Can't write review replies for the last chapter in this one. On a different and tempermental connection. I will reply to reviews in the next update.

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Do you know...how it feels...when someone you care about spends more time in the infirmary than anywhere else?

"We really need to make you a 'Home Sweet Home' sign." I muttered absently as I looked down into the peaceful face of John Sheppard. "And maybe bring you a few things to make it more...homey."

Of course, he didn't respond. I honestly, didn't expect him to. Here, holding his hand, I was allowed a rare glance at his most peaceful side. Funnily enough, it only appeared when he was asleep or unconscious. Now? He was unconscious, drugged by Carson after coming back from a mission with a blast wound to his back. He was really lucky it wasn't any worse, still, Carson did have to operate.

Why do you insist on constantly scaring the hell out of me?!

I stroked the back of his limp hand, watching the hairs compress against the smooth, tanned skin, before popping right back up. His hand was warm and soft, despite the callouses on his fingers, and it reassured me he was alive. "How many times does this make, now?" Shaking my head, I sighed and let go of his hand to wipe at my eyes. How long had I been awake, standing at his bed side? Too long. My eyes felt like lead. Still, I couldn't leave. I didn't want to leave.

"The Wraith and Genii really have it in for you." I stated with a wry look. "Why am I not surprised? This must make a good couple dozen visits by now." I raised an eyebrow. "And knowing you, you'd say I was over reacting."

His eyes were closed, a small cut above one eyebrow and a bruise on one side of his chin. His hair was still spiked, not surprising, and had little bits of dirt in it.

"Damn it John!" Shaking my head, I wanted to... I... I don't know what I wanted. I was scared, hurt, I wanted to stop him from going through the gate again. And funny enough, I had the power, but I knew it would be the wrong thing to do. We needed him, he knew that. He'd fight, I knew that. "Why can't you be more careful? I swear, I'm going to be completely grey before the year is out!"

This time it had been a blaster in the back, from an upset, hostile civilian. Why he was upset, Ronon surmised it was something to do with John being 'Kirky' with one of the cute local girls. Rodney suggested it might have been a traitor, or a spy working for the Genii. Teyla insisted it was a random attack, and there was no real reason to chose John, except that he was from another planet and seemed to be the leader of their team.

I wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out to be any of the three reasons. "Which was it, John? Attacked for flirting with a girl?" I felt my heart ache at that. "Because the guy was a spy? Or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time?" How often did that end up happening with his team?

How often have I come down here, scared out of my mind, to find John was the one with the worst injuries?

Maybe you just have bad luck?

Part of me wanted to send a second team with them, as added protection, but I wondered if John would allow that. And even if he did, what guarantee did I have that the other team wouldn't just end up decimated, anyways? Sometimes, I found it all overwhelming. So many people who's lived depended on my decisions. But, sometimes I didn't have any say.

The dangers lay in the other planets, but they also lay in space, our own home world, and on Atlantis, too.

I recalled the Iratus bug, and saw the scar John still had because of it. Running my hand over the raised bit of flesh absently, I watched as John seemed to shiver a little and bit my lip thoughtfully. "We almost lost you that day." And then with the Genii who let a Wraith feed on you. I was aware my voice sounded hoarse, and I felt tears beginning to build up in my eyes. Then, running my hand through his hair, I saw a couple gray strands and sucked in a breath. Only this time, it was because I was trying not to laugh. "Well, looks like I won't be the only one to turn gray, at least."

"I...resent that."

Jumping away from the bed, I bumped into a tray that was, luckily, empty. It rolled a little from my weight being pushed against it, but otherwise did not cause a lot of noise. I was thankful for that, it was late at night and most people were sleeping. The night staff were in the other room, and had agreed to let me stay until he either woke up, or I was exhausted.

John slowly blinked his eyes open, looking for all the world like he was wrestling himself out of a pretty good dream. "Eliz..abeth?"

The way he halted in saying my name made my heart clench in fear again. Was he really that bad? Walking carefully forward, I watched as his eyes slid over me, and forced a grin to my face. "No, John, you resemble that." I stated, feeling a little relieved he was actually awake.

Giving his infamous crooked grin, John waggled his eyebrows before wincing a little. "So, what happened?"

"You tell me. The others say you were shot, though no one really knows why."

He frowned before struggling to sit up, only to wince again. "Ouch."

"Ok, John. No moving. That's an order."

"Not comfortable." He grumbled sleepily.

I looked at him a moment and got that he wanted to roll over, probably because he was lying flat on his stomach. "You were shot in the back, John." This time my tone was softer. Taking another step forward, I hesitantly reached out and touched the back of his hand, only to have mine grabbed by it.

"In the back??" He seemed almost offended. "The guy shot me in the back?! What a coward!"

Of course you'd focus on that, of all things.

"Yeah, well... Reasons for him shooting you at all seem to suggest the guy was..."

"A coward!" he insisted with a frown, linking his fingers through mine.

I felt my face heat up and sighed.

"Sorry, for scaring you." He sounded more alert now, and worried. "You look like hell, Elizabeth."

Stop scaring me then. Stop coming home on a stretcher.

"Thanks." I muttered sarcastically. "It's good to see you too." Rolling my eyes, I hesitated a moment longer. "Are you alright?"

"Not comfortable." John repeated with a shrug and wince.

"I can get the nurse to give you something for the pain."

He shook his head. "Only hurts when I move."

"Then like I said before, don't move."

My fear makes it that I only hurt when I breathe. Do you even know what you do to us here, when you come back in such awful shape??

Grinning a little, he looked at me. "How long have you been here?" His eyes were filled with warmth and concern.

I looked away, at a clock on the wall, before slowly looking back. "A...little while." By the clock, I'd been here 8 hours since the nurses forced the rest of the team to get rest. They hadn't been injured, and argued, but in the end, left. They were actually due to return at any point, since the early roster started within the next 45 minutes.

Maybe the hitch in my voice told him something, but John's eyes narrowed. "When was the last time you ate, or slept?"

"Last night." I stated truthfully, not wanting to say that, it had been about 20 hours ago. I hadn't eaten all day, I was so focused on my work, and then this came up before I could get myself dinner.

As if on cue, my stomach rumbled loudly and I felt my face heat up as I covered it with my free hand.

John busted up laughing and winced when it must have pulled at the injury on his back. With a sigh, and sparkling amusement in his eyes, he pouted playfully at me. "Ok, you need to go get something to eat."

I gave him a look and he raised his free hand.

"No, no. Listen. This is purely selfish. If you go, you can get me something, too, right? Anything's better than infirmary food!"

Now it was my turn to laugh a little. Trust John to think like that. I knew that wasn't the real reason, but I nodded a little, reassured by his joking nature more than anything else.

Still, I can't help but wonder when I'll be here next, standing over his bed again, just as scared, if not more so, than I was today.

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Ok, so maybe 'Fear' wasn't a good label for this one. I wanted to focus on how he's always injured, and Elizabeth's thoughts on that, and her fears every time he comes back, so badly injured.

I started this very late at night, so I was dead tired. Hopefully some of that work came out half decent, I thought it wasn't bad.

Hope you like it

R+R please

Thank you

Tenshi