What happens if you put in a room Integra, Maxwell, the Queen, a cat-boy and a sorcerer?
Our agents in Rio weren't too well. Their hotel was under siege by humans. I was about to propose Integra to just let Alucard exterminate them, but i had experienced her reaction to unwise proposals when i suggested her to ...ehm... avoid smoking too much.
I was standing before her office talking with a mercenary about the fact that there had not been a decent war in a while, when she called me in.
"I want you to call Alucard and tell him to search and destroy, and let no one block his path. Even if they are innocent humans."
"I can do that, Master, but why don't you call him yourself?"
"Because i know what he will tell me. He'll tell me i finally chose to abandon ethics and to love war. And i fear he is right."
"But why me?"
"I want to apologize for losing control. You did deserve punishment, but i was angry out of my feelings and not for that."
"I see."
I took the phone, she composed the number. One void ring. Two. Did anything happen to them?
"Seras Victoria here, sir Integra."
"It's me, police girl. I need to talk with Alucard. He has not killed anyone yet, right?"
"Not yet." Alucard's voice was scary as usual. "But if you keep me waiting i won't control myself."
"Waiting is over. You can go and kick ass."
"Finally! And tell Integra she has really learned to command!"
"I will..." She grabbed the phone from me.
"Alucard. I have heard. Don't drag me on this path. You know i won't..."
"I know you will, Integra, my Master! This is what you were always supposed to be!"
"Stop it, Alucard!"
"Enjoy the blood i shed in your name! It is time to fight, at last!"
"Alucard! Remember what you told me five years ago? About eternal life?"
"That it's damn boring!"
"Listen! The reason why i answered as i did is because of this your attitude! You will not spill a drop of blood more than necessary!"
Maniacal laughter filled the room just like the No Life King was inside it. Integra hung hastily the phone, the sound of laughs echoed for a few seconds before vanishing.
"I am sorry.." I said, although i didn't feel sorry at all. Alucard's speech had inspired me.
"It's not your fault. It's his own. And he is going yo pay..."
Chaos stroke. I observed excited the massacre of policemen and the destruction of the Dandy Man, every second more i wished to be there. I had not fought for real for centuries... it felt a lust for it.
The day after, the round table with the queen. As i entered, beside Integra, we lured a few suspicious gazes, particularly from a certain archbishop.
Enrico Maxwell looked at me with arrogance. "The little conjurer has joined Hellsing's freakshow, uh?"
"Why don't you just take that little useless thing you call your brain and shove it up..."
Integra elbowed me and i realized it was not precisely the right situation to tell where that little thing was supposed to be. I ran my fingers through my hair and pretended to be utterly quiet.
We took place at the table and awaited for the Hellsing team to show up.
Alucard bursted through the door with his graceful ungrace. Seras seemed rather out of place, and she was. Pip was wearing a shirt so horrible that deserved to end just like Maxwell's brain.
Well, let's skip Alucard's report and his meeting with the queen, till the moment when a cat-boy appeared in the room. At first i thought it was Seras, i mean, they just look the same, apart from ears and tits. So when i realized it was not her i conjured a fireball and kept it ready, just in case. Many guns were pointed toward the feline.
"Don't shoot, i am just the messenger! I don't plan to fight at all!"
My instinct told me he was a cute little huggable thing, and therefore deserved to be incinerated, but i held myself.
"Walter?" asked Integra
"Our security is flawless, there's no sign of anything breeching it."
"There's no need for it. I am everywhere and nowhere."
Seras looked quite puzzled, the feline was staring at her. I heard some doubt about him in her mind.
The catboy turned towards her, with the cutest look on Earth, and said just "Good Afternoon."
It was too much. I released the fireball and blown him.
At least a hundred eyes turned towards me.
"I... have been... a bit impulsive."
"No need to apologize. It was well done." said Integra
"Never trust cats." said Maxwell.
"We'll just clean the blood later." said Walter.
Alucard simply grinned.
At this point we all noticed the little screen on the table. The apparently lifeless hand of the nazi kitten held a remote controller. I took it.
"Now, that should light it up, i hope..."
The television shown a scene from a stupid anime with vampires and werewolves, and a couple of character whose gender was incomprehensible. I switched the channel and we saw a brutal execution. I felt excited. The war was growing better and better.
Well, you all know the Major's speech. My insanity, your god's sanity, and so on. It was simply... good. I thought Millennium was much more interesting than Hellsing... i know, being a vampire is not about using your power to kill and destroy randomly, but this doesn't mean it's not fun!
I realized right then that Alucard was able to red my thoughts. He appeared inside my mind as a shapeless entity, then turned into a black dog, his familiar. I made my best to hide my thoughts but his will was just too strong. He smiled at me, maybe because he had decided to fight me at last.
Yes. I am almost sure he had.
Even more disturbing, i felt his wolf-like probe piercing my soul looking for what i knew of Integra. I opposed all my will to his own. After some time, i don't know if a few seconds or a few centuries, he gave up. I felt him retreating from my mind, not because i had defeated him, of course, but because something else had lured his attention. The cat-boy had vanished. Simply disappeared.
"Basic teleportation. He has bended the structure of space and time. One of the unresolved holes of theory of relativity... or should i say, one of its best applications." this scientific outburst came out of me before i had time to think about it.
"So you can track him?" Asked Maxwell, who had probably suddenly reconsidered my usefulness. Unfortunately, i was going to disappoint him.
"There is no way to locate a nowhere traveller. Theoretically, since his position is merely defined by his own perception of his position, the only way would be from a mind screening. Although, infiltrating in the thoughts of another entity may cause serious troubles..." i looked at Alucard. "... especially if the mind is that of a creature with such a different perception. It could result in permanent insanity of the reader.. and possibly his destruction by self-annihilation."
"Mind to translate?" asked the Archbishop.
"It means we could track him only by reading his mind, but since he knows he is nowhere, anyone who read his mind would be forced to think they're nowhere, therefore they would think they're dead. And die, as a consequence."
"All this in a humanly kitten?" Asked Integra.
"This and more, i'm afraid. I don't know where does his power end... assuming he has not lied, and i think he hasn't, then he is a living paradox, potentially the single, minuscule cancer cell which could infect the whole reality."
"And why does millennium use him just as a messenger, then?" asked Walter.
"I don't know. Mine are just hypotheses. Maybe he is not as powerful as i fear, or maybe they don't know his full potential."
"Then we must do all that we can to prevent them from knowing it." resolutely said Walter. "I will take care of our anti-espionage department immediately."
"As for the people in this room, i am sure no one will ever even consider selling any important intelligence to our common enemies..." stated the queen, turning toward Maxwell. Even though the excessive light above her, anyone sensed the severe gaze she was turning toward him.
"Of course, Your Majesty." he answered, with a faint grin.
And this leads to the great mission. The aircraft-carrier. The first naval unit of the Last Battalion.
And Lieutenant Rip Van Winkle on it.
And Alucard more maniacal than ever.
And a lot of trouble to come.
Integra had decided to take me as advisor just in case some other scientific or esoteric weapon of Millennium showed up, so i was there when the navy commander briefed her about the upcoming catastrophe.
"Magic bullets. What clues do we have?"
"I know something." i answered. "It's from... an opera, i think. A story kinda like Faust. A man makes deal with the Devil who gives him six magic bullets which never miss their target, and one bullet which will take a soul for the demon... the man tricks a guy into using the bullets, and then...hmm... i can't remember, but in the end the last bullet misses and the devil takes the soul of the man he dealt with."
"Impressive culture." said Walter.
"It's just that i like to keep a track of all the people who sell souls and that kind of things. It is useful just in case i have to do something like this by my own."
The commander was looking at us wild-eyed.
"Very well." Integra took back control of the situation. "Let the devil collect this soul, then. Our only issue now is to get you and Alucard on that ship"
"Why me?"
"Because you might have a chance to limit him."
"Why should i? Isn't it better if he just vanquishes everything?"
"I thought we discussed this already. The more we give into chaos and destruction, the more we play our enemies' game."
"Oh. I guess. Why not Seras, then?"
"I have said it's you. You know what happens to those who disobey me, don't you?"
"No. and i don't want to discover. I am preparing for the mission."
"Good. It seems you have learned, at last."
It took a while for them to figure out a plan, but i hoped it was well spent time. Of course, it wasn't, as i discovered when they called me.
"You are finally here. You and Alucard will direct on the ship on a strategic fighter plane, Blackbird. Once you are on it, you will Search And Destroy any enemy activity, secure the aircraft carrier and report. We will find a way to fetch you back."
"Aren't we going to be hit more or less a billion times as we parachute?" i objected.
"Who spoke of parachutes?"
Integra and Alucard looked at me, smiling. I turned paler than i was.
If anyone of you was wondering if vampires sweat, yeah we do. Cold sweat, though. And i was sweating from how much i was terrified as we jumped on the blackbird.
"Scared?" Alucard asked me.
"You know, i am not invulnerable like some people."
"What a shame! I am almost sure you will survive this... damn, i don't want to end you so bluntly! Not without a decent fight!"
"How reassuring..."
"It's Integra who wanted you on here. If it was for me..."
"I know, you work alone."
"Not lately. I have my fledgeling, she is quire a natural fighter. That's why i kept her with me."
"So are you going to battle her too, sooner or later?"
"Sears? No!"
"And i thought i knew you..."
"Sorry to interrupt you" Integra's voice burst out of the plane's radio, making me jump on my seat. "The mission is about to begin. Take place comfortably and make sure you don't miss any item you may need. We will guide the plane remotely, so you won't have to do anything before you land."
"Any change of plans, Master?"
"No, Alucard, it's simple as it is."
Seras took the microphone.
"Hi! Hallo Master! I... just wanted to say good luck to you both! Have a good mission and... try not to get too hurt."
"Good police girl." I said "In case i die out here, and i'm very likely going to, you can take anything mine i left in my room. And tell Integra that if she finds any editor for my manuscripts, she can publish them as if they're her own. This is all of my last will. Go with peace."
"Still you can't help but calling me police girl, right?"
"What do you think, Alucard?"
"I think police girl will do. After all, that's all you'll be until you start drinking blood."
A resigned sigh emerged from the phones, before Integra took the microphone again.
"If this is all the nonsense you can conjure, i'd say we can get started."
"It's not nonsense! You can really take my manuscripts! There are a couple about Iscariot, i'm sure you'll love these!"
"Just. Shut. Up. Are you ready to get started? Do you check?"
"I am ready, although..."
"Just say 'check'!."
"Sigh. Check. Let's do this."
"You have a weird concept of 'just say'. Anyway, Alucard?"
"Check, my Master!"
She took deep breath, i would've too if only i breathed.
"Starting in three, two, one..."
The engines ignited, the plane slowly lifted off."
"At mission. Good luck."
Hold your breath, next chapter is the big deal- finally Rip! maybe i should've mede the part until now shorter...
Anyway the next episode is written alrwady, i'll upload when i see some reviews... or when i want to.
Or tomorrow.
Or never.
Or who knows?