decided to name him Bob and he became part of their small little group.
Salene tried to protect them as much as she could, but despite her best efforts, she knew deep inside she'd been so busy protecting the kids, that she hadn't protected herself. Sometimes she'd wistfully think back to the days of school, she'd hated them then, but now she'd gladly welcome the challenge of working hard for her grades and cramming for exams. Her thoughts turned to her family, and she convinced herself that had it been her sister in these situation things would have been different, her sister could have handled this all better. What did she know of surviving, she was weak, and if the Demon Dogs or the Locos ever caught up with them, who knew what would happen.
They found a private little space to call their own, and they'd managed to scrape together some food. But she knew it wouldn't be enough. Their space had swings and a slide, their own private play park and Patsy and Paul would reminisce about when they'd go for picnics in the park by the water fountain. Cloe still barely spoke, sometimes swinging for hours on the swings; teddy clutched close to her. Salene saw a broken soul inside, one who'd witnessed too much in such a short life. They'd all been forced to grow up too much to fast. Salene knew, now with the adults gone she and her generation were the oldest, most responsible people on the planet. She'd become a woman within eight months, nursing the sick, burying the dead, having dug their graves before hand. And as she watched the younger ones playing, she couldn't help but seethe adult in each of them.