Chapter Five:

Some parts of this chapter have been co-written with VioletLollie.

A/N: I know, I know. The story kind of died! Originally, I was planning to post this chapter several months ago but it's remained uncompleted (obviously). However, during the months, I have added bits and pieces to it and most recently, begun work on it once more. I'm sorry for the wait you've all had and once more I thank you all, my loyal reviewers, for sticking with me and waiting for so long. You are all officially awesome. Anyway - so we left off with Joker clambering off the stage in a sweaty mess from singing Hips Don't Lie, and so, without further ado... :)

Sami had leapt up from the couch as the commercials began to roll ('Look,' Steph had called, 'There's a new McDonald's advert!') and went back to the computer. She typed into Google once more and sat there, frozen, as she saw what the website she had discovered displayed.

'Mel... Steph? Get here! You will not BELIEVE what I have just found!' she shouted.

Steph and Mel wandered over to the computer, and they too shared Sami's expression. 'Sign up for Big Brother... oh my... waaaait... oh gosh, we have to sign up. Mel, you type our application -- you're the fastest!'

Mel nodded, quickly swapping places with Sami and she typed out the details on the entry form in lightning speed. Just as their programme started up once more, the application was sent, and Mel was re-directed to a screen that informed her she would receive an e-mail later on that day informing her whether or not they had been accepted into the Big Brother House. Silently, the three girls took their places on the green couches, and watched intently as their programme started up once again.

Narrator: 4pm. The housemates are gathered in the kitchen. Alfred and Dopey are making food for the rest of the housemates.

Dopey was looking at the bubbles rising in the air from the washing basin, a look of wonder on his face.

'You know a little help wouldn't go a miss,' joked Alfred, looking at him with kind eyes. He continued to wash the dishes for the other housemates with a light smile on his face.

'I smell soap ...' muttered the Joker, marching into the kitchen with an angry expression, 'I hate soap! Whoever invented it is going to be blown up…' he charged over to Dopey, who was popping bubbles with his little finger. The Joker shook his head in disgust, and continued to rant. 'Why do I smell bleeping SOAP?' He scowled, pursing his lips. 'Why why why? You all know I hate soap and that hygiene's only for sissies and… Bruce. Alfred, are you being a jerk on purpose?'

Alfred looked startled. 'On purpose…? Not at all, Master Joker… I am only using soap and washing up liquid to wash the dishes for this evening's meal… I would never dream of angering you intentionally. You have my full apologies, sir.'

The Joker tilted his head to the side and smiled, triumphant in receiving an apology he didn't ask for. 'That's just fiiiine, Alfredo, just fiiiine…'

He skipped into the lounge to find Harvey and Rachel snuggling up on the sofa. Who did they think they were, acting like that in front of HIM? To change the atmosphere between the two love birds, he stuck two fingers down his throat and heaved. 'BLERGH! BLERGH!'

Harvey raised an eyebrow wearily and looked at the Joker with a tired expression. 'Will you please be quiet, or is that beyond you? In fact, I don't know why I am bothering to waste my time asking ... the word "quiet" is obviously not in your vocabulary.' Harvey pronounced this statement with a smug look on his face, his chin wobbling. The Joker eyed this, before smirking.

'A simple 'shut up' would have sufficed, but I guess intelligence isn't your profile.' The Joker glanced towards Rachel, who looked bored of the whole situation.

'Hey Rachel – want to hear a funny joke, mm?' the Joker kneeled in front of her and she looked at him as if he were unworthy.

'A joke…' she frowned slightly. 'I suppose…'

'What's ugly, short, and has spots?' chided the Joker, smacking his lips together in the manner of a toddler.

'A giraffe?' guessed Rachel – stupidly.

'Do you have a long neck?' he brushed some hair off her face to inspect and smacked his lips together once more when the verdict sounded. 'Nope – you don't! But the answer to my joke is… YOU! HE HA HE HA HE HA!'

'That wasn't funny,' said Harvey in a low monotone.

'Love, I don't have to be funny. It's unbecoming of a man such as myself. You know, the Arkham residents would just adore you…' the Joker jumped to his feet, his eyes wide and his mouth in an O shape.

The Doctor was lounging over the carpet, staring up at the ceiling in fascination. 'I like these ceilings,' he said dreamily, 'Not as much as I like chips, though. Anyone fancy making me some chips? No? No plate of chips? Chippywhippystuff? No – OW!'

Someone had thrown Rachel's necklace across the room and it had made a rather strangely shaped bruise on the Doctor's forehead. He swung up, clicking his knuckles and cracking his neck side to side. 'Who did that?'

The Joker pointed to Harvey before skipping away, giggling manically to himself. ('Hey Doperella, what do they call two gays… Two gays! Hehahehahaha!')

Alfred raised an eyebrow and made his way over to the Doctor. 'Doctor,' he said kindly, his elderly face expressing concern, 'Are you alright?'

The Doctor flashed him an award winning smile. "Never been better," he winked. 'Infact, at the rate the necklace flew… oh, THAT'S were I put my socks! I love socks, I do.'

Danielle glanced over at him and giggled to herself. Grumpy clocked this and scowled at her. 'Can you not keep it down?' he snapped, his eyebrows knitting together, 'I'm trying to THINK!'

The younger girl looked alarmed at his sudden anger. 'I'm –'

'Oh, leave her be!' Dopey's trance of counting green bottles had subsided and he was standing up, clearly defending Danielle. 'She's only being positive – or is that beyond you, Grumpy?'

'Positive!' Grumpy repeated the word mockingly, gritting his teeth, 'What's there to be positive about in this place? You're all a bunch of nutters!'

Narrator: 7pm. The housemates have eaten and are now in the lounge.

The Joker was sitting on Bruce's knee, snuggling up to his chest and licking his ear, occasionally making meowing noises. Bruce had attempted to dislodge the Joker several times but to no avail. Half an hour ago, Big Brother had informed the contestants to gather together in the lounge, ('I'm not a bloody sack of potatoes,' grumbled the Joker to Grumpy, who nodded understandingly,) for reasons they did not yet know.

'Maybe they want to evict Harvey for his ugliness,' offered the Joker into the humming silence, before falling into pits of insane laughter. The other housemates ignored him, apart from Dopey, who was now looking rather fearful at the word eviction. Dopey knew in his heart he was the least interesting housemate; all of the others provided entertainment, laughter, and gave the viewers a reason to keep tuning in. Dopey, however, provided none of these, for he was the quiet and thoughtful type... one who stared at ceilings a lot and contemplated many a thing, but he knew, should it be eviction night, that his time had come.

Danielle shifted her weight as she sat in the armchair; although she liked her Patrick Star outfit it restricted room, and was occasionally hard to walk in, especially when the Joker kept trying to push her over. He was staring at her now, mouthing inappropriate things and then pointing to Bruce. Commissioner Gordon frowned at Joker, as he finally turned the page of his well pressed newspaper (he was now on page four), and tutting slightly, he resumed to read.

A cool voice slid across the room and everyone glanced at one another nervously. 'This is Big Brother. Thank you for waiting. And now for eviction...'

Everybody glanced at one another; the tension rose in the room. Everybody looked anxious apart from the Joker, who seemed quite at home, and possibly, quite smug.

'With six votes... Joker will not be leaving the Big Brother house.'

The Joker beamed and punched his fist in the air. "Oh, booyah! Excellenty old chum, top-hole, truly spiffing!"

'With seven votes...'

There was a pause.

'Bruce Wayne will also not be leaving the Big Brother house.'

"Who the hell even thought of trying to vote me out of the house?" exploded Bruce, cracking his knuckles. "I demand to find out who you are, and when I do, I shall sue you like a bleep!"

'Um,' said Danielle, 'If you're going to sue somebody who is anonymous, uh, I'm pretty sure after your threat they are going to remain anonymous. Besides,' she added smoothly, 'It's the rules, you can't discuss eviction.'

Bruce raised an eyebrow, ignoring her.

'With ten votes...'

There was an intake of breath and everyone apart from the Joker seemed shocked.

'Dopey will be leaving the big brother house.'

'AW, DOPEY LAD!' the Joker contributed sympathy to the startling news, before bursting into fits of laughter, which subsided quickly. The silence was asphyxiating him, and so he leant closer and winked at Bruce suggestively. 'You and I, Batsy darling, can be beep buddies… Now old Dope is leaving and all…'

'Don't be mean,' commented the Doctor, who was busy reading his way through a future copy of Harry Potter, 'You wouldn't like it if you were evicted...' At which Danielle nodded.

'JOKER – THAT'S DISGUSTING!' It seemed only Rachel had understood what the Joker had implied to Bruce – the look of disgust on her face spoke volumes. She grabbed Harvey and lifted his heavy arm around her skinny frame. The Joker nodded happily at her reaction, seeming quite pleased.

After a few seconds, the housemates realised uncomfortably that Alfred was curled up in a ball on the floor, crying hysterically. It was seldom for the old man to express such defined emotion – apart from the time Joker had cleaned the toilet with the old man's toothbrush – and so this sudden outburst was quite shocking. 'HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WITHOUT MASTER DOPEY?' No one replied and the silence grew, along with his despair. 'THIS ISN'T FAIR! I WANT A RE-EVICTION – THE VOTES CAN'T ADD UP – NOT – MY – DOPEY!'

Bruce dared to look towards the old man for a second, and immediately regretted it as Alfred launched on him. 'Master Wayne, what am I supposed to do without Dopey?' He sniffed and wiped his eyes, raising his head towards Bruce in hope that the man he had served for many a year could possibly do something…

'Its okay, Afly…' Dopey made profound use of his private nickname for Alfred, as his expression mirrored heartbreak and despair. 'I'll be okay…'

Alfred continued to sob. He grabbed Dopey's hand and looked up at him with a fierce expression. 'I'll never let go of you, Dopey…'

Dopey looked scared for a moment but restrained from staring at the ceiling to squeeze Alfred's hand and gaze into his eyes lovingly, understandingly.

The Joker interrupted the scene and both men glanced towards their former boss, who was once again gagging. Before anyone had the chance to blink, the Joker had run in the middle of them both and separated them spectacularly. 'Not so together now, are you?' he leered, leaning against Bruce and batting his eyelashes.

'I meant metaphorically, of course,' murmured Alfred.

'Metaphorically means never!' the Joker screeched happily and then glanced at Bruce, eyeing him. 'You're pretty,' he said.

Dopey ignored the Joker and leant forward to Dopey and wiped away a tear, before gently kissing Alfred on the mouth.

'Um… EW?' Danielle looked away, feeling uncomfortable with this amount of affection being displayed. After all, she was only thirteen… The Doctor caught her disgusted expression and waved her over to were he was sitting, behind the chess set (which, upon further inspection, looked out of the era and more futuristic…). 'Pull up a chair,' he smiled, flicking his fringe off his face, 'You won't be creeped out over here…'

'Don't be so homophobic,' said Sad, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose, 'it makes me feel sad.'

The housemates glanced uneasily towards Dopey and Alfred, who still appeared to be lip locked.

'Uh… gross, man.' Harvey shook his head. 'Alfred is like, ninety five?'

Bruce shrugged. 'You cannot push away true love as you so see it – that kind of love only comes once in a lifetime, be it with the same gender as yourself, or the opposite.'

'Oh, and I thought I had it bad with you, Batsy.' The Joker nodded at Bruce, who returned the gesture with a tight lipped smile.

Rachel attempted to dislodge Alfred and Dopey, and they let themselves be torn apart. Dopey had lipstick all over his face, and Alfred looked a little red in the face. 'I…' Dopey rose to his feet and Alfred mirrored it, his expression breaking, and 'Will always love you.' He touched Alfred lightly on the cheek and then glanced at Danielle. 'Keep it real…' he stared at the ceiling and once more became transfixed, as he marched silently out of the Big Brother house.

Once more, there was silence. The Joker didn't like that, and so he volunteered his opinion happily. 'He'll love you until he finds somebody else…'

Alfred sighed, looking depressed. He turned away from where Dopey had just exited and his posture fell.

'Alfred…' Danielle patted him on the arm, as he walked slowly past her, 'It'll be okay, I promise.'

'No, it's not okay Danielle, and it never will be. I'm done for!' Alfred fell to his knees.

'Think on the bright side,' she urged, 'You'll see him as soon as you get out of here. He'll be waiting for you, I bet!' Her smile was encouraging and Alfred glanced at her, an expression of gratitude on his face.

'Thanks, Danielle,' he murmured, covering his face with his hands.

'Oh, boohoo!' the Joker jumped to his feet and insensitively shook his head at the amount of depression and emotion being expressed. It was enough to make anyone jump from a bridge, in his opinion. 'I purrrsonally don't be-lieve in true lurve.'

Bruce glared at him. 'You say that now, but just you wait till you find your dream girl! Once she walks through the doors into your life, you'll take what you just said back.'

'I shan't,' insisted the Joker childishly, twirling a plastic blade in-between his slender fingers, 'True loves exists like Japanese people living in China… for an example, of course.'

'Um…' Danielle glanced at the Joker, but Rachel got there first.

'That is like, actually, like, true you know.' She flicked her hair over her shoulders and looked at the Joker in a way which made his skin crawl. Or maybe that was just the fleas. 'I am right, aren't I Harvey?'

'Um. Yeah.' Harvey sided with her unhappily, rubbing his hands together. 'It's true alright.'

'Shush, Gotham's White Knight.' The Joker flicked his plastic blade into his back pocket and waltzed over to Alfred. 'Cheer up, 'Afly' –'he made profound mockery of Dopey's nickname for Alfred and smiled as he did, 'I'm sure there's another man in here to fix your lust… there's Bruce, Harvey, Gordon, Rachel…'

Rachel started. 'I'm not a man!' she rubbed her temples unhappily.

The Joker eyed her suspiciously. 'Coulda fooled me…'

She flicked her hair back irritatingly and stuck her tongue out at him. 'Whatever you say, Scar face.'

'Ooh, ouch, that hurt my feelings, Ruh-ach-el…' his expression stayed blank for a moment, before, his lips curled to reveal yellow stained teeth. He laughed manically for a moment—and then he spat in her face.

'THAT'S ENOUGH!' Bruce pushed between them both and spoke mainly towards the Joker, but his words were certainly implied for Rachel too. 'Grow up, the pair of you.'

'Oho,' said the Joker, licking his lips, 'That was… something… for you.'

Sad, Happy, Grumpy and Gordon exchanged looks with one another while the Doctor whistled an unheard version of Happy Christmas.

Harvey smirked, oblivious to the whole dispute. He grabbed Rachel by the waist and pressed his lips to hers for a second. 'Come here, gorgeous…' he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, and was surprised to find it wet with spit. 'Um…'

The camera by the fridge zoomed in on Alfred once more, who was now sitting in an armchair, tears trickling down his face.

The Joker decided it would be helpful to serenade the man. 'Lonely… I'm so lonely… all on my own!'

THWACK.

'Ouch!' cried the Joker, staggering back from the punch. 'My nose, my beautiful nose…' he paused, his little drama folding up. 'Well, at least I can get a plastic surgeon – I THINK I knew one in Arkham, it's not easy being me… but nobody can fix an old man's wrinkles. Unless you have a time machine, of course… ah he ha he he ha.'

The Doctor beamed at the Joker hopefully, but the gesture of friendship was ignored.

At this point, Alfred burst into tears and ran towards the diary room, slamming the door behind him. He sank into the red chair and let out loud, noisy sobs.

'Hello Alfred.' The cool, calm female voice sang out in the diary room, but it failed to console him in the slightest. 'What's the matter?'

'Like –'Alfred's face contorted with fury, 'Like you don't know!'

There was a pause, and in that pause, Alfred wiped his tears away.

'Big Brother is aware of your sudden 'loss'… but you are required to maintain the house's guidelines and talk appropriately whilst on air, Alfred.'

'FORGET THE GUIDELINES!' Alfred's fury cut across the voice and it silenced promptly, the camera zooming in on his tearstained face, 'I WANT DOPEY!'

There was another moment of silence, a longer one this time.

'Big Brother has reached a conclusion… if you wish; you now have official permission to leave the big brother house.'

'REALLY?' Alfred leapt up, a wide smile curving his lips. He wiped away the last few tears and nodded once at the camera, before rushing out at full speed. 'DOPEY, I'M GOING TO GET YOU!' And with that, he disappeared into the darkness of the Big Brother corridor.

'Um…' Rachel raised her eyebrows delicately, and opened her mouth to make another remark.

'Don't bother being mean,' said Danielle softly, not raising her eyes to Rachel, 'Alfred was always the one who kept us in line…'

At this the Joker smiled widely and gestured towards Bruce, and then himself.

'…and he always had some chocolate,' continued Danielle.

Harvey cleared his throat and looked at her in disbelief. 'So, you're only gonna miss him because he won't be around to give you chocolate?'

Danielle shrugged and refused to answer.

Grumpy, one of the clown henchmen looked grumpily down at his outfit which continued to fashion one of three musketeers. 'I HATE THIS OUTFIT!' he yelled, slamming his fist down onto the side of the couch, 'I want to wear NORMAL clothes.'

Happy smiled widely, 'But it's so fun, Grumpy!'

Sad looked depressed. 'I feel uncomfortable and it makes me look fat...'

The Joker beamed at them and then cat walked up and down in the lounge area. 'Oooh, look at me, is my butt too big in this outfit?' He slapped his hand on Bruce's bum, making him leap forwards and start screaming. 'Oh, you're a baaad policeman, Batsy darling,' said the Joker, circling Bruce with a malicious smirk on his face, 'Lock me up, sweetheart!'

Harvey adjusted his bat cape and sighed. 'It must be awful being you Bruce,' he commented simply, as if discussing the weather.

Rachel nodded. 'No offence Bruce, but you look a lot better without the whole Bat regime.'

'Mmm...' Danielle sat up a little straighter on the couch and glanced at Sad. 'Sad, are you okay? You look... well...'

'DON'T SAY IT!' screeched Sad, 'My hair is horrible, my bum is too big, and I'm getting a spot on the end of my nose!'

There was a pause.

'Whoa,' said Harvey, 'Talk about ego deflation.'

'There's enough ego in this room with the Joker,' commented Rachel in an attractive manner, leaning forward and pressing her fingertips together.

The Joker bowed once, twice, and then fell over on a banana skin.

'HAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHOO... whoever did this is getting poisoned,' he said quite seriously.

At this point, Bruce looked away and twiddled his thumbs innocently. Fortunately for him, the Joker had not noticed, as he was busy stealing the Doctor's chess pieces so he could no longer play the game.

'I hope,' Bruce spoke softly and raised his gaze towards the Big Brother camera, 'That some new people come along soon...'

'I do too,' called the Joker, who had pulled a slug out of nowhere and was about to drop it in Danielle's bowl of Ice Cream, 'Then I can murd--- make friends!'

Rachel rolled her eyes and pouted her lips at this. Harvey picked up on her expression and said swaggeringly: 'you, friends? I think not Joker...'

The Joker's expression widened and for a moment, he felt dampness in his eyes. 'Oh no... Hay fever!' he yelped, before darting off to the luxury bathroom.

'Hay fever? In the evening?' Rachel snorted disbelievingly.

Danielle glanced over at her and the Doctor spoke for her: 'It is possible, Pollen is airborne.'

Harvey scowled at them both and shook his head. 'Serves him right, he's awful to everyone else...'

Rachel snuggled up against him, batting her eyelashes. 'That's my HarveyWarvey.'

Narrator: 8.05pm. The housemates have gathered in the living area and Big Brother will be relaying a task shortly.

Bruce sat with his face in his hands, obviously not wanting to participate.

The Doctor was grinning. 'What do you reckon Big B wants us to do, ey?' His eyes searched the room for replies.

'KILL PEOPLE?' the Joker looked hopeful. 'Or… something to do with food, I am peckish, you see. I don't like that.' He gave Rachel a toothy grin and ran towards her, arms open. 'I AM HUNGRY FOR YOUR BLOOD!'

Rachel screamed unnecessarily, 'JOKER GO AWAY!' She looked towards Harvey, giving him puppy dog eyes. 'Tell him, baby…'

Harvey's eyes travelled from Rachel to the Joker, who was rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.

'Uh, Joker, if you don't mind can you, like, stop scaring Rachel? I don't, like, want to, like, cope with her… EMOTIONS. I'm too manly for emotions.'

'Ooo yes. I believe in Harvey Dent now…' the Joker raised his eyebrows then pouted. 'No… I can't… shut up.' He twitched. 'I literally can't… want to hear how I got my scars?'

Everybody groaned in the room so the Joker beamed and sat next to Danielle. 'When I was… a boy…'

Bruce coughed loudly. 'You used to be a girl, then?'

'Silence Batsy, your turn of talking about your Tran sexuality will come soon!' the Joker cleared his throat and then gazed at Danielle. 'Anyway… when I was a boy… I lived in Sleepy Hollow… and the Headless Horseman—'

'Stop ripping off Johnny Depp,' muttered the Doctor, looking disgraced.

'Riiiight… well, Danielle, when I was a boy, my father was a lawyer and he had high blood pressure. I always made him orange juice in the morning but he screamed at me…'

Rachel pouted. 'That sounds like Clueless.'

'I made him some orange juice and one morning he lost control,' continued the Joker sadly, 'He SMASHED the glass over my head and said I couldn't drive with my best friend Dion anymore because two permits do not equal a licence.'

Rachel nodded to herself. 'Clueless was a good movie,' she told Harvey, who looked bored already.

'Can you just TELL the story?' Danielle smiled hopefully at the Joker, and he nodded solemnly.

'When I was… a boy… I lived in the cupboard under the stairs. My uncle beat me. My cousin bullied me. My aunt made me eat out of a dog bowl… then one day I received a letter and a giant took me to Hogwarts! Oh, the scars are from a suit of armour… combined with peeves… not the best thing…' the Joker raised his dark eyes to the ceiling and licked his lips manically. 'Never go near a suit of armour, Danielle,' he warned, 'they're EVIL!'

Danielle blinked. 'I… I think you're…'

But the Joker had already bounded off to the garden, giggling to himself and muttering things to the flowers around the pool.

'Housemates, this is Big Brother. Can Joker please return to the living area?'

The Joker waltzed back in, clad in a sailor outfit. He winked at Bruce.

'Thank you. Big Brother is now speaking.'

Harvey raised an eyebrow. 'Well, really?'

His sarcasm went un-noticed. 'Big Brother has given you a task. Bruce, you will read out the task displayed on a card on the dining table.'

Bruce glowered. 'Why me?' He walked towards the table and picked up the card.

'Yeah, why Bruce?' Grumpy was looking sour. The Doctor smiled widely at him but it went ignored.

'This is the task,' Bruce read out slowly, looking at Danielle.

Danielle coughed. 'I'm thirteen, not illiterate.'

The Joker wolf-whistled and clapped at her. 'WOOOO! Danielle has skills!'

Danielle and The Doctor exchanged glances of surprise but continued to stay silent.

Bruce cleared his throat and continued 'There is a large box of matches on the table in the garden, you must use team work to build a model that resembles the Eiffel tower…' he finished, looking disappointed. 'You've got to be kidding me…' he sighed flopping onto the couch.

Sad burst into loud and noisy tears. 'I can't do it,' he stuttered, looking around at anyone who would listen in a desperate manner, 'This task is bad for my health - my doctor says I'm a borderline...' he swivelled his eyes from left to right before gazing at Rachel. 'Depressive.'

Grumpy rolled his eyes and kicked the nearest thing, which happened to be Harvey's leg.

'Hey,' snapped Harvey, #Watch it you!' He wrapped an arm around Rachel's waist and pulled her close under his arm. 'It's okay,' he said softly, 'We can do this task, with my brains—'

Danielle snorted disbelievingly, which earned her a wide and toothy grin from the Joker. The housemates marched out into the garden, apart from the Joker who chose to pirouette like a prima ballerina.

Bruce tutted but said nothing, and fell to his knees as he examined the boxes of matchsticks piled high on the table and around it. The Joker sniffed one of the boxes cautiously and emptied the contents, and just as he was about to roll around in it, the Doctor restrained him. 'Joker, I like you, but I don't want to like you as a corpse…!'

'I wouldn't mind either way,' Rachel muttered, kneeling down next to Bruce and beginning to stack the matchsticks. Everybody copied suit and began to stack the matchsticks, taking extreme care. The Joker, who had hardly contributed at all, suddenly grabbed his nose and made loud snorting noises.

'I think he's going to sneeze,' said Happy cheerfully.

The Doctor sighed, rummaging through the matches excitedly. 'LOOK AT THIS MATCHSTICK!' He shouted suddenly, causing Danielle to jump, 'IT'S AMAZING! You humans are INGENIUS!'

Danielle looked blank. It was just a matchstick…

'AH—'

'OOOO, a penny!' Happy turned away from the Joker and bent down to retrieve the shiny coin.

'—CHOO!' the Joker sneezed tremendously all over Happy's back, and there was a moment of amused silence.

'Hem…' he cleared his throat innocently and at that moment, the matchsticks toppled over.

'JOKER, YOU LITTLE BEEP!' Bruce was beside himself in anger. 'THAT TOOK AGES AND WE WERE BARELY FINISHED!'

The Doctor shook his head, a hand on his hip. 'I warned you, Joker, but did you listen? Now I'll have to like you as a corpse…' he sighed heavily.

'I listen to you, Doctor,' said Rachel flirtingly. Harvey frowned at her, then the Doctor.

"I listen to you," said Rachel flirtingly, which caused Harvey to frown at her and then the Doctor.

Bruce cleared his throat and everyone looked at him, or rather, the wall behind him, as it was far more interesting. 'Let's get working again, guys!'

'That's one smart wall,' said the Joker playfully, kneeling down and barking like a dog before reaching for the zipper on his trousers.

'Um...' said Danielle, going pink.

'I'm a dog, see, a dog chasing cars, but at the moment I'm going to urinate over the matchsticks! Hehehehahahahahhoooooooo!' the Joker giggled in hysteria before falling on top of Bruce and straddling him, pulling out a plastic knife and resting it against Bruce's cheek. 'Why so serious, Bruce Dwayne?'

Bruce rolled his eyes and flipped the Joker over.

'Ooo, dominance,' said the Joker; 'I like that. But not off a man dressed up as a bat.'

Harvey smirked at this, and then glanced at his batman costume and his face dropped.

'Alas.' said Grumpy, 'You all FAIL!' His husky voice lowered into silence and everybody nodded approvingly, apart from the Joker who didn't understand.

'He's like a child,' said Happy, twitching under the clown mask, 'A child with… p-problems…'

'Excuse me,' said the Doctor, 'But how the hell do you see out of them masks?'

Happy beamed. 'Boss says we can see because we are special.'

'Going back to the point, though,' said Rachel, a hand on her hip, 'Which child doesn't have problems?'

Danielle raised her eyebrows; she had accustomed herself to being remarked to on a daily basis by Rachel - 75% of the time these remarks were sarcastic - and yet they did not anger her, they merely made her smile. 'Rachel," she asked sweetly, putting on her cutest voice, "What's your IQ?'

'She doesn't have one,' shrieked the Joker, 'She was too dumb to take the test!'

'Oh yeah?' said Danielle, 'What's your IQ then?'

'800,' lied the Joker casually.

Danielle smiled, glancing back at Rachel who was now chewing her bottom lip. 'I've made my point,' said Danielle loftily.

'Uh... no you haven't...' said Harvey, looking confused.

'Didn't you get an IQ either, Harvey Dent? The Joker chuckled and flicked his fringe out of his eyes, 'You and Rachel, a pair of dumb dumbs. When you get married instead of saying 'I do', you'll say, 'What was that again Vicar?''

Everybody laughed apart from Harvey and Rachel who remained stony faced.

'HEY! I DO RHYMES WITH IQ! SO THEY WILL BE CONFUSED!' shouted Bruce with a look of amusement on his face. He seemed to like the fact that Rachel was being tormented.

Rachel face palmed. 'OH! I GET IT! YOU GUYS ARE SO FUNNY!'

'This is Big Brother. Would Rachel kindly restrain from speaking and would the rest of the housemates continue with the task Big Brother has set for them? Thank you.'

There was a silence.

'Yeah, Rachel, you're so bad…' the Joker winked at Danielle who flashed him a smile warmly. Now, all they had to do was finish this fiddly task…