Hello again, my sweet readers!
THIS is the chapter I've been wanting to get up since we began. It also means that this is the last chapter you're going to see for awhile, because I haven't gotten the next half written.
Dx
Annnnnnnd I'm going to a friends house to watch the entire extended Lord of the Rings trilogy nine hours straight.
8D
Squee.
And so dear readers, I beg you to grab your tissues and teddy bear, because this is probably the most angsty chapter I've written.
Its kinda cheesy in some parts, but...
I luffs it.
=D
Love you all, and I'll be back with the ending soon, I promise!
---Monkey---
Disclaimer - judging by all my other disclaimers, you'd think people woulda figured it out by now...
Pain, ice and fire was all I could see and feel as Jadis let out a scream of rage, and I stabbed myself below the heart.
'Traitor!' She shrieked as I blindly crashed to the solid ground, trying hard not to scream in absolute pain. I writhed in agony as she began to bring her vengeance down on me, even as I lay dying, but I almost gladly accepted it.
Peter was still safe, still not dead, and that's all I could have asked for.
The sword was extracted from my body and I barked in pain, finding it extremely difficult to breathe. Darkness began pressing in on me from all sides, I couldn't see, couldn't draw breath--
'I warned you,' Jadis snarled, sending a shock of excruciating pain through my veins, nearly causing me to cry aloud. 'I told you I'd make sure of your death. I told you, didn't I?'
She looked out of her mind with anger. She probably was.
---
The sickening, slicing sound of a weapon punching through mail, skin and bone, a pain-ridden exhale of absolute agony, and I whipped up my head just in time to see my brother fall, taken down by his own sword.
I was screaming, I know I was, and I immediately jumped forward to catch him before he hit the stone. Blind panic was the only thing I knew as shouts and chaos erupted behind me. I gingerly laid a hand on the hilt of the sword, and yanked out the now blood-coated metal, and Edmund gasped in pain. I nearly gasped in pain myself. I was back at Beruna, holding my brother, so feeble and small in my arms as he slowly died. Indeed, he looked just as feeble and small as I hurriedly ripped off part of my tunic to stem the increased blood-flow, hot crimson swelling between my fingers. The hissing sound of thousands of swords being drawn, and shouts of "TO ARMS, TELMAR!" from the Telmarine side broke through the mass of sounds and colors. But all I could see and feel was my brother.
His breathing was rough and shallow as he struggled to stay alive, and I could only hold him as he slowly faded, so stark white against his dark features. He clutched at my tunic desperately, eyes shut hard against some force or evil.
"No," He rasped, trying to hold on as his life slipped away. I only held him closer, begging for something, anything, to help us both. "No, no, not Peter, you can't--can't kill Peter..."
"Edmund, I'm right here, right here," I whispered back, my heart quickly being torn apart. His grey Telmarine tunic seemed to suck all the color from his nearly colorless skin, making him look that much whiter and in pain as I could only wonder what on earth to do.
"Don't...please...Peter...!"
He hadn't turned against us. He never had. Always loyal to his king he stood, even in death. I sobbed aloud, shaking with uncontrollable tears as he struggled just to stay conscious.
Aslan, please...
--
My minds voice screamed in agony as she continued mercilessly torturing my soul, and then the pictures started playing.
Peter, chained up in the very icy cell I had been in the last time we were in Narnia. He was bleeding, screaming and cursing my name. I stared in shock, but before I could do anything, the scene changed.
The girls, running from wolves, Lucy bleeding badly. I tried to run to them, to unsheath my sword and kill the vile beasts, but Jadis held me in place with her vise-like grip on my shoulder. Lucy screamed my name before she was leapt upon and viciously torn apart.
I felt extremely weak in the knees as the scene changed to Susan at Cair Paravel, in all of her gentle beauty, but she was crying. Moonlight spilled across the room, illuminating her dark figure. She seemed to jump at my sudden appearance, and she backed away, lower lip trembling as she fought to restrain her tears. She laid a hand upon the dagger that she kept on her desktop, and pointed a shaking finger at me.
"What, have you come to kill me too?"
"Susan," I protested weakly, screaming inside of my head that this wasn't real. This was not happening. "What are you talking about? I didn't kill--"
"I can hear their screams, even now, and their blood is on your hands." She accused, voice shaking as well as her entire being.
--
His breathing grew quicker, and I was afraid each one he exhaled would be his last.
"No, no, I didn't...--" He let out a weak scream of agony, completely tensed up and wildly fighting something invisible. I tried desperately to calm him, but he acted as though he were being beaten to death.
I screamed aloud as he did, cried over him as he continued to slip away, blaming myself for every second of his pain.
I had sent Lucy and Susan off to find Aslan, Lucy with the cordial. There was nothing I could do but hold him as he died.
The sounds and smells of battle raged around us, but I could only hear and feel my brother in my arms while he gasped for breath.
Tear tracks glistened on his face as he fought with something, trying desperately to live.
"Peter...--" He breathed.
--
I instinctively looked down, and horror filled my soul as the crimson liquid slowly ran off my hands in rivulets. It wasn't my own. I looked back up at her, and her blue-grey eyes echoed nothing but fierce hate and loathing as she positioned the knife above her chest, tears streaking down.
"Anything you'd like me to tell them when I get there?"
"SUSAN, NO--!"
With a forced effort, she drove the knife in, and breath hitching horrifyingly, she fell, blood spattering the carpet.
With a scream, I dropped down as well, though it was partly because Jadis threw me, laughing. I crawled weakly across the floor, laying my head on my sister's bloody chest, trying to hear her loving heartbeat. There was none.
Then, only then was I broken.
Then, every single nightmare I had ever had in my entire span of life, both Narnia and not, exploded in my vision and all I could do was watch as they rushed in front of me, taunting, laughing...
Every other one had something to do with Peter, almost always in a swordfight with Jadis.
He fought her, trying helplessly, and the only thing I could do was watch as Jadis took the upper hand.
She ran him through with both of her swords, and he died, blue eyes echoing shock and absolute agony, looking at me helplessly before he fell.
"NO--!"
I screamed in torment, unable to do anything. This was Hell. It had to be. Kneeling over on my knees, clutching at my hair and ears, trying to block the insufferable sound out. It wasn't working.
I struggled to keep breathing, and I heard Peter's anxious voice above me.
"Ed? Edmund! Please! Don't die, oh Aslan, please don't die..."
Wait a minute. Peter wasn't dead.
"Peter?" I voiced aloud, trying to open my eyes, but they were so heavy...every muscle in my body was both tense and unwilling to work. I shivered. It was far too cold. I barely heard his voice again before Jadis unleashed all my hidden secrets, all the demons that I had held at bay for so long.
I screamed in complete and total affliction as everything I ever knew was used against me; my siblings were there, looking on without remorse or concern for my current situation, Aslan was there, looking large and terrible and growling, and all my guilt and pain crashed over me, pinning me down and endless agony was felt. Fire and ice exploded, everything disappeared. And finally, there was silence.
--
And then he died.
Going suddenly limp in my arms, I held his lean frame carefully, staring with complete shock, unable to believe it. His heart quit beating; he no longer took in breath. His deep brown eyes that so sparked with mischief would never open again.
He could have almost been sleeping, he looked so peaceful.
I died.
I laid myself against a stone pillar, completely lost and spirit fatally wounded. I held him close, cradling him in my arms as I sobbed into his untidy mess of black locks. I refused to believe it, laying my ear onto his chest, listening for the heartbeat that wasn't there.
He had left, and he wasn't ever coming back. How I wish I could have told him how much I really loved him before he was gone. Why, why, why?
--
A pressing, lonely silence. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel anything. And like a white mist, she came silently, looking triumphant.
"Now, you are mine."
And the cruel realization hit me with such force I almost succumbed to tears.
I couldn't do it on my own.
There was no 'locking her away', as I had so foolishly believed. How could I have ever thought that? I had been so stupid.
Aslan, please...
Forgive me.
Her chill breath against my ear sent shivers down my spine as she whispered, malice practically dripping from her voice,
"Aslan doesn't give second chances to those who don't deserve them."
And I cracked.
"You're wrong," I denied quickly, albeit a little uncertainly. She couldn't be right...
Eyebrows raised, forehead creasing, and her expression spoke nothing but absolute hatred.
"Am I?"
--
And then there He was.
Powerful and golden and much larger than I had last seen Him, He stood just across from me, looking distressed and painfully sorrowful. But even His sorrow could not compare to the gaping black void that used to be home to half my soul.
"Child," Aslan murmured, leaning close in and nuzzling me, but somehow His warmth wasn't even felt. "Why are you distressed so?"
I almost glared at Him, completely angry as to why He should dare to ask such a question. He caused this to happen, after all. He knew everything that was to happen, and He knew this, so why didn't He stop it? I stroked Edmund's black bangs from his forehead, ignoring the scraggly blond ones that dangled before my eyes.
"Edmund is dead, Aslan."
And somehow, now that I said it, it made it final. My tears began anew, and I curled myself around my brother, not even caring what happened next.
And I died.
I wanted to take the very sword he had killed himself with and run myself through, if only to follow him and just catch a glimpse of his eyes that so danced with mischief. And then I would tell him I was so sorry, and then maybe, maybe he'd find it somewhere in himself to forgive me.
Aslan leaned forwards again, His warm voice penetrating my fear and pain and calming me slightly.
"He is not. It is merely an act. Let Me see him."
--
And all at once, I felt sick. It was happening. Again.
It was too late. I had sold myself to her at the very beginning.
I had been destined to die.
She wordlessly extended her white, pallid hand, smiling winningly.
"Come, little prince. You have no need for Aslan where we're going."
I let my eyes slide shut against the tears that were rapidly trying to escape, biting down hard on my lip to keep it from trembling, reaching out for her hand.
She was right. I was nothing to The Lion, anymore. I had betrayed Him knowingly again, hadn't I? How could He possibly have the capacity or will to save me now?
--
Stunned, I looked up into His warm, golden eyes, hardly daring to hope. That was all it took. I complied, watching as He lay down before me, and I carefully did as I was instructed. Soon, Aslan held Edmund close in His huge paws, nuzzling him gently, and I wondered what could possibly be done, and what He meant by 'act'. Aslan purred slightly, gently licking my brother's face and hair and neck, as a mother cat does a kitten.
"Awake, Edmund, sleep no longer."
--
Death was only a few seconds away. My fingers nearly touched hers.
I could only feel her cold hatred of me, and I fancied I could feel Aslan's as well.
It was absolute agony.
Without warning, an ear-shattering roar rang out in my conscience, staying my hand, and my eyes flew open. It wasn't possible...
Was it?
Before either of us had a chance to react any further, a Voice warm as the summer sun broke through her chill barrier, and she hissed slightly.
"Awake, Edmund, sleep no longer." It commanded, and all I wanted to do was obey the voice. I began to shakily stand to my feet, and my hand reached out instead for the light that was rapidly flooding the place, rather than Jadis's white one. But the witch was too quick, and she caught me by the shoulder before I could, and falling to the ground we fought, rolling and kicking and snatching.
"Mine!" She screamed over and over again as I tried desperately to twist away from her, blind panic taking hold. Aslan was there. I had heard His Voice. I was filled with both terror and fierce longing as I struggled to be near the Golden Light.
Jadis would have none of it.
My numb fingers barely brushed the expanse of Light before I was roughly tackled from the side, sent sprawling in the shadows.
She pinned me down with a freezing knife at my throat, eyes glinting with anger and bloodlust.
"Mine..."
Eyes wide, I couldn't move or even see the Light anymore. Triumphant, Jadis pressed the knife down harder, drawing blood.
Blackness nearly enshrouded my vision as breath eluded me - hazily, I could see her, white face contorted with victory and pride.
"Mine." She declared in a whisper, and I barely had a grip on life anymore as breath escaped me completely.
--
When nothing happened, I knew that this was all a load of rot. I felt myself growing angry at The Lion once more, but He seemed to not be finished as He patiently waited for something. Then, He nearly scared me so badly I jumped out of my skin as a magnificent and ear-blowing roar escaped His throat.
"BEGONE, JADIS. Return to your own place - plague him no longer."
And an icy wind stirred up the dust and smell of the battle, blowing over us three, and then it was gone.
And I could have passed out with happiness.
--
Then the Voice roared.
"BEGONE, JADIS. Return to your own place - plague him no longer."
Relief like the summer sun descended as she let out an ear-shattering scream of rage, stolen her prize once again.
And then she was gone, in a burst of tiny snowflakes.
The first breath of air I took in was so sharp, I coughed. Then I took in another, and another, until I was breathing normally. The air I dragged into my lungs was sweet and heightened with the scent of heavy perfume. Opening my eyes, shock and wonder and fear and joy took hold as I breathed out sharply, taking in the sight.
Warm, gentle and golden, Aslan bent down His great head and gave me wild Lion's kisses, purring slightly, and I was taken up immediately in His golden aura. I was still slightly confused as to where I was, and even who I was, but that didn't seem to matter as I leaned into the touch. He breathed on me, smiling a very cat-like smile.
"Well done, child."
--
Jerking suddenly, as if he were only waking up, Edmund opened his eyes with a gasp of breath. Aslan seemed pleased as He gently nuzzled him, and my brother seemed a little confused as to why The Lion was there. He seemed not to care in the least, though, as he wrapped his arms as far around Aslan's neck as they would go, burying himself deeply in the sea of gold that was His mane. Aslan purred.
"Well done, child."
Edmund's only response was that he shifted further into The Lions mane. How I wished I could still have such faith that my youngest siblings held in Aslan, as to feel completely at home between His huge paws and sharp teeth, not in the least afraid of His terrifying claws. I used to have such faith - Where did it go?
--
Memories and emotions and guilt all came running back at me, clinging onto me and refusing to let go even as I clung to His soft mane, praying that He was real, that this wasn't some twisted setup for a nightmare Jadis had planned.
"But I haven't done anything," I protested weakly in my head, and the response I got was a slight growl. "That is not true."
"...I betrayed Narnia again, Aslan," I whispered, pleading for Him to realize what I waste of time I was, now, and to realize what kind of person He just saved. Again.
What I got in response was not what I had expected.
"I gave you nothing you could not handle. You did not betray Narnia or Myself for any selfish reason, and it did not do anything but move you farther along the path I gave you to walk. But dear heart, why did you run to the witch, and not trust Me?" He asked gently, eyes filled with slight reproving and a hint of sorrow.
I couldn't bear to look at His face. He was so powerful, and I was so weak. He was so perfect, and I was so wrong. He was so beautiful, and I fell short.
Why, then, did He care?
I bit my lip, daring to look back up at Him. He was so wise...nothing was a surprise to Him.
"I...thought you didn't..." I looked away from Him quickly, feeling so foolish. "...want me."
There was the tiniest hint of reproving in His sweet, golden face, and I ducked my head, unable to bear it.
"Why did you not remember My Sacrifice, dear one?"
I swallowed hard, unable to even think straight anymore.
"I don't know, Aslan..."
"I have never left you during this journey, Edmund," He shook His great head slightly, breathing upon me once more. I relaxed slightly, but still felt ashamed at what I had, or hadn't, done. "Never will I leave you, nor forsake you."
"Wish I had remembered that earlier," I mumbled slightly, and He chuckled a bit, smiling warmly.
"All is forgiven. I only want you to see that no matter what happens, I am always near."
I nodded slightly, pressing my face into his mane that much further. He was so warm...
"But I'm a Telmarine, now..." I said, surprising myself slightly by voicing the concern at what this could mean.
"Not so. Miraz has died, and you have died." Confused, I leaned back and looked into His eyes. Was I really dead? Everything hurt, but with Him so near, it was nullified so that it didn't bother me too much. I looked down, touching the spot on my torso where the sword had been. It was completely healed. I looked back at Him, and His eyes spoke nothing but truth, hope and love, such as which I had needed, wanted, and craved for so long.
"Died, Aslan?"
"You DID die. In Miraz's very presence, you died. But now the old is resurrected, and the new is come." His eyes flashed with deep joy and laughter, and I stroked His mane, drinking in this moment. All my pain and anxiety melted away 'neath His gentle gaze, making room for completely indescribable love and a burning want to serve Him, even if it meant swimming in the deepest ocean, or leaping from the highest purred again, and I was finally convinced. I proceeded to bury myself in His mane once more, so thankful for His warm presence after what seemed like such a cold eternity.
"Thank you..."
"You're welcome," He said smugly, and even I almost then nudged me with His nose ever-so-slightly, and I looked up to see my blood-soaked and miserable and purely magnificent brother.
"Peter..." Everything that had just happened, that had happened before, and that would happen, depended on this moment.
He snapped to attention, falling to his knees and crouching by my side. He'd slipped into one of his guilt-fits, I noticed -it was always easy to tell-, and everything that he had done to me this past year unhelpfully resurfaced in the forefront of my mind.
But they didn't matter anymore. I had already forgiven it all.
Uncertainty and absolute, soul-wrenching guilt were ever-present in his expression, and I couldn't decide whether to slap him or to hug him. With tears in my eyes, I did both.
--
"Peter..." A small voice broke my insane tirade of thoughts, and I snapped back to attention as soon as I realized the words had come from my brother. I dropped down immediately beside them both, arms hanging loosely at my side, unsure of what to do. I drew in a sharp breath. He looked so pale, so tired...this was all my fault from the start. If I hadn't--
Edmund stared at me, breaking through my guilt-trip quite soundly, fighting the desire to do something he desperately wanted to do.
When he did, I almost wasn't ready for it.
First, he slapped me, and then he launched himself into my arms with a cry. I caught him gladly, never wanting to let go as I wrapped my arms around him. He buried his head in my shoulder, shaking slightly.
--
Everything was going to turn out alright, I decided as he held me close, both of us listening to each other's heartbeat.
A single tear slipped out as I heard the strong thrum of his ever-beating heart, and promised myself that I wouldn't cry any more than that.
I lied to myself. I sobbed like a blubbering idiot.
But that was alright.
Because I cried for the pain of losing my brother, the joy of claiming him back as my own again, and sorrow at what I had put him through. I whimpered, clutching at his tunic.
--
"Ed?" I questioned slightly, unsure of what emotions I should be feeling at the moment. There were too many. He only shook that much harder, and with a shock of realization and horror, I realized he was crying.
My stoic, sarcastic, snarky brother was actually shedding tears. Over what, I had yet to figure out, but I could probably place a pretty good guess.
"You idiot," He whispered thickly, and I could only hold him as he cried himself out. "You bloody, bloody idiot."
"I know," I whispered back, tears pricking unhelpfully at my eyes. "I know, I know."
And he leaned back to look at me. Then he smiled, albeit a little waterily.
"You look bad."
Tears escaped my eyes at this remark, though they were tears of relief as I barked,
"You don't look so well, either! You just bloody ran yourself through with a sword! You're pale and tired and thin and bleeding, not to mention your million bruises..."
And he laughed. The sound I realized I had missed for so, so long. In reality, it was rare in itself, and even rarer this past year.
Clear as bells, and truthfully one of my favorite sounds in the entire world, he laughed and laughed, seeming unable to stop. I ended up laughing with him, shaking my head at my mother-hennishness. I had missed doing it, really. But I was more than glad that he was back, more grateful than I could ever express that things had turned for the better. When the laughter began to cease, I sniffed.
"Don't leave me," I whispered thickly, suddenly a nervous, emotional wreck as I crushed him to me again. He complied, rolling his eyes and letting me hug him to my hearts content. Which would be holding him forever, but I decided not to mention that.
"I don't plan to," He replied quietly, and we stayed silent like this for a long time.
And Aslan stood near by, merely smiling that very cat-like smile.
8D
Review and tell me how much you cried! (You cried. Don't you lie to yourself - you sobbed.)