A/N
-COUGHCOUGHDIE-

It's been too long. I'm so sorry you guys.
Writers block hit me really hard, plus the combined effects of laziness when I had time and no time when I wanted to write.
CONSPIRACY.

Anyways.

I present to you my totally disappointing ending. Though I kinda like the very end. Kinda.

I really feel as though this falls short with my own standards, but I have no idea what to do with it. Wrote it last night in a feverish state of 'must-write-ending', and here it is. :P
Dontkillme.

Oh, and...err...this is my last, you guys.
Most likely.

I've really, really enjoyed hearing you guy's thoughts on this. They always make my day. :P
So yeah.
Hope you enjoy, blah blah blah, love you all, etc...
I hope to be back in the future. But I can't seem to find any inspiration for a fic. So if you've always wanted to see something done and dont want to do it yourself, please, PLEASE, let me know, via review or PM.

;D
Ciao!
---Monkey.

The sounds and smells of battle were the first things I came to know in the hazy, blurred mess that followed.

Warring men and creatures littered the field, screaming their throats raw as they fought for control, fought for the upper hand. I ducked out of the way just in time as a snarling Bobcat raced past me and leapt, claws and teeth at the ready, at an unsuspecting Telmarine. The screaming that followed was almost unbearable, but I forced myself to concentrate on a lively piece of music as I took on a soldier nearby.

It wasn't as if I hadn't been in wars before. Oh, no. I'd had my fair share of them. I slammed my shield into a soldier behind me, fighting, screaming...

It was just a bit much for me to handle at the moment, but I wasn't about to walk up to the Telmarines and tell them that. That would get me nowhere but dead and bleeding on the ground.

Slash, thrust, parry, dodge. Sprint, roll, shield-slam, jab. It went on and on like this for what seemed like an eternity, blood flowing like a river, bodies continually falling upon one another, death taking her due today. I let out a scream, ignoring how hoarse it sounded, and swung Shafelm at an oncoming soldier. He died with eyes wide open, my blade in his chest where blood was rapidly coating the metal, and I could plainly see what he thought of me in his expression.

Traitor.

I smiled bemusedly, slightly insanely as I fought another. I could completely understand their reasoning behind the assumption, I knew, but I was done with it, done with dwelling on it, done with being brought down by it.

But I just for the life of me could not figure out how to let go.

I parried the soldier's blade, fighting with all I had within me not to pass out or something of the like. It was too hot. Colors were too faded. Vision started to blacken...

The clouds of dust and the almighty stench of battle clouded the air, seeming to seep over everything like a thick mist. The blood soaked the ground and fed the thirsty roots of what was left of the sparse vegetation that wasn't either trampled or already dead. I could barely see past the soldier in front of me because of the absolute stifling, vision-impairing cloud of topsoil in the air. We were losing. I could see it in every face, hear it in every agonized cry that cut through the air. We were Despair's for the taking.

The Telmarine took advantage of my weakening status and nearly took my head off at one point, but a large German shepherd slammed into him from the side and barked madly, eyes rolling with the rage and chaos of battle. I didn't think it had really come to my rescue, though, because as soon as it had stained its maw crimson red with Telmarine blood, it turned on me, teeth bared. It was so young...barely an adult dog, yet. It snapped its jaws and howled all the same, though, landing its front paws on my shoulders so that it was standing up as I tried to control my breathing.
"Be you Telmarine or Narnian?" It growled, and I was slightly relieved that the canine had asked such a question before it made its next move. "You have white skin like the High King Peter instead of the tan of the Telmarines, but you wear their coat of arms."
Oh, I was? Blast. I had forgotten about that.

"Aslan is my King," I replied, and the dog immediately snapped from its vicious, raging state into what could merely be described as an excited, happy puppy.

"Aslan!" He barked, nearly wagging his entire backside in his excitement at the name, seeming to forget all about his previous intentions. "He's real? You've seen Him?"

I smiled slightly.

"I have, friend."

"What's He like? Is He quite wonderful?" The dog begged, and I had to stop myself from laughing.

"The most terrifying and awe-striking thing I have ever beheld, and yet the most merciful and gentle of beasts."

That seemed to strike the dog silent as he contemplated my answer.

"...Is He back?" He asked again, and I was saddened at the fact that hardly any of them had ever seen The Lion I so loved, The Creator.

"He is," I nodded, and the dog lifted his paws from my shoulders and ran about on all fours, giddy with happiness.

"Aslan! Aslan," he repeated, gibbering on and on. "This means we can come back out of hiding! No more dark, no more tears! This will be the end of oppression! Slyan's family will be so happy when I go back to tell them!"

"'At the sound of His roar, sorrows will be no more...'" I quoted softly, watching the Shepherd hound run about in a crazed-like state, howling and barking as he fought to wrap his mind around the idea of Aslan returning.

And then it came.

A cloud of dust and dirt exploded right where the poor dog had been standing, debris and soil flying up and knocking me backwards several steps. A huge, bloodstained boulder stood where Slyan had been only moments before. Coughing, eyes wide, I shouted out for the dog, unable to believe it.

"Slyan!" I screamed, the weight of losing such an honorable creature coming down on me hard. "SLYAN!"

His dream had been shattered. I couldn't even feel happy at the fact that he had at least learned that Aslan was back, because it did him no good, now.

He was dead.

Devastation hit me as I swung my sword blindly around and it met with the shield of another soldier. I had just lost a friend, no matter how short the friendship was. It didn't matter. I had lost a friend, a subject, and a brother in Aslan. I swung at the Telmarine again, roaring with rage as I let my current emotional state fuel my fighting. The dog, the poor dog...

The Telmarine fought back, slamming his shield into my weapon. Hissing slightly as the vibration of the hit shot up my arm, I heard the cracking of what seemed like giant twigs snapping apart.

The Telmarine I was fighting had gone sheet-white as he looked over my shoulder. He then dropped his weapons and ran for his life, along with thousands of other Telmarines, shouting and screaming in terror.

In confusion, I turned around and saw just about the entire forest springing to life, hundreds and thousands of trees and creatures of the wood charging out with valiant cries. Naiads and Dryads and Wood Nymphs and Walking Trees and creatures of the like sprung out from the masses, roots and flowers and vegetation and water washing everything away in a flood of renewal. I ducked out of the way as they charged past, the sound of a Lion's Roar echoing eerily against every tree, sung from every creature, reverberating against the air and splitting forth in large sound waves that shook the heavens with its sheer volume. I felt renewed by its sound, all my fatigue and hurting and ill feelings seeming to drain away immediately and leaving me feeling so much more. I felt as though the dog would soon be meeting Aslan after all, somewhere in Aslan's own glorious, perfect country.
The Tree roots dove beneath the surface as they waded in the bloodstained ground, casually tearing apart Telmarine catapults with ease as they plowed through the masses.

I spotted my brother nearby, and he looked every bit the High King that had somehow been lost along the way as I ran up beside him. He wordlessly slung his arm over my shoulder, and we watched the magic of Narnia spread over the entire land. All the creatures around and behind us stared in complete awe. These things had been complete legends to them, and here they were, after thirteen hundred years of captivity within themselves. Breaking loose in a torrent of beauty and innocence, Narnia was renewed.

I was smiling quietly, I knew, and Peter was as well as he called out the order to chase them to the river.

---

Standing on the banks of Beruna, I realized just how incredible the moment really was.

The Lion stood on the other side of the bridge, Lucy at His side - how I wanted to go embrace her again and just hold her forever - and the Telmarines stood on the bridge, uncertain, caught in the middle. Our tiny Narnian army stood behind them with weapons at the ready, and in front of them stood The One who they had so hated and mocked all these years.

And then Sopespian hesitantly called the order for a charge.
A few men started forwards, almost too terrified to go further. They needn't have bothered.

Sweet and terrifying, Aslan let loose an ear-shattering Roar that even shook the very surface of the water. It seemed to strip away every single bit of evil in the air and left a ringing silence in its place. The Telmarines had no time to recover before The River rushed forwards at Aslan's command, sweeping up over the bridge and catching soldiers in its torrents before pulling them down under to their watery graves with a silenced cry.
And then The River god came.
A magnificent creation, completely water and yet completely solid, he rose up. Spotting Aslan on the other shore, he bowed low to The Lion before lifting the bridge from its foundation.

The wood cracked, the soldiers cried, and all of them either jumped or fell off the bridge as it rose higher and higher.

All except Sopespian.
He stared the god in the face, sitting astride his horse, and accepted death as it was given.
The River god tipped the bridge forwards, seeming to swallow it all up as he fell with a magnificent crash to the water, Sopespian's cry forever silenced as the huge wave swept over.

And a great cheer rose up from the tiny crowd of Narnians on our end of the shore, our tired company lifting its voice in celebration and thanksgiving as Narnia was returned to herself. I would have joined in, but I couldn't seem to find the strength to talk above a whisper, let alone scream. Instead, I merely smiled in a dazed-like fashion, His Roar still ringing in my ears like music.

A shout of joy behind me, and I turned around only to become nearly smothered by my sister, my face buried in her brown sea of long hair that carried the faint scent of roses. I hugged her tightly back, closing my eyes and letting everything wash over me as she sobbed into my shoulder. I caught the words "Saw you dead - riding with Caspian - back from the forest - oh, Edmund..." as she choked each fragment of the sentence out, and I merely held her a little tighter in reply.

Tears subsided as we stayed like this for awhile, nothing but the sound of birds chirruping, water rushing, armor clanking, and Susan's soft tears making any sense to me.

"Glad you're back...so glad you're back..." She sniffed, trying to pull herself together. "Never do that to me again, Ed. Understand?" She leaned back and smiled wanly, and I merely nodded mutely, unable to find words to express anything at the moment. She tugged me into another embrace, so warm against me, so alive...

She stiffened suddenly, and I turned around to see what she was seeing.

The Narnians had found a shallow place in the River where the course was altered when the bridge was removed. They struggled across it, the water running only up to their thighs or so as they waded across it. She reached for my hand, grasping it tightly and pulling me alongside her, following Peter and Caspian across it.

I couldn't feel anything but a happy sort of numbness throughout the entire thing. Everything was alright. Everything was going to be alright.

Nothing I had ever experienced in my lifetime could ever take away or replace this moment, this dazed and blissful act of just being.

We reached Aslan, and I could hardly keep myself from rushing at my sister, but I did. First things came first.

We all bowed low to The Lion, dropping to one knee and feeling so awed by His never-ending Love and Compassion. The Creator of all things good, the Lover, the all-powerful, the One who threw Narnia into existence, the One who called us to His world in the first place, The Lion, The King, my King, my Savior. His golden eyes passed over us all, and I felt crushed beneath his absolute pleasure in us. Peter didn't look any better.
"Rise, Kings and Queens of Narnia." He said softly, his rich golden mane flowing beneath the light breeze. We obeyed.
All of us...except for Caspian. I nudged him slightly.

"All of you." Aslan said, slightly amused. Caspian didn't dare look up.

"I do not think I am ready..." He said anxiously, avoiding His gaze. Aslan chuckled.
"It is for this very reason that I know you are, My son." He informed him softly with a smile. "Now rise, King Caspian."

And Caspian rose, looking very relieved. I smiled slightly at him before I turned and watched many hesitant and terrified Narnians began walking up slowly towards The Lion, intent on at least seeing Him. They all looked like they were walking to their execution, and yet as though Christmas had come early.

Aslan merely smiled and breathed upon them all, and then unmistakable joy and wonder replaced the terror, and they all rushed up to greet Him and kiss His paws and His nose and touch His soft mane and smell Him, all of them crowding around and making noises of absolute love and adoration. I almost wanted to join them before a small force in the form of Lucy collided with my side with a shriek. I let out an exclamation of surprise before she tightened her small arms around my middle, burying her face in my tunic and not planning on letting go any time soon. Susan stepped over and joined the moment, much to my dismay, as I had no strength left to refuse them, it seemed.
Then Peter joined, too, and I felt overwhelmed by the rush of compassion and love I felt towards my family and they felt towards me. It was both comforting and terrifying, to say the least.

And I remembered something Aslan had told me so very long ago.

"Love is both a blessing and a burden, Edmund Pevensie. Bear it well."
I had never felt as glad as I did now to feel so many arms holding me tight.

---

I had never felt as helpless as I did then.

Letting the cover of the darkness around us fuel my equally dark emotions, I winced as a wheezy cough echoed loudly around against the stone walls of the How.

"You idiot," I whispered harshly, but I couldn't stay very mad at him even if I tried. "Why won't you just bloody take some of the cordial and stop making me suffer with you?"
Though however dark it was, I could see his eyes flash and his teeth nearly glitter as he grinned tiredly. I swore I saw fangs.

"I've told you this already. I'm not about to--" he coughed again, violent shocks shooting through his lean frame as he suffered under the virus. "--to waste that precious cordial on myself when there are so many others wounded."
"Waste?" I gasped out, feeling the bottom of my stomach nearly drop out completely with surprise. "Waste! If there's anyone who deserves that stuff, its you, Edmund Randall."

He made a slight, sarcastic noise and was silent for a few moments.

"I've had my fair share of that stuff, Peter, and it's not a pleasant taste. At first, anyway."

"Why does that matter?" I shot back, not about to lose this war.

"Because...well, it just does." He said, nodding his head firmly. I moaned.

"You're an idiot..."
"Mm," he agreed, positioning himself closer to me in the dark. "But I'm your idiot, as you're mine, so you've just got to deal with it."

I groaned with both annoyance and fondness.

"Why won't you just stop your protesting and take the stuff? Lucy has plenty."

"Untrue," He rasped back. "She needs all she can get for the others who are wounded. And I won't take any because, one, I refuse. Two, it's a chest cold, Peter, I'll get over it. Three, I am a king of Narnia, as you are, and I will not stop serving my country in any and every way I can, even if she doesn't even remember me. That includes refusing magical healing juice. So that ends that."

I tried so hard to think of a response. I had none. I shook my head and felt like I would very much like to bash his head against the wall, and then ask him to take the cordial.

"No, Peter, don't even think it." He mused, settling more comfortably against me and closing his eyes against the dim lighting in the room. I shoved him in reply.

The sun was going down, and the torches were running short. But the battle had been won, and all were jubilant. Most were outside of the How, dancing and feasting and laughing and chatting, all of them trading stories they had heard as younglings about the Golden Age and before, whether they be true or not, they were entertaining to hear. Those who were unable to join the festivities, such as those who were too tired or wounded, were inside the How where Lucy was administering to them all. A Faun with a broken leg had begged her for a story from our reign, and seeing as none of them would be still until she did, she had told them one with a smile. They had all listened with bright eyes and attentive ears, utterly immersed in her words.

"Why don't you go on out, Peter? I'll be fine..." Edmund asked, voice slurred with drowsiness. "Go have fun..."

Amused, I merely shifted him closer to me as sleep began to pull at us both.

"I'm not leaving you alone. You might hurt yourself."

He made a noise of disbelief, accompanied by some sarcastic muttering as he found the blankets Susan had left and threw one at me.

"Well, shut up and sleep."

With a chuckle, I merely lay down and did as I was told.

Only when I could hear his soft breathing five minutes later did I follow his example and sleep.

We had so much to catch up on, but that could wait, as there was plenty of time.

---

Standing out on an outcropping of the How, I watched the sky intently. It was still dark out, but the first signs of dawn were beginning to split the sky. I smiled slightly.

Lucy had caught me on my way out, staggering beneath the cold though I was, and had demanded to know what I was doing. My voice had completely disappeared, and she had merely shaken her head and forced me to take a drop of the cordial. Reluctantly, I had, and now I stood outside in the chill air of the morning, letting the gentle breeze whip my hair. She had wanted to come with me, but she could sense that I also needed to be alone, however much she wanted otherwise. She was so sweet, all the time. I was still in constant wonder how she was able to do it all. No matter, I supposed, gazing out as the first rays of sunshine began to peek over the treetops. It was just part of who she was.

But who was I? I had asked myself this question countless times before, but instead of the answers that usually put the question away, new ones slid in their place.

I was a person who had, and still made, bad choices. I had been a liar, a traitor, a person of the worst kind. I was a person who had been so wonderfully convicted, and so heart wrenchingly forgiven. I was a person who strove daily to be worthy of such forgiveness, and always so abashed when I fell short or fell. I was a person who had given over to Jadis again, and had been forgiven for a second time by the same, wonderful Lion. I was a person who could not find the strength or the will to let it all go.

I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to.

It was just...impossible.

It almost seemed as though even Aslan couldn't make it all go away. My faults were far too many to erase, too many to ignore...

I ran my fingers through my hair, despairing slightly. I just wanted to let go and take a jump. Anything that would cure this disease that refused to let me alone.

It was like a sickness that kept on getting worse, or a pain that only escalated as time went on. I only wanted to be rid of it and just be released.

A bird chirruped nearby, flapping its wings as it greeted the morning. I sucked in my breath sharply, closing my eyes. The world was so peaceful, so quiet...I only wished that I could feel a part of it.

Jadis, in all of her twisted beauty, slaying Aslan in my place with her twisted, evil knife. The absolute, gripping cold that I had felt in her dungeons. The feel of her frigid lips pressed to mine in a stifling kiss, stripping away every last fragment of innocence I had ever possessed and leaving me almost nothing...

"Aslan," I whispered, begging for the millions of crazed emotions to just disappear. "Make it stop..."

"I cannot if youwill not, dear one," A quiet, rich Voice said from behind me, and I leapt around, startled, only to come face-to-face with The Lion. He looked painfully sympathetic, but sympathy wasn't making anything go away.

"I want to," I said, gesturing helplessly as the weight of His gentle stare crushed me. "But I just...can't..."

"But you can, child." He insisted quietly, walking up so that He could stand beside me and watch the sun continue its slow ascent in the pale colors of the morning sky. "And I have shown you this before."

I looked over at him questioningly, not bothering to hide the misery that so tore me apart inside.

"...What, Aslan? What is it?"

"The love of your family, your love, My Love. Love," He said slowly, and I only continued to stare. He smiled slightly, not looking at me, but at the pale-ish hue of the sky ahead. "Love is the answer, Edmund."

"...I don't see--" I began, but he cut me off abruptly.

"Do you love Me, child?" He asked quietly, and I was completely startled.

"...I do, Aslan," I replied, stealing a questioning glance over at Him. He smiled a bit more.

"Do you love Me, dear one?" He whispered, and I searched His face for any sign of what this was. Was this a test of some sort? I was genuinely afraid of failing it, whatever it was. But all the same...
"Yes, Aslan," I said again, a bit louder and more confidently than before.

"Do you love Me, Edmund?" He roared out at the sky, and I had to clap my hands over my ears to block the worst of it out as the sky shook and thousands of birds fled from their nests in the trees, chorusing together their immense displeasure as they took off into the morning air.

"I love you, Aslan," I whispered, and He finally turned to look at me with His glimmering golden eyes that so shone with compassion and Love deeper than I could get my mind around.

"Then release this evil you hold inside - all these bad memories, the hurt and the guilt, and never dwell on it again. I have both forgiven and cast these away into the deepest ocean floor, to where they cannot ever find you again. Breathe easy, and know that I Love you so much more than you will ever understand."

And I closed my eyes.

I was a person who loved and was loved. I was a person who could forgive as I was forgiven. I was a person who could sacrifice as I was sacrificed for. Why hadn't I seen this before? I had been so blind, so woefully, inexplicably blind to all the wondrous things I had so missed, all the things I couldn't understand how I had been presented with them but not ever realized what I was seeing. Lucy, always so vibrant, so pretty, so caring, even in the worst of times. Susan, so steadfast, so calm, so beautiful in her readiness. Peter, so protective, so concerned, so magnificent, even though he had lost himself along the way. Aslan...I could not even comprehend this. It was almost too much for me, but even in its wonderful complexity, it was truly amazing.

So I took a deep breath.

And I let go.

Opening my eyes again, I felt lighter than I had in years. No more pain, no more worry...I wouldn't ever forget, no, but I wasn't going to be brought down by it.

And I looked at The Lion, who merely smiled at me and nodded in pleasure. I looked to the sun just as it burst up over the treetops in a flood of golden light, kissing everything in its path with a glowing, vibrant stream. Indigo morning glories sprung open as they were caressed with the warm light, trees swayed and rocked gently as they caught the whispering of the gentle wind, the entire world illuminated in glorious and wonderful sunshine.

I smiled.

And the Light came on.

--fin--

---

"The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light." - Romans 13:12.